


The Unlikely Match

by Blueez



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Drama, M/M, Romance, Science Fiction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-17
Updated: 2020-08-17
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:07:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 28
Words: 141,918
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25957231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blueez/pseuds/Blueez
Summary: Kim Junmyeon, an elitist, is a firm believer in the System, a computer program with precise algorithms that determine the most beneficial outcomes for every citizen. But the System selects the ordinary and unexceptional Zhang Yixing as his marriage partner. What will this unexpected union lead to?
Relationships: Kim Junmyeon | Suho/Zhang Yi Xing | Lay
Comments: 14
Kudos: 49





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!
> 
> Welcome to read a very old project of mine~
> 
> The original run went from March 2017 to August 2018. It's a story that faced many struggles, but I'm glad that in the end, I finished it!. As you can see it's also the longest fic I've ever written ajnksfhfjde my writing was so damn wordy back in the days. It's also not edited yet, so bear with my mistakes here. Oof.
> 
> Anyway, this was my first attempt ever at writing science fiction, a genre that I'm not very familiar with haha. You'll see how that will play out. An important thing as well is that the setting of this story is partly based/inspired on the anime Psycho-pass, therefore there will be some similarities.
> 
> Happy reading!

**Mismatch**

“Are you kidding me?” Junmyeon almost shouted to the matchmaker sitting in front of him.

Calmly, the woman took a sip of her tea. Looking over her glasses she said, “Mr. Kim, the System does not commit any mistakes. It’s a hundred percent match.”

Junmyeon sighed in exasperation and before his Emotion Watch glowed yellow, he bolted out of the office room, holding the file in his hand without saying goodbye or thank you. His usual manners were lost somewhere else. He got into his car and made his way over to his penthouse apartment, calling his campaign assessor to deliver the news.

Oh, how he inwardly cursed for this unexpected outcome.

It wasn’t that he doubted the System, he never did. Every decision taken by the System, he had followed it to the letter. After all, the System guarded the safety and guaranteed the happiness of all citizens. That was how it had always been and Junmyeon believed that society needed the System to function, that it facilitated life for everyone.

However, he just couldn’t believe that someone like Zhang Yixing had been selected as his marriage partner. It was in no way a beneficial outcome, well not for him at least. Zhang Yixing would be jumping out of joy when he got the news. Junmyeon had been born and belonged to the cream of the crop in society, Zhang Yixing was a mere middle-classer. Junmyeon had graduated first-place from the most prestigious schools, Zhang Yixing had gotten a public, common education. His intellect and mind for business had taken him to become the vice president of a conglomerate holding company, Silver Group, at the age of twenty-six. Zhang Yixing? He worked as a florist. The System had designated Junmyeon as one of the candidates to become the next Leader of the Nation. That had been one of the highest honors in Junmyeon’s life. Meanwhile, Zhang Yixing was a nobody. They were like water and oil, incompatible, and mismatched. Why in the world were they a perfect match?

Arriving at his house, Junmyeon walked into the living room and was greeted by his best friends, Tao and Yifan. He sat on the leather couch next to them, his frown still in place.

“Okay, so how did it go at the Marriage Bureau, Junmyeon? Who is it?” asked an eager Tao. While Junmyeon hadn’t been that interested in who it would be (before he got the results), his best friends had been excited to the point of even making a list of predictions since their university days. As the years passed many names had been crossed out, but the final outcome hadn’t been one of the remaining names. They had been wrong, oh so wrong.

Junmyeon looked at the happy and correct couple next to him, feeling jealous of their compatibility. He threw the file at them and sighed loudly yet again.

It only took a couple of minutes before Tao’s smile disappeared and his jaw dropped. Yifan, on the other hand, was stoic as he read the file.

“I’m going to become the laughingstock of society, won’t I?” Junmyeon asked once the couple raised their heads to look at him.

“This is surely unexpected,” Tao uttered.

“This is surely ridiculous,” Junmyeon said.

“Are you sure about this? Did you ask them to calculate it again?” Yifan asked.

“Thrice. There’s no doubt about it. The System says we’re a perfect match.”

“But you don’t necessarily have to marry him. You can always choose someone else. Someone more…Suitable,” Yifan said, with that doctor's voice of his that tried to reassure patients everything would be alright.

Junmyeon knew there was an option. He had heard of couples not being pleased with their perfect matches, or people never going to the Marriage Bureau because they had fallen for someone else. It was quite uncommon but not unheard of. Technically, he could marry someone else. However, that union would not be approved by the System and it would be highlighted in red in his personal file, the proof that he had ignored what the System had chosen for him. The criticism would not fail to haunt him once his opponents found out about it. Not marrying Zhang Yixing might put his political career at stake.

“You know that would only make things worse for my campaign,” Junmyeon said.

“What did Minseok say?” Tao asked.

After Junmyeon had been chosen as the last candidate to the next elections, Kim Minseok was hired as his campaign assessor. In a year, he had done a hell of a job because Junmyeon’s popularity had risen to the skies. Junmyeon went from standing in the last place between the three candidates to now being almost at the same popularity rate as the current number-one, Byun Taehyuk, who was now only leading by a few decimals. It was Minseok who told Junmyeon to finally get married because Byun Taehyuk had already gotten married last year and was going to have his firstborn son. Despite the terrible outcome of today, while talking to him during the car ride, Minseok had said they could still use it to their advantage.

“He said it might benefit my public image. Me, marrying an average person, it might bring in supporters for my case, especially from the working class. I don’t see how, though. But I’ll leave that to Minseok.”

“Well, you don’t know him yet. Maybe over time, you’ll end up liking him anyway,” Tao tried to comfort Junmyeon.

Junmyeon laughed mockingly. “Have you read the file? We’re complete opposites. I thought I would get someone at least a bit near to my caliber. Someone I could be proud to introduce to my friends and family. Someone I could discuss arts and classical music with, not the gardener.”

“He’s a florist,” Tao said.

“Same thing! You guys are so lucky to be a match,” Junmyeon said and sighed for the nth time that day.

Indeed Tao and Yifan had been lucky. The three of them had been friends since elementary school. The couple had fallen in love during their university years. They got together in secret but often feared what would happen if they weren’t a perfect match. Yifan’s family pushing him to get married as soon as he graduated didn’t help. And when Yifan had finally gone to the Marriage Bureau, who had been chosen? Huang Zitao, of course. It made sense, they were equals in most aspects, from their families’ position in society to their decent jobs that had been chosen by the System.

“So, what are you gonna do then?” Yifan asked.

“Marry him, that’s all I can do. I’m pretty sure he’ll come running to me tomorrow, or maybe even tonight,” Junmyeon said, crossing his arms and sinking into the couch.

Junmyeon had been wrong, though. Two weeks passed and Zhang Yixing had neither called nor gone to see him. It didn’t make sense. He was sure the Marriage Bureau had also notified Zhang Yixing that his marriage partner had been found. Why hadn’t he come? Junmyeon was probably the best decision the System had ever taken for him.

Impatient of waiting for Zhang Yixing’s arrival every day, and told by Minseok that the sooner they announced their relationship, the better, Junmyeon took the matter into his own hands and went to look for his future husband.

At least the flower shop was centric and it not in some corner on the outskirts of the city. Junmyeon got off the vehicle and stood near the entrance. ‘Qian’s Flower Shop’ he read on the sign with purple letters. Some flowers were outside on the floor and on shelves. People were gathered around looking at them. He breathed in and opened the door. A ringing bell announced his arrival. Various scents invaded his sense of smell when he stepped inside. Junmyeon looked around the local and saw a variety of flowers and plants, a myriad of colors and shades, from roses to Matsumoto asters (his mother’s favorites). A young woman approached him.

“Welcome, Sir! How may I help you?” she asked with a perfect smile.

“I’m looking for Zhang Yixing.”

“He’s helping a customer right now, over there,” the woman, Sooyoung, he read on her name tag, replied and pointed to Junmyeon’s left.

He took slow steps and approached the said place. Oh no, he thought when he saw Zhang Yixing.

Zhang Yixing stood there, holding a bouquet of flowers and talking to an elderly woman. To put it simply, he looked scruffy. He was wearing an old pair of Chucks, ripped jeans, a white t-shirt twice his size, and a black apron. His clothes looked worn out and couldn’t compare to Junmyeon’s expensive tailored suit. That dark hair was a curly mess, and he had long bangs that covered his forehead, nothing like Junmyeon’s neatly styled and brown hair. And to top it all, Zhang Yixing was wearing a pink flower crown on his head.

Junmyeon waited until the old woman took the bouquet and walked away. Then, Yixing’s eyes met his. Finally, he strolled to meet Zhang freaking Yixing.

“Hello, Mr. Zhang Yixing.”

“Hi! Welcome!” Yixing greeted him also with that overly friendly voice. Dimples appeared on his cheeks when the man smiled. Then he tilted his head, looked at Junmyeon’s face carefully, pensive until he exclaimed, “Oh right! I remember! You’re Kim Junmyeon! One of the candidates for the next election.”

Junmyeon nodded but couldn’t understand why Zhang Yixing had decided to start the conversation with that.

“How can I help you? Are you sending flowers to your mother? A friend? A partner? We have a perfect flower for anyone and every occasion.”

His frown deepened. “I think you know very well what I’m doing here.”

Perplexed, Yixing shook his head.

“How can you not know we’ve been chosen as a perfect match?” Junmyeon asked annoyed.

Yixing’s mouth fell open and his eyes widened. He stood like that for a couple of seconds. When he recovered his composure, he said, “We-we should take this in the office. Follow me.”

They walked to Yixing’s office if it could be called that. It was probably half the size of Junmyeon’s office, and it lacked the order and tidiness. The desk was cluttered with books, magazines, and whatnot. Even inside there were some flowers next to a small window. Yixing took a seat and Junmyeon sat in front of the desk.

“So, you were chosen as my match,” Yixing said.

“Yes. Didn’t you get the notice with the files?”

Yixing looked at his laptop. “I did. But I never read it.”

Again they were silent. Yixing seemed thoughtful, and Junmyeon asked himself why Yixing didn’t seem excited, ecstatic about marrying the possible next Leader of the Nation. He was a great match, that was what everyone would say. Tired of waiting for Yixing to say something more, Junmyeon went ahead.

“Okay, well my assessor said we can announce our engagement next week. Maybe we’ll have a small gathering with friends and family. And we think the wedding should be held in August. Late summer seems like the perfect time of the year.”

The expression on Yixing’s face went from shock to amusement. He burst out laughing, a laugh that irritated Junmyeon’s senses.

“What’s so funny?” Junmyeon asked unamused.

“You’re so direct, like not even a proposal or a little introduction about yourself but straight to the point.”

“Proposals are outdated. And if you had read my file then you would have known me. Besides, I’m constantly in the public eye, you must have heard things about me.”

“That doesn’t count. You’re only showing what the media wants us to see, and those files are basically a résumé of people’s lives.”

“Whatever. I think you should move in tomorrow. We’ll live in my place of course. I’ll hire someone to come help you move in your things.”

It looked as if Yixing wanted to laugh again but held it in, covering his mouth. “Clearly, this sounds like something I’ve dreamt of all my life, but I’m sorry Junmyeon. I’m gonna have to decline.”

Junmyeon blinked once, twice, thrice, and a couple more times. He couldn’t process what Zhang Yixing had just said. Is this man crazy? he thought. Maybe that would explain that appearance, that lack of joy at hearing the greatest news he could ever get.

“You can’t do that. You must marry me.”

“Why?”

“Because we’re a perfect match!” Junmyeon exclaimed, “The System has chosen you to be my husband.”

“So? Just because we’re a hundred percent match doesn’t mean I have to marry you.”

“Yes, it does.”

“There’s nowhere written in the System’s law that stipulates we must.”

“But you have to marry me! My political career might be jeopardized if you don’t.”

Yixing offered an apologetic expression when he said, “I’m sorry, but you’ll find a way to save it.”

“Why don’t you wanna marry me? My family is one of the greatest in the city, if not the whole country. I’m the Vice President of the company I work for, and I’m only twenty-six. I have everything, possibly more than you will ever have your whole life. I might be the next Leader of the Nation. I’m a great catch!” Junmyeon said exasperatedly. Zhang Yixing just kept getting on his nerves. It was Junmyeon who should have the right to decline, to be reluctant. Yixing was nothing but winning with this union. Was he so dumb he couldn’t see that? Junmyeon sighed loudly and tried to calm himself. He did not want to stress and make his Emotion Watch light up and show that hideous yellow color. His self-control was one of his pride.

“Bossy and cocky. How charming, everything I’ve wanted,” Yixing said under his breath.

“What did you say?”

“Look, Junmyeon, it’s great that you are those things. Good for you! But I have no idea who you are. You have no idea who I am, regardless of what those files say. And I don’t care if the System decided we are a perfect match. Again, I’m sorry if your popularity might drop or whatever. But I’ve always told myself that I’m gonna spend the rest of my life with someone who makes me happy, someone I _love_... And that is not you,” Yixing said. He stood up and added, “I have to go back to work. It was a pleasure meeting you.”

Junmyeon stared with his mouth open as Yixing walked out of the office, leaving the door open.

“Is he freaking kidding me?”


	2. Chapter 2

**The Proposal**

“For the nth time Junmyeon, I’m not gonna marry you,” Yixing said with a disapproving look. “Please, just give up already.”

Junmyeon sighed. He held in his urge to take the bouquet Yixing was arranging, smack him on the head with it and say he should stop being an idiot. Yes, he held in that urge. Instead, Junmyeon forced himself to smile and replied, “One day, Zhang Yixing. You will one day.” Then, he left the flower shop.

Once outside Junmyeon breathed out. He rubbed his temples while saying, “Stupid gardener. Why do you keep giving me gray hairs?”

Junmyeon walked to his car and drove to Yifan and Tao’s house. He wasn’t in the mood to be reprimanded by Tao for coming late to their Friday dinners again.

The ideas were starting to run out of Junmyeon’s head. The second time he had returned to Yixing’s flower shop, he had carried a briefcase full of money. It was a freaking fortune. He asked Yixing to look inside the suitcase and reconsider his decision. Anyone in their right mind would have said yes, well at least according to Junmyeon. But Yixing? He closed the case, carried it outside, stood in front of a large trash container, and threw away the briefcase. ‘Junmyeon, I’m a human being, not some kind of property you can just buy,’ Yixing had said calmly. Junmyeon had cursed inwards and facepalmed himself when Yixing walked back to the shop. He had to call one of his assistants to come to pick that briefcase. There was no way Kim Junmyeon was putting his hands into the trash.

On his third attempt, Junmyeon had brought with him a tempting contract. He handed Yixing the documents explaining that with this, Yixing’s flower shop would be able to expand and new stores under his name would be opened around the city. Junmyeon had thought that maybe Yixing wanted to build his own fortune and that the last offer had hurt his pride. Junmyeon smirked when he saw Yixing reading the contract attentively. However, Yixing didn’t give in. No, of course, Yixing would have ripped the contract into pieces. ‘Junmyeon, I don’t need your help to expand my business,’ had he said.

And despite the failed attempts and Yixing’s reluctance to cooperate, Junmyeon continued offering him things. A new house, an overseas trip, a new car, land to plant his own flowers, etc., etc. But as it was proved today, when Junmyeon offered him a VIP-pass to meet whatever celebrity Yixing wanted (no matter the time, day nor place), Yixing still said no.

He sighed yet again before getting off his vehicle. Junmyeon had gotten used to sighing during the two weeks he had tried to persuade Yixing to marry him.

Junmyeon walked towards his friends’ house. It was Friday evening of the first week in April. The weather was slowly shifting to spring. The trees were flourishing, and Junmyeon couldn’t help thinking he was losing time trying to convince Zhang freaking Yixing to marry him.

He pushed the doorbell button. Tao welcomed him, and so their dinner night began. After eating a delicious meal and talking about multiple topics such as their hectic days at work, the trio sat in the living room. They drank some wine and watched a random TV-show.

“How did it go today, Junmyeon?” Yifan asked during the commercial break.

“Ugh, that man keeps making me older every day.”

The married couple laughed.

“I’m running out of ideas guys! I’ve tried offering him anything. Money, fame, a high-position job. And that obstinate gardener keeps refusing… I don’t know what else to do,” Junmyeon said. “Maybe I’ve been too nice, maybe I should blackmail him… Say I’ll close down his flower shop or something.”

“Junmyeon!” Tao scolded him.

“What? It’s just a threat, I wouldn’t do it… Don’t look at me like that,” Junmyeon said. Of course, he shouldn’t say something like that in front of someone who worked at the Security Department.

Rapidly Tao’s face went from judging to grinning, “Good! Because there are other things you could do, like trying to get to know him for example? Like on a personal level?”

Junmyeon furrowed his eyebrows. “For what purpose?”

“Well, didn’t he say he wanted to marry someone he loves? Maybe if you try wooing him like in the old times, he’ll end up falling in love with you.”

Junmyeon looked at Tao, then he exchanged glances with Yifan. He erupted in laughter along with Yifan. Tao elbowed Yifan, who whispered ‘Sorry, honey.’

“Tao, you know me. I’m not one of those ridiculous romantics from the old century expecting my ‘soulmate’ to stumble into my life. That’s old thinking, and let’s not talk about time-consuming. Who knows how many years that gardener would take to say yes?” Junmyeon explained, “With the System, all that previous stress is gone, you’re given your perfect match served on a plate. It’s quick, efficient, and convenient. We all know that, well except for that Zhang Yixing who seems to be stuck in the 21st century.”

In response, Tao rolled his eyes.

“I just need to give him something he really wants, and he’ll give in. I’m sure of it,” Junmyeon said and took a sip of wine.

“Wait,” Yifan uttered pensively, “Didn’t you say he mentioned something about proposals?”

“Yes.”

“That’s it,” Yifan said proudly and snapped his fingers. “Just give him one of those proposals showed in the movies.”

Junmyeon grinned while caressing his jaw. “That might help,” he said and nodded. “A cheesy and outdated proposal sounds like something that eccentric Zhang Yixing would like.”

Tao shook his head. “Okay, that’s a terrible idea. For one, I’m sure after all the things you have offered him, he would refuse to follow you somewhere. And secondly, what if he’s already in love with someone else? What if that’s why he keeps rejecting you?”

It was a possibility. Junmyeon had thought of it. But because Zhang Yixing had never said something like that before, and after confirming it with the flower shop’s employees, no, Zhang Yixing wasn’t in love nor dating someone else. “I’ve already informed myself, and no, I can assure you, he isn’t.”

“So, you’re gonna do it?” Yifan wondered.

“Yeah, I’m gonna plan an old 21st-century proposal! Or well my assistants will do it,” Junmyeon said triumphally.

Tao just rolled his eyes and shook his head yet again.

* * *

After one week of preparation, everything happened on the following Friday afternoon. His assistants had arranged a yacht proposal on the river, under the setting sun and orange sky. Junmyeon sat on a comfortable couch, and the dinner table was decorated with scattered rose petals, a vase full of red roses, some aperitives, fancy cutlery, a bottle of champagne, and two glass cups. Everything was lovely and perfect, would any ridiculous romantic think.

He waited until the boat moved further away and they were at a perfect distance from the city’s skyline. Then the yacht stopped as it was planned, and the important building could be seen.

“You can bring him up now,” Junmyeon ordered the waiter. “And make sure he is wearing a jacket, it’s quite windy up here.”

Not even five minutes later, a blindfolded and tied up Zhang Yixing came up from the cabin into Junmyeon’s view.

“Where the hell am I?! And why is the floor shaking so much?” Zhang Yixing said nervously. Junmyeon was surprised Zhang Yixing hadn’t made a more significant fuss or screamed for help. His Emotion Watch hadn’t even lightened up yellow. Admirable, Zhang Yixing didn’t let his emotions cloud his rational mental state.

He monitored the waiter to bring Zhang Yixing next to him. He gestured the man to leave them alone. Junmyeon thought of untying his hands first, but thought better of it and went for removing the blindfold instead.

Zhang Yixing blinked a couple of times, getting used to the light again. And when his eyes focused on Junmyeon, he looked at him outraged.

“Welcome, Zhang Yixing.”

“But of course, who else than you could be behind all this mess?” Zhang Yixing said. “Untie me now, Junmyeon,” he ordered firmly.

“Will you hit me?” Junmyeon asked.

“What do you think?” Yixing said menacingly.

Junmyeon raised an eyebrow.

Yixing huffed, “For as much as you deserve it, I’m not a violent man. I promise I won’t lay a finger on you.”

After brief consideration, Junmyeon grabbed a knife and cut the rope. Zhang Yixing might be taller, but he couldn’t be stronger than him (hopefully).

“Ah, finally,” Yixing exclaimed once he was free. His rage started to dissipate as he looked around only to be replaced with confusion. It was now he realized they were on a yacht. He stared at the fancy set up on the dinner table. And then he eyed Junmyeon too, who was wearing a tuxedo. “What in the world is all this, Junmyeon?”

“I thought we could share a nice dinner.”

“And you couldn’t have asked, like a normal human being? Instead of sending your gorillas to ‘kidnap’ me.”

“Would you have said yes?”

“No.”

“Exactly, I know it was rather unconventional-”

“More like almost a crime,” Zhang Yixing interrupted Junmyeon.

“As I was saying,” Junmyeon retook his sentences, “Unconventional, but I just wanted us to share a meal. You know, to… Talk some more and… Stuff.”

Zhang Yixing laughed. He laughed so much that tears formed in the corner of his eyes and Junmyeon just wanted to shut him up because he couldn’t stand being laughed at.

“You keep surprising me Junmyeon. Just when I thought you couldn’t get any more annoying, you go ahead and pull this shit, only so we could talk?”

“Well, yes. Isn’t this a beautiful place to talk at?”

“No, this is horrible! I’m tired, surprisingly, being tied up and blindfolded in an unknown destination inevitably takes away your energy. Besides, I’m hungry and getting motion sick. Take me back home,” Zhang Yixing demanded again.

“It’s a good thing we have an efficient waiter, Zhang Yixing,” Junmyeon replied. He took his phone and called the waiter. He ordered him to bring the food and some medicine.

“Do you ever listen to what other people say to you?”

“Sometimes.”

Zhang Yixing sighed and said, “And stop calling me by my full name… It’s weird.”

“Well, that I can concede,” Junmyeon replied.

The waiter came up with the medicine, and later the food. It was a full-course dinner. Yixing had taken the medication but refused to touch the food.

“Fucking eat already, there’s nothing suspicious about it,” Junmyeon said.

After three more times that his stomach had growled, Yixing finally picked up the fork and took a bite of the food.

But they didn’t talk much, or anything at all. Yixing was still annoyed and mad. And Junmyeon had his pride to preserve. Thus he didn’t initiate any conversation. If Yixing wanted to talk, he should do the talking. They ate in silence as the sky turned from orange to dark blue.

“I’m done. Can you take me back now?” Yixing asked.

Junmyeon saw the time on his watch and realized there were only a couple of minutes left. “Sure, but first look over there,” he told Yixing and pointed at one of the buildings in front of them.

“What is it that I’m staring at?” Yixing wondered. Suddenly, on the building appeared in big bright letters: ‘ZHANG YIXING, WILL YOU MARRY ME?’ He turned and stared at Junmyeon, who was holding a ring box with a beautiful silver band inside. “Oh my god,” Yixing muttered and covered his eyes with one hand.

“Well, what do you say?” Junmyeon asked after impatiently waiting for Yixing to say something.

“No.”

“I knew you would-what?”

Before Yixing could reply, he got distracted by the colorful fireworks that appeared in the sky above them. It was a beautiful show with different shapes and colors.

Junmyeon sighed and tossed the box on the table. “That was because you were supposed to say yes. Don’t tell me you were expecting me to get on one knee?” he asked annoyed.

“Are you serious? Did you really think that after kidnapping me and giving me some fancy-ass dinner, I would say yes?”

“Well, didn’t you say you wanted a proposal? Look I went a long way to prepare this for you.”

“Oh wow thanks,” Yixing replied. “And yes, I want a proposal but an unexpected one by someone I love.”

“Wasn’t this unexpected?”

“No, this is some weird mess.”

Junmyeon buried his face on the table. Of course, Yixing would continue to get on his nerves. Oh, how Junmyeon inwardly cursed for being matched with this man.

Yixing sighed. “Why do you have this rush to get married? You don’t even like me, do you?”

“No, I don’t. And I probably never will,” Junmyeon said

“Well, neither do I.”

Junmyeon sat up straight. Maybe if he explained how things were, they could reach an agreement. It was worth a shot. He was tired of persuading this obstinate gardener. “Yixing, you know how our election system works, right?”

Yixing nodded.

“Well, as you know five years before the elections, the System picks the most eligible candidates. I was chosen two years ago. And during the first four years, the political campaign is pretty much informal. You know, the candidates get introduced to the public, and they’ll do things like attend charity events or public happenings for the voters to get familiarized with them. Almost like a popularity contest you might say.”

“Yes, I’m aware of that.”

“When I started, my popularity was at the bottom. I was labeled as the ‘arrogant, rich, and privileged’ kid. Me and Byun Taehyuk belong to the same class, but because he was this ‘idealistic and considerate’ boy, they liked him more, and he had won the people’s heart… Even that stoic Oh Sehun was ahead of me.”

Yixing huffed.

“Sure, I’m successful and smarter than them, but the people don’t seem to care about that if they don’t like your charisma. But, that was in the past, my campaign assessor has helped me change that, and do you know my ratings now?”

“You’re in a tie with Byun Taehyuk.”

“Exactly, and well, having a family plays a central role in the voters thinking because how you care for your family portrays how you’ll take care of the nation. Byun Taehyuk is already married and expecting a child. And even Oh Sehun’s numbers rose a bit when he and his husband adopted a little girl. I’m going to fall behind, Yixing. So, I need to marry soon and start my own family before the elections official campaign starts.”

“Then why don’t you just marry someone more appropriate for the position?”

“Because I can’t. I need to marry my elected partner. Otherwise, won’t that make a hypocrite of me? Saying we should all support the System, yet I go against it myself?”

Yixing sighed.

“That’s why I need you by my side. I need you to be my husband.”

“In another context, that phrase would have been so romantic…” Yixing trailed off. “But right now, you just want me to marry you, and start a family, only so you can win over Byun Taehyuk?”

“Yes.”

“Do you want to become the Leader of the Nation that badly?”

“Of course. It was such an honor to be chosen as a candidate, and well, instantly that became a dream of mine. I mean, can’t you see what the title means?”

Yixing shook his head. “No. Junmyeon, you’re asking me to stay in a loveless marriage. Something I don’t believe in. And not only that, but also raise a family with you? A fake family? I don’t want any of that.”

“So, we both have our ideas. But let me tell you Yixing, in exchange for that sacrifice, I’m giving you anything you want. There must be something in your head that you had always wanted but thought impossible of getting. Well, with me anything you ask for is possible… Except for the leadership of the Nation. But you get my point,” Junmyeon said and stared at him eagerly. Come on gardener, take the bait, Junmyeon thought.

Yixing’s eyes widened. It was as if Junmyeon’s words had brought him some notion. He thought for some minutes. At first, he hesitated to talk, until finally. “Can you really do that?”

“Yes,” Junmyeon nodded effusively, “Ask for it. Anything.”

Yixing leaned closer to Junmyeon and whispered, “Then can you get, like, confidential information… Or worse… Do something illegal?”

Junmyeon raised an eyebrow. He hadn’t taken Yixing for the breaking-the-law type of person. But he nodded nonetheless. “Yes, I have all the right connections to do whatever you ask me.”

And Yixing nodded back, “Okay, I accept your deal but only if you…”

Junmyeon smirked subtly. “What?”

Yixing said something under his breath.

Not quite hearing the word, Junmyeon asked, “Huh?”

“I want Qian back,” Yixing said as his dark eyes stared decisively at Junmyeon.


	3. Chapter 3

**Cohabitation**

“No, Junmyeon,” Tao said and shook his head, “I can’t bring her back.”

Junmyeon closed his eyes and tried to look less menacing, less bothered by the fact he had to beg for help yet again. He already had enough with what that gardener had put him through, but this was his only chance to secure the union with Yixing.

“Tao, please, you’re my last and only hope.”

“You do realize what you’re asking me, don’t you?”

And that Junmyeon did. He didn’t agree with it either, it went against the System’s law, but that was what Yixing had asked for. The deal was simple: Yixing had accepted to follow Junmyeon’s plan on shaping and creating their ‘perfect, loving relationship’ in the meantime, but they would only get married if Junmyeon managed to bring Qian, Yixing’s older sister, back. If Junmyeon didn’t follow the agreement until the deadline, somewhere in August, there would be no wedding, and Junmyeon would bid Yixing adieu forever.

Now everything would have been easy if Qian had decided to cut ties with her family by her own choice. Instead, she had been taken to who knew which rehabilitation facility, which in some cases was actually a code name for some kinds of prisons. So, Junmyeon could see why the idea of liberating a potential criminal was putting Tao in an awkward position, after all, Tao was the son of the head of the Security Department. If somebody found out what they were planning to do, that they were endangering public safety, Junmyeon didn’t even want to think about the repercussions. But he needed the gardener by his side.

“I do, and I’m appalled by the idea just as you are Tao,” Junmyeon said, “But I don’t have any other choice. It’s the only way he’ll accept our marriage.”

Tao sighed. “She’s dangerous. Her Emotion Watch turned orange, Junmyeon! And if it hasn’t changed back in ten years, then you know what that means.”

Junmyeon knew it could only mean one thing, Zhang Qian was still a potential criminal, a threat to everyone’s safety, according to the System’s calculations. But Yixing didn’t know this. What Yixing knew was that his sister had been taken away because her Emotion Watch had turned orange. He probably thought that his sister had been under so much stress, that one day she collapsed and needed recovery therapy. That was the prevailing thought about why people assisted a ‘rehabilitation facility,’ and there they helped patients improve their mental health. Eventually, once the patients began to feel better and their Emotion Watch turned white again, they would return, be in months or years, although sometimes they never did. In most cases, this notion was actually true, but in others, it was entirely different. Either way, Yixing was tired of waiting, it had already been a decade since he last saw his sister.

However, the real meaning behind what those watches monitored was classified information that only the people that were going to work or worked for the Security Department knew. The only reason Junmyeon knew about the watches’ real purpose was thanks to Tao.

During their first year of college, out of nowhere, Tao had started to shout at Yifan and Junmyeon to not let their Emotion Watches turn any other shade than white. After getting tired of hearing his constant complaints, they had coaxed Tao to tell them what the hell was wrong with him. So, Tao said it because he didn’t want to lose any of them.

For the citizens, the Emotion Watches were a sort of mental health awareness monitor, it kept track of their feelings, emotions, and mental health. Everyone knew that in public it was obligatory to use the watches. What they didn’t know was that the Emotion Watches weren’t just used to record their emotions and mental state, but the artifacts could also calculate a person’s crime coefficient. By keeping track of how people felt, what emotions were controlling their minds, what physical stress they were under, what changes in attitude they showed, and other biological readings, the System could rapidly and efficiently scan and calculate in numbers the likelihood of somebody to commit a crime, their crime coefficient. This index was showed as colors on the Emotion Watches, but the numbers could only be seen on the System’s operating machines by the Security Department.

Zero was the zero percent probability of committing a crime, and it was white on the Emotion Watch. It was a stable and healthy mind, people were in control of what they felt, they could cope with their emotions, and it was something that every citizen should aim for. Every decision the System took for the citizens was to keep this number on their watches. Yellow was in the ranges of 1 to 100, and it represented the general stress, anger, or other mentally challenging emotions people couldn’t handle but without being a threat to public safety. It wasn’t quite enough to commit a crime. Between 101 to 299, the Emotion Watch changed to orange, and it meant the System classified the subject as a latent criminal. The affected individual should immediately be isolated from society to recover. They weren’t allowed to receive any visitors, not even their family. It was only through recovery therapy that a potential criminal would be able to change their Emotion Watch back to white. Anything above 300 was represented by red. It meant the System calculated the individual was a criminal, a significant threat to society. No recovery therapy could help them reduce their crime coefficient to zero and only then The System would allow an officer’s gun to shoot at a criminal. Whenever the colors orange and red would show up in a person’s Emotion Watch, the carrier’s information and location would be sent immediately to the Security Department, who would either isolate or annihilate the threat. This was how the crime was efficiently fought in their time and age, had Tao explained to Yifan and Junmyeon back then.

Therefore, Junmyeon knew what threat it would mean if Qian were to be taken back to their society. However, maybe there was a way to avoid all this. “I know what I’m asking for is wrong, I know it may put people in danger… But then just find her. Find where she is and let him meet with her,” Junmyeon said, “You can do that, right?”

Tao nodded. “I mean it would take some time, but yes. And then what? He would still want her to be free.”

“Yes, he will, but we don’t have to compel. I could always say that there are regulations, that I’m working on it, that it takes time and whatnot.”

“So, you want to lead him on? To say that you’re working on it while we don’t actually move a finger? Doesn’t that go against your deal?”

“Perhaps. But once Yixing sees her, he will realize he is one step closer to being with her, I know he is capable of thinking that far. And then I could just say that if I became the Leader of the Nation, it would be much easier for Qian to be free. Nobody would go against the Leader, won’t they?” Junmyeon said with a smirk.

“And he’ll have no other choice than to marry you and support you to become the new leader.”

“Precisely.”

“But once he realizes that you’re not actually going to free Qian, it’ll be too late.”

Junmyeon nodded proudly of his solution.

Tao shook his head. “Oh god, Junmyeon. That’s really… I…”

Junmyeon stepped closer and held Tao’s arms. “Tao, please, you have to help me. Look! This way we’re not putting anybody at risk, and he will get to see his sister. It’s a win-win situation. For the first time, I’m directly asking you to help me. Come on Tao, we’re friends,” he said with what hopefully was the most convincing pout he had ever shown. Oh, the things Junmyeon was doing for that gardener.

Tao sighed, loudly, but said, “Fine. But you better keep my name out of this, and don’t even think of mentioning this to Yifan.”

Junmyeon smiled and hugged Tao. “You have my word, I won’t. Thank you,” he said. Reluctantly, Tao embraced him back.

“You really know how to get your way, don’t you?”

“Are you realizing it now?” Junmyeon asked and then laughed along with Tao.

Once they broke from their hug, the intercom in Junmyeon’s home office rang, alarming them that the elevator doors had opened.

“Expecting some visit?”

“No, it’s Yixing. He’s moving in today,” Junmyeon said annoyed.

Tao left as Yixing started to move in. Junmyeon didn’t want Yixing to carry any of the moving boxes, he didn’t want him to unpack anything because according to Junmyeon, his fiancé shouldn’t do that kind of scut work. Did Yixing listen? Of course, not. The gardener did his way and joined the moving team while delivering and unpacking his stuff. Junmyeon sighed, rubbed his temples, and told himself to better get used to Yixing’s rebellious attitude.

Junmyeon lived in a two-story penthouse apartment on the 20th floor. It was located near the heart of the city. The window walls in the bedrooms and living room gave the most beautiful skyline view. Every room in the apartment was decorated with the fanciest, luxurious furniture and items, everything had been handpicked by Junmyeon himself when he had renewed it at the start of the year. There was also a pool and a jacuzzi on the terrace. He decided to give Yixing the room that was furthest from his bedroom. And he couldn’t help but smirk when Yixing said that his new room was probably the entire size of his previous apartment.

The day passed, and at night, thankfully, all the moving boxes were finally away from Junmyeon’s sight. He gave Yixing a card key to the apartment and a brief tour. Then Junmyeon told Yixing the rules of the house for them to live peacefully. Yet he only had two rules: Yixing could use and do whatever he wanted as long as he contacted the maids afterward. Junmyeon didn’t like messes. Yixing nodded but said that whatever mess he did, he would clean it himself. Junmyeon just responded he didn’t keep any cleaning gears anywhere, and that was the end of that discussion. The second rule was that Yixing was prohibited from entering Junmyeon’s study-room, he didn’t like being bothered while working. There weren’t any objections to that rule.

Once everything was settled, Junmyeon ordered some dinner. After finishing the food, he let Yixing alone to wander around the penthouse while he took a shower and went to bed.

So, this had been their first cohabitation day. They would probably not see much of each other, considering their differences in working schedules and what they preferred doing in their free time. Each of them would rather be on their own. The only times they would have to be together was whenever they needed to make public appearances, like on their engagement party that they agreed, after much discussion, would take place at the end of April.

But later that night Junmyeon would realize what living with another person actually meant. He had woken up thirsty and went down to the kitchen to get some water. But the fridge was open. Junmyeon walked closer and fuck, he cursed inwards when he saw Yixing standing behind the refrigerator’s door.

“Night, Junmyeon. Wow, you really need to buy more food,” Yixing said. “In the meantime, some milk?” he asked, holding out the milk carton.

Junmyeon shook his head and did his best to not let his voice waver. “Why aren’t you wearing any clothes?”

“What? I’m not naked.”

“Boxers shorts hardly count as clothes,” Junmyeon said. He tried to keep his gaze on Yixing’s eyes, rather than the rest of his toned, milky, beau- what the hell was he thinking?

“Well, this is comfortable,” Yixing said and shrugged. He poured milk into the cup in his hand.

“No, that’s primitive. This,” Junmyeon said touching his pajamas, “Is comfortable.”

Yixing huffed, “Your preppy boy clothes?”

Junmyeon rolled his eyes, “Yes, this. It’s only made of the smoothest quality silk you’ll ever touch,” he said, “Meanwhile, what’s that, cotton?”

Yixing laughed, and Junmyeon could actually see his muscles contracting, not that he wanted to. But that annoying laugh was there again, tormenting Junmyeon’s eardrums.

“Goodnight, Junmyeon,” Yixing said as put back the milk and walked away holding his cup.

As Yixing strode, Junmyeon focused on those robust shoulder blades, rather than other parts. Damn it, they had the exact form Junmyeon liked to hold on to. But no, Junmyeon wasn’t going to be weak just because Zhang Yixing had probably a tad better body than him. They were still mismatched in every other aspect.

Junmyeon walked back to his room, totally forgetting why he had come down in the first place.

As more of their cohabitation days passed Junmyeon realized more of Yixing’s quirks and behaviors (and Junmyeon also avoided going down during the midnight). For instance, that even if Yixing began work at ten and Junmyeon at nine, Yixing also woke up early to work out. To save him money and time, Junmyeon told him he could use the building’s own gym. If Junmyeon had headphones on, he wouldn’t care to have Yixing there too. And for the first time, Junmyeon heard Yixing thank him.

He also realized that Yixing cooked his own meals, well, he knew almost everyone did. The day after moving in, Yixing had bought and filled the fridge and cabinets with different types of food, vegetables, and other stuff, something Junmyeon had rarely done before. The only ‘food’ he had ever kept were eggs, milk, protein bars, shakes, or energy drinks.

One night when Junmyeon had returned from work, he found a plate on the kitchen counter. He didn’t think much about it and let it there. But the next day there was another dish, and the day after that too. It wasn’t until Yixing asked him on their way to the gym that he knew why the dishes were there.

“Junmyeon, do you have a problem with my cooking?” Yixing had asked during the elevator ride.

Junmyeon shook his head.

“Then is every meal I’ve cooked so far not your favorite? I’ve been trying to only use Korean cuisine but...”

“What are you talking about?” Junmyeon asked.

“Why don’t you eat the food I leave for you at night?” Yixing said, and Junmyeon almost thought he heard Yixing’s upset voice.

“Did I ask you to do it?”

“No, but you’re letting me live in your filthy rich place for free. And you seem never to eat, so I figured this was the least I could do for you.”

That was odd; nobody had ever thought of repaying Junmyeon somehow, not that Junmyeon cared about it. “Yixing, my assistants buy me high-quality breakfast every day. I eat at the office. And the most notable chefs prepare my dinner and lunch. So, I never need to use our kitchen, if anything it’s mostly décor. That’s how it's always been. And I can arrange for them to deliver food to you if you’d like to stop getting your hands dirty.”

Yixing laughed and shook his head. “No thanks, Junmyeon. I don’t mind cooking. I think I prefer the flavor of a homemade meal.”

“Your loss then, gardener,” Junmyeon mumbled.

“What?”

“Nothing. But I don’t understand what good gives you knowing how to do that stuff.”

“Basic survival skills?”

“Well, if you have the money for somebody else to do it, why bother?”

Yixing chuckled as he shook his head.

However, after their conversation, the meals on top of the kitchen counter didn’t stop appearing. Junmyeon wouldn’t give in either, though.

On a different day, the topic of their clothing styles would come up again. It had passed one week since their cohabitation days began. Junmyeon left his study to grab an energy drink. Yixing was there, cooking.

“Junmyeon, do you always wear formal clothes?” had Yixing asked.

“What do you mean? These are my normal clothes.”

“Those pants and shirt? Isn’t that uncomfortable? You wear that to work every day.”

“No, I wear suits for work.”

“The same thing,” Yixing said amusedly.

Junmyeon rolled his eyes. “Well, in your opinion, you almighty fashion consultant, what should I be wearing?”

“For starters, you should drop the preppy boy clothes and try this,” Yixing said pointing at his own clothes.

“You gotta be kidding me,” Junmyeon said after looking at Yixing from head to toe. He was wearing gray sweatpants, a white tank top, and a unicorn-themed apron. Did he really think Kim Junmyeon would ever wear those hideous garments?

“What do have against sweatpants?”

“I had not worn those awful things since I was a baby and when they forced me in gym class. Believe me, I won’t be doing it anytime soon.”

“But you use work-out clothes, what’s the difference?” Yixing asked, smiling.

“Those are designer gears of the best Dri-FIT material, nothing like those gray things.”

Yixing laughed, again with his high-pitched annoying laugh. And Junmyeon just left the room, rubbing his temples, yet again forgetting why he had gone to the kitchen.

Not everything was inane fights or discussions, though. There were moments in which Junmyeon could tolerate Yixing’s company. Particularly during those days, Yixing had started to wait for Junmyeon’s return very late at night. Yixing actually wore decent clothes, and he would greet Junmyeon before going to bed. It was comforting to come back home and find someone there waiting for him, wishing him a good night and that he would sleep well. It had been so long since somebody said that to him. Junmyeon had realized how lonely it used to be to return to an empty apartment. Secretly, he thanked Yixing for doing that.

But of course, one night Yixing wouldn’t be awake. Junmyeon knew that one day he would get tired of waiting for him. So, he hadn’t expected it to last long. That day, he walked into the living room to turn off the television but was surprised to find Yixing lying on the carpet. His mouth was open as he let out some faint snore.

Without exactly knowing why Junmyeon laughed. He grabbed the remote control and turned off the television. And he would have left Yixing sleeping there, but as he walked past the kitchen and saw another plate of food, something within him just told him not to. It wouldn’t let him at ease. So, he walked back to where Yixing was lying. He squatted down and shoved him lightly while calling his name. Yixing didn’t react. Junmyeon tried again but failed.

“Gardener!” Junmyeon shouted at last.

Yixing woke up hastily, looking around.

“Your back is gonna hurt, go sleep on your bed… Goodnight,” Junmyeon said, stood up, and walked back to his room, leaving behind a confused and drowsy Yixing.


	4. Chapter 4

**The Engagement Party**

Junmyeon sat in his study-room looking through the guest list yet again. It was a Tuesday night, and there were roughly three days left until the engagement party. Initially, Junmyeon wanted it to be a few friends and family joining their celebration. He had thought of gradually introducing Yixing to the public as they taught him how to behave and talk during such events. Their engagement would have been announced through a notice on his webpage and social media accounts.

At first, Minseok had agreed to it. Yixing wasn’t ready to face the media and its noisy interrogations. But then Minseok reconsidered their plan and realized it wouldn’t be wise. Not only would it seem as if they were keeping Yixing away from the public, but also, that wasn’t what the other candidates had done. Byun Taehyuk and Oh Sehun had included Junmyeon in all their important celebrations, heck, things like Oh Sehun’s daughter’s christening. And Junmyeon had attended all of them. Although he knew it wasn’t because the three of them had gone to the same high school, but it was good publicity. They were in this race against one another, but before seeing each other as opponents, they were ‘friends.’ Good fellowship between candidates seemed like good quality for a leader. Not attending or leaving out the others wouldn’t do good for Junmyeon’s public image.

So, the guest list had expanded and now it seemed as if at least a hundred people were attending, among them, the current Leader of the Nation, who was actually Byun Taehyuk’s uncle. The restaurant dinner for twenty changed to a hotel venue for one hundred. And in the end, Junmyeon and Yixing themselves would announce their engagement to the public through the media.

During the days that remained until the party, Junmyeon had arranged classes for Yixing to learn the proper etiquette for the night. To his surprise, Yixing had been cooperative. His previous uneasiness about Yixing embarrassing him in public was gradually taken off his shoulder. At least Yixing would behave decently, and well, he would make sure to stay with him the whole night. To supervise Yixing, of course.

But as Junmyeon read his guest list once again, he realized two people hadn’t confirmed their attendance. The Zhangs, Yixing’s parents, were nowhere on the list. Strange, he thought.

He walked out of the study room towards Yixing’s room. Junmyeon should have expected that after knocking, Yixing would appear before him only clad in his underwear, but it still caught him off guard, and he hastily looked away. Yixing closed the door, laughing, and when he opened it again, he was wearing shorts and a t-shirt. They strode into the living room, where they could talk in peace.

“Yixing, I keep reading through the guestlist for our engagement party. Why haven’t your parents confirmed their attendance? Don’t they want to come?”

Yixing went speechless, his eyebrows furrowed and he stared firmly at Junmyeon. But Yixing wasn’t shocked or upset, he seemed more, worried? Pensive? The silence was too loud for Junmyeon’s liking. Why couldn’t Yixing just spill whatever he was holding in?

Until finally, Yixing spoke. “I didn’t send them one.”

“Why?”

Yixing huffed, “I would have guessed those types of things were also included in our files from the Marriage Bureau.”

Oh no, Junmyeon said to himself. Were they dead? He couldn’t make an answer from Yixing’s current expression. Carefully, he asked, “Did something happen to them?”

“They were exiled.”

Junmyeon gasped. Now, that wasn’t the answer he had expected. What could he say? If Yixing’s parents were exiled, then it only meant they had committed a terrible violation against the System. This didn’t necessarily mean they were criminals, but whatever they didn’t abide was big enough to give them exile, like being reported for not wearing their Emotion Watches in public more than five times, or always ignoring their duties as citizens of the Nation. It was so odd to hear someone had done any of that. Junmyeon had so many questions, and most importantly, why hadn’t Yixing gone with them?

To Junmyeon’s relief, Yixing explained further.

Mrs. Zhang was skeptical about the System. She believed people forged their own ways in life. And that was what Mrs. Zhang did. At the age of eighteen, after doing the System’s aptitude tests, she didn’t choose the careers the System had listed for her. That was an insane choice, mostly because empty spots in colleges were exceedingly rare; everyone always chose one career path among the ten given options, usually the first choice. Mrs. Zhang had fought to get into college, following the old ways: sending applications, writing essays, having interviews. After two years, she got accepted, and she could finally become a nurse.

She would never marry someone she didn’t love, neither would she force herself to fall in love. After meeting Yixing’s dad, it was clear that she and her elected partner would never meet. So, Yixing’s parents got married despite the System's disapproval. This, along with not following the aptitude test, wasn’t a violation itself. But it did leave an ugly mark on someone’s personal case file and withdrew some benefits people had, traveling abroad for example. Still, their life went on, and eventually, they had two children: Qian and Yixing.

They lived a peaceful family life, seeing their children grow up into their own selves. They always reminded them that, despite living in the world they did, at the end of the day, it was their life and their choices that mattered.

While listening, Junmyeon realized where Yixing had gotten his character and values from. He was probably as tenacious as his mother when it came to making his own choices. Those two weeks Junmyeon had spent trying to convince him, proved it. The Zhangs had been born in the wrong century, or the wrong place. Junmyeon wondered why they just didn’t request to leave the country if they disliked the System so much, but then he remembered Mrs. Zhang’s personal case file, and well, it was evident that the request would have been rejected. Junmyeon also realized how much Yixing appreciated his mother by the fondness in his voice, eyes, and storytelling.

However, the Zhang’s happy days ended when Qian was nineteen and got taken away to a ‘rehabilitation center,’ almost ten years ago. While other parents would have accepted the fate of their children, waiting patiently for their return, or in some cases giving up, Yixing’s mother did everything she could to see Qian, to bring her back. But of course, the Health Department would never listen to her appeal, it was the law to keep Qian away until she felt better and was safe to be in society again. That broke Yixing’s mother so much that two years later, her Emotion Watch steadily shone yellow.

Afraid that his wife would follow the same fate as his daughter, Mr. Zhang thought that the best way to calm her down was to travel abroad, where it wasn’t compulsory to wear any Emotion’s Watches. It was only for five weeks, yet it could help. But as it was expected by their case files, that request was also rejected. Therefore, Mr. Zhang did the only wise thing he could think of: runaway. He was a pilot, so the transport issue was simple. Of course, this meant that they wouldn’t be there when Qian was free, but if it would avoid losing Mrs. Zhang, then it was worth it.

Yixing was already eighteen when his parents had decided to flee the country. As an adult, he wasn’t obliged to follow them. And he didn’t. He stayed behind to wait for Qian’s return.

So, moving abroad without the approval of the System was what got Yixing’s parents banned from their country.

“And that’s why they got exiled,” Yixing said. He looked away and smiled, a smile mixed with sadness.

While Junmyeon thought Yixing’s family was wrong for not believing in the System, fools for not abiding the law, and cowards for running away, an odd sensation also affected him. He couldn’t quite place what that slight punctuating pain in his chest was. Could it be because Yixing stayed alone at such a young age? He remembered himself being eighteen and still living with his parents as he attended college. How each day before going to classes, his mother would tell him goodbye with a kiss on the cheek, saying she loved him. And at that time, Junmyeon had thought his mother’s displays of affection were unnecessary and bothersome, right now he felt kind of lucky.

This was the first time Yixing had shared something so personal with him. He wanted to ask him more. What had happened to him? Had Yixing managed to see his parents ever since? Junmyeon also wondered if Yixing had any other relatives he wanted to invite. But Junmyeon didn’t utter any of his questions, and just sat there as an awkward silence filled the room. Even if Yixing would become his husband one day, it was only on paper, and those questions weren’t any of his business. And Junmyeon was sure that if he offered to pay for Yixing’s vacation to see his parents, Yixing would refuse. Worrying about this matter was Yixing’s problem, not his. What did he have to do with it? Nothing.

“Well, now you know why they are not on the list,” Yixing said. His expression turned anxious. “Oh god, what if this brings you bad publicity? I don’t have any marks in my personal case file. I did choose one of my eligible careers, and now I’m marrying you, but…”

Junmyeon shook his head. He wasn’t worried, he knew if this came out, they would handle it well. “You must have heard that two years ago, Byun Taehyuk’s twin brother, Byun Baekhyun, also left the country despite the System hadn’t approved of it. So, this wouldn’t be the first scandal like that.”

Inevitably, some media outlets loved to inform and exaggerate scandals like these, but Junmyeon trusted that Minseok would handle their case just as well as the Byun’s had done. Besides, it was Yixing’s parents who had violated the law, not Yixing. As long as Yixing didn’t utter any of his skepticism against the System, they would be okay.

* * *

Yixing stared at himself in the mirror. He couldn’t believe it was him in that image. But this was what Junmyeon’s stylist had chosen for him, and he didn’t want to embarrass himself out there. Still, the extravagant, pristine, marine blue tuxedo didn’t entirely go with him. Neither did his neatly styled ‘comma’ hair. He felt the bowtie was suffocating him. The white pocket-handkerchief looked ridiculous, it was not like he would use it. Yes, he had to leave this type of clothing to Junmyeon, who fitted them better and looked more handsome than anyone else.

The reason for that clothing was because of his and Junmyeon’s engagement party. To say Yixing was looking forward to this night was the biggest joke one could ever hear. And to his dismay, Chanyeol and Kyungsoo, his only friends for this terrible night, couldn’t come due to a family emergency. But he could at least count to have a friendly conversation with Junmyeon’s parents, whom he had met a couple of days ago, and Tao.

Surprisingly, the Kims were nothing like their son. They didn’t have any of Junmyeon’s cold attitude, pride, or arrogance. The Kim’s were humble, easy to talk to, and caring. Yixing wondered if the three were indeed related. Junmyeon’s mother had even pinched Yixing’s cheek and said: ‘I’m so glad Myeonie has finally found his match! These dimples of yours are surely a bonus.’ Which was funny because Junmyeon had not found Yixing by his own choice. Junmyeon had probably not even told them the real reason behind their engagement. And Yixing wasn’t going to be the one to bring the bad news.

There was also Tao, who seemed the most approachable of the three friends. He had met Tao at his and Yifan’s house. Yixing had no idea why Junmyeon had taken him there, but he followed him nonetheless. If he was going to spend the rest of his life with Junmyeon, he might as well meet his friends. Yixing had thought everyone working at the Security Department was cold-hearted, calculating, and intimidating jerks, but Tao was kind, friendly even. Meanwhile, Tao’s husband didn’t say much to him and mostly spoke with Junmyeon that whole night.

Still, Yixing should start getting used to this. If Junmyeon managed to bring his sister back, then he would never see the end of these events. But who knew, maybe he would make some friends? Yes, another joke right there. Yixing knew not everyone would be as kind and understanding as to the Kims or Tao. He’d meet all sorts of people, including the condescending ones.

Yixing walked out of his room to meet Junmyeon. As he strode through the hallways, he repeated in his mind some of the dinner etiquettes for tonight. ‘The largest spoon is the soup spoon; the entree fork is the largest one…’ He found it all to be pretentious crap, but what else could he do? If he didn’t show any manners, he could already imagine what kind of things they’d comment about him and Junmyeon. But he was also sure that his manners were the last thing they’d talk about.

“Finally, that took you long,” Junmyeon said once he entered the living room. Unlike him, Junmyeon was wearing a black suit.

Yixing smiled, he stood behind Junmyeon. There was something about teasing and seeing Junmyeon annoyed that amused him. Yes, it was wicked humor, but he still did it. “Well, I was trying to make myself look beautiful in these clothes for my future husband.”

He was sure Junmyeon was rolling his eyes in front of him.

Junmyeon turned around saying, “Yeah, yeah, whatever, here-” His words got cut off when he saw Yixing. Junmyeon’s eyes widened, an action Yixing had rarely seen on him, and his mouth opened slightly. There was a small silence, and Yixing wondered why it looked like Junmyeon had seen a ghost.

“What? Surprised I’m no longer wearing my ‘awful things’?”

Junmyeon gulped. “Yes, actually. You look…” he said but didn’t finish the sentence.

In response, Yixing laughed. But instead of seeing Junmyeon’s usual annoyed expression for laughing at him, he was still speechless. It was truly odd. What was going on with him?

“Okay, well, here. Put this on,” Junmyeon said once he regained his composure. He handed Yixing a fancy black box, and when Yixing opened it, there was a brooch inside. It had the shape of a flower. Oddly, Junmyeon was wearing the exact same one.

Holding up the brooch, Yixing said, “A honeysuckle. Huh. Did you know that in the language of flowers this means the bond of love or a devoted love? How convenient.” He laughed again.

And there was Junmyeon’s annoyed frown, the one he was used to seeing. “I didn’t choose it. My stylist did, she thought it’d be fun if we matched.”

Smiling, Yixing tried to put on the brooch.

“Also, just so you know, those are all diamonds. I would never wear anything less.”

Yixing almost stuck himself with the brooch. That thing had probably over thirty small diamonds on the petals. “Thanks for the info. It feels good to know I’m walking with all the money I’ll probably never earn in my life.”

Junmyeon huffed, smirking. And they proceed to walk out of their apartment, down to the parking lot where the car was waiting for them.

The hotel venue was gigantic. Round tables were arranged in one part of the place. They were meticulously decorated with what Yixing guessed were the fanciest china, cutlery, glasses, tablecloths, heck, even the napkins. The centerpieces were quite extravagant and too tall, ugly to put it simply. He couldn’t help feeling he could have done a much better job arranging them. As he looked up, dazzling, large crystal lamps hung from the ceiling. Yeah, this is a disgusting luxury at its finest, Yixing thought. But what else could he have expected from Junmyeon? On the front, there was a stage and a dance floor. On another side of the venue, the window frames were tall, and three exits lead to a courtyard garden with a fountain.

The weird part of it all, though, was having to walk around with Junmyeon holding his hand or arm, or worse when Junmyeon stopped somewhere and held him by his waist. He knew Junmyeon had said they would have to share physical contact, they were supposed to be ‘a couple in love,’ happy for their engagement. Still, it was odd to see Junmyeon smile while looking at him in the eyes, saying he couldn’t be happier when they talked to a relative or a friend. Yixing guessed Junmyeon must be inwardly cursing for acting this way.

Although Yixing had wanted to laugh because it was all just so bizarre from the Junmyeon he was getting to know, he kept quiet. And he tried to be quiet for the most part. Even though he had learned some things about holding a proper conversation with these people, he was nervous, out of place. It was a good thing his Emotion Watch almost never changed colors, at least that way people wouldn’t know he was a nervous wreck. Yixing only limited himself to talk when he introduced himself or to answer a question or to say thanks when someone congratulated them.

Fortunately, that small mingle didn’t last for long, and they could sit at their table to eat dinner. They sat together with Junmyeon’s parents and grandparents, both from his mother's and father's side. Waiters walked here and there, serving the food and beverages. Yixing stared down at his plate and remembered which spoon to eat the soup with. He held the biggest spoon, and subtly Junmyeon nodded in approval. The group shared a small talk during the dinner. Junmyeon’s grandparents weren’t as welcoming as their son and daughter. They were undoubtedly the intimidating in-laws Yixing had expected, and from their looks, he could tell they were disappointed he was Junmyeon’s match, even if Junmyeon had said he was happy (that was a lie of course). But Junmyeon’s mother did her best in trying to include Yixing in the conversation, or she ignored the others and tried to get to know more of him.

Then, somewhere between the entrée and the main course, Junmyeon’s dad stood up. The man gave a toast in Junmyeon’s and Yixing’s honor. It was so strange when Mr. Kim had called him ‘Yixing, my future son’ during his speech. Would he and Mrs. Kim also be disappointed when they found out the truth behind their engagement? Or if Junmyeon failed to find Qian, and Yixing left? It was all too strange.

Next, both he and Junmyeon stood up, but it was Junmyeon who delivered the speech. It was a well-memorized piece. Yixing knew someone else, but Junmyeon must have written it. Still, Junmyeon was saying those words with such feeling in his voice, they almost became real. Almost. In the end, Yixing just thanked the guest for attending this special night.

It would then have been the turn of Yixing’s parents to give a toast, but ‘due to personal reasons that would be explained later, they were absent.’ So, the dinner continued. As Yixing sat down, he couldn’t help thinking about his parents. Yixing regularly spoke with them on the phone, but he hadn’t told them about his engagement yet. Would his mother be disappointed in him for marrying someone he didn’t love? Or would she be happy to know he was doing this for Qian? He didn’t know, and he was a bit afraid to find out. His parents had already resigned to believe Qian would ever come back, it was painful, but they didn’t wish to hope forever. Yixing had been so upset when his mother had told him that and asked him to please move with them. In the years that had passed, Yixing had only gone to see his parents three times. His trips only lasted for two weeks, that was how much he could afford to be out of work. But Yixing knew Qian must be okay, and now thanks to Junmyeon, he would get to see her soon.

After the dinner had ended, Yixing and Junmyeon shared the first dance of the night while a string quartet played the music. He hoped the waltz skills he had to learn in just two weeks, would be good enough. Thankfully, he didn’t step on Junmyeon once. They didn’t speak much, but Junmyeon’s scrutinizing brown eyes that stared at nothing but him, were making Yixing sweat more than usual. Why was his look so intense? Was it because they were holding one another so tight, Junmyeon was appalled by it?

“Are you all right, Junmyeon?” he whispered.

“Yeah, just… Smile for the pictures,” Junmyeon said as he turned away and did exactly that, just in time when a camera flashed its light. Yixing followed suit.

When their dance ended, people got up from their seats and started to dance as well, others mingled near the dance floor or stayed in their seating positions.

Meanwhile, Junmyeon held Yixing’s hand and strode around the venue to continue with introducing Yixing to the guests. He got to meet the current Leader of the Nation, who only congratulated them and wished Junmyeon good luck on whatever business he was doing. The man didn’t seem very interested in talking nor being there. And Yixing wondered why he had come in the first place.

Yixing also encountered the other two elected candidates, Byun Taehyuk and Oh Sehun, along with their respective partners. Unlike the rivalry and discontent Yixing had expected from them, they were well-mannered. Byun Taehyuk’s wife, Joohyun, had even asked Yixing if he wanted to feel when the baby was kicking her belly. Oddly enough, he did it. And Luhan, Sehun’s husband, had said he’ll drop by his flower shop one day because he wanted to find someone new to arrange the flowers around his house. He agreed with Yixing, and said the centerpieces were ‘not so appealing to the eyes.’ Sehun was mostly quiet, but it was evident he appreciated his husband a lot. Then, there was Taehyuk, who was the same chirpy person he displayed being on camera. Even Junmyeon acted friendly, but that Yixing knew was just a façade. So, yes, everyone around here might be experts at pretending. But maybe their true rivalry would come out when they face one another in debates? Or perhaps this was real? Who knew. Yixing had never been too interested in these clown politics.

They continued going around meeting influential people in the business world, Junmyeon’s cousins, aunts, and uncles, or even his old classmates. Some of them were friendly, others not so much. But the one who was clearly a challenge to talk to was Byun Taehyuk’s father. Junmyeon and Yixing were speaking with this group of old men, where Taehyuk’s dad was. The whole conversation, that old Mr. Byun seemed to go against anything Junmyeon said, and even subtly look down on whatever Junmyeon was speaking about his company. For the first time in the night, Yixing saw Junmyeon’s Emotion Watch turn yellow, but rapidly Junmyeon managed to change it back to white again. Then, Mr. Byun asked Yixing a question.

“So, Yixing what marvelous thing do you do for a living?” Mr. Byun asked. “My Taehyuk has just become the chief financial director of our technology company. You must have heard of us, Byun Corp.? We are everywhere around Asia. He’s the youngest one in the family to achieve that position. I know one day he’ll become a great leader… Of our company, that is.” He let out a small laugh. “And my daughter-in-law, Joohyun, is the CEO of a famous cosmetic brand. A pretty impressive couple, aren’t they?”

Yixing nodded. Clearly, this man was just bragging his son’s success. He was pretty sure Mr. Byun would mock him once he answered, and say something like: ‘Oh, a florist? How extraordinary’ or perhaps something worse. He wished Junmyeon wouldn’t be there to hear it. Actually, he wished that awful Mr. Byun wasn’t there at all. But everyone was looking expectantly at Yixing, and he had to answer. Nervously, he gulped. “I’m a-”

“Yixing is a young entrepreneur. He started out with nothing, but with his hard labor, and his own hands, he managed to open his own flower shop. And now he’s trying to find ways to expand his business. I’m pretty confident one day, Qian’s Flower shop will be all over the city, and then the country. Maybe even transnational,” Junmyeon said confidently. Not once doubting his words, and defiantly looking at anyone who tried to challenge or mock his words, especially Mr. Byun.

One of the elder men nodded in approval. “Yes! That’s the exact mentally my grandfather said he started with. And look at where we are now. Your fiancé will succeed, Junmyeon.” He stared at Yixing, smiling, and nodded. “Hard work pays off, young man.”

Yixing nodded too, and Junmyeon smiled proudly at the group. Junmyeon had answered much better than Yixing would have ever done. Yixing didn’t know why. He didn’t know if it was just part of Junmyeon’s act, or if Junmyeon genuinely meant it. He wondered how Junmyeon knew that about him, he had never said it to him. But Junmyeon had stood up for him and defended him from Mr. Byun’s inevitable derision. Yixing stared at Junmyeon and felt his lips forming a smile. No matter if it had been a play, or if Junmyeon really felt that way, he would thank him.

And that was how Yixing spent the rest of the night, walking around getting introduced to an important person after important person, mingling, or laughing at some joke he didn’t quite understand. But he was surprised to know Junmyeon remembered most of those people’s names. Yixing knew that after this night he wouldn’t even remember a quarter of them.

He finally got a break when Junmyeon’s mother told Junmyeon to dance with her. Yixing spoke a moment with Tao as they sat down. But then Tao had to go somewhere else, and Yixing was left alone again. Feeling suffocated, Yixing stood up and walked out of the venue towards the courtyard garden.

The night was breezy, and once outside, Yixing felt he could breathe. He sat on one of the benches near the water fountain, his eyes were closed. The surrounding juniper and boxwood shrubs’ scents calmed him. The water noises soothed him. And Yixing hoped that this long night would end soon. He could use some rest.

However, someone decided to interrupt his alone time. He heard high-heels click-clack approaching and felt the presence of someone in front of him. Yixing opened his eyes and saw a woman standing there. She was one of Junmyeon’s old college classmates or something, but he hadn’t cared to remember her name. She was holding a glass of champagne and seemed… Angry? Upset? Whatever it was, she wasn’t happy, and her Emotion Watch was shining yellow.

“Good night, Miss,” Yixing said.

She huffed. “How did you do it?”

Yixing blinked in surprise, unable to figure out what she meant. “I’m sorry, Miss. How did I do what?”

“How did a disgusting peasant like you become Junmyeon’s match? He belonged to me!”

Oh, so it was that. As if Yixing had any idea why he had been chosen. He wasn’t even eager about marrying Junmyeon. The only reason he had accepted was for Qian. If it had been up to him, that woman could have had Junmyeon all she wanted. Too bad that wasn’t how it worked. But Yixing couldn’t tell that her. Instead, he breathed in and said the one ‘logical’ thing. “That’s what the System decided Miss, you know that. And both Junmyeon and I are pleased with the outcome.”

“But you’re just some insignificant florist! How could you have been chosen? Why? It doesn’t make sense! Junmyeon and I belonged together. We were perfect. The most compatible! He should be marrying me, not you! That was my dream. You crushed it! You crushed it, you stupid low life gold digger!”

Yixing got angry. This spoiled, rude woman, who he now remembered Junmyeon couldn’t stand either because he made them go away from her company as soon as possible, was throwing her irrational tantrums at him like any of this was his fault. But Yixing wouldn’t sink to her level, neither would he be staying there any longer to hear her insults. He stood up and was ready to leave when she threw her drink at him. Yixing closed his eyes and gasped, feeling how the champagne dripped down his face and landed on his tuxedo jacket.

“Damn it!”

He raised his hands to wipe away the liquid from his eyes. And when he opened them again, that goddamn woman was nowhere to be seen. Yixing cursed again. When he was about to take out his handkerchief and clean his face before it got sticky, a hand grabbed his arm.

“Forgive me for the intrusion, but allow me,” a soft voice said.

Yixing looked up to find the source of that voice, and he saw a tanned, tall man in a pristine gray suit, standing in front of him. He didn’t remember seeing him at the party before, neither did he hear him approach the courtyard. How odd. It got even stranger when the man started to clean Yixing’s face with his own tissue. His hand carefully wiped away the liquid, as if Yixing face was the most valuable thing. Yixing knew that was weird, and kind of creepy, but he was so puzzled he just stayed still and let him do it. When the man had finished, he gave Yixing the cloth so he could dry his tuxedo jacket by himself. Still bewildered, Yixing accepted. Once Yixing was done, he gave back the handkerchief. But his jacket was still wet, and the stains could be seen clearly on its marine blue color. Perfect.

“Thank you… Mister?”

“Kim Jongin,” the man said and held out his hand.

Yixing shook it. “Zhang Yixing, but if you are here, then you must already know that.”

Jongin smiled. “I’m afraid I didn’t know it was you. But hearing that woman shout, did help.”

Oh great, he had heard that. Yixing rolled his eyes. “Glad to know her oh so kind introduction helped you.”

Jongin laughed, and it made Yixing do it too.

“But wait, you said Kim. Are you one of Junmyeon’s relatives?”

Quickly, Jongin shook his head. “Oh god no. We just happen to have the same surname.”

Yixing nodded. Well, that made sense. Kim was a highly common family name.

“Wow, I just have to say this, Junmyeon is one hell of a lucky guy to marry someone as beautiful as you.”

Rather than blushing, Yixing laughed. How ridiculous did that sound? He was pretty sure everyone in this party saw him as the luckiest middle-classer in the country, maybe even the world. “I think I’m definitely the lucky one. I mean, have you seen him?” he answered. Jongin stared at him with something indecipherable in his eyes. Surprised by that, Yixing added, “Anyway, thank you… You don’t look that bad either.”

Jongin smirked. “Well, what brings you here? I’m pretty sure it wasn’t to get a drink thrown in your face.”

“No,” Yixing said, chuckling. “It’s just that… I needed a break.”

“Hmm, a break. Let me guess… A break from those pretentious vultures? Yeah, I feel you.”

Yixing laughed again. This was the first time he had heard someone from this refined world Junmyeon belonged to speak like that. He nodded. “Yes, but you’d be surprised to hear most of the vultures were actually very friendly.”

“Yeah, only some.”

They stared at each other smiling as if they shared a secret only the two knew.

“But why are you here? And how come I didn’t see you before?” Yixing asked.

Jongin scratched his head. “You see, I arrived here pretty late. Actually, very late… And well, to avoid getting scolded by my mother, I’ve been hiding here for some time. She is a bit scary.”

How cute, Yixing thought. But before he could ask something else, he heard someone clearing their throat. Yixing tilted his head to the side and saw Junmyeon standing there, frowning and looking annoyed, probably because he heard him laugh.

Junmyeon walked forward, slightly pushing Jongin away, and went to possessively grab Yixing’s hand. Yixing would have thought it meant something, but then he remembered that in front of Jongin, they had to pretend to be together.

“Kim Jongin, I see you’re punctual as always,” Junmyeon said.

“Junmyeon,” Jongin said and bowed a little. “Pardon my rudeness, I’m afraid I got stuck at the Security Department.”

Junmyeon huffed. Yixing just kept quiet, watching amusedly the exchange. During this night, he had learned to understand when Junmyeon couldn’t stand talking to someone. Kim Jongin was not his cup of tea. And Jongin seemed to share that same annoyance. What kind of feud did these two have?

“Congratulations to both of you for the engagement. You’re a lucky guy, Junmyeon. You’ve got yourself the most handsome person of the night. If I were you, I’d be careful… Someone might steal him.”

Yes, the hard squeeze Junmyeon gave his and Yixing’s entangled hands, proved he couldn’t stand Jongin. Yixing fought hard to not let out his laugh. He wasn’t even affected by Jongin’s words, he was pretty sure Jongin had said it to annoy the heck out of Junmyeon. Either way, it worked, especially when Junmyeon let go of Yixing’s hand to put his arm around Yixing’s waist, moving their bodies closer.

“Thanks, Jongin. But I got nothing to worry about. Now if you excuse us, my fiancé and I must go. Unlike others, we don’t arrive late for our appointments.”

Then, Junmyeon guided them away from Jongin, and Yixing barely managed to say goodbye. When they were far enough, Junmyeon let out a sigh, but still held Yixing’s waist.

“We only have that interview left, and then we can go home,” Junmyeon said.

Yixing nodded.

“Hey, what happened to your jacket?” Junmyeon asked. Only now did he realized it was wet.

Should Yixing answer truthfully? But it wasn’t like anything would change. The people who didn’t like him, would still not like him, even if Junmyeon said something. So, he answered, “It was an accident, I spilled my drink.”

Junmyeon sighed. “I knew something like this would happen. But it’s under control, my assistant has a spare tuxedo somewhere.”

Yixing laughed, of course, Junmyeon would do that. As they were approaching the venue, Yixing remembered what he had wanted to tell Junmyeon.

“Junmyeon.”

“What?”

“Thanks for defending me earlier,” Yixing said and smiled. Fake or not, Yixing was glad Junmyeon had spared him the embarrassment.

Junmyeon looked at him shocked yet again that day, but he rapidly looked away. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he said.

Yixing smiled. What else had he expected? This was Junmyeon after all.

When they reached the entrance to the hotel venue, he could feel someone’s gaze on him. Yixing peeked over his shoulder and saw Jongin striding through the courtyard towards them. Jongin smiled at him and raised his hand, waving goodbye.


	5. Chapter 5

**Big Suho**

“Kiss me, Junmyeon.”

The moonlight gave Yixing’s dark eyes glow, a spark, that Junmyeon knew was desire. How had they gotten there? Alone in this secluded garden, where nothing else but them, the moon, the bushes, and the water surrounded them. Right now, Junmyeon’s eyes must be reflecting the same as Yixing’s. He raised his hand to caress Yixing’s left cheek, and just as he had thought, it was soft, smooth to the touch. Was this wise? Junmyeon’s gaze shifted to see Yixing’s lips; he wondered how it would taste when he fully ravished Yixing’s mouth when he bit his thick, plump lower lip. With only one kiss he wanted to claim him his, his heart, his whole being. It didn’t make sense.

Junmyeon closed his eyes to lean in, feeling how Yixing’s rapid, warm breath hit his face. Anticipation, he could feel it clawing at his skin, in the fireworks exploding in his stomach, and in that desperate hammering in his chest. Then, he sensed it no more. His lips touched Yixing’s lips. As he expected, the taste was-

A bang. He heard a loud bang and opened his eyes. Blinking, he tried to adapt his vision to the blinding light. His study room. The bookshelves, the desktop with his laptop and papers scattered around, and the lamp sitting on the corner, the picture that hung on the wall. He was back in his study room.

“What the hell?” he groggily said.

He leaned back in his desk chair. His breathing was uneven. It had been a dream. Junmyeon had dreamed about kissing the gardener. “Ugh,” he said, closing his eyes. What the hell had that been? he thought. Why had he dreamed of something so… Unacceptable? And the worst part, why had it been the fourth time it happened now?

Ever since the night of their engagement party, this dream threatened to become a recurrent one. Why? Junmyeon didn’t like him, he couldn’t like him, he shouldn’t like him. He didn’t want to fall in love; he could never fall in love; he had never fallen in love. This couldn’t happen. Maybe it was just his brain fooling his subconscious. Yes, he admitted that Yixing had looked nothing like a gardener that night. The suit, the hair, his face, he looked… Acceptable, yes, that was the word. The loss of words and inability to keep his eyes from Yixing was due to the surprise of seeing him like that. Right? It didn’t mean anything.

And the annoyance he had felt when he saw Kim Jongin and Yixing together wasn’t jealousy or anything like that. No, no, no, it had only been because of that Kim Jongin, his old high-school nemesis, who consistently sought to own everything Junmyeon had. It was Jongin who was envious of him, not the other way around.

So, it couldn’t be that Junmyeon was starting to fall for the gardener. That would be utterly stupid. He must be misunderstanding everything. Besides, Yixing was still that scruffy gardener who wore flower crowns at work, who always had some teasing comment against him and then laughed about it, who prepared his own meals, he was still Yixing, the gardener. Nothing made Yixing different. And Junmyeon didn’t know him well, even if they had lived together for a month now.

Junmyeon put aside his laptop and leaned on the desktop to lay his head on the side while closing his eyes. He sighed again. As stupid as this sounded, maybe he should contact a hypnotizer or something ridiculous like that, who could help him stop having that nightmare.

How ridiculous. What was he thinking? He didn’t speak while dreaming, so there wasn’t anything to worry about. Hopefully.

“Damn it!”

“Stop saying bad words!” a soft, high-pitched voice said, startling him.

Rapidly, Junmyeon opened his eyes and saw a little girl standing next to him. She was staring at him sternly, frowning. He sat up straight and took a closer look at the little girl. She was wearing a yellow dress with floral patterns, her long hair was styled in two ponytails, and under her arm, she was holding a white stuffed toy, a bunny.

“Who are you?” Junmyeon asked, still confused as to why this child was standing in his office room at home.

She smiled and bowed a little. “I’m Do Sohee.” She raised her toy towards Junmyeon. “And this is Suho.”

“Okay, Sohee and Suho, what do you think you’re doing here?”

Sohee frowned again. “Rude! You’re supposed to say your name too. Suho, Uncle Xing’s husband doesn’t have manners,” she whispered to her bunny.

Uncle Xing? Well, of course, Yixing was somehow involved in this. Junmyeon rolled his eyes. “I’m Kim Junmyeon, and I’m not your uncle’s husband.”

“But you’re going to be soon, right? That’s what Daddy Chan said, but Dongwon got sick, and he and Papa Soo couldn’t come to your and Uncle Xing’s party.”

Yes, definitely Yixing. But at least that explained why Yixing’s other two guests hadn’t come. Junmyeon nodded to her earlier question.

“So, I guess you’re his boyfriend then?”

“No, I’m-” Junmyeon said but then stopped himself. What was he about to do? This kid could have a big mouth. He nodded again. “Well, now that we cleared that up, Sohee, what are you doing here? And who gave you permission to interrupt my work?”

Sohee laughed. “You weren’t working. You were sleeping!”

Junmyeon frowned, okay he had been found out. But he had been working before, it was just that this week he hadn’t slept well. “Fine. But you are still not answering why you’re here. It is forbidden to anyone else besides me to be in here.”

Sohee started to play with her hair. “Suho was curious. He said he wanted to explore this big castle. I showed him around. And then I opened this door, and we saw you sleeping… You looked like a prince, Suho said. But I think you looked more like Suho! I wanted to see you closer, and I let go of the door but it made a loud noise, and so, we hid under your desk.”

That explained why Junmyeon had been woken up by a loud bang.

“I peeked up, and we thought you were sleeping on the table again. We saw you closer, and yes, you look like Suho! But then you said those bad words. Twice! And that’s not what Suho would say, so you need to stop saying bad words, Junmyeon!”

Was Junmyeon just getting scold by a child? Would he tolerate this insult? He wanted to teach this kid a great lesson in what respect and boundaries were, but she spoke again.

“Can I call you, Suho? I asked the real Suho, and he doesn’t mind. Junmyeon is too long. Suho’s happy to have a brother, just like I’m happy to have Dongwon, even if he’s a baby and just cries, eats, and sleeps.”

“Why do you keep saying I look like that thing?”

Sohee beamed. “Because look! You have round puffy cheeks. Big brown eyes. Long ears. White skin. And you’re little!”

Now, Junmyeon frowned. “I don’t have big ears! And I’m not small, you’re little! I’m average. Besides, I’m a human being, it’s genetically impossible I can resemble a rabbit.”

Sohee tilted her head and looked confused. She probably didn’t understand what Junmyeon had said. “You say funny things, Suho.”

Junmyeon was just about to say something when he got interrupted again. The door flew opened, and Yixing stood there, almost breathless. He was carrying a child in a baby carrier. And he looked so… Acceptable, or maybe the correct word was strange. Junmyeon shook the thought away. Sohee walked toward them.

“Sohee, I told you not to play around the house!” Yixing scolded her. “I was so worried, I looked everywhere. You cannot run away like that anymore, okay? Do you understand?!”

Sohee nodded, looking sad, almost as if she wanted to cry. Maybe she wasn’t used to Yixing’s stern voice.

Yixing looked up. “Junmyeon, I’m so sorry.” He bowed, holding the baby in place. “I didn’t know she would get this far. I’m really sorry if this bothered you. I couldn’t say this earlier because I knew you were working, but their nanny couldn’t watch them today, and well, I was free, so I said yes. But maybe you don’t like kids, you didn’t have any rules about it. I should have asked-”

“It’s fine, Yixing. I don’t mind, just make sure she doesn’t come around here anymore.”

Yixing nodded, she grabbed Sohee’s hand and told her to apologize for coming in without permission.

“I’m sorry, Suho.”

“Suho? His name is Junmyeon, Sohee. Don’t-”

“No, it’s all right. It’s a thing between us,” Junmyeon said, trying to avoid Sohee getting scolded again. She stared at him and smiled.

The three left the room while Yixing apologized one last time, and Junmyeon was back into the silence that reigned there. He sighed.

The rest of the day Junmyeon finished the work he had left. He also ate the lunch his assistant had brought for him. As Junmyeon sat in the dining room, he observed how Yixing and the kids played in the living room. He saw how Sohee tried to tickle Yixing, how Dongwon crawled around trying to touch Yixing too (Could Dongwon understand what Sohee was doing?), he heard them laugh and smile. Oddly, he didn’t find Yixing’s laugh annoying instead it was a soothing timbre. When had that changed? And Junmyeon just stayed there, eating in silence, watching the family scene take place. ‘I guess the fake kids we have will at least have one good father,’ Junmyeon thought. Maybe that was a good thing. He exhaled.

Later in the afternoon, Junmyeon was getting ready to go to the gym. He hadn’t gone early that morning, he had been too tired, and honestly, Junmyeon hadn’t known if he could see Yixing in the eyes. Last night he had had a dream like earlier, only it reached a little further than a kiss. This morning he had been too embarrassed to face him, now he didn’t mind much. Yixing couldn’t know what he dreamt, could he?

Junmyeon had just put on his sweatband when he heard a knock at his door. He opened the door, and an anxious Yixing stood in front of him.

“Yes?” Junmyeon asked.

“Junmyeon, I’m really sorry to bother you again. But there is a problem with an order at the flower shop. I’ve tried solving the matter from here, but then it turns out I have the documents and stuff. The point is, I need to go there.”

Oh no, Junmyeon could see where this was going.

“Dongwon doesn’t have his car seat, so I cannot take them with me. If it’s not too much, could you please, please, watch them for a while? Dongwon is asleep, and this won’t take more than an hour.”

There was a worry in Yixing’s eyes, pleading in his voice. But could Junmyeon really take care of those kids, even if it was for a while? He wasn’t apt to take care of anyone else but himself.

“No. I don’t take care of children.”

“I know it might be frightening. But they have already eaten lunch. Dongwon won’t wake up from his nap, and Sohee is old enough to not bother you so much. Please?”

“I said, I don’t want to Yixing.”

“Oh.” Yixing’s eyes stared at him. Did he look disappointed? Surprised? Either way, he laughed awkwardly. “I see… It’s okay. I’ll ask somebody else to do it.” He smiled, but it wasn’t genuine. “Maybe I can drop them with Jongin,” Yixing tried mumble to himself as he turned around.

Junmyeon had heard that, though. Kim Jongin. Why was Yixing seeking his help?

“What?” Junmyeon asked, “Kim Jongin? Why him?”

Yixing turned to face him again. “Didn’t you know? Last week, he moved to the apartment two floors downstairs.”

No, Junmyeon had no idea. Did that annoying brat just become his neighbor? ‘Damn it, Kim Jongin,’ Junmyeon thought. He enclosed his hand into a fist. “How come you know that?”

“I saw him moving in… And he might have swung by the flower shop a couple of times, he always buys lilies for his mother. We talked a bit. This neighborhood is close to the Security Department.”

Had that brat been serious? Had he really meant he would steal Yixing away from him? Not that Junmyeon cared, or maybe he did, but they had a deal! And Yixing better kept his word. He had to keep his word. And maybe Yixing wouldn’t be a good fake-dad if he wanted to leave those kids with Kim Jongin.

“He’s a nice guy, and he seems trustworthy. But God, Kyungsoo might kill me if he finds out I left them alone with a stranger…So, please don’t tell.”

Yixing was ready to leave again. And Junmyeon felt the old rivalry he always felt whenever Kim Jongin was involved. He couldn’t lose to him, not to that annoying brat. Slowly, his reluctance was breaking down, and something else within him wanted to help Yixing. To prove him, he was- Wait, why did he have to prove Yixing something? Even if that was what his life had been about this whole time, Yixing was still nobody.

Yes, troublesome, that was how everything had become since the engagement party. Because Junmyeon found himself uttering words despite knowing how freaking afraid he was about doing this. “I’ll do it. It’s better if they stay here with me.”

Yixing widened his eyes and gasped. Then, a dimpled smile formed on his lips, his eyes turned into a crescent. “Really? Thank you so much, Junmyeon! Thank you! I know you’ll do great!”

You don’t know that Junmyeon thought, you don’t know. But Yixing was smiling at him as Junmyeon had just done the most fantastic thing. And his fear didn’t go away, but the knowledge that Yixing believed in him gave Junmyeon some strength to do this. He could do this without screwing up.

They walked together to the living room, where Dongwon was asleep on one of the sofas, and Sohee was watching television, a movie about princesses. Yixing explained to him what to do in case Dongwon woke up crying, but he doubted that because the baby had just gone to sleep. He also told him everything the kids needed was in that duffel bag near one of the couches. Junmyeon nodded but kept wondering why he had accepted this.

Then, Yixing left, saying he’ll be back in no more than an hour, thanking him again, and Junmyeon stayed alone with the two children. Sohee told him to join her on the couch to watch the movie together.

Time passed, Dongwon was still asleep, the movie ended, Yixing would be back in twenty minutes, and Junmyeon had survived without disasters so far. A new record, he thought. But his Emotion Watch was yellow, he was still nervous.

“When is your birthday, Big Suho?” Sohee asked him. Junmyeon supposed she added the ‘big’ to distinguish him from the bunny. Funny, because she had said he was little. He almost laughed.

“May twenty-two. When’s yours?”

“Daddy Chan said it’s May now. Your birthday is soon, right? Mine is on February fifth, I’ll turn nine.”

Junmyeon nodded. “Wow, you’ll be a big girl, Sohee. And yes, my birthday is in two weeks.”

She smiled proudly. “Will you have a birthday party, Big Suho?”

He would often have some celebration with his family and friends, and now with the other two elected too. This year will probably be the same. “Yes, I will.”

“How much will you turn?”

“Twenty-seven.”

“My Papa Soo is that age too! Will you get presents?”

“Yes.”

“Will there be cake?”

“I think so.”

“Will you invite me?”

And that was where Junmyeon laughed. Really, how shameless could this child be? Barking into his study-room, not calling him by his name, telling him he looks like a rabbit, and now asking if he would invite her, a complete stranger, to his birthday party.

“You want to come to a party with adults?”

Sohee caressed her chin, she looked pensive, and exchanged glances with the stuffed toy, “If there is a cake, I do. I like eating cake.”

Junmyeon laughed again. But, could he really say no to this kid? Plus, if she’d come, then her parents would too, and Yixing wouldn’t have to spend another evening alone and bored like during the engagement party. They might be as common as the gardener, but it might be okay.

He nodded, “Okay, Sohee, you’re invited.” She was his first guest.

A broad beam adorned Sohee’s face, and she mumbled something else with the bunny. “But you have to promise it. And if you break that promise, we will hunt you down.” She raised her hand, pointing her little finger at him.

And for the third time, Junmyeon chuckled yet again. What were her parents teaching this kid? “Okay, I promise.” He sealed their deal in a pinky promise. Sohee smiled.

A scream interrupted their moment. Dongwon had woken up, and Junmyeon freaked out. He stood up and watched the crying child. His cries were scrutinizing. And Junmyeon checked what Yixing had said he should. No, it wasn’t the case of a new diaper, thank heavens. He tried to feed Dongwon his bottle, but he didn’t want it. Not hungry nor unclean, what did this goddamn screaming kid want? He tried to rock Dongwon carefully on the couch, saying to him ‘Calm down, Dongwon. Calm down.’ But it didn’t work. He needed to call someone, Tao, Yifan Yixing, or his assistant! Anyone who could shut him down. The cries got worse and Junmyeon desperate. His Emotion Watch was shining yellow. What if there was something wrong with Dongwon? What if he needed medical help immediately and Junmyeon was losing time? What if he-?

“Hold him, Big Suho,” Sohee said, bringing Junmyeon back from his realm of worries. “He likes to be lulled to sleep in Daddy’s or Papa’s arms.”

Junmyeon couldn’t remember the last time he had held a baby in his arms. He felt unsure, but Dongwon kept crying and Sohee saying he should do it so he could make it stop. Carefully, Junmyeon grabbed the child. Dongwon was as heavy as a seven kilograms dumbbell, probably. Slowly, he tried to position him in his arms and rocked him back and forth. It felt strange to hold a child like that, Junmyeon couldn’t even sing; he didn’t know what to sing. But he still solely focused on calming Dongwon. He saw how the baby stopped crying in his arms, how Dongwon began closing his eyes again and drifting back to dreamland. Junmyeon’s arms hurt from the way he was holding the baby, but he still did the task. And then Dongwon was sound asleep again. He put the baby on the sofa and tuck him with his blanket. Breathe, Junmyeon could finally breathe.

“We did it Sohee,” Junmyeon whispered.

Nobody answered. Junmyeon looked around and didn’t see Sohee anywhere. Suho was on the floor. He whispered her name loudly until he saw it. Sohee had gotten out to the terrace, she stood on the border of the pool. Suddenly, she fell.

Sprinting as if his life depended on it, Junmyeon got out to the terrace, and he jumped in, not caring that his workout gear would get wet. He swam desperately until he caught Sohee. He brought them back up. Sohee took a deep breath once outside the water. Junmyeon took them to the border. He raised Sohee up first. She crawled and stood up, away from the edge of the pool. Junmyeon also got out and went to stand on his knees to be the same height as her. He raised his arms and hugged her.

“I-I saved you,” Junmyeon said, “I saved you, Jaemin.” He held Sohee tighter.

In silence, Junmyeon kept hugging Sohee. Until she raised his arm and tapped his head.

“I’m Sohee, Big Suho.”

The words took Junmyeon back from the memories he had been trapped at. He let her go and stared at her, confused. “What?”

“You said, Jaemin, but my name is Sohee.”

Junmyeon gasped but didn’t answer. Had he really said that?

“Who’s Jaemin?”

“What the hell were you thinking?! Why did you jump into the pool?! You could have died!” Junmyeon shouted.

Sohee got scared. “I-I’m taking swimming lessons. I wanted to feel if it was wa-warm… But I-I tripped,” she answered and then broke down crying.

Junmyeon didn’t hug her this time but caressed her head as Sohee let out her tears. “Don’t ever do that. Ever… Now come on, you have to dry yourself, or you’ll get sick.” He grabbed her hand and took her inside.

By the time Yixing had returned, Dongwon was still sleeping, and Junmyeon had to explain why Sohee had to change her clothes and why he was soaking wet. Junmyeon hadn’t wanted to leave the kids alone for a minute after what happened, so he kept wearing his damp outfit. He omitted the part of her falling in the pool and instead said he had shown Sohee he could dive in the pool. The splash soaked her dress. And why he didn’t do it wearing a swimsuit, he couldn’t answer.

Either way, Yixing had thanked him again. He praised him for taking care of them, saying that he knew Junmyeon had been nervous, but this showed he had nothing to worry about. He would be a great father. Again, Junmyeon felt something weird within him, something that made him a bit elated, something that wasn’t acceptable. He wanted to believe Yixing's words, but he couldn't. Today had been pure luck.

In the late afternoon, Junmyeon had finally managed to work out without interruptions. The work out had been so intense, he had even forgotten about today’s events. But when he walked into the penthouse, he encountered a tall man and a considerably smaller one, standing in his hall, one of them holding Dongwon and the other one, Sohee. They introduce themselves as Do Kyungsoo and Park Chanyeol, the former being Yixing’s old friend since middle school apparently. They apologized for not attending the engagement party, but as Sohee had said before, Dongwon had been sick. And they even congratulated them for the engagement and commented he was their favorite candidate so far. Junmyeon well-mannered thanked them. At least Junmyeon hoped Yixing had kept the one thing he had asked him that afternoon in the yacht: to not tell anyone about their agreement. If they had lied about liking him as a candidate, Junmyeon didn’t care much.

As everyone was saying their goodbyes, Sohee grabbed Junmyeon’s hand and took him back to the living room. This was something between her and ‘Big Suho’ she told her parents. Sohee asked him to get on his knees.

“Suho and I want to thank you for saving me, Big Suho,” she said and leaned in to give him a kiss on the cheek. She raised her stuffed toy and put its snout against Junmyeon’s other cheek.

Junmyeon chuckled. “Just don’t go around making your parents worried, Sohee.”

She smiled. “I promise you I won’t! And, Big Suho?”

“Yes?”

“Promise you’ll take care of Uncle Xing. He was always alone before, but now he’s not lonely. And I like you. You’re his Big Suho, his guardian, you’re going to guard him just like Suho guards me during my sleep, so I don’t have nightmares.”

Could Junmyeon promise that? Could he guarantee that he could take care of somebody else besides him? This was a fake marriage, an agreement done so both sides could benefit (or mostly Junmyeon). No feelings should be involved, no feelings had to ever be involved. He couldn’t, he knew he couldn’t. He wasn’t even sure he wanted to. But this child could never know the doubts that were hidden when he nodded.

Sohee beamed again. “See you on your birthday, Big Suho!” she said before bolting out of the room, back to her parents.


	6. Chapter 6

**Cold**

When Yixing woke up that morning, he was yet again surprised to go down and not see Junmyeon going to the gym with him. This was probably the third time it happened, and it made him wonder if Junmyeon was avoiding him. Maybe Junmyeon hadn’t really wanted to help him out with Sohee and Dongwon, perhaps it had bothered him that those children had barged into his peaceful home. But Sohee had said Junmyeon had been a great babysitter. Then again, it wasn’t like he and Junmyeon were the best of friends, maybe Junmyeon just wanted to be alone. Yixing let go of his worries.

He returned to the penthouse feeling energetic and refreshed after his workout and shower. Yixing was preparing his breakfast when he saw Junmyeon approaching. As usual, he was holding his leather briefcase and wearing a pristine suit.

Junmyeon stopped. “See you later, Yixing,” he said, but his voice was low and rough, undoubtedly hoarse.

“Hey, are you okay?” Yixing asked while he drew closer to Junmyeon. Now that he was in front of him, Yixing noted that Junmyeon’s nose was a bit red, running a little, and he was slightly shaking. “You don’t seem fine.”

“I’m perfectly fine,” Junmyeon answered. He averted his gaze from Yixing and started to walk away, but then he tripped, dropping his briefcase and falling on his knees.

Yixing hurried to go to him. He put his arm across Junmyeon’s upper back and helped him stand up. “This clearly shows you’re not.” Junmyeon shook his head and tried to getaway. But Yixing didn’t let him and instead raised his free hand and put it on Junmyeon’s forehead. It felt warmer than usual, he figured Junmyeon had a slight fever, and with his other symptoms, it was probably the case of a common cold. This was probably because a few days ago Junmyeon had worn wet clothes inside, where the AC was turned on, for a prolonged time. Seriously, what had he been thinking? “You have a cold, and you’re still thinking of going to work?”

“Work is important.”

“Not more important than your health.”

“I have to go.”

“No, you have to stay here and rest for a few days. Come on, I’ll take you to your room.”

“I’m all right.”

“Your runny nose and a hoarse voice say otherwise. Even your Emotion Watch is yellow.”

“But-”

“Doesn’t matter, come on,” Yixing said. Junmyeon didn’t agree, but the man was weak as hell right now, he couldn’t put much resistance. And Junmyeon didn’t. Yixing easily dragged him up the stairs toward his bedroom. Junmyeon kept trying to say something, but Yixing kept interrupting him, saying this was more vital than anything. They arrived in front of the door of Junmyeon’s bedroom. Unsure if he could walk in, Yixing looked at Junmyeon, and it was his eyes rather than mouth that asked.

Junmyeon gave up in the end because subtly nodded and said, “It’s okay. Open it.”

The room was big, slightly bigger than Yixing’s. The only colors he could distinguish where the white walls, the gray curtains, and the black bedspread covering the king-sized bed. All the other furniture like the nightstands, chairs, or lamps, were either white or gray. He also had large picture windows. This was precisely how Yixing had imagined Junmyeon’s room to be like. Although, he was surprised to see something. “Wow.”

“What?”

“Nothing is just that, I’m surprised your bed is done.” Yixing had thought the housekeepers were in charge of doing that. One time Yixing had forgotten to make his own bed, and when he had returned, it had been neatly done.

Junmyeon rolled his eyes. “Anyone can make a bed.”

Yixing laughed. “Sorry.”

They walked over to the bed. Yixing removed the covers and rearranged the pillows. Junmyeon sat on the edge and Yixing kneeled down to remove Junmyeon’s shoes. He stood up and helped Junmyeon remove his jacket and loosen up his tie. Then, Junmyeon finally rested on the bed. He asked Yixing to go bring him his phone from the briefcase. Junmyeon made a call, telling someone he was sick and took the week off.

“Don’t you wanna change into more comfortable clothes?”

Junmyeon shook his head.

“Okay… Do you have a thermometer?”

“I think somewhere in the bathroom cabinets.”

Yixing went over there, and after roaming in the cupboards he found one, he also took a box of tissues. First, Junmyeon grabbed one tissue and blew his nose. Yixing had placed the trash can near his nightstand, so Junmyeon could quickly dispose of it. Junmyeon took the thermometer and turned it on.

“Your temperature is a little above normal. I was right, you have a slight fever,” Yixing said, looking at the device.

Junmyeon nodded.

“You haven’t eaten any breakfast, have you?”

“No, I’m not hungry… Just sleepy.”

“Okay, then sleep for a while. I’ll check on you later.”

Junmyeon nodded and closed his eyes. Not so much time after, Junmyeon was sound asleep. Yixing smiled as he looked down at the helpless Junmyeon. How could Junmyeon stubbornly think of going to work when he clearly wasn’t feeling all right? He shook his head and proceeded to leave the room.

Once outside, Yixing called one of his employees and informed them about his absence for a couple of days to ‘take care of his fiancé.’ He didn’t mind doing that. In a way, it felt like he could finally repay Junmyeon for his generosity. Sure, they had a deal, but the luxurious house, the new car, the new phone, and all these amenities, were definitely too much. He walked back to the kitchen and ate a light breakfast before he prepared his mom’s chicken noodle soup.

Occasionally, Yixing ran (because the house was just that big) to see Junmyeon. One time he had brought with him a glass and some bottles of water to keep Junmyeon hydrated. But Junmyeon wouldn’t wake up, neither did he want to deprive him of sleep. On another time, it worried him that Junmyeon was sweating too much. What if his fever would rise? Maybe it was because of Junmyeon’s tight shirt and dress pants. Junmyeon had to change to looser and comfortable clothes. ‘Oh, don’t even think about it, Yixing,’ he heard a voice in his head, and funny enough, it reminded him of Junmyeon.

“But he needs lighter clothes,” Yixing said to himself.

He walked into Junmyeon’s closet room. After spending minutes opening drawer after drawer, he finally found the only loose clothes: one pair of silk pajamas. Otherwise, Yixing had to dress him in workout clothes or swimming trunks, and that was something Junmyeon probably wouldn’t like.

Okay, Yixing was about to trespass boundaries, and maybe this could be considered abuse of power? Technically, they were engaged, so… He decided to first shake Junmyeon a little while calling his name.

“Junmyeon, you have to change clothes,” Yixing said after futilely trying to wake him up. It didn’t work. He sighed. “I’m gonna do it, okay? Don’t worry, I’m not gonna look.”

And that Yixing did. He looked out the windows as he undid Junmyeon’s shirt and pants, although it did take him time. He decided to first take off Junmyeon’s shirt. His hand mistakenly touched Junmyeon’s naked chest. Boy, the man had soft, smooth skin. Yixing blushed and tried not to think much about such things. But he couldn’t remove the damn shirt.

He got another idea. Carefully, he flipped Junmyeon on his stomach. Junmyeon must have been utterly tired because he didn’t wake up. But once Junmyeon’s back was into Yixing’s view, he thought seeing this part of his body would be less severe than seeing the other. So, Yixing looked down and removed the shirt. He put on the silk t-shirt on Junmyeon. Then, it was time for the pants. And this time he closed his eyes, holding the waistband, he rapidly pushed them down and removed those goddamn dress pants. Okay, but this time he definitely had to look at Junmyeon’s… Junmyeon’s feet! He put on the pajama pants on each foot. Once again, he closed his eyes, held the waistband, and pushed it up. And it was done.

He exhaled. At least Junmyeon was comfortable. Yixing moved Junmyeon so he could lie on his back again. He walked to the bathroom and grabbed a wet towel. Carefully, he dabbed Junmyeon’s face and arms, hoping this will cool him off a little. Lastly, he put a new cloth on his forehead.

The morning passed. When it was almost midday, Yixing knew Junmyeon had to eat something now, no matter if he had to wake him up roughly. He put a plate of warm chicken soup, a spoon and chopsticks, a glass of orange juice, and another one with ice-cold water, on a bed table. To his surprise, though, Junmyeon was already awake. He was sitting on the bed, talking on the phone. He seemed better. They exchanged glances, but Junmyeon kept speaking.

“I brought you some soup,” Yixing said once Junmyeon finished the call.

“Did my other assistant already bring the food?”

Yixing shook his head. “No, this is my mom’s special recipe.”

Junmyeon’s furrowed his eyebrows. “I think I’d rather wait for my assistant.” But his stomach wasn’t having it, especially when it growled so loudly.

Yixing smirked. “Look, you could either starve yourself until your assistant comes or eat this delicious chicken soup. Or watch me eat it. Your call.”

Junmyeon huffed. “Fine.”

“Which one?”

Rolling his eyes, Junmyeon replied, “I’ll eat it.”

With a dimpled smile on his face, Yixing strode forward and set the bed table above Junmyeon’s legs. He sat on the border of the bed. Yixing proudly watched Junmyeon eat the soup. It took over a month, but finally, Junmyeon had eaten Yixing’s cooking. “See, it wasn’t all that bad, was it?” he asked.

Junmyeon just stared at him expressionless but continued eating. Yixing chuckled.

“By the way, when did I change my clothes?”

Oh. Yixing gulped. They had come a long way today with the food, and him helping Junmyeon to get to his room. Saying he had undressed him, yeah, they were not there yet. Yixing looked away, subtly blushing and scratching his head.

“Eh? Don’t you remember? You woke up once and said you wanted to change… Hehe.”

Junmyeon looked confused. “I did? When?”

“Yeah, you were just too exhausted, plus your fever had risen a little, so maybe that’s why you don’t remember…”

“Oh, I see.” Junmyeon nodded and continued eating.

“How are you feeling now?”

“My headache is gone. But my throat is sore, and my nose is still running. I already asked my assistant to bring me some medicine. He’ll drop it soon.”

Yixing nodded. Of course, Junmyeon would take care of that stuff. He had thought of going to the pharmacy himself, but he hadn’t wanted to leave Junmyeon alone.

Then they were silent while Junmyeon continued eating. Until Yixing spoke out of nowhere.

“My mom used to make this chicken soup for us.”

Junmyeon didn’t say anything, but he did look at Yixing like he was paying attention. And Yixing took it as his cue to continue.

“When Qian got sick, I got sick too, or vice versa. Mom would take care of us at home,” he laughed, “I remember those were the only times we could lie in mom’s and dad’s bed and watch their TV while we ate this soup. But I would often fight with Qian about the remote control. She would want to see some documentary about nature, and I would like to watch a cartoon or something more fun.” Yixing smiled. It really had been a long time since then. “I guess this soup always makes me remember those days… When everything was much simpler. And mom’s hugs and food could heal everything.”

Honestly, he hadn’t expected a reaction from Junmyeon. This narration was mostly fun trivia that Junmyeon would probably forget later. But, then Junmyeon spoke.

“My mom isn’t the best cook. Whenever she did something it was pretty awful,” Junmyeon said. He laughed, genially. “We had our own chefs. So, it wasn’t really a problem. But I do remember growing up, we had this tradition of no matter where we were, we’ll drink the afternoon tea together. She likes to do this kind of English stuff… But it was delightful. We used to talk a lot. One time she bought this chocolate cake and I really, really, liked it. I don’t know, I guess it’d be nice to eat it again… Like a taste of childhood.”

“What was it called?”

“I don’t know. We used to travel a lot when I was a kid. So, mom would always buy pastries from different places. I don’t think she remembers it either.”

“Well, did it have a particular taste?”

Junmyeon thought about it for a while. His chicken soup was almost finished. “It was sticky, kinda like those brownies, but it’s not a brownie. I’ve tried those, and it’s definitely not the same. And it had whipped cream on top.”

“Where did you eat it?”

“I don’t remember. Somewhere in Europe, I guess.”

Yixing nodded. Junmyeon’s birthday party was in ten days. Kyungsoo could definitely help him find this mysterious cake. At least he would give Junmyeon a present he didn’t expect.

* * *

Four days later, Junmyeon’s symptoms were getting better. He had taken the necessary medicine. He had eaten well (everything Yixing had prepared!) and rested fine. He had a few headaches but no fever like the first day. Junmyeon had said his throat wasn’t sore anymore. His hoarse voice slowly faded only to be replaced with a nasal one. His nose was still congested, and he had used lots of tissues. But, his cold was gradually passing, which was the most important. And Yixing had been there, taking care of him each day, even if Junmyeon said he could manage on his own. Yixing couldn’t leave him, though, not when he was still sick.

Yixing was currently helping Junmyeon make the bed because Junmyeon did no longer want to spend the day in bed when an unexpected guest arrived. Junmyeon looked at the intercom on his wall that alarmed him when someone had pressed the code to the private elevator. It was his mother. “Oh no, mom is here.”

Yixing found his reaction funny. Junmyeon was freaking out. “Isn’t it good? She probably worries about you.”

“And that is precisely why is bad.” Junmyeon walked to stand in front of Yixing. “Look she’ll be here any minute, but you can’t let her see me! Not like this. We were supposed to eat lunch together yesterday, but I canceled at the last minute. I never do that. Now, she probably knows I missed work for days.”

“Junmyeon, I don’t think she’s going to catch your cold if she sees you. I mean, I haven’t.”

“No, it’s not that.” Junmyeon sighed. And then he carefully looked at Yixing. “Please, Yixing, just make her go.”

Yixing’s eyes widened. That was the first time Junmyeon had asked for his help and he had even said ‘please.’ It was serious. “Don’t worry, I’ll drive her away.” So, Yixing bolted out of the room, running through the hallways to stop the woman.

“Okay, what would a drive away a parent, Yixing?” he asked himself. And then he got it. It might be embarrassing, but surely the only way she would leave no questions asked. Rapidly, he got rid of his jeans and t-shirt, only to be left in boxer shorts and socks. Then, he grabbed his hair, doing his best to make sure it was tousled everywhere.

Yixing had just stepped down the stairs when he heard the elevator doors opening and click-clacks approaching. Okay, it was time for a show. Calmly, he walked until Junmyeon’s mother came into view.

“Yixing, dear, good morning!” she greeted him with a smile.

Panting, and with an awkward smile Yixing replied, “Hi Mrs. Kim.”

Then, she gasped and covered her mouth with her hand. It was like she had fallen into realization as to why Yixing was panting and standing in his underwear with messy hair. “Oh my,” she said, “Seems like I came at the wrong time.”

Yixing nodded shyly. “Yeah, we’re kinda… Busy right now, Mrs. Kim.”

She shook her head while cupping both her cheeks. “Oh no, and I who was thinking of walking into Myeonie’s room and demand why he had canceled our plans over a text message. He would have died of embarrassment.”

Yixing laughed. If that were what they were doing, then yeah, Junmyeon probably would.

“Well, I should no longer interrupt you, boys. Please, tell Junmyeon to call me when… Or better yet, don’t say anything. I’ll wait, I’m sure he’ll explain later.”

“Yes, Mrs. Kim.”

She waved goodbye while saying, “Goodbye Yixing, sorry for my rude interruption.”

Yixing smiled, “Bye Mrs. Kim. And don’t worry.”

Mrs. Kim smiled tenderly, before rapidly heading towards the elevator. Yixing exhaled, feeling proud he had managed to do the one thing Junmyeon had asked him to.

He strode back to Junmyeon’s bedroom. Yixing thought of just walking in like that, but then he figured Junmyeon would probably freak out. He put back on his clothes before stepping in.

“Thank heavens, you did it,” Junmyeon said, staring at the intercom monitor. He turned around to meet Yixing. “What did she say?”

“She said she’ll wait until-”

“Wait, why is your t-shirt inside out? And what happened to your hair?”

Yixing looked down and saw his t-shirt’s tag was visible. He had put it on backward. “Oh, I didn’t realize I put it on wrong.”

“What? Did you take it off? Did you get naked in front of my mother?”

“Well, I had to be convincing,” Yixing said before taking off his t-shirt to fix it. Junmyeon hastily looked away.

“Convincing? About what?”

“About why you were busy, or well, we were busy.”

When Yixing had his t-shirt on, Junmyeon rapidly stared at him again. “Oh no, what did you tell her?”

“I told her we were busy… Having sex.”

“You told my mother what?!” Junmyeon yelled, looking mortified. His Emotion Watch even turned yellow for a few seconds.

Yixing wanted to laugh seeing Junmyeon’s reaction, but that wouldn’t be wise. “Relax Junmyeon! I didn’t say it directly. It was more like an… Euphemism, yeah euphemism. Me in my underwear, saying we were ‘busy,’ you know? She got it and left.”

“You’re unbelievable!”

“But she’s not gonna bother you today. She said she’ll wait for you to call her.”

Junmyeon huffed. He went to sit down on the bed before grabbing a tissue and blowing his nose.

And Yixing had to ask, even if it wasn’t his place to do it. But he was just curious as to why Junmyeon wouldn’t want his mother to see him. He knew he would be glad if his mother would be there to take care of him while sick. “Junmyeon, why don’t you want your mom to see you like this?”

Would he say why? Probably not because Junmyeon just grabbed a bottle of water and served it in a glass. Yixing observed as Junmyeon drank it. He was just about to say he was sorry for asking, but Junmyeon beat him to talk.

“Mom, she… She freaks out and worries easily. She had two miscarriages before I was born. And I didn’t make things easier when…”

“When?”

“I just don’t like to make her worry about me. Not when I just have a cold. Dangerous things, she’ll know about it. But this, this isn’t deadly.”

Yixing could see Junmyeon really cared about his mother. He smiled at that. But he couldn’t help feeling sorry for the sweet woman who had lost two children.

“I guess I’m telling you this because I want you to help me, just like you did today.”

Yixing nodded. “Don’t worry, I’ll make sure to do my best to help you.”

“Just don’t tell her we’re having sex again, please,” Junmyeon said before covering his eyes with one hand and shaking his head. Yixing laughed, saying he’ll try to come up with better excuses.

* * *

Junmyeon had fully recovered from his cold just a week before his birthday party. They had returned to their own routines. Although Junmyeon had said, he would go back to the gym a couple of days later.

Today, it was the night time, and Yixing had just gotten out of the shower. He was thinking of going to the living to wait for Junmyeon’s return when he heard a knock on the door. Yixing dressed quickly and then walked over to open the door. Nobody was there, but when he looked down, there were dazzling flowers on the floor.

Smiling, Yixing picked up the pot of white flowers with pink spots on the petals and vibrant green leaves. Alstroemerias, or Peruvian lilies. They smelled like a fresh day of spring. He saw a card attached to the leaves and took it.

_Please kindly accept this token of gratitude for taking care of me while being sick. Thank you._

_P.S. Dinner was acceptable, but I like eating my bibimbap with less salt._

_\- Kim Junmyeon._

Yixing chuckled, warm-heartedly after reading the card. He hadn’t mind that Junmyeon hadn’t thanked him for those days, Yixing was doing it to repay him. But Junmyeon had particular ways of saying thank you. It was sweet and thoughtful. How did Junmyeon know that Yixing had always wanted to have an Alstroemeria plant? They weren’t so popular here and were native to South America, a place Yixing could only dream of going to. So, this was indeed a pleasant surprise. Yixing wished he could have thanked Junmyeon personally, but he knew Junmyeon would have been embarrassed. That was why he had left it at the door.

Also, Junmyeon had finally eaten the plates of food he let out for him. Maybe this meant they could eat dinner together from now on. He’ll make sure to use less salt the next time he cooked bibimbap.

Yixing walked over to the picture windows and placed the pot on the small table between the chairs. They were perfect and brightened up his room even more.

When you gave those flowers to a loved one or a friend, in the language of flowers, Alstroemerias said that you will always be there for them, and you trusted in their lasting bond of friendship or love. It was funny, Junmyeon probably had no idea what those flowers meant. Yixing still appreciated the gesture.


	7. Chapter 7

**For the Sake of Authenticity**

During his terrible cold, Junmyeon knew he had started seeing Yixing with other eyes. Their differences in status and character were still there, but they didn’t seem to matter anymore. Nobody had taken care of him like Yixing had done, besides his mother. Giving him warm meals, accompanying him, asking if he was feeling well, having somebody that genuinely cared about him, that felt… Heartwarming. Yixing had helped, not because he had to, but because he had wanted to. Honestly, if it had been the other way around, Junmyeon probably wouldn’t have cared about checking on him. Maybe he would have given him the number to a doctor, but that was it.

Junmyeon had felt grateful too. He just hadn’t said it out loud because… That was not him. Either way, he knew that he needed to repay Yixing. He didn’t like being in debt to anyone, even if they had done it out of generosity. And the best way to compensate Yixing’s thoughtfulness had been to gift him the Alstroemerias, flowers that Yixing’s workers had said he had always wanted to have. Not that Junmyeon cared, he just remembered it from when he had tried to persuade Yixing at first.

Also, even if he had been reluctant, after tasting the chicken noodle soup, Junmyeon had reconsidered it. He ate the dish that Yixing had left for him that same day he had the flowers with him. Yixing’s cooking couldn’t be compared to the five-star chefs that used to prepare his meals, they had a fairly better taste. Was it the taste of a home-made dish? Junmyeon was unsure of it, but the food was great, only a little too salty.

The next day, Junmyeon had been surprised to find Yixing smiling, waiting for him with food at the table. Again, it felt… Comforting. For the past couple of days, they had eaten breakfast and dinner together. Oddly, hearing Yixing laugh and talking to him during the meals, made Junmyeon yet again aware of his previous loneliness. Back in those days, he had always eaten in quietness in this same dining room, or in his office. Junmyeon always suspected that was why Tao and Yifan frequently invited him over to their house, to make sure he wasn’t alone. Not that Junmyeon cared about being alone.

Right now, he and Yixing were eating dinner together. Tomorrow was Junmyeon’s birthday party. It wasn’t going to be a big celebration, only a brunch with his friends and family. They talked about that for a while, until the conversation shifted to a particular topic.

In the morning, Minseok had swung by Junmyeon’s office. They had discussed Junmyeon’s campaign. In the month that had passed since the engagement announcement, everything seemed to be progressing in a favorable direction. For the most part, the general public had been thrilled with Yixing and Junmyeon. They had found their match unusual yet endearing and exciting at the same time. People talked fascinatedly about the golden boy and the commoner. How did such an unlikely match work? Minseok had said some TV-networks had sent requests to make a reality show featuring them. It would have been a fantastic opportunity to gain even more exposure. After all, the campaign before the election was basically a popularity contest. All the chosen ones by the System had the intelligence and abilities to lead the country, there was no doubt about that. But before giving away their votes, the people thoroughly wanted to get to know who would lead them for the upcoming ten years. Too bad Minseok had to reject that idea (Junmyeon didn’t want to do it). Still, their June schedule was going to be packed with activities.

On the other hand, there were those who publicly or on the internet raised their doubts about the whole thing, not the System’s choice, but Junmyeon’s and Yixing’s true feelings. Being so different and mismatched, were they truly as happy and in love as they claimed? Most of the perfect matches were that, perfect, and complementary. Junmyeon and Yixing couldn’t possibly be that. And those disbelievers argued that in the few occasions Junmyeon and Yixing had been seen in public this past month (which strangely wasn’t a lot), they were never as affectionate as the other candidates with their partners. Their main proof being that Yixing and Junmyeon had never once kissed in public. Sure, they held hands, and they could be reserved, there was nothing wrong with that. Even so, gossip magazines should have found a way to one day get at least one picture. If celebrities went through that, so could they. That hadn’t happened, of course. Junmyeon had said they should just ignore it, they were entitled to have privacy. Minseok had thought so too at first.

Yet Minseok’s team had recently found out the new questions the skeptics were going to use in their argument. Why hadn’t Yixing and Junmyeon gone to the Marriage Bureau after turning eighteen or graduating college like most couples did? Why did they wait until becoming twenty-six, when most couples were already planning to start a family? And why had they gotten engaged after one month of knowing each other? Was it a marriage of convenience? Were they trying to take the voters for fools?

Therefore the best way to diminish the initial doubts, and keep their mouths shut about the veracity of Yixing’s and Junmyeon’s relationship was just to give them that, a show of them kissing, them being more affectionate, declaring their love for one another and all that jazz. It was beneficial to make their relationship as real as possible now. So later, if it was needed, they could hopefully come up with an ingenious explanation of why they had met this year and not before, and that excuse would be more convincing.

After hearing all that, Yixing dropped his chopsticks, frowning and opening his mouth while staring at Junmyeon. As expected, Yixing was just as unenthusiastic about the idea as Junmyeon had thought.

“What? No. We’re not doing that,” Yixing said.

For some reason, Junmyeon didn’t feel insulted by hearing Yixing’s defensive tone. He didn’t want to either. Honestly. No matter that Junmyeon had dreamed about kissing Yixing before… He just had to do it because it was required, for the sake of their ‘relationship,’ not because he secretly wished for it. Who would want to kiss Yixing? Certainly, not Junmyeon. Those dreams had meant nothing. Kissing Yixing would mean nothing. “Yixing, I just explained to you why it’s important. And it’s just kissing. It doesn’t mean anything,” he argued.

Yixing’s frown didn’t disappear. He crossed his arms and stared annoyedly in Junmyeon’s direction. “I don’t care about the reasons. A kiss means a lot.”

Junmyeon sighed, rolling his eyes. “Like what?”

“Well, for starters a kiss should be between true lovers. It should hold feelings and passion. And a first kiss, that-that should be memorable.” Suddenly, Yixing’s eyes lit up, and he stopped frowning. Instead, he dreamily said, “After a romantic date, we stand by the door. Our heartbeats are in sync, beating frantically. Our stomachs are full of butterflies. Our eyes meet in the quiet night. Hypnotized, we begin to lean in closer. So close that we breathe each other’s air. Slowly our eyes close…And then… Our lips touch. We kiss. And it’s magical.” Yixing closed his eyes and let out a sigh, smiling.

Did he just fantasied about kissing me? Junmyeon asked himself, raising an eyebrow while he stared at Yixing. He shook his head, deciding to ignore that threatening feeling of elation and smile that wanted to appear. Instead, he thought about how strange Yixing was. Everything he had just described sounded like something from the movies. Did people really feel that about kissing? It seemed silly. A kiss was just a kiss. In the past, Junmyeon had never kissed someone like that, he had only leaned in, and that was it. He had never felt any emotional connection to it, other than it was foreplay to a basic need. Then again, this was Yixing, Junmyeon had learned he was a ridiculous romantic. “It’s just lips touching, Yixing. I’m not asking you to sleep with me.” Now that last part was too much.

Yixing opened his eyes and scowled again. “You don’t get it, Junmyeon.”

He really didn’t. Yixing’s hesitation felt like matters from middle-school. “No. But you do know that when we get married, we’ll have to kiss in front of the guests.”

Yixing blinked in amazement as if he hadn’t realized that would happen. He averted his gaze from Junmyeon. “I guess that’s true.” Then he realized something else and added, “But that will only happen if Qian comes back!”

Junmyeon smirked. “Exactly.” He nodded. “And I am doing my best to find her. It just takes time. But Yixing, remember, you did accept to forge our ‘perfect, loving relationship.’ This is part of it, I’m afraid.”

Yixing gulped, his eyes widened. He opened his mouth, trying to say something, but no words were articulated. He had to know Junmyeon was right. And it was true, this was part of their deal, and Yixing had said he’ll follow it. In the end, Yixing subtly nodded, and quietly muttered in defeat, “Fine. But only when we have to.”

Junmyeon couldn’t have it any other way, it wasn’t as if he was eager to do it either. Really, he wasn’t! “Of course, like tomorrow during my birthday brunch.”

Yixing nodded. And now that the conversation was settled, they grabbed their eating utensil and retook their meal in silence. Each of them was trapped in their thoughts. After they finished eating, Yixing took care of putting away the dirty dishes in the dishwasher. Junmyeon would have said goodbye there and gone to his room, but he had realized something else. Tomorrow, they couldn’t kiss for the first time. Most likely it was going to be awkward, and people would wonder why they looked so uncomfortable with each other. If they were a couple, shouldn’t they have kissed countless times before? They should at least get familiarized. Junmyeon sighed and facepalmed himself. “Yixing.”

“Yeah?” Yixing said. He turned around while he dried off his hands with a cloth.

“We have to do it now.”

“What?!” Yixing dropped the cloth. “You said tomorrow.”

“Yes. But think about it. How awkward wouldn’t that be? Don’t you think people are gonna realize that’s the first time we kiss? We should… Practice.”

Yixing stared at Junmyeon with perplexity, not uttering a word. Until his expression gradually changed, probably realizing the truth in Junmyeon’s word. Quietly, Yixing mumbled, ‘You can do this, Yixing,’ for himself. Obviously, he failed because Junmyeon could hear it. And Junmyeon fought to not let a laugh leave his lips. Why did Yixing look ado-, wait, what was he thinking?

“Okay. Just give me time to prepare myself,” Yixing nervously said, closing his eyes while blushing?

So, kisses were Yixing’s weak point? Junmyeon chuckled to himself, enjoying seeing Yixing wavering for the first time. At last, something Junmyeon could tease him about. He had wanted to give Yixing time, but wasn’t it better to just get it over with? The sooner, the better for them. Carefully, he strode to stand in front of Yixing. Before Yixing realized his proximity, Junmyeon quickly leaned in.

Oh, my god, Junmyeon thought. Kissing Yixing was nothing like in his dreams. That was the most… Awkward kiss ever. It tasted like the black bean noodles they had just eaten. Junmyeon tried to put more emotion into it, but Yixing kept his lips sealed, unresponsive, and not moving them one bit. It was creepy. And if someone had seen them like that tomorrow, then they would definitely suspect something was wrong with them. He withdrew from Yixing, who stared at him in shock, wide-eyed and with even redder cheeks.

When Yixing could talk again, he frowned and said, “What the hell was that?”

Junmyeon chortled. “My thoughts exactly. Have you ever kissed someone?”

“What? I told you to wait, you caught me off guard! How was I going to react?”

“Aren’t you a fan of unexpected things?”

“Not like this!”

Junmyeon held in his laugh. “Look, I apologize if I took away your first kiss or something, but we need to make it seem more real. Right now, I was basically kissing a statue.”

Yixing huffed, “You did not take my first kiss.”

“Really? Because that seemed-”

Damn, Junmyeon cursed inwards. Yixing had jumped forward, grabbed his cheeks, and locked their lips. Instead of repeating the previous disaster, Junmyeon closed his eyes and began kissing him back. He raised his arms to hold Yixing’s waist, bringing him closer. Did he just feel a thud in his chest? It was intense, the way Yixing was kissing him, ravishing his mouth, pushing him against an unknown edge. And, unexpectedly, he liked having Yixing in control. Before Junmyeon knew it, though, it ended. They let go of each other. They panted against one another. Their eyes didn’t look away from each other. The thud in Junmyeon’s chest got louder and louder. Junmyeon’s cheeks felt slightly warm. For some reason, he wanted to lean in again, to bite Yixing’s plump lower lip, to show him he could kiss him just as well, maybe even better.

“I-I do know how to kiss,” Yixing said, breaking the silence.

Junmyeon nodded. Well, it seemed no one would question their relationship if they saw that. Junmyeon didn’t move, he only stared as Yixing wished him goodnight, and walked away. The unfamiliar thump in his heart was still there.


	8. Chapter 8

**The Birthday Brunch**

_Happy birthday,_ _Myeonie!_

Junmyeon’s eyes flew open while he let out a shrill cry. He held his chest and felt how his heart hammered against his palm. This heartbeat, he knew very well, it was fear. He was drenched in sweat. His clothes stuck to his body. He panted and blinked repetitively, trying to rub off the tears that threatened to fall. Ever since that day, each year had always been the same. No matter that Junmyeon had accomplished to conceal how the memories disturbed him, there were predominantly some days in the year in which he woke up like this. He had those vivid dreams, dreams composed of fragments from those old memories. And each time, the dreams brought down the fort he had built. In the aftermath, he lay in bed, in the pool of old memories, and his Emotion Watch cast a yellow light for the longest time he’ll ever allow it.

“I’m sorry,” Junmyeon pleaded, like he always did, dumbly thinking that his words would reach. “I’m so sorry, Jaemin.” It never worked.

But like each time it happened, Junmyeon eventually got off the bed. He walked to the bathroom, took off his uncomfortable clothes, and got in the shower. The feeling of the ice-cold water running down his skin always worked to rebuild the fort, to make sure he went back to being Kim Junmyeon, the perfect son, the intellectual and successful worker, the respectable candidate for the leadership of the nation. When he put on his Emotion Watch again, it glowed white. And life went back to normal, at least until the next time.

Junmyeon walked down to the kitchen. There wasn’t any use in eating since the brunch began in two hours, but he still felt like drinking whatever beverage Yixing had bought. That was the only thing Junmyeon had let Yixing buy, the groceries. Mostly because Yixing had complained and said he could do it himself and he knew best what to buy for cooking. Sometimes Yixing had come home, saying he had bought three things for the price of one. The items had been on sale, and Junmyeon couldn’t understand why saving a few bills mattered.

Junmyeon opened the fridge and decided to serve himself a glass of apple juice. As Junmyeon was gulping down the final parts of the liquid, Yixing walked in. “Morning,” Yixing said. He was already clad in the outfit the stylist had chosen. Yixing looked… Acceptable, although recently Junmyeon had begun thinking Yixing looked acceptable in everything, high fashioned clothes, tailored suits, or the sloppy ones he used for work. How strange.

“Good morning.”

Yixing looked around and blushed, probably remembering what had happened last night. He shook his head, and somehow Junmyeon found himself almost smiling at Yixing’s nervousness. Until Yixing cleared his throat. “Happy birthday, Junmyeon!” he said, smiling and showing those deep indentations in his cheeks, making him look somewhat charming.

“Thank you, Yixing.” There was another weird thump in his chest.

Yixing continued smiling.

Two hours later, Junmyeon and Yixing stood side by side, holding hands and watching the guests arrive. Unlike the last time they had hosted a party, this one had fewer people, mostly composed of Junmyeon’s family and friends. The brunch took place in an outside venue of a country club. It was a warm and sunny day at the beginning of summer, green fields and trees surrounded them. This was the perfect occasion for an outside brunch.

Junmyeon and Yixing were in the middle of a conversation with Tao and Yifan, when someone shouted, “Big Suho! Uncle Xing!” He turned around and saw Sohee, holding a small, perfectly wrapped package in her hands. Kyungsoo holding a baby stroller stood there too. Junmyeon let go of Yixing’s hand and squatted down. “Sohee!” he said.

She jumped forward and hugged Junmyeon, almost making him lose his balance. “Happy birthday Big Suho!” she said.

In any other instance, Junmyeon wouldn’t have allowed this. But now, he raised his arms to hug the child back. “Thank you, Sohee.”

When Sohee let go of him, she went to greet Yixing. Kyungsoo went ahead to congratulate Junmyeon too, apologizing that due to a sudden matter at work Chanyeol would arrive later. After a few minutes of introductions and small talk, Sohee held out her gift for Junmyeon. “Here! This is my and Suho’s present. We picked it ourselves. Open it, Big Suho!”

“We left our present to that woman in charge standing in the entry, but Sohee wanted to give you hers in person,” Kyungsoo explained.

Junmyeon nodded. Usually, he didn’t bother opening any presents, besides his parents and grandparents’ gifts. His assistants would always take care of the rest and make a list of everything he had gotten. But this time, he grabbed the gift and thanked Sohee. Once he tossed away the wrapping paper, he was holding a black box. Junmyeon raised the lid and saw a purple tie, definitely not a high fashion brand like the ones he used. To top it all, the tie had patterns of bunny faces and carrots all over it. In the past, Junmyeon would probably have thrown that gift in the trash, saying that he was Kim Junmyeon and could never wear something so hideous, not caring to have hurt the feelings of an eight-year-old girl. This time, however, he just chuckled tenderly at it, finding it one of the most unusual yet endearing gifts someone had given him.

“Do you like it, Big Suho?” Sohee asked expectantly.

Junmyeon smiled. “I love it Sohee. Thank you,” he said, pinching her cheek.

“And do you like my new haircut too?”

When he had seen her, Junmyeon had instantly realized Sohee’s long hair had been cut off, and now it reached just below her chin. “I do, and you look so cute.”

“What about my dress?” Sohee said, spinning around in her turquoise dress, holding the gown.

Junmyeon chuckled. “It’s beautiful.” This what the longest he had given compliments to anyone.

Sohee grinned. Then she walked to the stroller and brought out something. It was the bunny stuffed toy. She raised it to show Junmyeon. “Look! Even Suho has dressed up for your birthday party, Big Suho.” Junmyeon grabbed the bunny. He carefully observed the black tuxedo jacket, the bow tie around its neck and the miniature top hat. Junmyeon held in his laugh and instead looked amused at the stuffed toy. He didn’t want Sohee to misunderstand his laugh, it wasn’t malice, he just thought it was strange and hilarious. He wondered, who had the time to do such a thing? The tuxedo fitted the bunny perfectly, and it was so detailed and well done.

“Chanyeol likes sewing,” Kyungsoo said, giving an answer to Junmyeon’s unspoken question.

Junmyeon nodded, “Suho looks great too, Sohee.”

That answer made Sohee pleased. She went on to ask Yixing almost the same questions. Meanwhile, Junmyeon told Kyungsoo to feel free to eat anything they wanted from the table of foods and to sit in anywhere, there wasn’t a fixed sitting this time. Kyungsoo nodded, thanking Junmyeon again, and proceeding to grab Sohee’s hand and with the other moving the stroller toward a table.

When Junmyeon looked at Yifan and Tao, they stared at him questioningly and wide-eyed. Junmyeon rolled his eyes and said, “Don’t say anything.”

Yifan and Tao laughed. They excused themselves and said they’ll go eat now.

“Do you think we can eat too? Everyone has arrived, right?” Yixing asked just when his stomach growled.

Junmyeon chuckled, enjoying the way Yixing’s cheeks turned a little red. “Sure, I think so. Let’s go,” he said. He called one of his assistants and told her to put the gift away in a safe place, it was a valuable present. Junmyeon held out his hand for Yixing, who took it. But of course, someone had to interrupt them. Junmyeon was not surprised to see Taehyuk standing there, but he was when he saw Jongin. Who the hell invited that guy?

“Happy birthday, Junmyeon,” Taehyuk said, stretching out his hand to shake it with Junmyeon.

“Taehyuk, welcome, and thank you,” Junmyeon said with that formal tone, he always used when dealing with the other elected. He stared at Jongin, frowning. “What are you doing here?”

“Junmyeon, heartwarming as always,” Jongin said before laughing, “Anyway, happy birthday,” he added, ignoring Junmyeon’s previous question. When Jongin stared at Yixing, he smirked, that awful side-smile. “Xing, you look good. Well, you always do.”

‘Xing?’ Since when did that brat and Yixing get so familiarized with each other? He knew they lived in the same building, but that didn’t mean they had to have nicknames for each other. And most importantly, why was Jongin complimenting his fiancé in front of him? The audacity! It bothered him, so much his Emotion Watch shone yellow for a moment. Well, Kim Jongin always bothered him. Junmyeon thought of calling Jongin out but got a better idea instead. He grabbed Yixing’s cheeks. Yixing stared him back with a questing look, but Junmyeon just blinked twice in a row. Earlier in the morning, after Yixing had wished him a happy birthday, they discussed the kissing topic again. And Junmyeon had said that he’ll blink twice whenever he was going to kiss Yixing, so Yixing could at least see it coming.

“Of course, he does, Jongin. My Yixing is the most handsome person after all,” Junmyeon said. He leaned in to kiss Yixing. This time was much better than Junmyeon’s attempt last night. Yixing managed to kiss him back too. And when it ended, and Junmyeon backed away, Yixing was flustered. Junmyeon had started to like seeing him like that, for reasons he couldn’t quite understand. He turned to see Jongin, who was no longer smiling. Junmyeon smirked, gloating over having erased that annoying smirk from Jongin’s lips.

To break the silence, Taehyuk talked. “Junmyeon, I hope it’s okay Jongin tagged along. Joohyun wasn’t feeling all right, pregnancy and morning sickness, you know. But she sends you her kindest regards and wishes you a happy birthday.”

It wasn’t okay, and Junmyeon didn’t understand why Taehyuk had to bring Jongin. What were they even doing together? Had they always been friends or what? He didn’t want Jongin there. However, it wouldn’t look right to throw out someone from his birthday brunch, so Junmyeon nodded. “Oh, I understand. Please, give Joohyun my thanks, and I hope she feels better soon. We do have more than enough food for everyone, so feel free to grab whatever you want.”

Taehyuk smiled, while Jongin remained quiet and only stared at Junmyeon with mistrust. Yixing proceeded to greet them, and when those two finally left him and Yixing alone, Junmyeon breathed out. He wanted to ask Yixing since when he and Jongin had gotten so close, but there were a few problems. First, it would be as if he was jealous, which he wasn’t! He was only being careful. It wouldn’t be good if someone started malicious gossips about them. Secondly, Junmyeon didn’t have a say in Yixing’s relationships. They weren’t a couple or anything like that, so he should just keep quiet. Yixing could do whatever he wanted, Junmyeon had said that. He put on a smile and said, “Now let’s go eat something. I’m starving too.”

Yixing nodded, no longer looking flustered but relieved to hear Junmyeon’s words.

They took some time choosing food from the tables. After all, there was so much food and options to get. But once Junmyeon and Yixing were pleased with their brunch, they walked over to sit with Kyungsoo and his family. Yifan and Tao had also sat at that table. Everyone seemed to get along, and different conversations took place. Junmyeon sat in between Yixing and Sohee, so he got to hear Sohee talk in awe about the venue, the food, the decorations, and the flowers which apparently Yixing had arranged? Sometimes his assistants missed giving him the relevant information. The centerpieces looked pretty, he’ll have to thank Yixing for that later.

Even Junmyeon’s parents joined their table after a while. Junmyeon’s mom had been thrilled with baby Dongwon (who had woken up by then) and held him in her arms. Seeing that image was threatening old memories to reappear. That had rarely happened before. Junmyeon could always put it aside and focus on the present. What had changed now? So, to calm down, Junmyeon excused himself to use the restroom.

He washed his face a couple of times. He looked himself in the mirror. He told himself to focus. This wasn’t the time nor place to deal with that.

Finally, after some minutes Junmyeon was ready to go back. But then the door flew open, almost scaring and making him jump. Yixing stomped inside, and he had yogurt, berries, and granola running down all over his hair.

“Yixing, what happened to you?”

Yixing looked slightly angry, but he managed to smile anyway. “Oh, you know me, always getting myself into these kinds of accidents.” He laughed but it sounded so false, Junmyeon wondered why he didn’t just tell him the truth. Whoever had made fun of Yixing was not going to getaway. No, he wasn’t defending Yixing, but insulting Yixing was basically insulting him. “I just have to wash my hair and maybe get a new shirt. Do you happen to have any extra?” Yixing said.

Junmyeon nodded. He took out his phone and made a call. “Taeyong, come to the bathroom and help my fiancé. Yes, take him to the showers and get him a change of clothes.”

Yixing half-smiled at him. “Thank you, and I’m sorry. I always seem to be embarrassing you.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Junmyeon said. Just as he left the bathroom, he encountered Taeyong arriving there. When Junmyeon returned to their table, only Sohee was sitting there, sulking and whispering a bunch of things to the bunny. She didn’t even realize Junmyeon stood there.

“Where is everyone, Sohee?”

Sohee jumped in her seat, but then she looked at him. “Papa Soo and Dongwon went to encounter Daddy Chan. Someone came to talk to the other two misters, they went with that person. Your mommy and daddy are sitting over there. And Uncle Xing got yogurt on his head.”

“Oh, thank you, Sohee.” He sat down again and took a sip of his lemonade.

“Psst, Big Suho,” Sohee said quietly, which was strange because it was only the two of them. Junmyeon raised an eyebrow but followed her game too.

“What Sohee?” he whispered.

“It wasn’t an accident,” Sohee said, frowning.

“What?”

“That Uncle Xing got yogurt on his head.”

“Tell me more.”

“Uncle Xing went to grab more food. I followed him, so he could get me a cupcake. And when I got there, Uncle Xing was cleaning and picking up bread that had fallen on the floor. That woman stood with him. She looked around and thought no one was seeing her, but I was! Then she flipped her plate from the table, and it fell on top of Uncle Xing’s head!” Sohee sighed in exasperation. “Everyone was staring at Uncle Xing, and I asked her why she had done that, but she said sorry and that it was an accident. I was gonna tell her to tell the truth, but Uncle Xing nodded and told me to go sit back. But it was on purpose, Big Suho! I swear.”

Now Junmyeon sighed. He could already think of who had done this to Yixing. “Can you point out who it was, Sohee?”

Sohee nodded. She raised her little index finger and pointed at the culprit. “It was her!” she whispered loudly.

And sure enough, it was Haewon. Junmyeon rolled his eyes. He had never liked Haewon, but her brother Minho was his good old friend from college. And thanks to that she always made sure and found ways to be present at Junmyeon’s life events. She had insinuated herself to Junmyeon a few times in the past, but he couldn’t care less about it. No matter how many times he had explained he was gay, Haewon had chosen to ignore it and thought the System would pick them as a match either way. Clearly, she was hurt by the result, and now she was tormenting Yixing. But, again, calling someone off here wouldn’t be wise, mainly because she would ugly cry at Junmyeon’s accusations (he knew her tricks very well).

“She has to tell the truth! Papa Soo and Daddy Chan always say we must tell the truth.”

Junmyeon nodded. “You’re right, Sohee, but I’m afraid Haewon is a different case. But I do know how we could get at her.” If Haewon had thrown food at Yixing, it was only fair she got the same treatment.

Sohee looked confused, but when Junmyeon leaned in to whisper his idea, she grinned. “Yes, let’s do that Big Suho!” Junmyeon smiled and nodded in compliance with Sohee.

Once everything was settled, Junmyeon walked over to Haewon’s and Minho’s table, sitting where he had a clear view of the tables of food. Junmyeon talked with them for a while. He took notice of Haewon’s usual overly and clingy attention toward him. She seemed to ignore the fact Junmyeon had an engagement ring on his finger. Until Junmyeon finally began part of his plan.

“Haewon, could you please bring me a piece of the chocolate cake?”

She instantly nodded and smiled. “But of course, Junie!” Ugh, how Junmyeon hated when she called him that. When Haewon walked away, Junmyeon subtly raised a thumbs-up in Sohee’s direction, who nodded in return.

Amused, Junmyeon watched the whole thing take place. Just when Haewon raised the spatula to pick up a piece of the cake, Sohee subtly pushed her. Haewon’s face went straight to the chocolate cake, and Junmyeon did his utter best to not burst out laughing in Minho’s face. When Haewon stood up, her whole face was covered in chocolate icing. She removed the chocolate from her eyes. Then she looked down and saw Sohee. Junmyeon didn’t count she was going to lash out at the poor child and start a commotion. Minho turned around, and Junmyeon stood up to go defend the little Sohee. But just as he reached there, Chanyeol and Kyungsoo beat him to it. Chanyeol held Sohee by her shoulders and brought her closer to him.

“Who are you? And why are you screaming at my daughter?”

“Can’t you see it?! Your stupid kid pushed me against the cake!”

“I-I didn’t me-mean to Daddy Chan,” Sohee said, crying and trying to brush away the tears with her arm, “It was an acc-accident. I didn’t mean to. I’m sorry, Miss.”

“Liar! You little rat pushed me. I felt your disgusting tiny hands on my back.”

“Hey, hey Haewon, stop it,” Junmyeon intervened. Chanyeol’s Emotion Watch turned yellow, and he didn’t want to create trouble for Yixing’s friend. “It was an accident, Sohee didn’t mean to, and she apologized to you.”

Instantly, Haewon dropped her anger. She tried to look pitiful for Junmyeon. “Junie, it’s true. This rude kid pushed me.”

But before Junmyeon could answer, Minho spoke, “Haewon, I can’t believe you yelled at this little girl over nothing. Didn’t you also said you dropped your plate on Yixing by mistake?” He shook his head, “I’m so sorry, Junmyeon, and you too,” Minho said to Chanyeol and Kyungsoo. He also told Haewon to apologize to Sohee and her parents. Reluctantly, Haewon did. And once everything was cleared out, Haewon left the venue, still angry at the outcome, Junmyeon noticed. He did his best to not smile at that.

After Chanyeol had congratulated and greeted Junmyeon, he and Kyungsoo stayed behind to grab some food for him to eat. Meanwhile, Junmyeon took a cupcake with him and went with Sohee to sit down again. Subtly they high-fived and laughed at their victory.

Yixing returned shortly after, clad in a fresh set of clothes and with cleaned hair. “What happened? I met your friend on the way. She was covered in chocolate. And she cursed at Sohee for pushing her on the cake?”

“She’s not my friend. And that was an accident, right Sohee?” Junmyeon winked at Sohee.

Sohee nodded, beaming with her nose covered in cupcake frosting. “Yes, Uncle Xing! It was an accident.”

Yixing stared inquisitively at them. But then he shook his head and let out a laugh.

After hours, the birthday brunch finally ended. As the closing act, Junmyeon gave his usual thank you speech to his family and friends. Although the main difference was that in the end, he said his fiancé was the most significant gift he’d ever gotten, cheesy but hopefully convincing. Junmyeon also held Yixing by his waist, blinked twice, and then leaned in to give him a long kiss. Even if he didn’t want to admit it, he was starting to enjoy kissing Yixing’s lips. They had a unique taste, they felt the softest he had ever kissed. Junmyeon heard a couple of cheers and whistles, others laughed and cooed. Photographs were definitely taken.

Overall, it was a good party. And one of the most entertaining birthdays Junmyeon had had in a long time. But the day didn’t end there because in the night there was also a birthday dinner exclusively for the members of his family. The whole meal Yixing had been nervous, but Junmyeon, oddly, grabbed his hand and tried to reassure him. Why? Junmyeon couldn’t understand it, but he still kept doing it.

Much later, he and Yixing arrived home tired from this long day. Junmyeon just wanted a relaxing bath and then go to sleep. Yixing interfered with his idea, though.

“Junmyeon, wait.”

“Yes?”

“Could you sit at the dining table? I have something for you.”

Now that was unexpected. Junmyeon had everything, he didn’t need anything. Either way, he got a little curious. What could Yixing possibly have gotten for him? So, he nodded and went to sit down, while Yixing bolted to the kitchen. Yixing returned with a large box in hand and placed it in front of Junmyeon. He went back to the kitchen and returned with a cake spatula, plates, spoons, and a can of whipped cream.

“I had to ask Chanyeol to drop this here earlier, I didn’t want you to suspect anything,” Yixing said. “Hopefully, that’s okay?” he wondered nervously.

“There’s no problem. I said you could always bring your friends.”

Yixing smiled in relief. “Okay, well, happy birthday, Junmyeon,” he said again that day.

Junmyeon opened the lid of the box and gasped. He blinked in astonishment. In front of him was a chocolate cake, sprinkled with powdered sugar. The smell brought along those precious childhood memories, the few memories that most often didn’t make him despise himself more.

“It’s ‘Kladdkaka!’ Or technically, chocolate mud cake. It’s Swedish. And Kyungsoo said this was the closest thing to what you described to me the other day.”

Junmyeon gulped, forcing himself to shut down his emotions, deciding to focus on the fact Yixing had remembered. That meaningless talk they had shared, Yixing had remembered. And he had done this for him. Why?

Why did his heart skip another beat again?

“I trust Kyungsoo’s judgment, he’s the patisserie. But only you know if this is the correct one.” Yixing went ahead to cut two pieces and put them on each plate. He sprayed whipped cream on top and so, gave Junmyeon his portion.

Junmyeon looked at the cake. He grabbed a spoon and took a bite. One bite and he knew. Sweet, soft, and gooey, just like he remembered it to be. Just like he was starting to recall lots of things. “Yeah, it is. This-this incredible. Thank you, Yixing… You didn’t have to, it was very… Thoughtful of you.” A fond yet nostalgic smiled formed on his lips.

Meanwhile, Yixing smiled widely in return. “It’s really nothing. And with all the amazing gift you probably got, I’m glad you liked my humble gift.” Yixing scratched his head. He was going to take a seat in front of him, but remembered something, “Oh, should I make us some tea?”

“That’d be nice.” Junmyeon nodded, and Yixing once again returned to the kitchen.


	9. Chapter 9

**In the Spotlight**

“Woo-hoo! That’s my fiancé,” Yixing cheered and clapped along with the audience. Junmyeon had just scored another goal. Yixing hadn’t cared much about learning the rules of polo, but he did know the essential was to hit the ball between the opposing team’s goalposts, just like any other ball sport. And right now, that was the fourth time Junmyeon had scored already, he was a skillful player just like the people in the audience had said. Then again, Yixing wasn’t surprised. Over time, he had learned Junmyeon was quite competitive and would do his best to excel at everything. Sometimes he wondered why Junmyeon tried so much to be perfect.

Today, Yixing and Junmyeon had to attend a charity polo match Junmyeon had to play at. Unfortunately, that meant Junmyeon was mostly on the field, and he had to stay back in their private tent. If only Junmyeon’s parents or Tao had been there, then he wouldn’t have minded being there. That wasn’t the case, and he got stuck with Junmyeon’s grandparents. Yixing always felt intimidated by them, they still didn’t seem thrilled by his presence. After a while, he had excused himself and left the tent, although they didn’t seem to care. Instead, Yixing had walked over and sat in one of the empty seats in the audience. He felt more in place over there, even though everyone was surprised to see him, Junmyeon’s fiancé, sitting there.

Yixing had never exactly been a fan of sports. So, he had thought of watching the game would be tedious. However, he had to admit he wouldn’t mind staring at Junmyeon playing for hours. Well, could someone blame him? Heck, the man looked incredibly good in those riding boots, white pants, blue t-shirt, and equestrian helmet. And that was funny because in any other instance Yixing would have thought they all had looked goofy and ridiculous. His eyes had all the time followed Junmyeon during the game.

Suddenly, someone occupied the empty seat next to him. Yixing stared to his side and was surprised to see Jongin sitting there. Jongin greeted him with that usual side smile of his. And Yixing showed him his dimpled smile, saying hi. They talked while the polo match continued. Apparently, Junmyeon had been right, and Jongin was terrible at keeping track of time. He had come twenty minutes late. But Jongin never minded the stares he got or the fact someone always commented on his lack of manners. The only one he did try to apologize to was his mother, and that was why Jongin regularly bought flowers for her. Flowers that Yixing had arranged for a while now. It was during those times they had gotten to know each other, but they had also shared a few meals together. And the feud Jongin and Junmyeon had, he could never quite understand it, but both seemed to have trouble letting an old high school rivalry go. Even so, Jongin was a nice person, a new friend Yixing could enjoy having a real conversation with.

“So, how are things between you and Mr. Perfect?” Jongin asked, just as Junmyeon scored yet another goal.

Yixing chuckled. “We’re doing all right. Counting the days until the wedding, I guess.” Junmyeon should be proud of the way Yixing had flaunted their engagement these days, doing his part of their deal. Hopefully, Junmyeon was doing the same.

“Really?”

“Yeah.”

Jongin caressed his chin, thinking about something. “I see… But I have to say, I still think it’s weird you would be matched with someone like Junmyeon, Xing. You two are nothing alike. It almost seems like a mistake.”

“Are you saying the System was wrong?” Yixing raised a questioning eyebrow. Considering Jongin worked at the Security Department, a government institution, and people usually never questioned the System’s outcomes, this was quite bold coming from him.

“Well, between you and me, matchmaking tons of people should fail at some point. Nothing can be truly flawless.” 

That was what Yixing had always thought. He never believed he would fall helplessly in love with someone a machine had chosen for him. Only he knew what was right for him. However, the System did have right on his aptitude test… What if they had been right this time? Anyway, even if this was Jongin, Yixing should keep his mouth shut about his disbelief in the System. He laughed. “Then, who do you think I should have been set up with?”

“I don’t know. But if you were bound to be with someone from my and Junmyeon’s world, I have to say, you and I would have been a much better match. Don’t you think so?”

Yixing didn’t take Jongin’s words seriously. In all the other times they had talked, Jongin had never made a move on him. He was always respectful, and this must be a joke, one of those jokes he said to annoy Junmyeon. And when Jongin laughed and said he was kidding, Yixing laughed too.

“You shouldn’t joke like that. What would your partner think?”

“I don’t know. I’ve never met them,” Jongin said, shrugging.

Yixing went wide-eyed. That was unusual. They were the same age. Jongin should be like Kyungsoo and Chanyeol, and everyone else who had gone to the Marriage Bureau to find their matches, except someone like Junmyeon maybe. Junmyeon didn’t seem like the family type. But Jongin did, and at this point in his life, he should be married or about to get married or start having a family. Now that Yixing thought about it, he had never heard of Jongin having a partner. Maybe Jongin thought like him too, and he didn’t want to force himself to fall in love with whoever the System had picked. If that was the case, this was the first time he had met someone who thought alike. How uncommon. “Why?” he had to ask.

“When I went to the Marriage Bureau, they said my perfect match had already died. They couldn’t find anyone else.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. That’s unfortunate,” Yixing said.

The perfect matches were elected accordingly to the highest percentage. One hundred percent was unquestionably an ideal match, almost all couples were in this range. Somewhere between ninety-nine and ninety was rare, but still somewhat considered an adequate pairing by the System. Anything below that wasn’t allowed. If one’s elected partner had died or had fallen for someone else, then the second-highest match, their adequate match, was probably already with their own perfect match. So, the System could not find anyone for those people. Basically, not having his perfect match meant Jongin might be alone for the rest of his life. Unless he chose someone himself, of course, but that option would most likely not be approved by the System.

“Perhaps. But it does gives me the freedom to choose someone myself,” Jongin said, smiling.

“Aren’t you afraid of the backlash?”

Jongin’s smile didn’t falter. “If I do it for someone I love, then any sacrifice is more than worth it, right?”

Yixing nodded, smiling back. A grand gesture of true love, so Jongin believed in those kinds of things too. A little part of him thought that maybe, if he and Jongin would have been chosen as a match, then perhaps he wouldn’t have been reluctant to be with his elected partner. As fast as the thought had come it had left. Thinking about it, if that had been the case, he would have missed having fun annoying Junmyeon, laughing with him, cooking for him, sharing meals together, discovering that Junmyeon could actually be kind and considerate with him, and even things like kissing him… No, he wouldn’t have wanted any other outcome. Besides Junmyeon would help him see his sister again.

Yixing redirected his gaze on the polo match. He laughed tenderly seeing how Junmyeon enjoyed having scored a goal for the eight-time, his team was leading.

* * *

Being Junmyeon’s fiancé had become quite hectic lately, and it was like being in the spotlight. He had no idea being the future husband of an elected candidate would be like this. Yixing had never paid much attention to the campaign before, only learned the candidates’ names and faces. When the election would come, he was just going to vote blank. Then again, this country had adopted strange ways to select their leaders.

Only now did Yixing realize how much his life had changed. He lived in one of the fanciest areas in the city. He had a chauffeur that drove him around anywhere, except when Junmyeon drove them, or he drove himself. He dressed in the most expensive clothes. And he and Junmyeon always had to attend some fancy events, parties, dinners, lunches, or breakfasts for this and that. Yixing almost didn’t have time to see his friends anymore. And how did Junmyeon manage to work and attend those events? Yixing had decided to take his vacation to regain all the sleep he had lost. He had voiced out his idea to Junmyeon, who had answered he could handle it fine. And that worried Yixing. He wouldn’t let Junmyeon get away quickly and jeopardized his health. In the end, after much nagging, he managed to make Junmyeon stay at home with him, even if it was for one week and not one month.

There was also the fact everyone seemed to recognize Yixing nowadays. In Junmyeon’s fancy world, since his engagement party, it wasn’t unusual those people knew him. But it was odd when he walked in the streets, and people took not-so-secretly pictures of him, or they came forward and talked to him. Sometimes the attention was nice, other times he just wished he could have privacy, especially when people interrogated him about his and Junmyeon’s relationship. Why were they so noisy? But even his flower shop had gotten many more clients now because of the limelight.

Not everything was dressing fancily for a party and eating food he had never heard of, though, sometimes they had interviews too, for the radio, television or a magazine. That felt more nerve-wracking than chatting with pretentious people. He always feared to say something wrong and out of place. But Junmyeon somehow knew beforehand which questions they’ll ask, so they usually practiced their answers together. Yixing appreciated the help.

This morning, Yixing and Junmyeon had an interview for a magazine. First, the photoshoot took place. After doing this for quite some time, Yixing had learned to become relaxed around Junmyeon’s closeness, no longer feeling nervous when they had to kiss in front of others or share a hug. Once the photo shoot finished, they met along with the writer in a quiet room for the interview.

As usual, Yixing answered each question correctly. They laughed and chatted amusedly with the interviewer almost naturally as if he and Junmyeon hadn’t reviewed anything last night. Junmyeon was always good at it. But then an unexpected question happened.

“I think we’re ready to wrap this up. But before, there is actually a last-minute question,” the writer said. Junmyeon squeezed Yixing’s hand a little tighter, clearly feeling just as nervous as Yixing about what she would say.

“What is one trait that surprisingly you have come to like about the other?”

They stared at each other and breathed out. Thankfully, it wasn’t a trick question. They could answer this on their own. Yixing tried to come up with an answer. What was it? What could it be he had surprisingly come to like about Junmyeon? His hidden kindness he showed by sending him flowers or taking revenge in his honor? His lame attempts at teasing him back? Or? “He’s an amazing kisser,” he mumbled out loud without thinking. Oh no. Quickly, he looked around and realized they must have heard him, the room was dead silence after all. He blushed. The interviewer stared at him amused, and Junmyeon frowned. “I-I mean, not that I thought Myeon wouldn’t kiss good or anything. It’s just that he really, really is a good kisser. Like wow, he just takes away my breath, and you know, I feel endless butterflies, and he makes my heart beat so fast, but not only when he kisses me, he makes me feel that all the time! But if only you all could see what I mean. It’s surprising someone can kiss that good, it’s out of this world. Like, have you ever experienced that? Maybe he can show you, wait, no.” He shook his head. “No, don’t do that Junmyeon, you’re only supposed to kiss me!” Yixing closed his eyes. “Oh god, what am I saying?” He covered his eyes with his hands, not daring to look at Junmyeon or the woman sitting in front of them. His attempt to fix his answer had gone terribly.

“Xing tends to mumble quite a bit when he gets nervous. It’s adorable.”

He heard Junmyeon chuckling and then grabbed Yixing’s hands to remove them from his face. Yixing opened his eyes and was surprised when Junmyeon leaned in and pecked his lips.

The interviewer laughed. “I noticed. Then what about you, Junmyeon?”

Junmyeon smiled. He stared at Yixing while he answered. “Well, when we first met I realized he could be very obstinate. It used to be challenging at first. But now, I don’t mind so much. And I like that he is so stubborn because that helps him watch out for me and my wellbeing… Yixing and his stubbornness to care for me, that’s something I’ll always be thankful for.”

That answer had made Yixing smile and feeling warm and fuzzy inside.

After a while, the interview concluded. When they shook hands with the writer, Yixing managed to hear something he hadn’t thought of. Making sure she had left them alone, Yixing asked, “Wait, will this interview be sold overseas? Will we also be on the cover?”

Junmyeon nodded. “Yes. Didn’t you hear? She said it’ll be published in their overseas magazine issue.”

“When?”

“Next month.”

Yixing gulped. He should better tell his parents about his engagement before they saw it written in some magazine. He couldn’t run away from it now.

“By the way,” Junmyeon said while they made their way out of the building, holding hands, “We need to work on your improvising skills. What was that answer?”

Yixing felt his cheek flushing, he looked away. “I’m sorry. I spoke without thinking, then I got nervous and didn’t know how to fix it. I probably made it worse.”

Surprisingly, Junmyeon laughed again. “It’s okay… I’m actually quite delighted someone thinks my kisses are ‘out of this world.’”

Yixing only closed his eyes and felt his cheeks getting warmer.

* * *

“You said what?”

Yixing flinched yet again. “I said he was an amazing kisser.”

Kyungsoo laughed while he rocked Dongwon in his arms. “Well, be thankful you didn’t say that on the radio or national television.”

Yixing gulped. That was true, at least on paper the writer had said she’ll try to make Yixing’s answer somewhat comprehensible. Saying that on live television or the radio, that would have been horrifying, and unable to edit. Even three days after it had passed, Yixing still felt embarrassed by it. More so because Junmyeon had heard his most profound thoughts.

“But the question is, do you really think everything you said?” Kyungsoo asked with raised eyebrows. Even if Junmyeon had asked him not to say anything, Kyungsoo and Chanyeol did know about their deal. Naturally, because they just couldn’t believe when Yixing had told them he would marry Kim Junmyeon out of the blue, Yixing who had always said one day he’ll find his soulmate in the most unpredictable place, fall crazily in love and live happily ever after. Of course, they had known Yixing had an ulterior motive to accept the engagement, a union decided by the System. So, Yixing had come clean with them. They weren’t disappointed but advised him to be wary of what he was doing.

And regarding Kyungsoo’s question, indeed, Yixing did. Whenever Junmyeon kissed him passionately, he sometimes felt that way, butterflies, and fast-beating heartbeats. Although sometimes even without the kisses he had begun to feel it. Was it because of his technique? Or was it because of Junmyeon? Yixing was a little confused about that. If it was his technique, then great. But if it was because he was starting to develop a crush on Junmyeon, then not so great. It could be quite problematic, especially if Junmyeon didn’t manage to free Qian. What would he do then? But if Junmyeon did succeed, and Yixing fell in love with him, that would be troublesome too. Junmyeon would certainly not love him back, the man had said so. He sighed. “I think I do.”

“I hope you realize that might mean you’re starting to fall for him.”

“That wouldn’t be so wise, would it?”

“That’s only something you know, Yixing.”

Yixing was unsure, though.

Kyungsoo laid Dongwon back in the baby crib. Yixing stood up from the rocking chair, and they quietly left the room. Back in the kitchen, he watched as Kyungsoo continued baking a lemon pie. They kept talking about what had been going on in their lives recently, Yixing mostly complaining about the world in the upper class, which he now actually belonged to. They hadn’t seen each other much since Junmyeon’s birthday party.

“You must be happy about going back to work,” Yixing said after Kyungsoo had commented about it.

Kyungsoo smiled. “It’s not like I haven’t baked since then, but I am. I’ll miss this though. But now is Yeol’s turn to take care of the kids. You can imagine how thrilled he is about that.”

Yixing chuckled, “Yeah.”

“You know, before that happens, we planned on going to the beach. Sohee wished to go see the ocean during the summer break. Do you wanna come with us?”

Yixing smiled, Kyungsoo and Chanyeol always thought of him whenever they planned these things in the past. Now with their own family, they still included him. He truly appreciated it. Even if they did it because they probably pitied Yixing, who wouldn’t be able to find his ‘soulmate’ and would be left alone forever. Either way, a lovely day away from the city, swimming in the ocean, sunbathing, the quietness, and everything else, Yixing could genuinely use that break from the spotlight. Hopefully, Junmyeon wouldn’t mind him going. But maybe Junmyeon could use a break too. “Sure… Can I invite Junmyeon too?”

“That’s up to you. I know we won’t mind, and Sohee really likes him.”

“I’ll let him know.” And just as Yixing had said that he got a call from his stylist. After discussing outfit related issues, he said, “I gotta go now, Kyung.”

“Big night?”

Yixing rolled his eyes. “It’s the opening night gala of the ballet. I have to look decent.”

Kyungsoo chuckled. “Have fun.”

“I’ll try.”

It was another one of those nights in which rich people reunited for the nth time. Yixing had said he’ll try to have fun, but the only fun about it was, not so strange anymore, talking to Junmyeon. Besides, it was always lovely whenever Junmyeon stole a kiss from him, hugged him, or just held his hand. God, he really was starting to have a crush on that man.

Thankfully, the cocktail reception and dinner passed by quickly. Although, Yixing was starting to miss eating his homemade food. To watch the ballet performance, they had balcony seats in a private box. Well, what else could he expect from Junmyeon? Not so long after, the function began.

Yixing tried, he really tried to watch the first performance, the Swan Lake. But he couldn’t get what was so entertaining about paying so much to watch those people dance, or listening to the orchestra play. Maybe if he had been born in this world, he would appreciate it just as much as Junmyeon did. Junmyeon was immersed in watching the stage. Meanwhile, somewhere in the middle, Yixing yawned. He told himself he’ll rest his eyes a little.

Two hours later Yixing was awakened by the sound of the audience clapping. He was surprised to have one of his hands intertwined with Junmyeon. When had they begun holdings hands? But when Junmyeon let go of him, and Yixing stared at the stage, oh no, he thought. He had slept through the whole show. He looked to his side and met eyes with Junmyeon. Yixing gulped. Would Junmyeon be angry with him for falling asleep during this important night? What if someone had seen him? He felt the need to apologize for his foolishness.

“Sorry, Junmyeon,” he mumbled.

“You’re tired, Yixing, I get it. And this isn’t exactly something you enjoy doing either. I just hope you feel reenergized to attend the after-party.”

Yixing nodded, smiling shyly. He would have preferred to go home, but he nodded. He was still amazed that despite the things he did wrong, Junmyeon still hadn’t blamed him for anything. Instead, Junmyeon smiled at him, a smile that made Yixing’s stomach flip. Junmyeon offered his hand to take. Yixing gladly accepted it.


	10. Chapter 10

**Holiday**

Junmyeon couldn’t remember the last time he had taken a holiday as an adult. Perhaps never, he had been too busy in his studies, later his job, and now developing his political campaign. Not even when his mother worried about him overworking himself had he taken more than two days off. But then Yixing had come to his life, with his endless nagging and concern for him, or more accurately his health, that in the end, it made Junmyeon listen to him. He took a week off. And it was an actual time off because Yixing had locked his home office and hidden the key somewhere.

Suddenly Junmyeon got time to read. He got time to play golf. He got time to relax in his jacuzzi, enjoying seeing the flustered way Yixing had reacted when he saw him there. He got time to see how Yixing listened to music while cooking and even made some ridiculous dance, that unconsciously made him smile, a smile he quickly made sure to erase when Yixing looked his way. He got time to eat with his parents without scheduling it weeks before. He even got time to play board games that night Tao, Yifan, Kyungsoo, Chanyeol, and the kids had come to visit them.

Seven days were far too short, though. And quite frankly, Junmyeon had thought two more weeks off, returning to work at the same time as Yixing, didn’t sound all that bad. Until a more rational voice asked him what he was thinking. He had work to do, a successful conglomerate holding company to supervise. Should he ignore them all just because he had had fun? No, Junmyeon decided to go back. Being away had messed with his priorities a little.

A couple of days later, however, Yixing asked him if he wanted to go to the beach with the Do’s. A part of him would have said yes without hesitation. But his responsible self just thought he was not about to drop working on a significant deal only because he was curious to see Yixing’s fit body one more time. Then again, Minseok did advise him that the more he and Yixing reinforced their relationship, the less the public would question its credibility. A holiday at the beach with Yixing and his friends, that would absolutely help their case.

Initially, Yixing had said they’d take the train, go to the beach, have a picnic, and then return on the last train back to the city. That sounded like the perfect plan… According to Yixing. Junmyeon, on the other hand, had just stared at Yixing with furrowed eyebrows. He had never taken the train before, and he wouldn’t start doing it now either. Besides, people would probably follow them around and be noisy about what they were doing. So, Junmyeon had to intervene. And the plan should be to use Junmyeon’s jet plane as transport, a five-day visit to truly enjoy the ocean waves and sun, a luxury resort with a private beach, simply put, a holiday á la Kim Junmyeon. Now it was Yixing who stared at him frowning.

“We’re not doing that, Junmyeon,” Yixing said.

“Why not?”

“It’s too pretentious. We’ve always gone to the beach the way I told you. That’s our tradition. We’re not changing it.”

“Maybe it’s time you have new ones?”

Yixing shook his head. “No. We’re taking the train. That’s the kind of people we are. You can come with us or not, that’s up to you.” He stood up, holding his plate and walking back to the kitchen.

Junmyeon rolled his eyes, hurrying to follow Yixing. “Well, democratically speaking Yixing, everyone should have a say in a decision. So, call Chanyeol and Kyungsoo and tell them about my idea. They should decide too.”

“I can’t believe it. You. You’re really talking about democracy.” Yixing let out a laugh.

Of course, Junmyeon knew about democracy, sure, the political candidates were elected by the System, but people were still free to vote on their own. They were still a democracy, sort of. “Yes, and I know you do too. That’s why you should make the call.”

“Fine, I’ll call them.”

Minutes later, Yixing had explained everything to Kyungsoo and Chanyeol. “So, what do you say?” Yixing asked.

“Ehm I don’t know,” Kyungsoo said through the phone’s speaker. “That sounds like an experience, but I don’t think we can afford it.”

“And you don’t have to worry about it, I’ll pay for everything,” Junmyeon said.

“Really? Wow… That’s a very kind offer from you, Junmyeon. But I’m afraid we can’t accept it. It’d be abusing your generosity,” Chanyeol spoke now.

“Look, this isn’t a big deal for me. It’s like the equivalent of… Yixing buying the groceries.” That wasn’t something too expensive, was it? Junmyeon couldn’t think of any other simile right away. “We’re… Friends. And I’d be happy to give you guys a memorable holiday, I know Sohee would be thrilled. It’ll be fun, the beach, the sun, without noisy people bothering Yixing and me, and also you guys. Consider it my early Christmas gift. And you can’t reject a present, that’s impolite.”

Junmyeon could heart them laugh on the other side. Meanwhile, Yixing looked at him slightly irked, and Junmyeon couldn’t understand why.

“A truly early Christmas gift, given that we’re still in June,” Kyungsoo said, “But if it’s really not too much of a bother-”

“Of course, it’s not,” Junmyeon interrupted.

“Then, I guess, we’re very thankful to go. Right, Yeol?”

“Yeah, thanks, Junmyeon,” Chanyeol said.

“It’s really nothing,” Junmyeon replied. The conversation continued with Junmyeon explaining he would fix everything for the trip, and they could leave as early as tomorrow morning, which they agreed to. Yixing hadn’t said anything and only listened to them making plans while he had his arms crossed.

Once the call ended, Yixing finally talked. “I guess you got what you wanted, just like you always do… Well, have fun for me because I’m not going.”

Yixing’s voice had been one Junmyeon had never heard before. A tone that made Junmyeon somewhat worried about why Yixing was angry with him. He was the one who invited Junmyeon after all… Or was it because Yixing hadn’t actually wanted him to come with them? In that case, why did Yixing ask him? Junmyeon shook his head. Sometimes, he honestly couldn’t understand Yixing. “What? What are you saying? You said earlier that you were looking forward to this, Yixing.”

“I was. When it was just a simple one-day trip, not this extravagant thing you’ve just made up.”

“And because of that, you’ve now just changed your mind just like that?”

“Yeah, I did,” Yixing said matter-of-factly.

Junmyeon sighed. Yixing was starting to get on his nerves again, and it had been such a long time ago he had felt that way around him. “Well, I’m not gonna change anything. We’ve already talked everything out with Kyungsoo and Chanyeol. If you don’t want me to go, then I’ll stay. But you should go with them.”

“It’s not because of you. I already told you why I’m staying.”

Stop being so damn stubborn, Junmyeon thought. Discussing the matter would most likely take him nowhere, but there were some strings he could pull with Yixing. “I could say you have to come with us because, you know, publishing a picture of us with our friends on holiday in our social media will help the veracity of our relationship, which is part of our agreement and all. But if you don’t come with us tomorrow, Sohee will be disappointed. You said it yourself, this was your tradition.”

That had been the right string to pull because Yixing instantly dropped his defensive attitude. He uncrossed his arms. He looked worried instead of annoyed. And he quietly said, “I’ll go.”

And Junmyeon sighed again while he saw Yixing walking away. He thought about what Yixing had said, he did get what he wanted, most often.

Yixing might have accepted to go with them the next day, but that didn’t mean he was pleased to be there, at least not when Sohee wasn’t looking at him. During the one-hour flight in the jet plane, Yixing had excused himself and said he’d be in the bedroom resting since due to the ‘excitement’ he hadn’t slept anything yesterday. Meanwhile, Junmyeon hadn’t mind entertaining Kyungsoo, Chanyeol, Dongwon, and Sohee on his own. The married couple was actually to Junmyeon’s liking. And Sohee was always a delight to talk with.

After the flight, a car waited for them to drive them to the resort, which was another hour away from the airport and thirty minutes from the nearest town.

This resort was one of the most exclusive and largest one in the country. It was where the Kim family came for family reunions (Junmyeon nowadays rarely came). The resort complex was divided into five sections, with numerous leisure facilities like spas, different sports courts, swimming pools outdoors and indoors, and of course a secluded beach only minutes away. For Junmyeon this was normal, but for his companions, everything seemed to be out of this world, if that could explain their silence and open mouths, except Yixing, who instead looked rather unimpressed.

As they followed one of the members of the staff guiding them, Sohee exclaimed in awe, “Look Papa Soo, the water is so blue!” Kyungsoo only nodded, looking around at everything in amazement.

Junmyeon had booked two private villas of the resort for them rather than a suite in one of the hotel complexes. For Kyungsoo and the others because well, they were a family. And for Yixing and he, obviously, because they didn’t sleep in the same bedroom, and this way they’ll have their own rooms without nobody knowing about it. Plus, it was more private that way. The group decided to separate and rest a little before eating lunch together in one of the restaurants.

Junmyeon wasn’t surprised when Yixing just bolted into his room and closed the door after Junmyeon had said he could use that one. Seriously, what was going on with Yixing? They had gotten along great these past days, but now it seemed Yixing couldn’t stand being with him. Had taken the train to that other beach being more meaningful than what Junmyeon knew? Why? He sighed. He needed to find out what was wrong with Yixing.

But even after lunch, after a long walk through the entire resort, and then finally fulfilling Sohee’s wish and going to the beach, Yixing was still quiet, or annoyed, or whatever it was that made him the party pooper because everyone else, including Junmyeon, was having fun. Yixing hadn’t even changed to swim trunks because ‘he wasn’t in the mood’ for a swim. Junmyeon thought Yixing would have gotten flustered again when he saw him on his swim trunks, but Yixing hadn’t even batted an eyelash in his direction.

Currently, Junmyeon sat on the sand next to Kyungsoo and Dongwon, because Sohee wanted them to guard Suho and her sandcastles, while she and Chanyeol played near the water. He stared at his side and saw Yixing resting on one of the sunbath chairs with an umbrella, reading a book.

“Do you know what’s wrong with Yixing?” Junmyeon asked. He had to know how to get Yixing back to being Yixing, not whoever that person was.

Kyungsoo laughed. “I was hoping you could explain that to me. I have no clue what has gotten into him. He was really excited to come to the beach before, but now it seemed he’d rather be on a stamp convention.”

Junmyeon chortled.

“But Yixing tends to get moody when something is bothering him. Maybe something happened at work. Whatever it is, it usually passes, just give him some time.”

“Yeah,” Junmyeon said, although he knew very well it wasn’t because of work. “You really seem to know him, which is reasonable since Yixing did say you went to school together.”

Kyungsoo nodded. “We basically grew up together. And he moved with my family when his parents… Well, I think you must know. But he’s a great person, really, even when he’s like this.”

Junmyeon had learned that Yixing was. He just had never seen Yixing like that before. He thought that perhaps it would have been better if he had just stayed at work and Yixing had gone with the Do’s to their usual trip. That way Yixing might have been able to smile at least. Junmyeon sighed and stared at the sparkly ocean waves. The sunlight warmed his face and body. Chanyeol and Sohee laughed and screamed together while they tried to run away from the upcoming waves, which made both he and Kyungsoo laugh because Chanyeol stumbled and fell straight to the sand.

“They’re so happy. I wish I could go and take pictures of them,” Kyungsoo uttered.

“Why don’t you?” Junmyeon asked.

“I didn’t bring Dongwonie’s baby carrier with me.”

Was Junmyeon considering this? He wasn’t fit to take care of babies and children on his own, he knew that. Everyone should know that. Why couldn’t he just say he could take pictures of Sohee and Chanyeol? Then again, it was maybe because he knew it was one of those family moments and he knew Kyungsoo should be the one doing it. Besides, the baby’s parents would be right there, nothing could happen. “Why don’t you give Dongwon to me? Go have fun with them.”

Kyungsoo widened his eyes. “Are you sure, Junmyeon? I don’t want to bother you. You’re already doing so much for us.”

Junmyeon shook his head. “Just go.”

Smiling Kyungsoo nodded and thanked him. He carefully handed over Dongwon to Junmyeon and then stood up, bringing his camera with him.

Nervously, Junmyeon rocked the baby in his lap. “Look, Dongwon, your big sister, and daddies are having so much fun,” he said, even though he knew that little human didn’t understand one bit of what he said. Seeing the Do’s play together brought him a sense of nostalgia he didn’t want to recall. So, Junmyeon stood up and walked over to sit on one of the chairs next to Yixing. Even after a few minutes, Yixing didn’t pay attention to them. Junmyeon got enough.

“Look Dongwon, here’s your old and grumpy Uncle Xing. Don’t grow up to be like him on family vacations,” Junmyeon said with was hopefully a playful voice and not creepy. Surprisingly this time the baby articulated something that could pass as a laugh, which also made Junmyeon chuckle. “Wow, you found that funny?”

And Yixing finally reacted. He closed his book and stared at Junmyeon unamused. “Old and grumpy?”

“That’s exactly how you’ve behaved ever since we left this morning. Is it really torture for you to be here?”

Yixing huffed. “Maybe if we had done what I said from the beginning I would have felt more involved in doing stuff. But clearly, I don’t have a say in anything.”

“So, it really was about that. And Yixing you were-”

Junmyeon got interrupted by Dongwon’s not so subtle bowel system. And when the smell hit him, well, it was obvious what had happened. “Ew,” Junmyeon said, flinching and trying to cover his nose.

For the first time in what seemed forever, Yixing laughed. Yixing laughed so much that tears formed in the corner of his eyes. Even though Junmyeon didn’t understand what was so comical, he felt relieved at hearing that familiar sound. He realized he had missed hearing it, yet if only hours had passed since the last time. What an odd thought.

“Come on, you have to change him. He can’t stay like that.”

“Huh? Why me?” Junmyeon exclaimed.

“Kyungsoo let him in your care. You have to, it’s the rules,” Yixing said, smirking this time.

And there was Junmyeon as usual feeling somewhat annoyed but also pleased that Yixing was teasing him. “I’ve never changed a diaper in my whole life. But you have, so, that puts you on the advantage.”

“You know, the human nature allows us to learn new things,” Yixing said, standing up and reaching to search in Kyungsoo’s bag. He took out the key to their villa. “A now we have access, so you don’t have any excuses. Come on.” Yixing walked over to grab Junmyeon’s arm and help him stand up, which Junmyeon did.

“But, shouldn’t-shouldn’t we let them know where we’re going?”

“They’re having such a fun time, I doubt they even notice we're gone for a little while.”

And when Junmyeon turned his head to see them, Yixing had been right. Kyungsoo had stopped taking pictures and had joined Sohee and Chanyeol in whatever game they played now. Perhaps it was better to let them be.

Junmyeon couldn’t understand why he was letting Yixing instruct him into doing this. He was a master at persuasion, he had closed significant deals for his company. Why couldn’t he just tell Yixing to do it himself? Then again, a little part of him was glad that Yixing was himself again, or the not so moody version at least. This was the most Yixing had spoken in the whole day, and he genially seemed to have fun.

So, when they were ready, Junmyeon looked away from Yixing, who stood next to him and redirected his gaze to Dongwon laying on the changing pad. Dongwon moved around his little chubby legs and arms, his brown eyes stared at him. Junmyeon gulped and took off the baby’s shorts.

“Do you think they have gloves somewhere?” Junmyeon asked before attempting to remove the diaper.

Yixing chortled. “What? Who uses that?”

“I was just asking,” Junmyeon said. He sighed. Well, at least this could work as some anecdote he and Yixing could tell people in the future.

“Be careful. Sometimes they pee on you.”

“What?!” Junmyeon almost shouted.

Again, Yixing laughed at him. “Hey, at least you’re not wearing a shirt.”

Junmyeon rolled his eyes. Yixing you better not go back to grumpy Yixing after this, he thought. Quite honestly, Junmyeon was doing this more for Yixing’s sakes than Dongwon’s. He pulled up the diaper’s sticky stabs and there began one of the hardest tasks he had ever done, his Emotion Watch clearly gave away his nervousness. The smell was unbearable, and he was on constant alert whether he would get peed on or not. Yixing was there to guide him, though, making sure Junmyeon wiped correctly while he positioned Dongwon’s legs.

“Oh, damn it, I got it on my finger!” Junmyeon complained.

“Just take another cleansing wipe.”

But that wouldn’t make it. Junmyeon bolted to the bathroom to wash his hands frenetically. He didn’t know if that was worse than getting peed on. When he returned, he saw that Yixing had wiped Dongwon clean now, thankfully.

“I helped you a bit, but you’re still doing the rest.”

Of course, I will, Junmyeon thought, rolling his eyes. But he still did it, and in the end, he managed to put on Dongwon’s new diaper. He exhaled when he had finished.

“Now that wasn’t so bad, was it?” Yixing asked, smiling in that way those dimples would show up.

“Ha-ha,” Junmyeon said.

On their way back to the beach, Junmyeon walked holding Dongwon in his arms. He was surprised but pleased that Yixing was talking non-stop with him, asking him questions like if they could go play basketball one day, or if there was a way he could ride a horse with someone because that seemed fun, and other things. Now, this was the excitement Junmyeon had hoped to see from Yixing. It was late, but at least it was there.

“Oh, there you are, Dongwon! Uncle Xing! Big Suho!” Sohee shouted, running towards them once they had arrived at the beach.

Yixing squatted down and received Sohee in his arms, carrying her and hugging her, something that made her smile widely.

“Where were you?” she asked.

“Junmyeon had to change Dongwon’s diaper,” Yixing said.

Sohee gasped. “You Big Suho?”

Junmyeon nodded.

“Did Dongwon pee on you? Sometimes he does that to my Papa Soo and Daddy Chan.”

“No, thankfully, he didn’t.”

“But I’m sure next time he will, Sohee, you’ll see,” Yixing said and laughed. Sohee chuckled too. And Junmyeon just shook his head, smiling inwards.

The rest of the day went well. Yixing was happy and cooperative. Kyungsoo had come, and subtly whispered to Junmyeon: ‘I told you he’ll come back.’ Junmyeon had nodded, smiling, and thinking that the upcoming four days might not turn out to be so bad.

In the night time after dinner and saying their goodnights, Junmyeon sat in the dark in the living room, sorting which pictures he’ll e-mail to Minseok. Just when he had turned off his laptop and was ready to go to his room, he heard the main door open. Bewildered, he looked out the windows and saw Yixing on the main gate. Now that was strange. Where was Yixing going? And at this hour? Even though it was only eleven in the night time. Junmyeon swiftly left the villa to follow Yixing. The walk took them to the resort’s main entrance, where a car was waiting. The chauffeur opened the door and before Yixing got in Junmyeon shouted his name. Surprised, Yixing turned around while Junmyeon ran the few meters that separated them.

“What are you doing, Junmyeon?”

“I-I,” Junmyeon panted, “Should ask-ask you that. Where are you going?”

“I’m…” Yixing averted his gaze. “I felt like going for a ride.”

“Where? I’m pretty sure you’ve never been here before. Where could you possibly wanna go right now?”

Yixing sighed. “Okay, I’m going to town.”

“Why?”

“To eat a hamburger.”

Junmyeon repeatedly blinked while his mouth was agape. “You’re at a luxury resort where you can order whatever you want at whatever hour, and yet you want to go to town for a hamburger?”

“The chefs are sleeping. Why bother them when there are good and reliable twenty-four hours fast-food restaurants?”

“Eh, I don’t know, because I pay them to do whatever I want?”

“You don’t get it, Junmyeon. That’s why I didn’t tell you in the first place. But don’t worry I’ll be back in an hour.”

It was ridiculous. Junmyeon couldn’t understand anything. Yixing was genuinely tenacious, or dumb for not realizing the power he had now. Of course, he was going to town to eat. However, a part of him didn’t want to see Yixing go there on his own, so he jumped into the seat next to him. “I’m going with you,” he said, closing the car door. Perplexed by it, Yixing only nodded.

The car ride was in complete silence. Nobody spoke until the chauffeur announced they had arrived. Yixing and Junmyeon walked out of the car. Junmyeon stared at the place up and down. It wasn’t the kind of place he ever ate at. From the shared tables, the uncomfortable seating, and the fact he had to go stand on a counter and order his food, everything was unfamiliar. An unknown territory he feared would give him food poisoning. But the place was also empty, which was the only good thing. Nobody could document he had been there.

“I think I’m gonna go for a double cheeseburger,” Yixing said, “What about you, Junmyeon?”

“What? Do you seriously think I’ll eat here?”

Yixing squinted his eyes. “Wait, have you never been to a fast-food restaurant before?”

Junmyeon shook his head. “What for? A professional chef can cook for me.”

A wide grin appeared on Yixing’s lips. “Well, this just makes it all the better. You’ve included me in your fancy-ass world, it’s about time you come into mine.”

“But I don’t feed you a food of dubious origin.”

“It’s not that bad! Jongin survived, and he had also never been to one before. You’ll be fine.”

Now that changed everything and brought forward Junmyeon’s competitive spirit. And why the hell had Yixing and Jongin eaten together? He really was starting to dislike that friendship of them. Kim Jongin better kept his hands off Junmyeon’s fiancé. It wouldn’t be good if someone started rumors! “Fine, order for me whatever it is you’re having.”

“A double cheeseburger with fries and soda. And you’ll go ahead and order for us while I grab us a table. It’s as easy as telling a waiter.”

Junmyeon rolled his eyes, but he wasn’t going to lose to that brat Kim Jongin. He walked forward to the counter. A guy in a green uniform greeted him welcome until he realized who Junmyeon was a made a fuzz about it. Oh great. Everyone working there apparently took a break and came forward to take pictures of Kim Junmyeon at a fast-food restaurant. The whole time Yixing had stared at him entertained, he even dared to wave at those people when they had asked if that was his fiancé. But finally, after that silly ruckus, he ordered, paid, and got his food. Unbelievable. It was served on a tray, and there were no forks or knives to eat with. The burger was wrapped in a paper, the fries were in a carton holder and the soda on a paper cup. It made sense they called it a fast-food restaurant, definitely not a quality one.

But Yixing was happy when he got his food, excited even. And after Yixing reminded him to eat, Junmyeon did it. He took one bite. Okay, it wasn’t all that bad, but he had tasted better! He should continue being wary of it. Yixing noticed his reluctance but still smiled at him reassuringly while eating.

“So, can you tell me now, what the hell was wrong with you earlier, Yixing? Why did it bother you so much that we came here?” Junmyeon asked. Now that Yixing had eaten what he wanted, and he seemed much calmer, perhaps he would talk. Junmyeon didn’t want to deal with that behavior again.

Yixing laughed, shaking his head and then hiding his face in his palms. “I was really grumpy, wasn’t I?”

“Like Grandpa Kim the night of our engagement party.”

Yixing withdrew his hands only to roll his eyes. “Okay let’s not exaggerate.”

They both chuckled.

“But the truth is… I told my parents about our engagement.”

“Oh… What did they say?” Junmyeon gulped, feeling that just like his grandparents rejected Yixing, the Zhang’s might do the same, based on what Yixing had told him about them.

“What didn’t they say?” Yixing uttered. So, Junmyeon’s hunch had been right. “We had a long talk, but basically, they’re disappointed and think I’m a sell-out.”

“What?”

“I told them about you, and that you’ll help me bring Qian back. Sorry about breaking our promise but they will never say a thing! I swear. Anyway, my parents’ coping mechanism about Qian is that they’ve accepted she will never come back, no matter what anyone says, including you. They think I should believe the same, and if I’m not, then I’m just fooling myself.”

Yixing looked dejected now. Junmyeon felt this unknown urge to just jump across the table and kiss him, to make that look go away and be replaced with something happier. But he didn’t, thankfully.

“So, they say us getting engaged is in vain. But it’s not, right? You’ll bring her back, right Junmyeon?” Yixing pleaded him with his eyes.

Junmyeon felt sickened and not because of the food. He hated that question because… That wasn’t true, even if he had gotten to know Yixing, he couldn’t do it, could he? No, Tao wouldn’t agree to it, and neither should he. It was wrong. Junmyeon still nodded, though, not saying anything, only nodding and crossing his fingers underneath the table.

Yixing half-smiled. “Anyway, they think I’m doing this for myself rather than for Qian, because well, who gets to enjoy all the fancy stuff? Who gets to live in a penthouse? Have a chauffeur? Eat fancy food and attend all those lavish parties and whatnot.” Yixing pointed at himself. “Me.” He laughed bitterly. “They’re disappointed and think I chose the ‘easy life’ when I accepted to get married to you. They’ve taught me I should be with someone I love wholeheartedly, someone who makes me truly happy… They thought I believed in that, and I still do, but Qian… It’s for her, right?”

Of course, it was for her, that was the only thing that had convinced Yixing after Junmyeon’s numerous attempts to persuade him. If only Junmyeon could shout that at Yixing’s parents.

“I guess that’s why I was so angry when you changed our plans. I was gonna show my parents that I was still me, Yixing who could always stand for himself. The florist who lived in a one-bedroom apartment, who took the train and could have a fun day at the beach with his friends. I wanted to do something ‘normal’ and show them I’m still me, Yixing, the son they raised, not this money-hungry sell-out… But look where we ended up at.”

Junmyeon couldn’t help but feel slightly guilty about it. While thinking of himself and his own comfort, he hadn’t even thought about what Yixing had wanted. Yixing’s words saying he always got what he wanted, got a different connotation now, He was just starting to remember that hideous part of himself when Yixing spoke again.

“And I supposed that’s why we’re here, eating burgers at midnight… It feels like something the Yixing before meeting you would have done. Changing the fancy china for trays feels like it,” he said, holding up the tray before letting it land on the table.

“You’re not a sell-out Yixing,” Junmyeon said. It was unbelievable Yixing was being affected by his parent’s words. They made no sense. “You’re the biggest anti-sell-out I’ve ever met.”

Finally, Yixing met his gaze. He tilted his head to the side and asked, “What?”

Junmyeon grinned. “Oh, come on, don’t you remember? To begin with, you rejected me even after knowing who I was and everything else. I even offered you a briefcase full of money, I think around some millions. And what did you do? You threw it in the trash! Who does that? A sell-out? Please.”

Yixing giggled. “I really did that.”

“Then I offered you so much else, and you just said no after no. At some point you even got annoyed I came to visit you.”

“You were really annoying me. It was like we didn’t speak the same language, and you couldn’t understand what no meant.”

Junmyeon laughed. “It wasn’t until I told you that I could… Make you see Qian again that you accepted. I think you did it because of your sister. Now everything else is just the bonus of being with someone like me. Really, you’re not a sell-out. You should have told your parents that.”

The words of reassurance seemed to have freed Yixing from being under a cloud. “When you put it that way, I guess I’m not. I should have told them that,” he said, smiling entirely now.

“Yeah,” Junmyeon said, beaming back. “What do you say we go back now?”

Yixing nodded.

It was around one in the morning when they arrived back at their villa. Yixing turned on the lamps in the living room and noticed the large basket with food and other things. “When did that get here?”

“Shortly after you went to ‘sleep.’ My family invested here before, so I guess that makes me part owner? Either way, it’s a welcome gift.”

“You know, they say a glass of this helps you with digestion.”

Junmyeon didn’t know if that could be applied to that bottle of champagne. But after the day they had had, he could really use a sip of anything. And from what Yixing had just told him, he could use one too. Junmyeon went to grab some glasses from the minibar and a bottle opener. “Well, open it,” he said, handing the bottle opener to Yixing.

Yixing opened the champagne bottle, foam flew from the bottle’s neck. He served it on the glasses Junmyeon was holding. And after toasting (not exactly knowing why), they each gulped the liquor in one go.

“Hit me again,” Junmyeon said. Yixing nodded, following suit.

Everything from there on went haywire. Bottle after bottle was opened, not because they finished them, but because Yixing felt curious about liquors he had never tasted before. Junmyeon didn’t object, some of those bottles he had never seen before either. So, the night went on like that, them drinking and talking, sharing stories, that were either true or just retold badly. At some point, they had removed their shirts because it was too hot in there and none could figure out how to use the thermostat. They even made a disaster on the minibar when Yixing dropped two bottles of scotch on the floor. Fortunately, he was still wearing shoes, so he didn’t cut himself, not that any of them were aware of the dangerous situation. Yixing had only giggled his way to the couch and told Junmyeon what just happened, even if Junmyeon had been there. Junmyeon began laughing with him too, saying he owned the place and they could do whatever they pleased.

“I’m sleepy Myeonie,” Yixing said, yawning.

“You know what, Xingie, I am too.”

“What should we do?”

“Go to sleep?”

“Ah, that’s true! You’re so smart, Myeonie.”

“You’re smarter, Xingie.”

They helped each other stand up and walked together, Yixing with an arm around Junmyeon’s shoulder, and Junmyeon holding Yixing’s waist. When they finally arrived, after bumping into the wall a few times, Junmyeon left Yixing sitting on his bed. Yixing tossed away his shoes. But before Junmyeon could go, Yixing stopped him, holding his hand.

“Where are you going?”

“My room. I-I don’t think I live here.”

“No!” Yixing shook his head. “I don’t want you to go!” He stood up to grab Junmyeon by his shoulders and pushed him onto the bed, but in the process falling on top of him. “Stay here with me,” he purred, looking at Junmyeon straight in the eye.

“Why?” Junmyeon whispered, raising his hands to caress Yixing’s bareback, enjoying the way Yixing’s silky skin felt against his hands, and their warm torsos collided.

“To do this.” Yixing cupped Junmyeon’s cheeks and leaned in to catch Junmyeon’s lips in a sloppy, needy kiss.


	11. Chapter 11

**Feelings**

Junmyeon opened his eyes but instantly closed them. The piercing sunlight coming through the windows, and the throbbing headache hurt him. Carefully, he rubbed off the sleep in his eyes with his hands. He yawned. And when he had become entirely conscious, he realized it. This wasn’t his room; his room wasn’t on the first floor. Then he felt suffocated by the arm that was holding his waist, and the leg that surrounded his lower body. But what was scarier was the prominent bulge pressing against his ass.

He turned his head to the side, and he almost, almost screamed when his face was only a little distance away from Yixing. A sleepy and drooling Yixing was lying next to him, or actually spooning him tightly in a warm embrace.

What the hell? He thought. His heart became an instant agitated mess.

From the deepest parts of his brain, he tried to recall what had happened. Why was he in bed with Yixing? Why were they spooning and only clad in boxers? As he panicked, some blurry memories from last night erupted in his mind. He remembered their late-night dinner at the fast-food restaurant. He remembered Yixing feeling bummed out because of his parents, and how he tried to cheer him up. He also recalled they began drinking a bunch of stuff when they had returned to their villa.

But the many, many, hot kisses. The way his and Yixing’s tongue fondled in the most erotic game ever. The sensation of Yixing’s lips, leaving behind love bites on his chest. The feeling of his hands roaming every part of Yixing’s soft skin. The way he had grabbed Yixing’s ass while Yixing laid on top of him and their lower bodies moved in synchrony, dry humping each other until a jolt of pleasure mixed with loud moans ended everything. That hadn’t been remnants of a heated dream. That had happened. It became more real when Junmyeon looked down his chest and saw red spots on it.

Instantly, Junmyeon rolled off the bed, away from Yixing’s grasp, only to hit the cold ceramic floor. A terrible move, considering the headache he suffered. He thought Yixing would have woken up, but Yixing had merely turned around and continued sleeping. The next thing Junmyeon did was to stand up. He grabbed his pants and shoes from the floor but couldn’t find his shirt. Then he flounced his way out of Yixing’s room and back to his own.

What the hell? He thought again.

The rest of the morning, Junmyeon calmed down. Now that he thought things clearly, he and Yixing had slept together, sort of. And he… He didn’t exactly regret it. However, what would Yixing say? The man had made a big fuss about them kissing. What was going to happen now? Well, when Yixing had finally woken up, he acted as if last night he hadn’t shamelessly moaned on top of Junmyeon. Couldn’t Yixing remember it? To clear up doubts, Junmyeon tried to bring up the topic without exactly saying it. He asked Yixing how he had slept, Yixing answered okay but had a horrible hangover. After some questions, Junmyeon concluded Yixing didn’t remember anything, nothing, it was blank! And it made him slightly disappointed that Yixing didn’t consider it important enough to remember. But how could Junmyeon tell him they had done that? This wasn’t the case of a one-night stand from his college years, where he had put it aside and hadn’t seen that person ever again. This was Yixing. They lived together. They were going to get married, even if it was only on paper. Besides, since the beginning of their deal, Junmyeon knew he couldn’t get involved with him in any way. It was better if Junmyeon didn’t say anything, it didn’t mean anything. After all, it was just the heat of the moment.

The rest of the holiday, Junmyeon had pretended nothing happened. To hide the evidence of the act, his hickeys, he didn’t remove his t-shirt when they were on the beach. Even though, Yixing, Sohee, and everyone else, always asked if he wasn’t feeling warm. Damn it, of course, he was! But how could he explain the red marks on his torso? He couldn’t say it was because of Yixing. So, Junmyeon had to endure it. Even so, he had enjoyed the rest of the holiday, sort of. Because at the same time, the memory of that night seemed impossible to erase, which made things incredibly awkward when he saw Yixing on the beach or in the pool. But even when they were doing something else, like horse-riding, eating, or whatever, he found himself unable to take his eyes off Yixing, and he found himself doing things like dumbly smiling at him. That drunken night had started a chain of reactions and emotions that would eventually lead Junmyeon to realize one thing. A terrible thing.

After returning from their holidays, going back to work, and retaking his responsibilities, Junmyeon thought he was getting sick. He always felt those nauseating feelings: he had started to sweat a little more, his heartbeat like a jackhammer, he lost a bit of his appetite, he had trouble concentrating, his cheeks turned warm every now and then. Everything could be symptoms of some terrible illness. Well, he wasn’t going to sit and wait until it struck him. Therefore, Junmyeon made an appointment with his doctors. He conducted some tests. He talked to professionals. Then, two weeks later, he found out that he couldn’t be healthier. Everything was fine.

But why did he still feel that way? The symptoms didn’t go away. His doctor told him to consider the situations that triggered those reactions during the day. And all those things had been in Junmyeon’s mind for the last couple of days.

Today he realized why.

Junmyeon stared at Yixing, who spoke about something that happened at the flower shop earlier. He didn’t pay much attention but instead enjoyed seeing the little quirks Yixing did while he ate. It brought him an inexplicable elation.

“Hey, could you pass me the water pitcher, Junmyeon?”

Yixing’s soothing voice interrupted his thoughts. Junmyeon put down his fork and knife. He reached out to grab the pitcher. The moment he felt Yixing’s hand touching him, he let go of the pitcher. Water spattered across the table.

“Oh!” Yixing exclaimed, “I’ll clean it right away.”

Junmyeon stood up. He had to get out of there. “I-I’m done. See you tomorrow.”

“Huh? But you haven’t eaten more than a few bites.”

“I’m not hungry,” Junmyeon said, already walking away from the dining room. He could hear Yixing faintly saying okay.

Walking into his room, Junmyeon threw himself on the bed. He buried his face in his pillow, doing his utter best not to shout.

The nervous wreck and clumsy idiot he seemed to be around Yixing nowadays was becoming more visible. Dropping the water pitcher because of touching Yixing’s hand, come on! How ridiculous. It also hadn’t help that the Emotion Watch on his wrist gave away what he felt, and it lightened up yellow near Yixing. Junmyeon didn’t like taking off the watch, even though it wasn’t necessary to use it at home. So, Yixing had noticed it earlier. But Junmyeon had brushed it off, saying that work had become stressful recently. Although Junmyeon knew very well, that wasn’t the cause.

What Junmyeon had realized these days was that slowly but surely, Yixing had become the cause of those symptoms. Yixing was the reason for those uncomfortable palpitations in his heart, that tickling sensation in his abdomen, the fact he didn’t want to let go of Yixing when they kissed in public, or the yearning to kiss Yixing whenever he wanted, to hold him and do so much else. Yixing was that reason. And Yixing made him feel those revolting, warm, fuzzy, and gushy… Feelings. As if that wasn’t enough, whenever Yixing wasn’t around, Junmyeon missed him. He didn’t feel like eating, and couldn’t concentrate at work, even though he knew he’d see Yixing soon. Yixing invaded his mind and thoughts, even his dreams. Yixing smiling, Yixing laughing, Yixing kissing him, Yixing holding him, Yixing in his arms, everything seemed to revolve around Yixing, Yixing, Yixing! And Junmyeon hated he couldn’t control those emotions, he couldn’t put it aside like he used to do with everything else.

So, no, Junmyeon knew he wasn’t sick. Instead, he had these feelings because of Yixing. And it couldn’t be more wrong. His whole life he had managed to avoid it… But that obstinate gardener! And now, how could he erase those feelings? How could he make his heart stop beating frantically whenever Yixing came close to him? How could he stop thinking about Yixing whenever he wasn’t around him? How could he get away from Yixing when they had to live under the same roof?

Junmyeon turned around to lay on his back. He sighed in exasperation. Everything had gotten messed up since that drunken night, or maybe since a long time ago. He just didn’t want to feel anything anymore.

* * *

“How to shut down feelings? Why do you wanna know that?” Yifan’s inquisitive voice asked. He had an eyebrow raised.

“Curiosity. I’ve been… Thinking about human emotions. And aren’t you soon going to become a neurologist, Yifan? You should know,” Junmyeon said.

“Yeah, I am. But becoming emotionally numb to everything is not something I’d recommend just anyone.”

“Besides, aren’t you already good at controlling your emotions, Junmyeon? You’re pretty good at controlling your temper. It doesn’t take you a lot to change your Emotion Watch back to white again,” Tao said this time, squinting his eyes.

Maybe his friends knew him far too well. They knew he was hiding something. Junmyeon hadn’t dared to tell them yet, he hadn’t even admitted it to himself out loud. But the only ones Junmyeon could feel safe talking about his nauseating feelings were Yifan and Tao. They wouldn’t tell anyone about it, and well, they also knew why he and Yixing were together in the first place. “I am, but this… This is something else. Something beyond my capacity to control. It’s mad loose, and it’s been driving me crazy ever since I realized the cause.”

“What?” Yifan and Tao said in unison.

Junmyeon took in a deep breath. Well, here we go, he told himself. “I, I have these feelings for Yixing, okay?” He closed his eyes, not daring to see the laughter or amused expressions on his friends. But nothing happened. No laugh or jokes were thrown.

“You what?” Yifan asked.

When Junmyeon opened his eyes again, he saw both Yifan and Tao staring at him with bafflement on their faces. “Oh, you two heard me loud and clear.”

“Unbelievable,” Tao uttered. His lips curved into a grin. “You actually fell for him! And you’re admitting it!”

“I have not fallen for him! I just have these feelings for him that need to go away, so they stop disturbing my peace.”

“What kind of feelings?” Yifan asked.

“Well you know, just annoying feelings.”

“So, you’re constantly mad at him? Does he annoy you a lot?” Yifan continued.

“No. Well, at first he did, but not anymore.”

“Then what?”

So, Junmyeon went ahead and explained everything to them, although he did skip the part about ‘sleeping’ with Yixing.

Tao laughed. “Oh, my god, Junmyeon, I’m pretty sure all that is called love.”

Love! That sounded far more troublesome, much more severe. He only harbored feelings for Yixing, but that wasn’t love, was it? “I don’t love him.”

“No, not yet. You’ve just fallen in love with him. That’s why you can’t stop thinking about him, that’s why you want him near and when he is you become a big mess. Those feelings you have for him, it just means you’re in love with him,” Tao explained.

In love with Yixing. Oh no. It couldn’t be. “Let’s say hypothetically, I am, but that’s why you should help me shut it down!”

“Why?” Yifan asked.

“Because it interferes with everything I do. It’s annoying, and I just wanna go back to being myself.”

“Well, too bad, we can’t help you there,” Tao said. “Matters of the heart cannot simply be ‘shut down.’”

“Can’t Yifan just give me some medicine that makes me numb to my feelings? Don’t those exist?”

“But that’s only for specific patients. You’re not one of them. You’re not sick, only lovesick,” Yifan said. “It’s astonishing, and unlike you, I must say. I don’t think I’ve ever heard you say you like someone. I honestly doubted you ever would, but I still think it’s great you’ve fallen for Yixing! There’s nothing wrong with falling in love, you know. And that’s the whole point of being with your perfect match, that you end up falling for each other in the end.”

Well, the System never got anything wrong. Junmyeon had just never expected he would actually fall for ‘the gardener.’ There was a problem. “Except you’re forgetting, Yixing isn’t in love with me.”

“How do you know that?” Yifan wondered.

“Because he hasn’t shown any of the feelings I’ve gotten.” Making him flustered didn’t really count. Yixing got flustered over anything. And he had easily forgotten about that night, Junmyeon thought. “I also recall him saying he would never like me.” Then again, Junmyeon had said the same but look at the outcome. “Plus, I told you, the proposal failed, and he’s only with me until I get him what he wants. If I don’t get it, I’m sure he’ll leave in the snap of a finger.”

“Then make sure he doesn’t go, and get him what he wants. What was it, anyway? You never said it.”

Tao shot him a menacing glare. Of course, Junmyeon wasn’t going to say what it was. The fewer people who knew, the better. But he got saved by the bell when Yifan’s phone rang. After that conversation, Yifan said they needed him at the hospital immediately.

“Look, Junmyeon, just talk to Yixing. I’m not gonna give you medicine to numb your feelings, and I hope you don’t go search for it anywhere else. It would mess with your head, I’m warning you! Just be honest about what you feel. That’s what I did with Tao, and look how that turned out.” Yifan grabbed Tao’s hand and kissed it, smiling tenderly. “You’ve been alone for so long, don’t let this chance go.” Then Yifan said goodbye, and Tao followed him to the main door.

Meanwhile, Junmyeon thought about those words. Could he really allow himself to do that? To tell Yixing what he felt and expect a happily ever after? That sounded far more ridiculous than admitting his feeling for Yixing. Besides, Junmyeon knew he didn’t deserve to be loved, to live happily ever after as if he hadn’t-

“You can’t do it, Junmyeon,” Tao’s voice interrupted Junmyeon’s thoughts.

“What?”

“Give Yixing what he wants. I’m not gonna change my mind about releasing his sister.”

“I know that, Tao.” He wasn’t expecting it either. “How’s the search going, by the way? Did you find anything?”

“I think the less you know about it, the less probability we’ll get in trouble… But I can say I’m halfway there.”

Junmyeon nodded.

“And regarding you being in love, I also think it’s great.” He smiled, but it got later replaced with a concerned face. “Honestly, we’ve always been worried about you ever since Jaemin’s death. You became-”

“Please, don’t.” Junmyeon looked away. He never liked talking about that matter with anyone but himself.

“Sorry. But whatever it is you’re blaming yourself for, it wasn’t your fault. You deserve to be truly happy. Jaemin would have wanted that too,” Tao said with a soft voice.

You don’t know anything, Tao, Junmyeon thought.

“And if Yixing managed to make you go on that holiday with his friends when I, Yifan and your parents have constantly failed to do so, then he is more valuable to you than you think. You’re really in love with him. Those feelings you say you have, that is love. And you should go for it. See what happens! Expose yourself to be vulnerable for once in your life. Persuade him to feel the same. Who knows, you might actually end up happily married after all.”

That might sound probable in those romantic stories Yixing read. But this was real life, and life never turned out the perfect way. Junmyeon should know that. “Tao. He’s going to hate me when he realizes I’m not bringing his sister back.”

“Maybe… But didn’t you say it? By the time he does, it’ll be too late. And if Yixing ends up loving you, he might even forgive you.”

“And if he doesn’t? I’ll be tied down to someone who despises me for the rest of my life.”

“Well… Isn’t that what was going to happen, even if you hadn’t fallen for him?”

Junmyeon widened his eyes. That was true. Yixing was going to hate him either way. Why did that notion hurt him? He hadn’t care much about it before. Now, though, he didn’t want to lose the friendship or whatever relationship he and Yixing had built. He feared knowing that one day Yixing would only look at him with nothing but despise in his eyes. He didn’t want that. He could barely manage to be around moody Yixing, how could he handle to be with the Yixing that hated him forever? That would break him; he wanted to be with Yixing, the Yixing he knew. That emotion was far stronger than the guilt he had been carrying for so long. So strong that Junmyeon decided to consider Tao’s words about everything. He really was in love with Yixing, and he didn’t want to lose him. But, the one thing Yixing wanted the most, he couldn’t give it to him. Therefore, maybe Tao’s idea didn’t sound all that crazy. If he managed to make Yixing fall in love with him too, would Yixing forgive him?


	12. Chapter 12

**Attempt**

How could he make Yixing fall in love with him?

What Tao and Yifan had said sounded far simpler than what it was. And having absolutely no experience in this field, Junmyeon didn’t precisely know the safest way to guarantee success.

He couldn’t just go and tell Yixing: ‘Hey, I’m in love with you. From now on, we’re in a relationship that satiates my new craving for your affection, both in a mental and physical aspect,’ and assume that everything would turn out great. Sure, anyone else might have said yes to Junmyeon’s suggestion for ‘love reciprocation,’ but Yixing… He was almost sure Yixing would first look at him with a gaping mouth and furrowed eyebrows. Then, when the words would have been processed, Yixing would burst out laughing in his face. And it would have been a reasonable response. The idea was comical. Yixing didn’t seem to feel anything for him either, of course, he would say no.

Junmyeon had another option, though, a quick and direct option. But no, he didn’t want to order Yixing to agree to that new ‘relationship’ as an addition to their deal. Again, he thought if he demanded that, it would be like being together with a statue since there won’t be any feelings from Yixing’s part. That idea had been thrown away swiftly.

These kinds of matters were frustrating. In the past, Junmyeon had often thought that having money, being part of society’s elite and, maybe having the most intelligence too, could guarantee anything he wanted from anyone. It had worked for the most part of his life. Until he had met Yixing. Yixing, who had stirred up his world like a whirlwind. Yixing who had ignited feelings Junmyeon didn’t even know he could feel. Yixing, who had also taught him that materialism could mean nothing to some. Therefore, trying to pay, negotiate or demand Yixing’s love and affection back would only result in failure, like how his proposals had gone before. However, Junmyeon couldn’t ignore the matter. His feelings were still there, sickening him in the most impertinent moments of his daily life. For the sakes of his own sanity, getting rid of what he carried in his chest would, hopefully, calm him, and the lovesickness would end. He needed, really needed to be in control again.

Consequently, the other answer could be earnestly working to gain Yixing’s heart and affection. Ugh, he thought. It was going to take his time and resources. But he remembered what Yixing had once said in the past: ‘I want to spend the rest of my life with someone who makes me happy, someone I love.’ Maybe if he could make him happy, Yixing would end up loving him? Well, it sounded more realistic, when it comes to Yixing at least, than his previous ideas.

So, what made Yixing happy?

A lot of things. His friends, his family, the music he listened to, the flowers he held and then arranged into beautiful bouquets, the food he cooked and shared with Junmyeon, going to the beach, watching some old and sappy movie, teasing him (apparently) and so much else.

After much sifting, analyzing and consideration, during office hours in which he should have been working, Junmyeon had found a perfect first attempt. He sure hoped that his assistants, nothing, would mess up his plan. This had to be perfect.

The first step of his idea was nerve-wracking, and it was stupid because how many times hadn’t he invited someone to eat dinner before? Nevertheless, right now, as he stared at Yixing, who was running on the treadmill, well, he got distracted by Yixing, and he wondered how he could find someone covered in sweat that attractive. Junmyeon felt he understood now what people had meant when they said being ‘helplessly in love.’ But he also couldn’t find the exact moment of when to drop his idea: ‘Let’s have dinner together.’ That was it. Whenever he tried to bring it up, though, he found himself stuttering and pausing and breathing loudly. Why couldn’t he just say it? “Ugh,” he muttered under his breath, going back to lifting the weights.

After their work out session, as they rode in the elevator, Junmyeon took in a deep breath. This had to be it. “Yixing,” he said.

“Yeah?”

“Le-let’s have dinner.”

“Isn’t it better to have breakfast? It’s the morning,” Yixing said, laughing.

Junmyeon rolled his eyes. “No, I meant tonight.”

“But we will… Won’t we? I cook for us, remember? And we’re not going anywhere tonight; think. So… We will have dinner?” Yixing said unsure, his face turning confused.

Junmyeon took in a deep breath. “Yes, but what I want to say is… We should eat out tonight.” There it was. Junmyeon breathed out.

“Oh, so the rumors are back on? Do we have to make even more public appearances?”

That’s not what I mean! Junmyeon inwardly screamed. Why was this so hard? He was twenty-seven for god’s sake. “No. We’re doing well there. I mean,” he sighed, “I can fix dinner for us tonight.”

Before Yixing could answer, the elevator doors opened. They both got off the elevator and began walking their way to their rooms.

“No way? You’re going to cook for us tonight?” Yixing said enthusiastically.

There were those sweet dimples on Yixing cheeks. But no, he couldn’t get distracted! Not right now. Had Yixing been serious? That was not what he meant. “Would you… Prefer that over dinner in a restaurant?” Please say no, Junmyeon hoped.

Yixing grinned. “Hell yeah. But wait, do you even know how to cook?” he questioned, caressing his chin and squinting his eyes.

Junmyeon huffed. Okay, he hadn’t cooked at all in his life before. But he actually did sort of know how to use the stove and do other basic cooking stuff. That was all thanks to home economics back in school. He had never needed to use that knowledge, though, and he had always paid other people to do it for him. “Of course, I do! As much as I wanted, I couldn’t skip home economics.”

“Well, it would be the most interesting thing to observe. You wearing my unicorn apron, trying to cook. You can count me in tonight.” Yixing chuckled.

How great. Junmyeon who was planning on taking Yixing out to eat dinner at a five-star restaurant’s private lounge, but what did Yixing prefer? Either way, it seemed that made Yixing the happiest. Yixing was a simple man after all. Now he had to postpone his earlier plan and replace it with this. “Fine. I’ll see you around six?”

“But don’t you finish work at eight or later?”

“If I can leave earlier for all those events we attend, I can do the same here.” Junmyeon shrugged his shoulders.

Yixing smiled. “I’ll see you around half past six, then.”

Junmyeon nodded, smiling, and feeling relieved.

Hours later, Junmyeon ended up leaving work much earlier than planned, by noon actually. He had felt anxious the whole morning, now that his original plan had been canceled, he needed to make things perfect. This night had to be perfect.

Back at home, in a rush, he and his assistants had to take care of everything. For starters, this dinner couldn’t take place in the dining room. No, from the perspective of a gooey romantic, eating on the terrace, where the city’s skyline and the moon could be seen, was the right spot to have a candlelight dinner. By the time Yixing arrived, it would be the sunset so that would be a better view.

Another thing Junmyeon had fix was his cooking skills. He couldn’t just wait until the evening and see how he prepared a disastrous meal that no one could probably eat. He didn’t even know what to cook. He had to practice beforehand, and well, maybe that way he’ll impress Yixing.

While Taeyong and the others prepared the terrace, Junmyeon was in the kitchen, clad in a chef’s uniforms, talking to the person who had made his food for the past year, until Yixing had taken over.

“So, if I got this right, Mr. Kim, you’ve never cooked before?” the chef asked, doubtfully

“Not really. Not since middle school.”

“But you want me to teach you how to cook something in just three hours?”.

Junmyeon nodded. “Yes, something basic and easy. And please be critical. Just because I’m paying you doesn’t mean you have to treat me like porcelain. When my fiancé arrives, I want to surprise him and show him I can cook something edible.”

The chef chuckled. “You know, you could have avoided all the trouble. I could have cooked everything, and you could have ‘surprised’ your fiancé with the food ready, but I guess you love him too much to even lie to him.”

Something stung Junmyeon’s chest. Was it because of what that man had just said wasn’t entirely accurate? At some point, the lies would come but for now… He smiled awkwardly and nodded. “Let’s go. We don’t have much time.”

“Well, start by washing those vegetables, Mr. Kim.”

* * *

Yixing stared at the clock on the wall. Only thirty minutes left until he could go home. He had to admit, he was looking forward to tonight. He had been smiling more than usual. He had felt a fluttering feeling in his stomach whenever he thought of tonight’s date? Could it be a date? Junmyeon hadn’t said it explicitly in words, but… Maybe. It had been far too long he had had one.

And where had Junmyeon gotten the idea of having dinner from? But it felt just like any other random idea Junmyeon had had, like telling him out of nowhere they should kiss or taking him to a luxury resort. Perhaps they were going to a cooking show? So, Junmyeon had to test his cooking skills with someone, without really saying it out loud. Yixing knew Junmyeon could be quite prideful when it came to things he didn’t know. That could explain why Junmyeon had behaved a little strange since they came back from their holiday, but, oh no, now Yixing felt himself blushing, thinking back about that not-so-proper dream he had had about them. He shook his head and continued carrying the flower pots inside. Whatever the reasons were behind Junmyeon’s request tonight, Yixing didn’t mind helping him… Or thinking of it as a date, even if it was one-sided.

“Xing.”

Jongin’s voice took Yixing by surprise. He put down the pot in its place inside the shop and turned around. “Hey, Jongin!”

Jongin smiled. “I hope I’m not too late, aren’t I? I was hoping to get flowers for my mother.”

Yixing shook his head. “You’re not. We’re still open. Is it the usual ones?”

“Yes. She loves them.”

“They sold out earlier, but if you don’t mind waiting, I can quickly arrange one for you.”

“That’d be great.”

Instantly, Yixing began arranging the bouquet while he spoke with Jongin. This flower arrangement was a combination of bold colors with a white background. The traditional white daisies contrasted beautifully with the orange spray roses, the yellow and pink mini carnations. As Yixing gathered each flower species on his craft table, he inhaled their heady scents, enjoying the smell like he always did. That was one of the reasons he loved working with flowers. Carefully, he grabbed his tools and began trimming the leaves from the stem, getting the flowers ready to go in the transparent vase.

They were in the middle of talking about the latest episode of some show when Jongin’s phone rang. It was a conversation that left Jongin shaken, more so because, for the first time, Yixing saw Jongin’s Emotion Watch emanating a yellow light. He had never seen that happening before. But Jongin’s reaction could be understandable because from what Yixing had heard something must have happened, and Jongin had said he’ll go somewhere right away.

“Is everything okay, Jongin?” Yixing worriedly asked.

Jongin shook his head. “No,” he muttered with a brittle voice, “My-my mom is in the hospital. They think she had a heart attack.”

Yixing swallowed. He put away the carnation he was holding. He took off his apron. He walked from behind the craft table and went to stand in front of Jongin. He raised a hand and put it on Jongin’s shoulder. “It’s okay, Jongin. You’re not alone. Do you have your car? I’ll take you to the hospital. We’ll go see your mom together. I’m sure she’ll be fine.”

Jongin nodded, his eyes already looking watery, prepared to cry at any minute perhaps. He took out his car keys and handed them to Yixing.

Yixing called after a worker at the shop and told her to close the store instead. Then, he and Jongin made their way out to the car. Yixing quickly sent Junmyeon a text message.

* * *

**Yixing 🌿** : Sorry, but I’ll be late ☹️ You can start without me!

Junmyeon read the message Yixing had sent him. He sighed, feeling disappointed and annoyed that Yixing was going to miss seeing his efforts. He couldn’t help feeling slightly silly. Come on, he had spent the whole afternoon learning this for Yixing. Now what? And, why did Yixing have to say it fifteen minutes before they agreed to meet? It left him with a sour feeling.

However, when he thought better of it, perhaps it was for the best. He would have gotten too nervous and self-conscious having Yixing around, teasing him and whatnot so the food would have burnt or something else could have happened that would have spoiled things. So, instead, Junmyeon would make sure to wait for Yixing with the food already at the table.

He rolled up his shirt and put on the black apron, no, he wasn’t going to use Yixing’s. Then, just like he had been taught, he washed the vegetables, and with a sharp knife, he cut each ingredient to make the salad. And at last, he heated a pan to cook the chicken breasts. It was going to be a simple meal, but it had been one of the only things Junmyeon hadn’t failed at earlier in the afternoon during his cooking lesson. Junmyeon was quite confident this meal would turn out alright. And it almost did. The dish presentation wasn’t the brightest, but it was okay. He smiled somewhat proudly at what he had cooked. Okay, it had been a little fun, but he won’t say that to Yixing. He wasn’t ready to stop eating Yixing’s meals yet.

Junmyeon took the finished plates out to the terrace and put them on the table. He looked around the dining area his assistants had prepared. There was the table already set up and with two candles on its center and a vase of vibrant red roses. But even on the floor, there were more vases of roses here and there. Their view was perfectly on the city’s skyline. Junmyeon smirked. This was the perfect ‘romantic’ setting, this would be the ideal dinner. Yixing would surely like this, Yixing would surely smile at him brightly, and hopefully, Junmyeon would be one step closer to his goal. He felt all those gushy sensations once again.

He sat down waiting for Yixing’s return.

* * *

Yixing stared at the white wall in front of him. Right now, he was just talking nonsense, doing his best to distract Jongin, just like his friend had asked him to.

When they had arrived at the hospital, Jongin had been a mess. He had been scared, nervous and angry, asking for someone to tell him what had happened to his mother. Apparently, she had suffered a heart attack, and the doctors decided to perform something called a coronary angioplasty as soon as possible to open the blood vessels that supply blood to the heart. It was a minimally invasive procedure, nothing too dangerous, nonetheless worrisome. It had made things worse that Jongin hadn’t even seen her because they were already prepping her for surgery. And while all that chaos had been going on, Yixing couldn’t help thinking of his own mother. Despite the issues, they might have had, what if this had been her, but Yixing wouldn’t be there to see her? He started to feel guilty. It had already been two years since he had last seen her. What kind of son was he?

Once the surgery began, he and Jongin sat in a waiting room. He had thought of only dropping Jongin at the hospital and then go home. But when he had asked Jongin if there was someone to call, Jongin had said they weren’t originally from that city, so no relatives were near. And Jongin’s father had died years ago. Jongin would be all alone. Yixing couldn’t leave him.

The waiting was agonizing, awful and anxious for Jongin, who couldn’t keep calm. That was the reason why he had asked Yixing to please talk him about something, anything, as long as it kept his mind distracted from coming up with the most terrifying scenarios. And that Yixing had tried to do. But right now, he was running out of topics. So, Yixing finally asked the question that had been bugging him to know for a long time.

“Jongin… How come you and Junmyeon don’t get along? Why do you dislike each other so much?”

Jongin huffed. “I have to admit I did really dislike Junmyeon a lot back in high school. I guess now, not so much, but it’s still fun to mess with him.” He let out a nervous laugh.

Yixing could relate to that last part a bit. “Then, why did you dislike him?”

“For starters, you know what kind of person he is, not exactly my cup of tea. We were in the same class, and while most people tried to get near Mr. Perfect Kim Junmyeon, I was indifferent towards him.”

Yixing should know that. But after getting to know the real Junmyeon, that perception changed. Junmyeon just tried hard to be ‘perfect.’ Who knew why.

“But what really got me hating his guts… Oh, this is so childish,” Jongin said, shaking his head. “It really is childish because in this place and time any infatuation you feel before meeting ‘your perfect’ match it’s ‘stupid’ or ‘incorrect.’ But we can’t help it, can we? So, I started liking this classmate of ours but he…”

“Only had eyes for Junmyeon?” Yixing took a shot in the dark.

“Totally. It was as if I was invisible and Junmyeon was the center of the world. But Junmyeon never cared about anyone’s feelings towards him, he just ignored it. And I was so jealous of him, and I began disliking Junmyeon so much. Stupidly, I thought if I was more like him, if I won over him, that way my crush would only look at me.”

And that cleared things up, the origin of the rivalry between them. But Yixing was sure Junmyeon didn’t even know that was the reason why. In Junmyeon’s world, Jongin just wanted to be like him. “And so, you started competing against Junmyeon and tried to outshine him in everything.”

“Yes,” Jongin said, chuckling. “But it was all in vain, that guy was, is, some kind of machine. He tries really hard to stay on top, to be in control. I could only get close, but never ahead.”

Yes, that was precisely what Yixing also thought of Junmyeon. Too bad he would probably never get an answer to that inquiry. Junmyeon would never say anything, Yixing somehow knew that. “So, what happened with your crush?”

“I heard he got married last year.”

“With his perfect match?”

“Yes.”

Well, that was expected. “What about you? Do you think you’ll ever find the one person of your choice?”

Jongin laughed. “Oh, Yixing, even the one I’ve picked an interest upon now seems to have only eyes for Junmyeon.”

Oh. Yixing swallowed. Was he talking about him? No, that couldn’t be it. Maybe it was somebody else who was infatuated with Junmyeon out there. Well, there was that impolite and rude Haewon girl. But boy, Yixing hoped Jongin wouldn’t end up with someone like her. Jongin was too sweet, and he deserved way better than that.

Yixing jumped in his seat when he felt Jongin grabbing his hand. But that didn’t make him feel anything other than weirded out a little.

“Xing, thank you for staying with me and comforting me from this… Terrible nightmare, when it’s not even your responsibility. Thank you.”

“That’s what friends are for. You would have done the same for me,” Yixing said.

Jongin half-smiled, nodding. He let go of Yixing’s hand. “Can I ask you something else?” he wondered.

“Sure, go ahead.”

“Do you mind staying with me a little longer? They said the procedure takes around one hour, well, soon it’ll be the time. But you heard we can’t see her until three hours later. And I don’t think I can bear seeing my mom there by myself… It’s just too much. I feel I could use some more moral support. But please, feel free to go if you can’t. I understand.”

How could Yixing say no? Had it been the other way around, Jongin would probably have done the same, he knew that. Leaving a friend alone in a time of need was not something he approved of. “Of course, I’ll stay.”

“Thank you,” Jongin said, this time smiling fully. “Perhaps you should get something to eat, it feels we have been here for hours.”

Eat. Food. Hours. Damn it. Junmyeon! Yixing’s eyes widened. He took out his phone and noticed one, Junmyeon’s missed calls and text, two, his phone had been silent, and three, he was two hours late. Being worried about Jongin and his mother, Yixing had forgotten entirely about Junmyeon tonight. He instantly stood up. “I’ll get us something from the cafeteria, I’ll be right back.”

* * *

Junmyeon finished his third glass of wine that night. He hadn’t been counting, but he knew that must be his third cup. He sighed, instead of how much he wanted to scream.

The food was already cold. The candles had burnt halfway. The night felt chillier every minute that passed. And Junmyeon was still there, sitting, waiting like an idiot.

Where the hell was Yixing? He constantly asked himself.

At first, he had been worried sick. He thought something terrible had happened to Yixing, but then Tao should have called him. The same applied if Yixing had gotten ill, somebody would have called him. Besides, Yixing had said he’ll be late. But it was already more than two hours past their meeting time. This could no longer pass as an ‘I’ll be late, start without me’ situation. This was more of an ‘I’m not coming. You’re stood up.’

What exactly was Yixing doing? And why couldn’t Yixing answer his calls and tell him what he was doing?

Junmyeon was midway pouring down his fourth glass of wine when his phone rang. Quickly, he put the bottle away and grabbed the phone. Thank god, he thought when he read Yixing’s name on the screen.

“Yixing! Where are you? Did something happen to you?”

“Oh, hi Junmyeon. I’m at the hospital.”

“The hospital?! Are you sick? Why didn’t you tell me? I’ll be right there, give me the name of the hospital.” Junmyeon stood up.

“No! No, it’s not me. I’m fine.”

He sighed in relief. But then he got worried again. “Oh no, it’s it someone else? Is it one of the kids?”

“No, they’re doing fine, I guess. I haven’t talked to Kyungsoo today, but they must be fine. I’m here with…” Yixing said on the other end with an awkward tone. “I’m with Jongin.”

Junmyeon huffed. Did he hear correct? You’re with Jongin?”

“Yes. Jongin was at the flower shop earlier when he found out his mother had a heart attack.”

“Oh,” Junmyeon said, dropping his defensive tone. “Is she okay?”

“I hope so. They’re doing some minor procedure thing that’ll help her.”

“That’s good.”

“Yes.”

There was brief silent. And Junmyeon couldn’t stand it anymore, he had to ask. “So, you’re on your way back now?” Perhaps, he could heat up the food, making it somewhat enjoyable again.

Yixing sighed. “Actually… I’m truly sorry for being late, but I’m gonna stay here a while longer.”

“Huh?”

“Jongin could use some company right now. He’s been going through a hard time. And he won’t be able to see his mother until three hours after she comes out from the surgery.”

“But didn’t you just say she’ll be fine? Isn’t it a minor surgery?”

“Well, yes, and we hope so. It’s still painful, scary. That’s his mother in there.”

“But why do you have to stay? Can’t he bring a relative or someone else? You’re not even related. He’s nothing to you!” Junmyeon couldn’t understand. He just wanted Yixing to come back so they could eat together already, so he could look proudly at him and say he was happy about tonight.

“He doesn’t have anyone else here. And he’s my friend.”

“And? Just because you’re friends, you’re staying the night with him?”

“That’s what friends are for.”

“No! We agreed to eat together! You said you’ll come!”

“Junmyeon, I’m so sorry, but his mother is in the hospital. She had a heart attack. How can I abandon a friend at a time like this?”

“Well, I don’t know?! How can you abandon me?”

Yixing sighed again. “It was just dinner Junmyeon. We can reschedule, I promise.”

Junmyeon huffed. “So, you rather be with Jongin the whole night than with me?” He begged Yixing wouldn’t answer that. He wouldn’t be able to take it. But…

“He needs me. He needs a friend. I’m his friend. Please understand.”

And I need you! He thought. But instead, Junmyeon said, “You know what Yixing, just… Screw you.” He hung up the phone, not bothering to hear what Yixing had to say next.

He dropped his phone on the floor. He closed his hands into fists, squeezing them so hard his nails stung his skin. He wanted to shout, to scream, to hit something that took away the ranging feelings within, the jealousy, the sadness, everything. Yixing had chosen to be with Jongin over him tonight. That fucking brat Kim Jongin had won over him. What a humiliation.

Why did it feel he had lost something important? Why did his chest hurt? Why?

Junmyeon looked at his wrist and saw that hideous yellow color shining. With one hand, he threw away the cold plate of food in front of him, the porcelain hitting the floor and breaking into pieces.

Everything he had prepared tonight had been hopeless, stupid, silly, and weak. He laughed bitterly, his fist smashing against the table, making everything jump a little. How stupid, how idiotic, how dumb was he? It was starting to repulse him seeing all that stuff on the terrace, reminding him of an evening that would never take place. He bent down and pick up his phone, calling his assistant right away, ignoring the message Yixing had sent him.

“Taeyong, I want the terrace to be cleaned immediately. I don’t care if you must bring your ass here and do it with your bare hands, but I better not see any of this shit once I get out of the shower. Otherwise, consider yourself fired,” Junmyeon said sternly before yet again hanging up the phone.

He threw his phone on the floor again, this time, something cracked. He covered his Emotion Watch with one hand. He walked back inside the penthouse, boiling with a bunch of unpleasant emotions.

Nothing had been perfect tonight.


	13. Chapter 13

**Two Disastrous Nights and One Morning**

“Go home, Junmyeon. And just admit it, you overreacted.”

“Goodbye, Tao.” Junmyeon hung up the phone. He turned in his desk chair, looking at the city lights shining outside. He saw water drops hitting the windows, rolling down quickly. It had been raining for quite some time now, and yet Junmyeon was still here.

The day after he and Yixing had ‘fought,’ Yixing had waited for his return in the evening because Junmyeon had left earlier for work that morning. However, when Junmyeon had seen him, he had ignored Yixing and walked straight to his room. Yixing tried again, and Junmyeon refused. Even though Junmyeon missed Yixing, yearned for him and his affection, he was still angry, jealous, and bitter over how things had gone, over Yixing’s choice. Perhaps this fiasco had been proof that they were indeed not meant to be, and it was an early sign Junmyeon should give up on his feelings.

A week passed, and they still hadn’t talked yet. Yixing had always left him dinner in the evenings, though, Junmyeon didn’t have any appetite to eat it. Running away from the situation seemed the optimal solution to Junmyeon’s problem. Eventually, after not seeing Yixing daily, it might dissolve his feelings. That was what Junmyeon had thought, his friends believed otherwise. After Junmyeon had vented his frustration at Tao and Yifan about Yixing and that night, their advice had been that he needed to talk to Yixing, but their words fell on deaf ears. Until Tao brought up a valid point. ‘What if you had been in Yixing’s shoes?’ And that question did give Junmyeon something to think about these last couple of days. But he had also thought about it because Tao and Yifan checked on him daily to see whether he had done something, just like a few minutes ago.

If the roles had been the opposite; if it had been him who had bailed on Yixing to help Tao or Yifan, then would it have been reasonable that Yixing got mad at him? Junmyeon first response had been yes. After all, he had put effort into making that night perfect, it wasn’t fair everything had been in vain. If Yixing had done the same, of course, Yixing had the right to be angry. But the more Junmyeon thought about it, new sides and views appeared. If it had been him with Tao or Yifan in the hospital, seeing how his friends were suffering, would he have been able to leave them at such a critical moment? He might not care about the rest of the world, but he did value his few and only friendships. Leaving them alone, that would have been terrible. So, he had admitted, he wouldn’t abandon a friend in an emergency, not even for Yixing. Besides, he and Yixing weren’t technically in a relationship, so why should he have a say in whether Yixing stays or goes? The same applied to who Yixing befriend, even if it were Kim Jongin.

He concluded, his vent and anger that night against Yixing might have been exaggerated. But he had a difficult time swallowing his pride and taking the first step to amend things with Yixing. It just wasn’t something he was used to doing. Usually, people just assumed he was right, and at work, he always made sure to not commit any errors. However, Junmyeon was aware that eventually he and Yixing had to talk. They were going to attend this charity ball in five days, so, there couldn’t be any trace of Junmyeon being angry with his fiancé. Junmyeon just didn’t know how, where, and when to speak with Yixing. He also didn’t know what he’ll do after that talk. Would he continue trying to persuade Yixing? Was it worth to keep trying? Or should he just admit defeat for once in his life?

“Perhaps I should go home,” Junmyeon mumbled to himself. Office hours had ended long ago, it was eleven o’clock. It wasn’t strange that during some rough periods he’ll work overtime at the office, but right now wasn’t one of those times. People might start wondering soon why he would rather be at work than at home. Another reason why he should hurry up and fix things. Junmyeon sighed. He put away the documents he had to revise in his briefcase. And then he left the office.

A while later Junmyeon walked through the lobby of his building residence. He went towards the private elevator, scanned his card key, and waited. Junmyeon almost jumped when he heard footsteps approaching and saw Yixing standing there holding an umbrella. He wondered why Yixing was arriving home at this hour too. Had he been hanging out with his friend?

“Good night, Junmyeon,” Yixing said, smiling meekly.

This was too soon to be seeing him, to talk to him. Junmyeon hadn’t figured out what to say yet. When the elevator doors opened, he walked in without replying to anything. Yixing followed suit. Junmyeon stood close to the elevator wall, while Yixing remained in front of the doors. So began one of the most awkward elevators rides he had ever had. Most of the time, he would only look at Yixing’s nape, remembering how soft it had been around his hands. He also saw Yixing was tapping his foot nervously, his hand fidgeted with the umbrella.

Out of nowhere, the lights turned off, leaving them in complete darkness. The elevator stopped. Junmyeon groaned.

“Must be a power outage,” Yixing said.

I know that, Junmyeon thought, rolling his eyes. He took out his new phone and called the building’s maintenance personnel. Meanwhile, he saw Yixing lightening up the elevator buttons and pressing the emergency key. Both got the same answer from the staff, the storm had damaged a power line, and they were trying to fix it, but they couldn’t know how long time it’ll take exactly.

“Perfect,” Junmyeon complained after hanging up the phone. He could hear Yixing chuckling silently. He dropped his briefcase on the floor, crossed his arms, and rested his back against the wall. Now that Yixing turned off his phone’s light, it was dark again. Some noises could be heard, and Junmyeon guessed it must Yixing sitting down. Junmyeon let out a sigh.

It was quiet for a while, the only noises being their breathings and Yixing taping the floor with what appeared to be his fingernails. Junmyeon began thinking that perhaps here and now, in this place, at this moment, was the chance to speak. Whatever he said, Yixing wouldn’t be able to see him, and neither would he see Yixing. Where to begin was the question. Should he admit he was wrong or just say they should put things behind them and move forward? He wasn’t even sure what moving forward will mean, but, going back to normal should be a priority.

“Yixing,” Junmyeon said.

He heard a thud. Yixing must have hit his head on the elevator walls.

“Yes, Junmyeon?” Yixing answered with bewilderment in his voice.

“About that night…” He began saying, but his damn Emotion Watch shone yellow at that instant, lightning his face. How great. He quickly covered it with his hand, but he knew Yixing had seen it. “I-I get it.”

“You get what?”

Junmyeon closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “I get… Why you had to stay.”

“Are you saying…?”

“I’m saying that if I had been in a similar situation, I wouldn’t have left Tao or Yifan alone. That would have been too cruel.”

“Yeah, that’s what I thought,” Yixing said, “But I still wanted to apologize for the fact I should have called you earlier. You were right, I said I would come, and I shouldn’t have kept you in the dark for two hours and then canceling at the last minute. That was rude. I’m sorry.”

On the one hand, Junmyeon couldn’t agree more. Yixing should have answered his calls for heaven’s sake. Junmyeon had been dumbly waiting for him for hours. On the other hand, even if Yixing had called Junmyeon would still have reacted that way. He knew he would have gotten jealous and unable to understand why Yixing had preferred to stay with Jongin. “Yes, you should be,” he said.

Yixing sighed.

“But I still might have overreacted. You weren’t entirely at fault, and I get it now. I apologize for yelling at you… And then ignoring you… Sorry.”

Junmyeon didn’t get a response immediately. He wondered why Yixing didn’t say anything. Did his apology mean nothing now? Was it too late?

“Wow,” Yixing said. “Honestly, I didn’t think you’d apologize. But… No hard feelings.”

By the sound of Yixing’s voice, Junmyeon suspected Yixing must be happy now. “I-I feel the same.” And he felt a weight being lifted off his shoulders. So, he had apologized, he had admitted he was also at wrong. It felt good. It felt liberating that the tension between them had been solved.

“Good! Because I was starting to miss you.” Yixing chuckled.

Junmyeon’s heart skipped a beat. He felt his cheeks turning warm in that familiar way whenever it came to Yixing. Yixing missed him too. “Re-really?” he stuttered.

“The house feels too empty. It’s lonely.”

Oh. So, Yixing missed his physical company. Still, it was something, sort of. “I see. Is that why you’re coming home so late tonight? Were you too lonely?”

“Maybe. I was visiting Kyungsoo and Chanyeol. They invited me over for dinner.”

Junmyeon heard Yixing gasp.

“Which reminds me, I haven’t cooked anything for you! You haven’t eaten, have you?”

As always, Junmyeon found it heartwarming when Yixing worried over him, even if it were things like this. It made him smile. “No, but it’s fine.”

“Nonsense! I’ll prepare something quick for you.”

“It’s late, you don’t have to, Yixing.”

“You cannot skip meals, Junmyeon! I’ll…I’ll order pizza! I’m a little hungry myself, so I’ll get for both.”

“Wherefrom?”

“A pizzeria, of course.”

Junmyeon didn’t know why he asked, he knew Yixing would answer that. He always ate pizza from trustworthy luxury restaurants, but should he trust Yixing’s judgment?

“Come on, Junmyeon. You survived last time we ate at a place like that.” Yixing laughed, a contagious laugh that made Junmyeon chuckle too. Well, Yixing did have a fair point.

“Fine. Let’s eat that.”

Talking like that, being easygoing with each other, it felt everything was back to normal as if they hadn’t been, or well mostly Junmyeon, avoiding each other. Maybe having admitted his mistake had been worth it if this was what he got in return.

“Junmyeon.”

“Yeah?”

“That night... Was…Was it a date?” Yixing muttered quietly.

Junmyeon raised his eyebrows. A date? He hadn’t even considered it. For him, it had been them eating dinner together with a ‘romantic atmosphere.’ But that was basically the definition of a date, wasn’t it? Oh. He had asked Yixing out on a date, that was what his original idea had technically been. Even if it had been substituted for an evening at home, it was still a date. How didn’t he realize it?

Just as Junmyeon figured out what to say, the elevator lights turned on again, startling them both. They covered their eyes with their hands, trying to avoid the blinding light. Not long after, the elevator arrived at the penthouse. And so, the question had been forgotten, and they both picked up their things and walked into the apartment.

“I’ll call the pizzeria now,” Yixing said as they removed their coats and shoes. “Do you have any preference?”

“Surprise me,” Junmyeon smirked.

* * *

Everything went back to normal after the storm that stuck them in the elevator. In days their old habits and the time they spent together returned. Junmyeon was still thinking whether to keep going with his pursuing Yixing plan or if he should just let it be. A part of him was afraid that if he tried again, it would only end up in more disaster. But another part was desperate to have Yixing in his arms, to be in Yixing’s grasp, and yearned so urgently for Yixing, that it was impossible to ignore. That part reached its limit this night.

Tonight, when Junmyeon arrived from Tao’s and Yifan’s house, he was surprised to not find Yixing waiting for him. When he took out his phone, he noticed a text message from Yixing sent ten minutes ago.

**Yixing** 🌿 : I had to go back to the flower shop. It’s a work emergency. Eat without me 😊

Junmyeon furrowed his eyebrows. It was around nine o’clock. He wondered what kind of emergency Yixing was having right now. But he proceeded to eat anyway.

Two hours later, Yixing still hadn’t returned home, and Junmyeon got restless. He sat in his living room, looking at the hallway rather than what the television was playing. He had thought of calling Yixing countless times, but he didn’t want to bother him at work. Nonetheless, Junmyeon couldn’t keep calm. So, he got up from the couch and strode to the hall.

The flower shop looked somewhat different, Junmyeon noted as he parked his car. Then, he realized it was due to not having the usual pots and flowers standing outside. How dumb. He got off his car and went to the door. He tried to open it, but it was locked. Junmyeon knocked on the glass a few times.

Until Yixing finally came out. He gasped when he saw Junmyeon standing there. “Junmyeon? What are you doing here?”

“I-I was wondering why you haven’t come home yet… It’s late.”

Yixing smiled tenderly, his expressions turning soft. “Come in, I’ll explain.”

Junmyeon followed Yixing inside. Everything looked almost the same as those months ago, when he had spent days there, trying to convince Yixing to marry him. He smiled to himself. They walked until a working station, where Yixing was currently fixing what seemed to be a centerpiece.

“What happened?”

“A wedding,” Yixing said, “They’re getting married tomorrow. We fixed all the forty centerpieces earlier today.”

Right now, though, Yixing was doing the opposite, he carefully undid the centerpiece by removing the various flowers from the pedestal vase.

“But the bride changed her mind. She had been undecided between including either these poppies,” Yixing said, holding up a red flower. “Or sweet peas. She eventually went for poppies.” He chuckled. “Some hours ago, she called me and says she wanted sweet peas after all. Those were the flowers his fiancé gave her during their first date, and she remembered it now. She had to have the sweet peas.”

“Isn’t that inconsiderate? You were already done. Couldn’t she have figured it out earlier? Why did you agree to it?” Junmyeon asked, crossing his arms.

“Haven’t you heard the phrase, ‘The bride is always right?’” Yixing let out a laugh. “But I don’t mind. And she’s gonna pay us extra, so it’s okay.”

“Hopefully that extra is enough to cover all this work,” Junmyeon scoffed. “And why are you on your own? Why isn’t your team here?”

“We don’t open on Sundays Junmyeon. Their Saturday shift ended hours ago. Besides I can handle this on my own. I’ve already done ten.”

Yixing was a terrible boss. Junmyeon would have called those slackers right away, that was one of the reasons he had gotten so successful, by managing his office team diligently. Then again, not calling them did sound like something Yixing would do. He sighed. He continued watching Yixing doing his job.

All the flowers were removed now. Yixing gathered the poppies and put them aside in a different vase. Not even the unused flowers did Yixing throw away. Then, Yixing grabbed other pink flowers and put them on the crafting table. He began rearranging the centerpiece one more time.

“Do-do you want help?” Junmyeon found himself saying. This would take Yixing all night. It was too much work for one person. Even if Junmyeon had never done this type of work before, he could still be useful. Two persons worked faster than one. And he just wanted to go home and rest. Well, he could have done it, but it just didn’t seem right to leave Yixing like that.

“Really? You want to help me?” Yixing said, gasping.

Junmyeon ignored the astonishment on Yixing’s face. Hey, he could be helpful too… If he wanted to. “Sure, otherwise you’ll be stuck here all night.”

“I was ready to pull an all-nighter anyway,” Yixing laughed. “But I’ll be happy to have your help.” He gave Junmyeon a broad smile that made Junmyeon feel elated.

Yixing handled him an apron. He showed Junmyeon where they stored the centerpieces. The ones on the left were finished, and the rest needed to be fixed. Yixing took one centerpiece with him and put it on the other crafting table. Since Junmyeon wasn’t a florist, he couldn’t help him arranging the new centerpieces, but he could help him undo the old ones. Yixing showed Junmyeon how he should remove the flowers, one by one, and how to grab and hold them with the most utter care so they wouldn’t get damaged in the process. It would also be easier if he sorted the flowers on the table by species.

Even though for Junmyeon some flowers looked the same, he did his best to remember which ones where one species and so on. After hearing Yixing’s endless indications, he tried to remove one of the pale pink roses. Yixing observed him sternly. Carefully his hands did the job, and when Junmyeon had managed to set the flower free, Yixing grinned and clapped. Junmyeon blushed a little at that

The night went on like that, Junmyeon undoing the centerpieces and Yixing redoing them with the sweet peas. They found a rhythm in which by the time Yixing was done, Junmyeon also was. In the meantime, they also shared talks.

“Was becoming a florist your first choice in the aptitude test?” Junmyeon asked.

Yixing shook his head. “My first choice was to become a genetics researcher.”

Junmyeon looked up at Yixing hastily. Yixing? A genetics researcher? He wouldn’t have guessed that one. Sure, it was a profession with more prestige, but now Junmyeon just couldn’t see Yixing doing something else than fixing flowers. This night he had seen how Yixing cared and treated all his plants and flowers, how Yixing smiled when he finished a centerpiece and went on explaining why this flower arrangement was proportional, or how he would sometimes say random tidbits and tell in the ‘language of flowers’ what a flower meant. Yixing and flowers went hand in hand.

“Surprised?” Yixing laughed.

“Yes.”

“I don’t usually tell this, but growing up I was intrigued by genetics, the human genome, DNA, and all that stuff. I read countless books, watched documentaries, and other stuff about it.”

“Where does the gard-florist thing come from, then?”

“Qian,” Yixing said. His lips curved into a fond, nostalgic smile. “She loved flowers. She was the one who taught me about the language of flowers. We used to pick flowers together. Eventually, I came to love them too.”

“So, you gave up your dream for… Your sister?”

Yixing laughed. “Just because my aptitude test said my number one option was genetics doesn’t mean it was my dream. Becoming a florist was my tenth option, sure, but it made me the happiest… I thought that… That once Qian would return we would work together because she was studying to become a floral designer or a florist. That was my dream. So, I chose it. And as you can see, I ultimately managed to open my own shop. It took time and money, but it was worth it.”

“‘Qian’s flower shop,’ I get it now.”

Yixing nodded, smiling timidly.

And Junmyeon began feeling sickened with himself. As a brother, he couldn’t compare to Yixing. As a brother, he had been the most wicked one, the most detestable, the-

“What about you, Junmyeon?”

Junmyeon blinked in surprise. “What?”

“Was business and office work your dream?”

No. Working in business administration had been his first choice from the result of his aptitude test, that was it. That hadn’t been his dream. The closest thing he had had to a goal was to never let his family down again. All the decisions he took was towards that dream. Choosing his first option in the aptitude test, becoming a successful businessman, hopefully winning the election and becoming the Leader of the nation, it was all because of that ‘dream.’ “Yeah, it was.”

“You know, I’ve always wondered, why don’t you work at Kim Industries? I mean, your family owns the biggest real estate and construction company in the country, why don’t you work there?”

Junmyeon sighed. “I was supposed to. But once I graduated… I didn’t want to land a high positioned job only because of my family. I wanted to prove that I could do just as well on my own, and I did. It had also been a good choice because when I got elected as a candidate, it played in my favor.”

“I see,” Yixing said.

The night continued along with their chats every now and then. Until three hours later all the centerpieces were finally done. Junmyeon’s hands hurt but he was glad everything was finished. Yixing grinned happily too, and repeatedly said what a great duo they had been, he also thanked Junmyeon for helping him out. It made Junmyeon feel somewhat proud, maybe prouder than whenever he had gotten a promotion.

When they had arrived home, before each one parted ways and jumped into bed and rested, Yixing stopped short. He turned around and looked at Junmyeon straight in the eye. Without notice, he jumped forward and surrounded his arms around Junmyeon, enveloping him in a warm hug.

The world seemed to have stopped for Junmyeon. Yixing was hugging him. Yixing’s arms tenderly held him. Yixing’s body was oh so close to him. And it was all, everything Junmyeon had wanted. He closed his eyes and raised his hands to hold Yixing against him, bringing him as close as he could. He inhaled Yixing’s hair, enjoying that shampoo scent. He found a calmness, a sense of belonging he had never felt while hugging anyone before.

“Thanks again for helping me, Junmyeon,” Yixing whispered, breaking the silence, “You were incredible.”

That only fueled Junmyeon’s longing. He backed away and pushed Yixing away a little, but still keeping them in a hug. Yixing looked at him questioningly, and before he could utter a word, Junmyeon attacked his lips. How he had craved to kiss those lips freely, whenever he wanted, without having onlookers nearby. The best feeling was when Yixing started to kiss him back, trying to dominate the kiss. Junmyeon didn’t care as long as those luscious lips kept on kissing him.

But the air was a necessity. And as much as Junmyeon didn’t want, they had to stop. They rested their forehead against one another, they panted against their faces, not minding it one bit. They kept on holding each other while looking at their eyes. But when the giddiness of the kiss died out, when they both realized what had happened, what they were doing, they instantly backed away letting go of each other.

“Wha-what was tha-that?” Yixing asked, voice quivering, face looking full of confusion.

And Junmyeon felt the urge to just say what had been bothering him for so long. To say it and dumbly hope that everything would turn out great. “I-I’m…” In love with you, he thought, but his lips mouthed, “I-I’m practicing.” He couldn’t, not right now, not like this.

“Practicing?”

“Practicing kissing you. Yeah, that’s it. You know what? It’s late, and I’m tired. Good night, Yixing,” Junmyeon said. He ran away towards his room, opened the door, and went inside.

It wasn’t the right time yet.

* * *

The next day, Junmyeon left the house early in the morning, even though he knew Yixing wouldn’t be there since Yixing had said he needed to deliver the centerpieces to the wedding venue.

He spent most of his morning at his favorite restaurant. After eating breakfast, he couldn’t help thinking about last night’s events, especially the final ones. He had kissed Yixing, Yixing had hugged him unexpectedly. Did the hug mean something? Could it perhaps be an indication that Yixing was also harboring love feelings towards him? It could be. After all, no one hugs someone like Yixing had hugged him, even if they had felt gratitude. Yixing’s embrace had been one he had never felt before, the firm grip, the closeness. And then how could he forget how Yixing had passionately kissed him back? The kiss had been fiercer, with more feeling than all those times they had kissed for the sake of publicity. Everything had to mean something. Those thoughts spun around Junmyeon’s head the whole time, and each time, the more he believed that Yixing indeed liked him too, and the braver he became to come clean.

In the end, Junmyeon had come forward to an important decision. He had to try, he had to try asking Yixing out on a date where he could properly confess his feelings. Heck, he was tired of second-guessing, tired of doubting and wondering, and pining, and suffering in silence. He needed to say it now, so the lovesickness could end, and he could finally be at peace. Yixing would say yes, he constantly told himself that. Yixing would say yes.

Before going back home, he swung by a flower shop. Unfortunately, they didn’t have alstroemerias. The day of their date, that day he’ll gift Yixing the most beautiful alstroemerias. But those red roses he got instead could suffice for now.

With each moment he came closer to home, he felt happy, excited, elated, looking forward and imagining the moment Yixing would say yes, and if the world was fair, maybe even say he liked Junmyeon too. Junmyeon had basically smiled the whole car ride back to the building.

For the first time in years, he greeted his doorman with a wide beam, something that seemed to have caught the man by surprise. But Junmyeon continued his way, strolling confidently to the private elevator. He tapped his feet impatiently while he waited for the elevator to arrive. Once he got in, his heartbeat rose to the skies, every thump seemed to come quicker than the previous one. He felt his stomach flip and flip. He saw his Emotion Watch going from yellow to white and so on. However, he didn’t care, he would do it, he would simply do it.

Junmyeon grinned. The elevator's door opened and-

He dropped the bouquet of roses. He gasped. He lost his breath. He felt a sharp, piercing pain in his heart as if it was being ripped out of his chest and trampled, crushing it to fragments. He felt his eyes turning watery within seconds as the image of Yixing and Jongin kissing in front of him took place.


	14. Chapter 14

**Breaking Hearts**

‘I’m practicing, practicing kissing you.’ Junmyeon’s words resounded in Yixing’s head since last night. It seemed that was the only thing he heard amid silence. Ten minutes had passed after he had returned from dropping the centerpieces at the wedding. Usually, Yixing would have driven to the flower shop and left the van back there, but he had been too eager to see Junmyeon. So, he had gone home directly. Yet here he was, sitting in the parking lot, a bit hesitant to go out.

Yixing just needed a few minutes to think with clarity. Last night’s kiss had been intense, passionate and Yixing wanted to believe it had also made Junmyeon feel what he had felt. The kiss had to imply something, it couldn’t only be ‘practice’ as Junmyeon had said. Besides, they weren’t in public, Junmyeon had no reason to kiss him other than because he had wanted to. Yixing hoped Junmyeon had wanted to. There was also the fact that Junmyeon had been jealous of him and Jongin, to the point they hadn’t even spoken in days. That had made Yixing worried, unhappy, and he hadn’t lied when he had said he missed Junmyeon tremendously.

But it had all gotten so confusing, Yixing had to confront Junmyeon about everything. He needed to know where they were standing in their fake relationship, if it had changed or not because for him it somehow had. He knew that he had some sort of infatuation with Junmyeon. Yixing knew that. Yixing had felt it. The strangest thing was that Junmyeon was the opposite of the person he had expected to be with. Junmyeon was nothing like who he had thought he’d marry yet Yixing still wanted to be with him. So, the System had been correct. Perhaps it was true what they said about opposites attract. Maybe it was true that love could be irrational.

He still hesitated. After all, how could Yixing forget that Junmyeon had said he would never love him? Could something like that change? Based on the things Junmyeon had done for him like apologizing, helping him last night, and kissing him unexpectedly, could that signify things had changed? Could Junmyeon feel the same way for him? Be attracted to him? Maybe, maybe even love him at some point in the future? A part of Yixing thought it could be possible, achievable. But, what if Yixing brought up the topic only so Junmyeon ended up mocking him, laughing and saying that he would never fall in love with someone like him? And so he’d end up utterly humiliated.

He let out a groan and rested his head against the steering wheel. Compared to what Yixing had expected about meeting his soulmate through destiny and fate, falling easily in love and being happy, this was nothing like that. It was more complicated. It hadn’t even been love at first sight. It might also not be mutual. Yixing took one deep breath. Nevertheless, rather than waiting for the situation to shift into a much complicated and confusing state, he should take matters into his own hands. He had always preferred to be direct and honest with himself, and that was what he should do now. Another deep breath. Yixing gathered all his courage and left the vehicle. With firm steps, he headed towards the elevator that took him upstairs to the lobby. He had to do this. He would do this.

Back at the penthouse, though, Yixing soon found out it was empty. He had first searched in the living room, the kitchen, the office, Junmyeon’s room, his own room, and elsewhere, but nobody was there. Not even while shouting his name had Junmyeon answered. He suspected Junmyeon was working out or had gone out somewhere to eat lunch. So, Yixing threw himself on one of the couches in the living room, letting out a sigh. He’ll have to wait for Junmyeon’s return. He saw his Emotion Watch not lighting anything at all, the screen was still turned off, which meant it was ‘white.’ Even while feeling a turmoil of things, the watch never seemed to change colors. For a long time, Yixing had assumed it was broken, but while Kyungsoo had worn it, the artifact had indeed worked. He didn’t complain, however. It was a relief to know his nervousness could not be noted by anyone, especially right now.

The ding sound of the elevator’s door opening made Yixing swiftly jump up. His heartbeats quickened. He nervously sat up straight on the couch, waiting, but then the sound of a voice calling his name made him stand up. It was Jongin who had come up, not Junmyeon. How strange, Yixing thought. Over the days, Yixing had called Jongin to know how he was feeling, and such, Yixing had even returned to the hospital to visit Jongin’s mother one more time. What could he be doing here?

Yixing walked into the hallway to meet Jongin. He saw Jongin standing there, who instantly smiled at him.

“Hi Yixing.”

“Jongin,” Yixing said, smiling back and now standing in front of him, “What are you doing here?” Junmyeon would surely not be happy to know his old high school ‘nemesis’ was in his house, even if Junmyeon had said one of the rules in the house was that Yixing could do as he pleased. “And I’m not trying to be rude, but how did you get in?”

Jongin brought up a black card key from his pocket. “We have special keys to the Security Department. It gives us access to all secured doors in hotels, houses, and elevators, among other things.”

Yixing nodded. He wasn’t even surprised to know that, this country didn’t know limits otherwise those watches wouldn’t exist. What Yixing mostly thought about was how Junmyeon would return soon. So, it might be better if nobody was visiting, particularly not Jongin. Yet Yixing couldn’t kick someone out rudely. Maybe after having a small talk with Jongin, he’d leave. Yixing asked Jongin about his mother, even though from their brief calls and last visit, Jongin had explained a bit. Jongin’s mom hadn’t suffered a heart attack, but she had stress cardiomyopathy. It could still have fatal consequences, though. Rest, and no stress was essential. So, Jongin’s mom had stayed at the hospital for observation. Jongin had stayed by her side the whole time. Eventually, she had improved and was doing considerably better. And yesterday, she could go home to rest there instead. Jongin would continue taking care of her for the time being. Today, he had come home to grab a few things before going back to his mother’s house.

“I’m so happy she is doing better, Jongin. Please send her my best wishes.”

“Thank you, Xing. I’ll tell her.”

After smiling at each other, a brief silence fell. Yixing was still wondering why Jongin was standing there, though. Junmyeon might come back home any moment now. “So… Is there something else you needed to tell me?”

“Yes. I wanted to thank you for everything you’ve done for me. For all your support. For accompanying me that day, staying in touch with me and even revisiting my mother when you didn’t have to do any of that.”

Yixing shook his head. “It’s nothing. I was glad to be a little helpful, I know you would have done the same for me, right?” He smiled.

Jongin breathed in and out as if getting ready to do say something vital, crucial. “I would… But would it have been for the same reasons?”

“Huh?”

Jongin’s gaze, his brown irises burning with determination, fell on Yixing’s eyes. “Yixing, I apologize if I come too straightforward now, but I do not like dwelling on doubts and what-ifs, and I can’t stand this anymore.” Suddenly, his expression softened, a tender smile appeared on his lips. “I’ve fallen in love with you. Your kindness, your gentleness, your playfulness, your selflessness, the way you smile and laugh, the way you remain true to yourself even though you were brought into this elitist world, the way you so eagerly explain to me about flowers, everything you are, Zhang Yixing, has me enamored.”

Oh no, Yixing thought. He blinked repeatedly. He remained quiet, dazed, staring at Jongin wide-eyed, while Jongin’s eyes stared at him with a look of love? Jongin wasn’t joking; he wasn’t laughing, saying it was all a prank. He hadn’t even hesitated to say that; his Emotion Watch didn’t change. Jongin was in love with him. How could that be possible? Weren’t they supposed to be friends?

“Yixing, what you feel for me, it’s something I haven’t been able to decode entirely. I’d like to believe that all this time we’ve spent together, all the care you’ve shown to me are not only on the friendly affection level. I hope it isn’t. I hope it could be more. Because I know this marriage is not something you two are doing out of sheer love. I know Junmyeon, I’ve learned to get to know you too. And I suspect you two must have some type of agreement behind all this.”

Yixing’s jaw dropped, he still wasn’t able to articulate a sentence. How had Jongin known that? Nobody did, besides a few trusted people. Were his deduction skills so great that was why Jongin worked for the Security Department?

Jongin took one step forward, invading Yixing’s personal space, his eyes were still firm on Yixing. “Because how can you love someone so arrogant, selfish, vain, and conceited? Someone, who disregards everyone’s feelings but his own. What is there to love?”

A lot. There was so much hidden underneath the surface that Junmyeon couldn’t be reduced to what Jongin was saying, even if that had been Yixing’s own impression at first. It took time to make Junmyeon get out of his shell, but Yixing knew what Jongin was saying wasn’t the entire truth, maybe it was even far from it. Yixing closed his hand into a fist, he furrowed his eyebrows. He was just about to say something when Jongin continued speaking.

“I cannot imagine you, of all people, loving someone like that. Just like I cannot imagine him loving you back because… Come on, it’s Kim Junmyeon we’re talking about. I’m pretty sure he’s uttered his disappointment and displeasure in being with someone like you at some point… He will never be able to love you, Yixing. You will never be happy with him. He’s not for you, even if the System has said so. I don’t believe it. And deep down, neither do you, right?”

Junmyeon had said so. In the beginning. When things still hadn’t changed much. When Junmyeon didn’t admit his wrongdoings, when Junmyeon didn’t offer to cook meals, to help him at work, to defend him from pretentious bullies, when Junmyeon didn’t unexpectedly take the chance to kiss him. No. Unless Junmyeon said that himself, Yixing wasn’t going to believe it. He refused to accept Jongin’s reasoning even if a part of his brain was mocking him for not admitting that… It sounded more reasonable than his own assumptions.

Jongin raised his hands to caress Yixing’s cheeks, holding him. But his touch was empty for Yixing, it didn’t bring him any of the warmness Junmyeon’s had done last night.

“Meanwhile Xing, I, I’ve fallen in love with you, and only you. I think we are the ones who belong together. I think you and I could be much happier together. I wouldn’t care that I might lose my job and status for choosing to be by your side because Xing, I’ll be more than happy to only have you and nothing else. I don’t care about the backlash, only about you. Because I’ve fallen in love with you.”

Yixing hadn’t done so, though. He hadn’t fallen in love with Jongin, even though realistically speaking Jongin resembled more closely what Yixing had dreamed of in a partner. Perhaps Jongin had a point about them, but all this time, Yixing had seen him as a close friend, nothing more, nothing else. Instead, Yixing’s heart had gotten captivated by someone else, someone his complete opposite. And he had still fallen for him. Despite the fact he would break his friend’s heart, Yixing had to reject him. But again, Jongin was quicker than him. It took less than two seconds for Jongin to lean forward, enveloping Yixing’s lips in a kiss, catching him off guard.

It was a kiss that didn’t cause Yixing any emotional effect. He felt nothing, absolutely nothing. He couldn’t even close his eyes as Jongin had done. Those lips weren’t Junmyeon’s. That fragrance wasn’t Junmyeon’s. That touch wasn’t Junmyeon’s. And it felt so utterly wrong. Yixing put his hands between them and tried to push Jongin away, ready to lecture him on why it was wrong to kiss an engaged person when he heard the ding sound again, the elevator doors opening. Yixing felt his heart hammering in his chest. For a moment he went numb. Only Junmyeon could be standing there, although he hoped it wasn’t. When he recovered his senses, realizing the compromising position they were at, Yixing used more force to push Jongin away, putting an end to that unwanted kiss.

Jongin stepped aside to stand next to him. Yixing could finally see Junmyeon. He gulped, feeling a sense of terrible guilt invading him. There was a bouquet of roses on the floor. Junmyeon’s eyes glistened under the elevator light. He had his mouth open. He was squeezing his fists, so hard, Yixing got worried his nails were stinging his hand. Junnyeon’s gaze was on Jongin, not Yixing. An eerie silence settled between them, in which for a long time they merely stared at each other. Junmyeon at Jongin, Jongin at Junmyeon, and Yixing at Junmyeon.

“Jun-” Jongin tried to say, but Yixing interfered.

“Is not what you think, Junmyeon! We weren’t-”

As fast as he could, Junmyeon stomped out of the elevator. His thick eyebrows formed a frown. His lips came together in a thin line. And he grabbed Jongin by the shirt, looking at him with a loathing in his eyes Yixing had never seen. It made him feel a bit scared. Jongin didn’t battle as Junmyeon firmly held his shirt, dragging him to the elevator, and pushed him inside fiercely. Jongin’s back hit the elevator wall. Then, just as quickly, Junmyeon went to grab Yixing by his arm. He still didn’t look at Yixing but proceeded to pull him.

“Junmyeon, I-”

“I said you could do whatever the fuck you wanted, but if you’re gonna whore around, then at least have the decency to not do it under my roof!” Junmyeon raged, throwing Yixing inside the elevator.

Jongin caught Yixing before he landed on the floor. Junmyeon pressed the button down. And when Yixing tried to turn around, stand up and run to Junmyeon, Jongin held him in place. The elevator doors closed while Yixing saw the look of pure disgust on Junmyeon’s face. It stung his heart.

Yixing breaths hastened. His heartbeats were still a mess. And all he could think of was that he needed to go back. To tell Junmyeon everything was a mistake. To say that he didn’t want anyone else but him. When Jongin finally let him go, Yixing instantly stood up.

“Jongin! Why did you do that?!” he shouted, holding Jongin by his arms with enough force to be uncomfortable, yet Jongin didn’t complain. He shook him back and forth. “Why didn’t you let me go? Why did you have to kiss me? I-I have to explain everything was a misunderstanding! I have to fix this!”

“Xing, calm down,” Jongin said, “Junmyeon was so furious, I was afraid he might have hurt you.”

“Hurt me?” Yixing huffed, “Junmyeon would never do that!”

In that instant, the elevator landed on the ground floor. The doors opened but all Yixing could do was let go of Jongin and go push the button up. However, no matter how many times he pressed, the doors didn’t close.

“Why doesn’t this shit go up? I’m pressing the damn button!” Yixing complained, still pressing the button repeatedly.

“You have to unlock it with the card key or by keying the code again. Otherwise, the elevator system won’t activate.”

Yixing cursed. He desperately searched in his pockets for the card key but to no avail. Then, he remembered, he had put it in his jacket, the same jacket he had left upstairs. “Damn it, I don’t have it.” Yixing thought of what to do now. Should he call the staff for some help and tell them to input the code for him? Or would Junmyeon have instructed them to not let him in for the time being? Or should he- Yixing turned around to see Jongin, still standing there, between the elevator doors probably trying to prevent them from closing.

“Jongin, use your card key to activate it. I need to go back,” he ordered.

But Jongin didn’t move a finger. He only stood there, watching Yixing’s outrage. There wasn’t a decipherable expression on his face. He was just observing quietly.

“Jongin!”

“Why?”

“Why?” Yixing asked, letting out a laugh of disbelief, shaking his head. “Because I need to fix this mess you’ve created! I must tell Junmyeon you kissed me out of nowhere. I didn’t want to. It meant nothing to me. Nothing! I don’t love you. You’re just a friend and nothing else. I-I, I’m in love with him, not you.”

Even after hearing those words, Jongin didn’t react. With a monotonous voice, he uttered, “But he doesn’t love you back.”

“Shut up, you don’t know that.”

“And you do?”

Yixing couldn’t answer right away. He… Didn’t know. He had no idea. He was about to find out for once today. Yet, even now, he couldn’t say with certainty that Junmyeon loved him, he couldn’t even guess it. Maybe by his reaction to that kiss, Junmyeon did. Or perhaps Junmyeon had felt furious because it was Jongin kissing Yixing… If anyone else had done it, would Junmyeon even have cared?

“You don’t know…” Jongin trailed off, “Which furthers makes me believe that neither of you loved each other when you decided to get married.”

Yixing exhaled and inhaled, trying to come up with a wise thing to say without jeopardizing his and Junmyeon’s relationship’s veracity. But he couldn’t come up with anything smart, everything he thought of would only lead to giving Jongin more proof that he was right. Yixing felt a bead of sweat forming on his forehead. He gulped. Why couldn’t be he as good as Junmyeon when it came to ‘improvising’ lies?

Jongin huffed. Then, finally, his face showed some emotion: gloom. “But you’ve fallen for him. This desperation to prove him you’re not at wrong, it’s… You actually have come to love Kim Junmyeon.”

“I have!” Yixing said. But Jongin’s miserable face was starting to affect him, and Yixing couldn’t bear himself to shout at him anymore. He breathed in, trying to brush away the anger. When he managed to, with a soft voice, he explained, “Listen, Jongin, you been a great friend to me, really. I never expected to meet someone else with a sensible heart in this world full of selfish sharks. And I came to appreciate you and love you just like I do with my other friends… Only as a friend. But the one who has my heart, my love and affection, that’s Junmyeon. It had always been Junmyeon. And yes, we might be different and unfit, but I don’t care. I only want to be with Junmyeon and no one else. I’m sorry.”

Jongin’s lips curved into a remorseful smile. He shook his head. “Fuck. I can’t believe I’m hearing this for the second time,” Jongin let out a laugh, a wailing laugh, full of desperation. He looked at the floor while he brushed his eyes with his hands. After a while, when he finally raised his head to meet Yixing’s eyes, he spoke. “Don’t apologize, Yixing. I’m the one who is truly sorry. It was wrong for me to have jumped on you and kissed you without your permission. I-I was so full of myself, and I thought I would do a spontaneous love act that would make you realize how much you like me more… But all I did was behave like an assaulter. I am so sorry.” He lowered his upper body to a ninety degrees bow.

Yixing didn’t know what to say. Nobody had ever apologized to him this way. “I, I don’t think it’s-”

“It is. I should know better. Supposedly, my job is to protect you, but I ended up harming you two. I was blinded by my desire to hear you say you loved me back, by the rivalry and jealousy from an immature teenager, that I acted hastily. I’m so sorry for the trouble I’ve caused you.” Jongin stood up straight again, his semblance was serious this time. “I’d apologize to Junmyeon, but I’m sure I’m the last person he wants to see right now.” Jongin brought out his black card key. “I won’t tell anyone about your and Junmyeon’s marriage matters. That’s none of my business.” He walked out from between the elevator doors, he held up the card key. “Neither will I ever bother you again, Yixing.” His eyes reflected a hint of sadness. The moment Jongin pressed the card key against the keypad, the elevator worked again.

“Jongin, we can-”

Jongin shook his head. “We can’t. But I hope he makes you happy.”

As the elevator doors closed, Yixing saw Jongin staring at him, smiling ruefully. Yixing thought he also saw a tear pouring down Jongin’s face.


	15. Chapter 15

**Reciprocated**

He wouldn’t cry about this. It was nothing worth crying for. He wouldn’t cry about anything anymore, Junmyeon told himself as he watched the elevator doors. He blinked, trying to brush off the wet, salty sensation in his eyes. His fists remained closed in that tight grip. A fingernail was burying itself in his palm. It hurt. His Emotion Watch emanated that hideous yellow light with told him and everyone else he had lost his temper. He couldn’t lose control, not over this trivial matter, not again.

So, the gardener was fooling around with that idiot. If one took into account how much time those two cheaters had spent together, anyone might have suspected something earlier. Dumbly, Junmyeon hadn’t. Instead, he had wanted to believe in Yixing, in that Yixing had a sense of morality and would remain faithful to him even if neither of them loved each other. Junmyeon was going to do that. But maybe Yixing’s gentleness and big-heartedness were just for show. Maybe Yixing was an impostor who indulged in debauchery with men like Kim Jongin. What if they had fooled around here countless times, in his own house, laughing in bed together about how naïve Junmyeon was for falling in love with Yixing. Those thoughts upset his heart and fueled the rage boiling within him.

The tears were almost there, ready to roll down. When Junmyeon looked at his hands, he stopped squeezing them. There was a small cut on his right hand, just where his fingernail had dug, oozing a bit of blood. And yet it didn’t hurt. Meanwhile, his Emotion Watch continued shining yellow. Tao’s warnings, words said so long ago, came to his mind. He needed to cool off, to calm down. Otherwise, his fury could be interpreted as something else. But, god, he couldn’t let the sense of being fooled and trampled go away that easily. It was still there, torturing every fiber of his being.

For the first time ever, Junmyeon deliberately took off his Emotion Watch, and not because he was about to shower. And with that action, it seemed all the rage and wretchedness intensified. Not only was he angry with Yixing but also with himself. Falling in love had made him weaker, vulnerable, and prone to cry over things that didn’t matter in the least. How weak had he become? Junmyeon squeezed the watch on his hand before throwing it on the floor not caring about the damage it may cause the device.

With quick steps, he walked into the living room. He stood in front of the wooden cabinet that stored all his liquor. It wasn’t usual that he drank. Most of the time it was just to enjoy a bottle of wine along with friends during their reunions or on rare occasions with Yixing during dinner. Drinking with Yixing. The memories of that night at the resort flashed through his mind. And Junmyeon felt disgusted with himself. He had to forget. Everything. Everyone. Him. For that, he’d need something stronger than wine. Something that can make him stop thinking, so he could ignore the image of Jongin and Yixing kissing. So, his brain could stop haunting him with false visions of those two sleeping together around his house.

He poured himself a glass of whiskey, leaving behind a bloodstain on the bottle. He raised his glass and gulped some of it. His throat felt like burning, but the discomfort was incomparable to having a broken heart. If only the alcohol’s effects could kick in immediately.

Silently, Junmyeon remained in the same position near the cabinet, refusing to look around the living room. He took another sip from his glass, the taste the same as previously. His teary eyes contemplated the liquid’s brownish hue as the havoc within him still didn’t dissipate.

‘That’s why nobody loves you!’

The water droplets finally made its trail down his cheeks. The last words Junmyeon had ever heard from Jaemin had always been right. Ever since that day occurred, he knew he would always be unlovable. His family, his few friends, how could they genuinely love somebody like him after what he did, what he was? He didn’t deserve it, even if they reassured him they did, he didn’t deserve any of it. And for so many years Junmyeon had learned to live with that notion. So, why? Why did Yixing have to make him like this? Why did that gardener have to come, delude him into believing that despite everything, even just once, somebody could love him, that he could be loved, only to have his heart shattered in the end? He had done so well until now. He had-

“Junmyeon.”

Yixing’s soft voice interrupted Junmyeon’s thoughts, making him drop the glass he was holding. Crystal pieces scattered across the floor. He sniffled. He brushed away the tears with his hands. How great. Why did Yixing return? To mock him? To ridicule him? To say how stupid Junmyeon was for believing he could like him? Either way, Junmyeon didn’t want to see, hear, or be near Yixing. He just wanted to be left alone. At some point, they had to talk again and continue their ‘relationship’ in front of the public as if nothing had changed. Junmyeon would learn to deal with his feelings by then. Right now, though, he needed to be away from Yixing. His room could be the only safe hiding place where nobody would speculate or ask him questions. Junmyeon turned around, looking at the floor, and then began to walk away.

“Junmyeon, wait!” Yixing exclaimed, stopping Junmyeon by holding his arm. “You misunderstood everything. There’s nothing-”

Junmyeon pulled his arm free from Yixing’s grip and dashed out of the living room. He wasn’t going to stand there and be lied to like a fool. As he walked, Junmyeon heard Yixing striding behind him, attempting to talk to him. But it was all deaf noise to Junmyeon.

When they went up to the second floor, Junmyeon thought of running to his room. Then, Yixing grabbed him again, this time surrounding his arms around Junmyeon’s upper body, almost like a back hug. He could feel Yixing’s respiration against his neck. He could sense Yixing’s chest against his back. The closeness agitated Junmyeon’s heartbeats. He hated it. Junmyeon fought to get free from Yixing.

“Please listen to me, Junmyeon,” Yixing said, holding Junmyeon firmly, “You were wrong! Jongin means nothing to me. Nothing is going on between us.”

And I wasn’t born yesterday, Junmyeon thought. He continued struggling to get free. The door to his room wasn’t far away, he just had to run. But damn it, Yixing was apparently stronger than him and kept him in place, his arms unable to move. “Stop it! Let me go!” he shouted at last.

Did Yixing listen to him? As it was customary, he didn’t.

“Not until we figure this out.”

Junmyeon huffed. “There’s nothing to figure out. I don’t want you near me. Just let go of me and go back to that stupid brat!”

“No!” Yixing said, “You have to understand that what happened earlier was a mistake. I didn’t kiss him, he kissed me. I, I…”

“I don’t care! Just get your dirty hands off me!”

“I like you not him!”

Yixing’s words almost echoed in the hallway. Junmyeon’s eyes widened. His heart skipped a beat. Earlier in the morning that had been everything he had wanted to hear. Those words were supposed to make him joyful. Happy. Glad. Currently, however, they felt like lies, hollow words. Junmyeon furrowed his eyebrows.

“Shut up! Cut the crap and let me go.”

Oddly, Yixing let out a chuckle. That laugh usually made Junmyeon smile. Now it merely felt unpleasant, tearing apart a bit more of Junmyeon’s broken heart. Of course, Yixing was lying. He was just trying to make fun of Junmyeon, to trick him once again and then break him.

But Yixing startled Junmyeon when he kissed his head. “I’m not lying, Junmyeon. I fell in love with you. Those are my true feelings for you.”

Junmyeon shook his head. “No. No, they’re not.”

“Yes. Yes, they are!” Yixing said, “How can I make you believe me?”

“You can’t.” You must be lying, I’m not worthy, he thought.

Yixing sighed, his breathing hitting Junmyeon’s ear closely. “I’m still gonna try… I’ve never lied to you. Jongin and I are friends, or well, used to be friends. I’ve never seen him as something else but he, he did fall in love with me. Today he confessed it to me. And in a rush of feelings, he ended up kissing me.”

Junmyeon scowled. No, he didn’t want to be reminded of that haunting image again.

“But I don’t like him. What you saw was a misunderstanding. I didn’t even close my eyes and just-”

“Let him kiss you, yeah, right.” Junmyeon interrupted.

“I admit it, I should have put an end to it right away. But I was stunned, and then I heard you coming in and I just, I just froze there… I’m sorry you had to see that. In any case, I’ve already rejected Jongin, and he said it’s better if we’re not friends anymore. I guess that’s for the better.”

A part of Junmyeon’s mind recalled that the first time he had kissed Yixing, and how the man had stayed frozen in place due to the shock. Could that have been the case here too? Also, those two weren’t even going to keep in touch anymore. So… No, no, Junmyeon! He said to himself.

“The bottom line is that I’ve never felt anything for Jongin. Nothing. Because it’s you who I want to be with, Junmyeon. It’s you I’m in love with.”

A warm sensation spread across Junmyeon’s cheeks. His heart continued accelerating. How could Yixing still have this effect on him? Junmyeon shouldn’t be falling into those sweet, sweet lies. “No… Why would you?”

“You’re right. Conceited, moody, bossy, and arrogant, you’re nothing like my ideal type.”

Junmyeon frowned once more. Was that answer supposed to help? “Well, the defiant, scruffy, nagging, annoying gardener wasn’t my top choice either!”

This time Yixing laughed. And Junmyeon couldn’t understand the humor in the situation. But Yixing’s laugh was contagious, and he almost found himself smiling. Almost.

“Yes, we’re pretty different, but you made me fall in love with you anyway. How could I not? Because beneath those things, I’ve also seen how generous, considerate, hardworking, and sweet you can be in your own way. And do you know how beautiful you are when you smile and laugh? Or how adorable you look when I tease you, or when you blush? And how you make me feel whenever we kiss? God, Junmyeon, you’re the one I’ve fallen in love with, despite how we started and everything else. I’m not lying to you. These are my honest feelings. Please believe me.” And the moment Yixing concluded that he let go of Junmyeon.

This was the perfect chance to run away, to go hide and shelter himself from more pain. But Junmyeon didn’t move. Instead, he blushed. He felt those tingling sensations in his stomach, that anxious heart. He hadn’t sensed any dishonesty in Yixing’s confession. And that sincerity almost made him forget all of his earlier insecurities and doubts. Maybe Yixing did love him. Or perhaps Yixing didn’t because Junmyeon didn’t deserve it. He felt like a pendulum, swinging from left to right, believing at one moment only to find himself at the other end soon, denying it.

He got startled when Yixing suddenly stood in front of him. Yixing stared at him with a warm smile on his lips, his dimples showing. Junmyeon loved to see him smile, and even know, he still did.

“I’m truly in love with you, Junmyeon.” Yixing raised his hand for Junmyeon to take it, “And because of everything that happened now, I hope you are too… Are you?” Yixing’s hand trembled a little when he asked that.

Junmyeon’s gaze shifted to Yixing’s hand. He felt leaning more and more towards believing that the man standing in front of him was speaking the truth. That the incident earlier was a mistake. Yixing had fallen in love with him against all the odds. And Junmyeon should simply jump into Yixing’s arms, kiss him and say he fell for him too. This was the perfect chance. This was his only chance quite frankly. And so, the pendulum stopped, but it wasn’t in the middle. Junmyeon gave up all sense. He took Yixing’s hand and dragged him across the hallway.

“What, what are you doing?” Yixing asked.

But Junmyeon didn’t speak. He didn’t say anything until they walked into Yixing’s room and then into the bathroom. Yixing’s face reflected confusion that didn’t vanish when Junmyeon explained himself.

“Brush your teeth.”

Usually, Yixing wouldn’t have done so unless he had questioned Junmyeon further on why. This time, however, he stood in front of the sink, he took his toothbrush, poured some toothpaste, and began brushing his teeth. After a minute or so of brushing, he rinsed his mouth and the toothbrush.

“Okay, what-” Yixing tried to say, but the moment he turned around, Junmyeon jumped forward and held the back of Yixing’s head, enveloping their lips in a kiss. Yixing’s arms surrounded themselves around Junmyeon’s waist. When their mouths opened wider, tongues instantly greeted each other in a sultry movement. Just like last night, this wasn’t one of those tame kisses they gave in public, no, it was desperate, longing, bursting with feelings. They kissed until both were deprived of air. And Junmyeon instantly embraced Yixing, holding him tightly and resting his jaw on Yixing’s shoulder. Yixing hugged him back. It felt as if their chest were beating in synchronicity, their panting undoubtedly was.

“All-all this time I’ve been carrying these feelings with me. These sick feelings that made me lose my mind, my temper, and myself in daydreams and pining. I’d close my eyes, and it would be you I’d see, I’d be kissing and hugging you just like this,” Junmyeon said, pressing himself even closer to Yixing. “Because… Because I feel the same, Yixing. You’re actually so kind and caring and, and you made me fall in love with you too.”

Junmyeon breathed out and closed his eyes. For the first time in his life, he had said that to someone. His confession was nothing like Yixing’s. It was quite bad. But it still was liberating, soothing to know it was out of his chest and Yixing felt the same. There were going to be complications, Junmyeon knew that’d be inevitable, but for now, it was fine. It was perfect.

In the time that followed, they continued hugging each other, still in Yixing’s bathroom in front of the sink. Junmyeon saw his face in the mirror and noted how awful he looked with traces of a runny nose and teary eyes. Yet he had still kissed Yixing like that. And it didn’t matter because now he could kiss Yixing whenever he wanted. No more silent yearning, no more lovesickness. Now, he was with Yixing. He smiled widely.

Yixing interrupted the quietness with a chuckle. “Aren’t we dumb?” he asked.

“The dumbest.” Junmyeon laughed along with Yixing.

“Can I ask why you made me brush my teeth?”

Junmyeon frowned a little. “You had Jongin bacteria all over you, I wasn’t going to kiss you like that.”

Again, Yixing’s laugh resonating in the room, and Junmyeon’s lips curved into a smile, even though that awful image had reappeared once again. But he’ll learn to live with it, and hopefully, also forget it one day.

“So, does this mean you have forgiven me now? About that ki-kiss,” Yixing said, his voice quivering at the end.

“It’s unforgivable.”

Yixing gulped, and his body tensed a little.

“But you said it was a mistake… And mistakes are inevitable. So, there’s really nothing to forgive.” He wouldn’t hold any grudges against Yixing. Jongin, on the other hand, Junmyeon couldn’t promise the same.

Yixing sighed. He leaned himself closer to Junmyeon’s shoulder. “We have to cook something for us. You can’t drink on an empty stomach.”

As always, Yixing was looking after him. His lips curved upwards once again. “I only drank two sips before you startled me and made me drop the glass. But I could use some food right now.”

Their hug finally broke. Yixing suggested for them to go down and see what he could make. Junmyeon nodded, but told Yixing to go first, he had a face to wash.

Maybe it was Yixing’s delicious food or the small dose of alcohol in his system, but after eating lunch, Junmyeon couldn’t keep his eyes open while they sat on the couch, watching some uninteresting music competition TV-show Yixing liked. He ended up falling asleep, his head leaning against Yixing’s shoulder and still finding it the most pleasant place to fall asleep at.

By the time Junmyeon woke up, he was laying on the couch by himself. Yixing had tucked him with a blanket. He looked around the living room, hoping to see his boyfriend… Boyfriend. Earlier, while Yixing was cooking, they had talked about what their relationship was now. The most logical answer, one that they both agreed was to start dating as boyfriends. The wedding and the missing sister brought up new questions for both. Had Junmyeon made some progress in the search? Would there be a wedding even if Junmyeon failed to meet the deadline, in just thirty days? However, none of those questions were uttered. It was a discussion both preferred having another day. Today had occurred too much. Knowing they were in love with each other and agreeing to be boyfriends was enough. It still felt surreal to think about it. But it was real. Every little happening to this day had happened, even the unpleasant ones. The sticking plaster with bunny patterns on Junmyeon’s right hand was more than enough proof. The moment Yixing had noticed his meaningless cut, he had left the kitchen and ran to get a bandage to prevent it from bleeding further. Those sticking plasters were mostly used for Sohee, therefore the childish design.

Junmyeon stood up from the couch. He stretched his arms and yawned. When he stared at the coffee table, he saw his Emotion Watch laying there. Yixing must have put it there because Junmyeon had no recollection of doing that. He grabbed the watch and put it back on. Minutes later he confirmed it wasn’t broken, thankfully. It shone white before the screen turned off. Well, he wasn’t upset anymore, so that was expected.

His first instinct had been to find Yixing upstairs, but once he looked at the terrace, he saw Yixing was outside. Junmyeon walked over there. The sun was setting, giving the whole skyline an orange hue. Yixing watered the plants in the terrace while he hummed to a song Junmyeon couldn’t recognize.

He strode forward and surrounded his arms around Yixing, enveloping him a comfortable, warm, back hug. He rested his head against Yixing’s hair, inhaled a bit of his shampoo’s fragrance before settling for leaning on Yixing’s shoulder. He could do this now. He could hold Yixing this close, have him in a hug all for himself.

Yixing chuckled a little. “Good morning or night I guess… Boyfriend.”

“Good night, bo-boyfriend,” Junmyeon muttered. He felt his cheeks burning. It would probably take a bit of time to get used to this without feeling shy, but he was happy nonetheless.

“I tried to save your bouquet of roses. Sadly, most of them were too trampled and crushed to survive. Only one remained intact.”

Junmyeon hadn’t expected anything else. After all, he had stepped on them when he had angrily forced Yixing and Jongin in the elevator. “They were for you. Which reminds me, I’m so sorry for pushing you into the elevator.” If this had been any other person, Junmyeon probably wouldn’t have apologized, Jongin for example. But this was Yixing, his boyfriend.

“Oh… It’s a pity about the roses. And about the elevator, you were angry. That shouldn’t justify anything, but I understand it.”

“I’ll buy you more flowers to make up for both things.”

“But I already own a flower shop, Junmyeon,” Yixing laughed.

Junmyeon smiled; he would still do it. He closed his eyes and immersed himself in the elation of finally being like this. Sure, the day had started terribly, with broken hearts here and there, and he would have committed a big mistake had Yixing not forced him to listen, but right now, right now everything had turned out to be alright. Their feelings were reciprocated which was the most important. Everything seemed to be going perfectly.


	16. Chapter 16

**Solutions**

The first couple of days had been easy to ignore the unresolved questions. Instead, Yixing and Junmyeon had been engrossed with the happiness of being in love, kissing here and there, or hugging and cuddling after work. Yet the wedding was just around the corner and avoiding these issues couldn’t last forever. It couldn’t be so simple, not when he was together with someone like Yixing, Junmyeon knew. Therefore, it wasn’t weird that Yixing was the one who brought up the topic first.

They were sitting in the dining room that Saturday morning. Breakfast was long finished. And after speaking about tonight’s benefit gala (their first public event as a _real_ couple), Yixing went ahead.

“Junmyeon, we’re getting married by the end of the month.”

“Yes.” That seemed to be this month’s exciting topic, based on all the discussions about the couple, their outfits, the guest list, the rings, and other insignificant details circulating around the internet and the media. Just yesterday had Minseok informed him it’d be good if they could broadcast it, some TV-networks were eagerly negotiating with them to get the rights.

“Have you managed to find… Qian? Or something about her?” Yixing asked, his fingers tapped the table while his eyes looked expectant at him.

But Junmyeon hadn’t. Tao was still secretive about his quest on how to find her, and Junmyeon couldn’t get more details than a simple: ‘Just wait a little longer.’ Why it took such a long time, Tao didn’t explain either. So, Junmyeon was empty-handed. Had he and Yixing not fallen in love, Junmyeon was sure Yixing would have left on the same day as the wedding. That would have been a terrible outcome. But what would Yixing say now? Junmyeon gulped. “No. My connections say they need more time.”

Yixing raised an eyebrow. “How much time?”

“I don’t know. They couldn’t tell with certainty.”

Nervously, Junmyeon waited for what Yixing would say. He couldn’t read Yixing’s look. Was it anger? Disappointment? Regret? Whatever it was Junmyeon felt a bit frightened at knowing Yixing maybe thought of ending things. However, that couldn’t be, everything had just begun.

Yixing sighed and buried his face in his hands. “This is so confusing,” he said. He looked up and reached a hand across the table to grab Junmyeon’s hand. With a smile, Yixing explained, “Look, I’m glad we’re together, Junmyeon, and I want us to continue being it, I really do. But I’m not sure I wanna marry you just yet. It’s too soon. And something we should do when we’re both truly sure we want it. But I know you don’t think the same, and you agree with the System’s matchmaking methods. I also sound like a hypocrite because of what I said at first. And now I have feelings for you, and it’s gotten confusing. I guess things were clearer when I knew I was doing it for my sister’s sake. But now…” Yixing sighed again. He leaned back in his chair, his hand letting go of Junmyeon.

And Junmyeon finally knew what the look was: Yixing was feeling troubled. They stayed silent, Yixing waiting for Junmyeon’s reply, and Junmyeon trying to figure out what to say.

With all the knowledge about Yixing Junmyeon had gathered over time, he could understand Yixing’s hesitation. While for Junmyeon marriage was just another duty to fulfill, for Yixing it had always meant something more, it was the union of the one he loved. But the missing sister had made Yixing go against that idea initially. Now, though, the decision wasn’t as easy anymore. Sure, Yixing said he was in love with Junmyeon, but that didn’t necessarily mean he loved him. It was a distinction unfamiliar to Junmyeon. He knew what being in love felt like, but he wasn’t quite sure he understood what loving someone truly meant. Either way, he got Yixing’s point. However, there was more he needed to know before suggesting a solution.

“So, you don’t want to get married?”

“Not right now. I mean, in the future, if things continue to go well between us, then, of course, I’d love that. But we also had this deal, and it meant I could set Qian free. And I’d do anything for her, I would. I also know you want us to get married soon because of your political image and stuff but… I just don’t know anymore.” Yixing sighed yet again.

Perhaps it was because of his affection for Yixing, or something else, but Junmyeon couldn’t manage to convince Yixing that getting married was indeed the only way to ‘release’ Qian. He could have used that card and secured both the union with Yixing and the benefit for his political campaign. Something hindered him, though. An ugly, upsetting feeling… Guilt. That awful guilt that at first didn’t matter to Junmyeon, but now, it prevented him from trying to manipulate Yixing again. All this time he had lied to Yixing, and he was still going to follow the System’s law and not set free a potential criminal (although he would help the siblings to see each other again). Telling the truth right now could spare them both trouble in the future. Yet Junmyeon couldn’t do it. He couldn’t come clean. What if Yixing decided he didn’t want to be together with a lying schemer? He didn’t dare to find out. Yixing still didn’t see what Junmyeon saw in himself… For now, he wanted it to remain that way. It was selfish, but it was for the better. Also, what if once Yixing and Qian reunited, Junmyeon could show him why it wouldn’t be right to set her free? Qian must still be dangerous if she hadn’t been released. Obviously, he wouldn’t say that, but it was for her own good to continue getting help. Yixing would understand that. And so, Junmyeon wouldn’t have to say he had technically been lying the whole time. A win-win conclusion.

When all things were put into consideration, Junmyeon knew what to do. There were still three years until the elections, it was possible that before that time, Yixing did agree for them to marry and all that. Minseok would get angry with him for doing this, but it was the best solution to not trouble Yixing anymore.

“Then let’s postpone the wedding.”

“What?”

“Yes. You said you’d considered it in the future, it can wait. Right now you’re not sure about it, and well, I respect that. I’d rather not pressure you into anything.”

“But… The deal?”

“Perhaps we shouldn’t have any deals. That was decided when neither of us was content with this relationship. But now it’s another story, isn’t it?”

Yixing nodded. Junmyeon saw a momentary worry on his face, and he had a good guess of why.

“I will still help find your sister. You’ll still be able to… See her.”

Yixing widened his eyes. His mouth fell open. When he managed to talk again, he said, “Really? Even if we don’t get married afterward, you will bring Qian back? Why?”

He felt how a slight pinch of guilt hit him. He averted his gaze from Yixing and looked at the table when he said, “Ye-yeah. I’d do it for you, of course.”

Junmyeon hadn’t expected that Yixing’s reaction would be to stand up and go sit on his lap, surrounding his arm around his neck and hugging him. He didn’t complain, though. He loved having Yixing so near. Just like he loved when Yixing kissed him.

“Thank you, Junmyeon. You’re really kind, did you know that?” Yixing said, resting his head against Junmyeon.

“It’s nothing.”

Then, Yixing looked at him worried. “But what about your political campaign? And the wedding? The guests? The wedding venue? The food? And everything else? Wouldn’t it be troublesome to you?”

Yes, there were a lot of factors to take into consideration. It wasn’t polite to cancel things at the last minute, of course, but it wasn’t as something like that hadn’t happened before. “People will talk about it, but we’ll still be seen together. So, any rumors about us breaking up wouldn’t be true. Besides, those people saying we’re marrying for publicity will finally shut up. And canceling the wedding, it’s really no problem… I’d still be paying them so.” Junmyeon shrugged his shoulders. It wouldn’t cause much damage, hopefully.

Yixing nodded, looking a bit less anxious. He closed his eyes and leaned closer to Junmyeon’s body, making himself more comfortable in Junmyeon’s lap.

At least one problem had been cleared up.

* * *

Just like Junmyeon had thought, Minseok hadn’t agreed with his idea and was surprised to know Junmyeon had been the one to come up with it. But given that no wedding was going to take place, whether they announced it or not, Minseok saw no other choice than to say yes.

To get to know each other better, that was the official reason for calling off the wedding until further notice, had Yixing and Junmyeon said in their announcement. It was a valid reason. Although most people got assigned to their perfect matches at a relatively young age, most of them didn’t marry months after meeting. It also took them some years.

Junmyeon’s parents had been a bit worried at first, thinking that there were problems between them. But after Yixing and Junmyeon explained that wasn’t the case, and it didn’t seem to be, they supported their decision. Junmyeon’s grandparents, on the other hand, were a bit irritated because of the embarrassment Junmyeon had brought the family name by his hasty, inconsiderate choice. And Junmyeon took notice that they appeared to blame Yixing for it and looked down on him. That bothered him, but he couldn’t fight his own family. What Junmyeon did was to assure Yixing that his grandparents’ opinion of him didn’t matter, not one bit. Yixing had smiled at him and given him a kiss on the cheek. So, perhaps his words had help.

Meanwhile, Tao and Yifan couldn’t understand Junmyeon’s reason for canceling the wedding. The whole plan had been to get married for the benefit of his political campaign. They thought it was counterproductive for Junmyeon to postpone it. Besides, now that they both felt the same, it would have been easier to accomplish the original goal. Junmyeon still thought it was the best choice. And the three friends didn’t discuss it anymore after that. But when it was only him and Tao, Junmyeon had to ask Tao to continue helping him anyway. At first, Junmyeon had thought Tao would refuse, given that he didn’t say anything for minutes. But in the end, Tao had agreed to it, thankfully. He wouldn’t lie anymore to Yixing, and if Tao had refused, that might have happened.

For the public, the news had been shocking and slightly disappointing. Apparently, it had been an event some had looked forward to. People had gotten fond of them after all. But it seemed they could understand their reasons because after it was announced it didn’t cause any significant drops in Junmyeon’s ratings. If anything, some praised them for making that choice and being honest about it. There were still those who made up theories and rumors about why the wedding had gotten canceled, that they hated each other being the number one. It seemed nobody could get pleased no matter what. But Junmyeon and Yixing counterattacked those claims by being seen together, with the main difference that now they were seen together outside even more. They were actually dating this time, so there was more proof of their time together, mainly because of the dating rule they had established.

The rule wasn’t anything severe, just a compromise they had decided the same day they discussed the wedding. While Junmyeon had said they should go to eat dinner in Paris for their first official date (one that wasn’t a social gathering), and Yixing did appreciate Junmyeon’s generous outlandish offer, Yixing still wanted to feel like an average person. Therefore, he wanted to have normal dates too, not only what Junmyeon considered to be ‘casual and regular,’ in other words too fancy, luxurious, maybe even extravagant. So, there had to be some form of balance, one in which both could be parts of their own worlds. The suggestion had sounded ridiculous to Junmyeon, but he couldn’t say no. It was something that would make Yixing happy, and he wanted Yixing to be happy with him.

Consequently, Junmyeon’s first date, their official first date, had been them going to the cinema. And no, they hadn’t walked down the red carpet, and it hadn’t been VIP-seats for the premiere of a highly anticipated movie. A regular date meant dressing casually (no suits had Yixing said). Jeans were quite uncomfortable, but Junmyeon had to agree, they combined with the white t-shirt and the leather jacket did look good on him. A regular date also meant standing in line for their turn because no, Yixing didn’t let people allow them to go first, and it didn’t help that some took pictures of them too or began having a conversation. It involved some uncomfortable seats with a terrible view, and some people laughing way too loud for Junmyeon’s liking. Yet he had enjoyed it, even laughed while they ate at the food court afterward. Despite being twenty-seven-years-old, it was a memory he and his teenager self appreciated: a date at the movies with someone he liked.

The next date, it was Junmyeon turn to organize. It had been his idea too, sort of. Well, it was a remake of that night he had proposed to Yixing when they had made their previous deal. Junmyeon had opted for the yacht because when he was with Yixing, he preferred not having prying eyes around. So eating there, with the beautiful scenery of the skyline and the water surrounding them, that had been picture-perfect. The main difference this time was that had Yixing voluntarily got on the yacht, a man was playing the cello while they ate, and Junmyeon could hold and kiss his Yixing whenever he wanted.

And so, they managed to find a way to date each other, one in which they could be their own selves.

They had also talked a little about their past relationships. Junmyeon had been curious to know. For him, this was his first relationship ever. How about Yixing? To Junmyeon’s surprise (and a bit of jealousy) Yixing had two ex-lovers before. Neither of those relationships lasted because both men had chosen to be with their perfect matches once the time had come (thank heavens). Before falling in love with Junmyeon, Yixing hadn’t seen anyone for almost two years. Junmyeon, on the contrary, as said before, had never been romantically involved with anyone. He had had some flings here and there, and he admitted it had never been more than, quite frankly, sexual. Yixing didn’t seem surprised about that, he had suspected Junmyeon wasn’t of the being in a relationship type of person.

But their differences in experience didn’t bring many issues, at least not during the initial weeks. Things had progressed fine. Nothing much had changed either. They still did what they used to do together before. Except that being with Yixing now, apart from going on dates, also meant holding hands while walking, hugging him, kissing him, and hearing a term of endearment from time to time. Junmyeon did blush a little whenever he heard Yixing say: my love, my prince, my baby, and what else. It sounded rather juvenile, and yet it still made him giddy. He felt loved. He felt happy. He felt treasured. But he couldn’t find himself saying it back. He liked saying Yixing’s name, and would often call him that, or ‘boyfriend, or fiancée’ sometimes. Maybe over time, he’ll change his ways. Thankfully, Yixing didn’t seem to mind that.

The only thing lacking in their relationship was, well, the sex. Neither of them had made further advances than kissing. At first, Junmyeon had thought Yixing didn’t find him as sexually appealing as he did… Then he recalled that night at the resort and Yixing moaning on top of him while grinding against him, and that erased those doubts. Then, he thought that maybe it was normal to wait. Junmyeon didn’t know how long they would wait, not that he would pressure Yixing into doing anything. He would be pleased if it happened, but he could also wait until the time was right. The last time he had called one of his ‘friends’ had been almost a year ago, too much work and the political campaign had only left him with his hands. He could still wait. But he would like to have a guide regarding relationship intimacy. He didn’t want to discuss that with Yixing, because, again, he didn’t want to come across as impatient. Neither did he want to ask anyone else, because, come on, that would be weird. The internet did help him understand a little. It seemed some people preferred to form a bond, a stronger emotional connection before getting involved sexually. Yixing could qualify as that kind of person. So, maybe he just had to wait some more.

And before Junmyeon knew it, three weeks had passed since that stormy day in which they became boyfriends. Their first month anniversary would take place soon. He knew that had to be significant for both, it was a celebration. Due to work commitments (his part mostly) on that day, it would have to be dinner at home. Not that Yixing would mind, or Junmyeon. But for the next weekend, Junmyeon had planned a little getaway over the weekend. Something that would surprise Yixing and make him happy. He just hoped Yixing would say yes.

And so Junmyeon had decided to bring his boyfriend lunch today and break the news. Whenever their timing worked, they’d also eat lunch together. Rather than eating at the office, Junmyeon didn’t mind having to visit the flower shop and eat somewhere near. Yixing had canceled their lunch date earlier, though, the flower shop was busy with customers, and he wouldn’t have much time other than to catch a quick bite. Still, Junmyeon decided to bring him lunch.

He walked into the flower shop, and yes, it was flooding with people. That same young woman as that first time he walked in, whose name Junmyeon learned was Sooyoung, greeted him and told him where Yixing was. A couple of old ladies said hello to him as he walked to the craft table in which he had helped Yixing that day.

Yixing was meticulously arranging a centerpiece. He was biting his lower lip while his hand quickly put the flowers together. Junmyeon enjoyed seeing Yixing work like that, wearing that flower crown on his head, focusing on the flowers and nothing else, it made him smile. When Yixing looked up, he finally noticed Junmyeon standing there. He smiled.

“Babe! What are you doing here?”

Damn his cheeks still blushed at that. Junmyeon held up the paper bag he was holding. “I figured we could catch a quick bite together? Can you now?”

Yixing was about to say something, probably decline, when Sooyoung said, “Oh come on, Boss, you’re the only one who hasn’t eaten yet. We can take care of it while you give yourself a little break with your fiancée.” She sent him a wink.

At that Yixing looked around before grinning and nodding. He took off his apron and let another employee take over his work. Then, he guided Junmyeon to the office.

“So, you get concerned when I don’t eat dinner, but here you are skipping lunch,” Junmyeon said, putting the paper bag on the desk. He turned around. “You-” His words got cut off when Yixing held his cheeks and caught his lips in a kiss. Junmyeon instantly put his hands around Yixing’s waist. He could never get tired of kissing Yixing.

“You’re the sweetest,” Yixing said once they broke the kiss. He gave him a peck on the cheek before going to sit on the desk chair, and Junmyeon sat in front of him.

Junmyeon hadn’t been in that office since all those months ago in which they had met for the first time. It was a bit funny about how things had changed now.

They took out the food containers from the bag and started eating. Junmyeon had bought sushi for them. It was from that Japanese restaurant Yixing had taken them to dine one day, and Junmyeon had ended up loving the food.

A small conversation about today’s work took place before Junmyeon said it.

“Yixing, I was thinking… You know for our one-month anniversary, how about we go somewhere?”

“Didn’t we say it’ll just be dinner at home? I remember you saying that you had an important meeting.”

Junmyeon swallowed the futomaki roll in his mouth while he nodded. “Yeah, that’s still taking place. But I was thinking more of a little get-away over the weekend?”

Yixing raised an eyebrow while he squinted his eyes. “Where? What do you have in mind?”

Junmyeon smirked. “That’s a surprise, but it’s here, not overseas, I promise.”

Yixing chuckled. “I’m guessing you already have everything figured out, don’t you?”

Of course, he did. That had to be perfect. “Yes.”

“Well…” Yixing nodded, smiling the way his dimples sank into place. “Why not? I wouldn’t mind a late summer break.”

Junmyeon smiled back, feeling relieved, and a little silly for having doubted. “Oh, you’re going to love it. You’ll see.”


	17. Chapter 17

**The Trip**

“Babe? Can I take this off now?” Yixing asked.

Junmyeon, who stood behind Yixing, took off the earbuds and the blindfold. His hand rested on Yixing’s shoulders while Yixing slowly realized where they were.

Telling Yixing to put on a blindfold and the drive to the train station hadn’t been all that difficult to accomplish. The whole car ride Junmyeon had held Yixing’s hand while Yixing eagerly tried to guess what Junmyeon had come up with. Whenever Yixing failed, he began ‘attacking’ Junmyeon with kisses all over his face just so Junmyeon would spill the beans. Of course, Junmyeon hadn’t. When they had arrived at the station, Taeyong had helped them carry their suitcases while Junmyeon guided a blindfolded Yixing trough the place. Yixing had put on the earbuds Junmyeon gave him, so he’d be listening to music rather than the station’s noise. Junmyeon knew they wouldn’t have been able to walk in the central station without being noticed, that was why he had made sure they took the first train, the one that parted at dawn. Not many people had been there, and the ones who were there didn’t realize who Yixing and Junmyeon were, maybe because of the outfits they had worn to keep a low profile. In the end, they had made it to their platform without problems. Taeyong had left them on their own shortly after he had carried their luggage inside the train.

“Myeon? What’s this?” Yixing asked. He turned around, breaking the hold Junmyeon had on him.

“Surprise,” Junmyeon said, “We’re going to the beach. Just like you wanted to do long ago.”

Thanks to Kyungsoo and Chanyeol, Junmyeon had found out where the three friends used to spend the summers. The small town was located near the ocean, only two hours away from the city. As Yixing had said, they usually stayed there until the last train would leave. This time, however, Junmyeon had other plans in mind. He bought an oceanfront house for them to spend the weekend. It was more private that way. There weren’t any close neighboring houses, and Yixing would probably enjoy it more than staying at a hotel. Besides, if he and Yixing were going to be together for a long time, the beach house would be useful for future trips.

“Really?” Yixing gasped.

Junmyeon nodded.

Yixing jumped forward and kiss Junmyeon, a long, deep kiss that left Junmyeon a bit giddy afterward. “Thank you, my love,” Yixing said, showing Junmyeon his dimpled smile.

‘My love’ was a phrase that always made Junmyeon’s heart skip a beat. It gave him a sense of belonging, he was Yixing’s, Yixing’s love. It made him smile. “I owed you this, Yixing. It was the least I could do after… You know.”

“You didn’t have to do anything, Myeon. But I really appreciate it.” Yixing took a step back. Earlier, before leaving the apartment, he hadn’t seen Junmyeon because Junmyeon had told him to put on the blindfold from the start. Currently, Yixing eyed Junmyeon up and down and grinned when he realized what Junmyeon was wearing.

Junmyeon’s felt his cheeks turning warm. This was the first time he had been the one to choose this type of clothes. Luckily his stylist had approved of it. Unlike Yixing, he rarely wore shorts outside the gym, so his legs looked paler than Yixing’s. He could really use some sun now that they would go over there. He was also a bit unsure of the black shirt with the flower pattern he had picked. But Junmyeon couldn’t see himself wearing a tank top like Yixing was doing right now.

Yixing raised his hands and cupped Junmyeon’s cheeks. “You look so handsome. And cute with that bucket hat,” he chuckled, “I would have never imagined you actually wearing one.”

Neither had Junmyeon. Like Yixing, he could also have worn a cap to keep a low profile. But he had a reason for it. “Well, do you remember when you took us to that flee market? You saw one and said I’d look good in it…”

Yixing widened his eyes. “You bought it?”

“Not that one, of course. But I did ask Doyoung to get me a brand-new hat, similar to that one.”

Yixing laughed. “You’re finally taking fashion advice from me?”

Junmyeon smiled before leaning in to kiss Yixing.

They made their way inside the train after that. Junmyeon had booked first-class tickets for them. Because it was so early the sun hadn’t even come out, nobody was occupying the nearby seats. Junmyeon preferred it that way. Otherwise, people might have flocked them.

During the train ride, Yixing and Junmyeon ate an early breakfast. Yixing also told Junmyeon stories of his previous visits over the years. Kyungsoo’s grandparents used to live there, and there had been times in which he got to tag along with the Do family trips. One time, even Yixing’s family had gone with them. This was one of Yixing’s favorite places. He recalled pleasant memories from his youth. And now, Yixing said, he looked forward to sharing new moments with Junmyeon. He told Junmyeon a secret longing. Yixing had always wanted to bring someone special with him, but his former partners had never had to time to come. So, Yixing was happy that Junmyeon had chosen this place to celebrate their anniversary. Knowing that had made Junmyeon smile and stomach flutter.

The sun was high in the sky the moment the train arrived at its destination. Despite being late summer, the weather was still warm and pleasant. The rental car that Junmyeon’s assistants had booked was already waiting for them when they got out of the train station. Although Junmyeon had never been here before he was the one driving. He followed the GPS’ instructions closely while Yixing continued telling him about all the interesting things they could do together.

“Where are we?” Yixing asked when Junmyeon parked the car outside the house. “I thought we were going to a hotel or something?” He raised an inquisitive eyebrow.

Junmyeon undid his seatbelt. “We’re home. This is our beach house.”

“Beach house? Don’t you mean mansion? And did you say, ‘ours?’” Yixing asked. He stared at Junmyeon in amazement.

“Mansion, house, it’s the same.” Junmyeon shrugged. “But yeah, I bought it for us.”

“You bought a mansion just like that?”

“Just like that.”

Yixing gasped. “Why?”

“Isn’t it much better than staying at a hotel? It’s private, we have our own beach, there’s also a pool, it’s bigger… Don’t you like it?” Junmyeon asked nervously. He looked down at his hands while he fiddled with his fingers. If Yixing was against the idea…

Yixing caressed one of Junmyeon’s cheeks. “I do! Junmyeon, this is incredible. I, I just can’t believe why you would want to buy a house here, in a place you’ve never been to before. I would have been content anywhere we stayed. It wasn’t necessary for you to do this.”

Junmyeon grinned. He took Yixing’s hand and kissed it. Over time he had become more comfortable showing these types of affection gestures. “I know. But I figured if we’re gonna come again here next year, then we might as well have our own place. I also made sure that it has enough rooms for when friends and family come with us.”

“You’re truly wonderful, and I’m grateful. I know you’re always doing this sort of stuff, and it isn’t a big deal for you, but I hope you also know that it’s you, the person, who makes me the happiest, not the things you get me… I don’t want you to get the wrong idea.” Yixing said, looking somewhat troubled.

“Xing, not even when weren’t dating did you take advantage. Do you really think I’ll start thinking you’re doing it now?” Junmyeon said. He reached forward to pinch Yixing’s cheek.

Yixing smiled, his dimples appearing again and Junmyeon took the chance to playfully poke one of them.

“I don’t think I’ll ever repay you for everything you’ve done.”

Just love me, Junmyeon thought. He didn’t need anything else other than Yixing, Yixing, and his love for him. But he didn’t say it out loud, he only gave Yixing a peck on the lips.

“Now come on, let’s take a look inside,” Junmyeon said before getting off the car and taking out their suitcases.

The house, or better said two-story mansion, was surrounded by trees, plants, bushes, and grass before it made its way to the beach. Another reason Junmyeon had chosen that property was because Yixing would have a bigger garden unlike at the penthouse. He already looked forward to next summer, when Yixing could plant whatever he wanted there. Yixing smiled when he heard Junmyeon explain that. All the rooms were already equipped with modern and minimalistic décor and furniture. Junmyeon had made sure to prepare everything as soon as the house was theirs. The house deck also had a pool and an outdoor lounge. From there, it led to the seashore, where sand and blue water could be seen.

Yixing took off his shoes before running toward the beach, Junmyeon followed him close behind. The sand felt warm against Junmyeon’s feet, a slight burning sensation, but it cooled off when the water waves reached their feet, in a refreshing motion, back and forth. Yixing stared at the horizon before closing his eyes and breathing in, holding Junmyeon’s hand tightly. Junmyeon found himself smiling as he looked at Yixing.

“This is amazing, Junmyeon. It’s so calming.” Yixing said after a while.

“Yes, it is.”

“I just want to jump in right away.”

Junmyeon did too, he only wanted to suffocate the sweltering heat he was feeling. But maybe not clad like this. “Let’s go change.”

Yixing nodded, opened his eyes, and let Junmyeon guide them back inside the house. Up on the second floor, they made their way to the master bedroom.

“I’m guessing this is your room?” Yixing asked. He hadn’t even stepped inside but stood underneath the doorframe, holding his carry-on.

Back at home they still slept in separate rooms, it was reasonable Yixing would think that now. But Junmyeon thought that for these two days… He hoped Yixing wouldn’t hate the idea or find him too presumptuous. In a nervous act, he scratched his head while he stared at his boyfriend. “I thought that, maybe, if you don’t mind… Would you like to share this room? There’s enough space for both, and it has a nice view.” Indeed, the room had a beautiful view, after all, the balcony was right in front of the ocean. Junmyeon heart rate hastened while he Yixing’s response. It didn’t help that Yixing was only looking at him with widened eyes. Until finally a reaction.

“Sure! That works for me, babe,” Yixing answered. He walked inside and put his suitcase on the bed. Yixing began unpacking his stuff and looking for his swim trunks. Junmyeon let out a breath of relief and started doing the same.

Not so long after, Junmyeon stood on the sand again, observing Yixing’s bare, lean back. After Yixing had put on sunscreen on him, it was Junmyeon’s turn to return the favor. They had seen each other in swimwear before, but Junmyeon had never touched Yixing like this (not when both were entirely consciously at least). When Yixing had put lotion on him, Junmyeon’s skin felt like burning, but he was unsure whether the sensation had been due to the heat or Yixing’s gentle touch, a touch that made him crave for more. Luckily, no visible sign of his desire was present. Now was Yixing’s turn, and Junmyeon nervously admired his boyfriend’s back. Yixing had a beautiful long torso, with just enough defined back muscles, broad shoulders and a long neck. Before Junmyeon’s imagination ran wild, he squeezed some sunscreen on his hand. He rubbed his palms together and quickly spread it all over Yixing’s back.

“Thanks, love,” Yixing said before running towards the water.

They spent an hour or so swimming until the sun was high in the sky. Yixing had looked incredibly handsome with his wet hair pushed back and water droplets running down his body, so Junmyeon was relieved when they decided to go find somewhere to eat. He was getting too distracted while admiring Yixing.

They drove back to town. Some of the locals had actually remembered Yixing while they walked through the main square in search for a restaurant. And of course, they recognized Junmyeon too. Except for taking a few pictures together and answering some questions, nobody else bothered them afterward. Small places had their perks. Yixing took him to a seafood restaurant. He may have overeaten, but the food had been too delicious. While being with Yixing, Junmyeon realized he had begun dropping his snobby attitude towards food. Which was probably a good thing, it had helped him find some new favorite places to eat food at.

The rest of the day, Yixing guided Junmyeon around while holding his hand. There wasn’t much to see, though. Some stores, a few notable places, some beautiful buildings. Yixing still took pictures of them together in different locations. Mementos had Yixing said. And one of the photographs Junmyeon thought would look great in his office… He’ll ask Yixing for that one later. The most exciting activity was probably following the hiking trail, in which they would go up the mountain and have a beautiful view of the seashore. Yixing said it was breathtaking and worth the time and effort, although they should be aware of bugs. He loved it too because while walking that path that his sister had told him about different flowers, plants, and threes… Junmyeon tried to ignore that uncomfortable feeling whenever he heard Yixing talk about his sister. However, the hike would take place tomorrow morning instead.

Time had passed way too quickly that afternoon, dusk had already arrived. Their last stop had been visiting the little boardwalk amusement park. Junmyeon had enjoyed and participated in the previous games but this one…He stared at Yixing wide-eyed. “Are you serious? I think we are a little too old for that.”

Indeed, one might think they were. But that didn’t stop Yixing from hopping on one of the horses in the carousel. His feet almost reached the floor. There were other occupants, mostly teenagers or kids, in the nearby horses. They looked at them amused. Junmyeon hoped none of them would document any of this.

“Please, Myeon. We can go home after this,” Yixing said, holding out his hand while pouting his lips.

That was an adorably convincing act because Junmyeon found himself sighing yet walking to hop on the same horse as Yixing. He surrounded his arms around Yixing’s waist. It probably wasn’t made for two, but the horse resisted their weight anyway. Yixing tilted his head backward while he grinned. That also convinced Junmyeon to smile.

When everyone got into place, the carousel started spinning around, and music began playing.

“So, this is what it feels like,” Yixing said, closing his eyes and leaning toward Junmyeon.

“What?”

“Kyungsoo is afraid of heights. He rarely tried any of the ‘cool’ games when were little,” Yixing said, “So, this was the only one he would hop on.”

The spins were starting to make Junmyeon a little dizzy, but he still listened attentively to Yixing talking. Apparently, riding that carousel became something Yixing and Kyungsoo always did when they had come here, even once they were pre-teens. Then one-time Chanyeol had tagged along. Chanyeol had enthusiastically asked Kyungsoo to share a horse because there weren’t any seats left and they’d have to wait for the next round. Kyungsoo let him. As the carousel had spun around, Yixing cast a glance at his friends and understood for the first time that his friends actually liked each other, although both seemed to be unaware of it yet. He felt a slight pinch of jealousy and wished that one day he could also ride that stupid horse with someone he liked. But as their teenage years went forward, he never got the chance while Kyungsoo and Chanyeol continued doing the same (even after Chanyeol’s legs grew too damn long and he could reach the floor).

“How does it feel like then?” Junmyeon asked.

“Love,” Yixing said just as the carousel stopped.

Love? Junmyeon agreed.

Although they had said they’ll return home after the carousel ride, they swung by the supermarket to get some food for later. Junmyeon was starting to get used to accompanying Yixing to do the groceries, usually during the weekends. Another thing was that they would often cook together when they had the time. Yixing was teaching Junmyeon how to cook. Junmyeon had learned many things in just one month and earned a bit of confidence on the way. One time, he had even let his parents taste his food and they had liked it. Even his mom wanted Yixing to help her. But Yixing was a capable teacher, and well, he would also reward Junmyeon with kisses when things went well, so that was extra motivation for him.

Tonight’s recipe was quick and simple: home-made hamburgers. Yixing took care of preparing the burgers while Junmyeon cut the vegetables. Junmyeon also got used to listening to Yixing’s choice of music playing in the background. Not exactly his favorite, but he did laugh when he saw how Yixing did random dances here and then. When everything was ready, they ate at the dining table on the deck.

Afterward, when they put away the dishes, they took a moonlit stroll. It was one of those summer nights in which there was a perfect moonbeam over the water. Yixing rested his head on top of Junmyeon’s shoulder while they held hands. At some point, they sat down on the sand, leaning their heads against one another and watched the water movements. In moments like these, Junmyeon would wonder how different everything may have been if they had not met. Although one part of him still tried to remind him he wasn’t worthy, for the most part, he would rejoice on what it was now.

The moonlit stroll didn’t last for long because Yixing didn’t want to miss the finale of his favorite singing talent show. Although Junmyeon had no idea who those people were, he didn’t mind watching because he was cuddling with his boyfriend on the couch. The finale turned out to be quite the disappointment for Yixing given that his favorite contestant hadn’t gotten enough votes from the viewers and didn’t make it into the winners’ team. But Junmyeon took away his mild anger with a few kisses.

After the long day they had had, they finally headed to their room. Junmyeon was the first one to take a shower and get ready for bed. While he waited for Yixing, he stood on the balcony watching the moonlit ocean. The night had gotten chillier, pleasant not the least. He smiled to himself and thought about today. It was the first time he celebrated an anniversary with someone (technically for the second time), and he found himself looking forward to the future. Heck, he could actually envision the years to come. It was a strangely thrilling yet scary notion.

Suddenly, Yixing caught Junmyeon in an embrace. His arms surrounded themselves around Junmyeon’s waist. Yixing was only wearing his boxer shorts which wasn’t honestly much of a surprise, that was Yixing’s sleeping attire after all. But at least Junmyeon was used to it by now and didn’t blush as much (or quickly) as before.

Junmyeon’s silk shirt separated them from that much needed skin-to-skin contact. He wished he hadn’t worn one.

“Thank you for today, love,” Yixing faintly said to his ear. His lips moved to leave a kiss on Junmyeon’s left cheek.

A smile formed on Junmyeon’s lips. “Did you like it?”

“More like I loved it. I had no idea you could plan something so… Romantic.”

Junmyeon jokingly elbowed Yixing while they erupted in laughter. But he understood Yixing’s uncertainty. He hadn’t expected it either. In the past, he found this type of thing too ridiculous. And all the other ideas he had had were mostly based on what he had observed in others. This time, however, he planned everything solely thinking about what Yixing would like. That was the thing with Yixing, he often made Junmyeon come out of his comfort zone, making him feel all these emotions he didn’t know he had. And it hadn’t been all that bad.

Junmyeon spun around, breaking the hold Yixing had on him. His hands settled on Yixing’s upper back, gently stroking it. He could sense the water droplets that had run down Yixing’s wet hair. Again, Yixing had his hair pushed back, revealing his forehead. Junmyeon was starting to love that style on him. His eyes met Yixing’s before he quickly glanced at his lips. Yixing rested his hand on Junmyeon’s hips before leaning in.

Yixing had a way of kissing in which he would take Junmyeon’s breath away, as it was proven that the first time ever they had shared a kiss. His tongue would make its way to explore every bit of Junmyeon’s mouth, and he’d love it: that sensation of Yixing putting a hand behind his nape, tilting his head back so he could get even more access. But Junmyeon would also turn the tables after a while and take control. He loved to cause the same reaction on Yixing, especially when Yixing got vocal and let out an unexpected moan.

Junmyeon had thought this was just another one of their heated make-out sessions. Unlike the previous times, however, Yixing dragged his hands down until they landed on Junmyeon’s ass. Those hands eagerly fondled his buttocks. Again, Junmyeon wished he hadn’t worn those damn silk pants. He wondered if this was a cue that the next step would finally happen. His heartbeat accelerated, he felt each thump after thump. It reassured him when they walked forward and fell on the bed as their kiss broke, Yixing landing on the mattress with Junmyeon on top of him.

Junmyeon raised his upper body. He got rid of his watch that had been shining yellow for a while. The moonlight streamed inside the room from the windows and the balcony which allowed Junmyeon to see his boyfriend’s face beneath him. Yixing was panting but smiling just like him. His eyes also seemed to reflect that spark of desire. Yixing’s hand went underneath his shirt. Those beautiful fingers traced Junmyeon’s back, sinking in the curve in his lower back. Junmyeon closed his eyes as Yixing’s touch send shivers down his spine. Then, Yixing’s hand withdrew but he started unbuttoning Junmyeon’s shirt. His eyes flew open when Yixing’s hand gently squeezed one of his nipples. Yixing stared at him straight in the eye while his hand continued playing around his chest, squeezing and caressing here and there. When Yixing lifted his head with his mouth slightly open, Junmyeon repositioned himself so Yixing’s lip easily greeted the areola. Yixing used just the right amount of teeth and licks to make Junmyeon let out a meek needy whimper. Those lips moved to give the neglected nipple the same attention. Each touch seemed to go straight to Junmyeon’s cock. His cock was slowly rising against Yixing’s groin, and just a little down he could feel Yixing’s own desire. This was really going to happen. They were going to-

“Fuck,” Junmyeon said, more in a complaint than a pleasant way.

Yixing stopped his motions. He laid down on the bed again and looked at Junmyeon worriedly. “What’s wrong? Are we going to fast? Is it too soon?”

Immediately, Junmyeon shook his head. “No, no. Honestly… I’ve wanted this since forever,” he admitted. His cheeks turned red from the embarrassment while he averted his gaze from Yixing.

But Yixing said, “Me too. God, do you know how hard it was to restrain myself at the beach today?”

Junmyeon could relate. He dared to look back at Yixing. Those dimples he adored to see had sunk in place.

“So, what’s the matter?” Yixing asked.

“There’s… there’s no lube or condoms,” Junmyeon whispered. He hadn’t come here with the intention of seducing Yixing or anything like that. He had been thinking of still giving his boyfriend time (although it seemed both had been doing the same). And Junmyeon wasn’t a fan of doing it without that.

“Yeah, there is.” Yixing grinned.

Junmyeon moved aside and let Yixing get off the bed. He took the chance to get rid of the bed covers while Yixing turned on a lamp and roamed inside his luggage. When he found what he searched for, Yixing tossed at him a sealed lube bottle and a package of condoms. Junmyeon chuckled as Yixing jumped on the bed again, this time Yixing positioned himself on top.

“I bought it just in case the chance presented itself. I told you I’ve wanted you since forever too. I didn’t say anything earlier because I didn’t want to appear too…”

“Needy? Pushy? Yes, I know, because I’ve been meaning to ask but thought the same as you,” Junmyeon said. He raised his arms around Yixing’s naked back. Yixing rested his head against his chest. Their erections rubbed against one another in a motion that almost reminded him of that night so long ago. This time they went slowly, prolonging the friction and anticipating touching each other in nothing but their bare bodies.

“Do-do you have a preference?” Yixing panted. He moved forward to scarcely touch Junmyeon’s lips.

He couldn’t resist leaning in to give Yixing another needy, sultry kiss.

When it came to this, most often Junmyeon would take the active role, but he enjoyed both sides. Taking Yixing, being taken by Yixing, anything sounded exciting.

“I don’t mind whichever. Anything would be perfect.”

“I feel the same.” Yixing grinned but then it turned into something darker. “But recently… I’ve been fingering myself while imagining your cock filling me up.”

Junmyeon gulped. His cock twitched at hearing those words. Even more so, when Yixing breathed in his ear and said, “Fuck me, Junmyeon. Put your cock in my ass and fuck the brains out of me.”

He gasped for air. His cock stood fully hard now, ready to bury itself on Yixing’s ass. His hands reached down to touch that piece of flesh. He eagerly nodded as if his life depended on it.

Yixing took off Junmyeon’s shirt, tossing it on the floor. He continued undressing Junmyeon until Junmyeon laid down naked on the bed. Yixing bit his thick lower lip while staring at Junmyeon’s firm cock. He went on his knees, his head lowering closer and closer to Junmyeon’s groin. Those thick lips sucked and bit Junmyeon’s inner tights, leaving behind red spots. Yixing’s breath hit Junmyeon’s cock, his hand gripped the base. Junmyeon impatiently tried to raise his pelvis towards that warm cavity, but Yixing held his hips down with his other hand.

Junmyeon cried out shamelessly when Yixing’s wet tongue thrust inside his slit, tasting his leaking pre-come, licking around the tip. Junmyeon’s hand gripped the sheets. He quivered while Yixing continued tracing his shaft with his tongue almost as if Yixing was enjoying a lollipop. Yixing licked further down until that sinful mouth took in each one of Junmyeon’s balls, a warm and wet sensation enveloping them. Junmyeon’s eyes rolled back as he felt more pre-come oozed from his cock. But Yixing still refused to give him any of the attention he needed, craved.

“Yixing,” he said, “Please.”

Yixing raised his head, looking at Junmyeon with a stunned face. “Please what, love?”

Junmyeon let out a frustrated groan. So, Yixing was one of those. Funnily, this was nothing like the shy and reserved Yixing that had refused to kiss him a while back. Instead, Yixing was the opposite. Junmyeon loved to find out about this versatile. A secret that he hoped to be the last one to unlock. And oh, he could also play that game, he’ll let Yixing know later. “You’re such a tease. Just suck my dick already.”

Yixing smirked and laughed. But finally, those thick lips surrounded themselves around his cock. Slowly, his cock was engulfed in the warmth and wetness of Yixing’s mouth. That tongue took the chance to continue licking around the length until Yixing was so further down that his nose hit Junmyeon’s crotch and he inhaled him deeply. He felt the tip of his cock touching the back of Yixing’s throat. Junmyeon let out a loud moan. Yixing stroked his balls with one hand while the other continued holding Junmyeon in place.

“Fuck, fuck,” Junmyeon cursed, almost chanting it. He felt that prickling fire forming on his lower back. Junmyeon eyes followed the movements of Yixing’s head raising up and down, taking his cock in and out his mouth. Junmyeon closed his eyes. Soon. He was there. Oh, so damn close.

“I’m gonna-”

The moment he let out those words, Yixing’s mouth let go of him. A hand firmly gripped the base of his cock, squeezing it and preventing him from that much-needed release. Junmyeon cursed and whimpered through it. His hands clutched the sheets until his knuckles where shining. There was an aching sensation in his balls from the lack of release. His heart pounded like never before. Junmyeon opened his teary eyes. His chest raised up and down while he panted. His cock was still raging hard, furiously craving for mercy. But Yixing stood on his knees again. Yixing grabbed the pre-come that had leaked out of Junmyeon’s cock, that simple contact made Junmyeon whine. Yixing lewdly licked his finger while Junmyeon groaned. This was man was the death of him.

“You,” Junmyeon said.

Yixing chuckled. “Sorry, Myeon, but you’re gonna have to come inside me.”

Amid his pain, an almost animalistic desire invaded Junmyeon. It was so primitive it might have been embarrassing, but he swiftly sat up and switched their positions. Now, Yixing laid beneath him, and Junmyeon finally got rid of those damn boxer shorts, just like he had wanted to do for an agonizingly long time. Yixing’s cock stood up straight, hard and stiff, pre-come also leaking from the slit.

He had felt Yixing’s cock before, sensed its shape, but seeing it for the first time, Junmyeon couldn’t help saying, “You’re so big.” He was proud of himself and considered to be well blessed and equipped, but Yixing… He clenched his ass thinking about how it’ll feel to have that deep buried inside him.

“Next time,” Yixing said, grabbing Junmyeon’s chin so they could exchange glances. His other hand held the lube for Junmyeon.

Oh definitely, Junmyeon thought. He took the lube and got on his knees. Yixing opened his legs wider while smirking, a clear invitation for Junmyeon as that puckered hole came into view. Junmyeon swallowed. His hands dumbly opened the bottle. He coated his fingers thoroughly. His index finger went down to touch Yixing’s entrance. Yixing gasped and clenched his ass a little. Junmyeon continued to trace the lines that formed the rim, lubricating it and giving Yixing time to adjust to the upcoming intrusion. When Yixing seemed more relaxed, Junmyeon slowly buried the tip of his finger, bit by bit he saw it disappear inside Yixing until nothing was left. Yixing’s ass squeezed around his finger. Once Yixing was ready for more, Junmyeon took out his finger almost entirely before plunging it deep inside, repeating the motion again and again while trying to find the right angle. Until Yixing let out a sensual moan, music to Junmyeon’s ears.

“The-there.”

And there it was Junmyeon tried to aim for each time. Not long after, Yixing told him to add another one. This time he scissored his fingers wide open, stretching the insides of Yixing and getting him ready. Although Yixing had said he used to touch himself while imagining Junmyeon, it was evident he hadn’t been with anyone else in a while. Again, that craving intensified within Junmyeon. He wanted to be the last one, Yixing was his now. Only his. Three fingers deep inside and Junmyeon cock felt raging hard. It certainly didn’t help the way Yixing moaned and quivered underneath him, eagerly pushing back to meet Junmyeon’s fingers.

“It’s okay, Myeon,” Yixing managed to say through his rapid breaths.

Junmyeon stopped what he was doing. He grabbed a condom, ripped it open, and put it on. Even the slight touches while lubricating his cock were driving him insane. More so because Yixing had situated himself on all fours and impatiently wiggled his ass for Junmyeon to take. An offer Junmyeon wouldn’t hesitate to accept. His hands grabbed Yixing luscious ass cheeks, massaging and kneading them while his head lowered to leave a trail of kisses on Yixing’s spine. His lips tasted a salty sensation, sweat beads here and there. He followed the path until his face came near to Yixing’s ass. Seeing that perky ass, the temptation was too much. Junmyeon opened his mouth and went for it.

Yixing let out a noise of complaint. “Did you just bite my ass?” He peeked through his shoulder, looking at Junmyeon amused.

“I’m just marking my territory,” Junmyeon said, smirking.

Yixing laughed before turning to face the headboard again. Again, he wiggled his ass toward Junmyeon.

Although Junmyeon’s balls were dying to thrust inside Yixing and reach its climax, he decided to have his fun. He held his cock against that tempting hole, the head slightly touching the rim. But just before Yixing could push himself backward, Junmyeon gripped his hips, holding Yixing in place. He let the tip of his cock bury itself only a little before instantly pushing back. Once, twice, thrice, he continued teasing Yixing’s hole, making it seemed he’ll drill his cock inside before quickly withdrawing. He could hear Yixing groaning, his arms and legs shaking.

“Junmyeon.”

Junmyeon went further this time, only a quarter of his shaft before yet again pulling his hips back. He smiled at how Yixing eagerly squeezed his ass, almost as if trying to trap him in. But Junmyeon continued teasing, and it took all his self-control because he simply wanted to drill inside until his balls bumped against those ass cheeks.

Yixing tried to meet Junmyeon’s thrusts, but he kept holding Yixing’s hips. He knew it his grip was leaving behind red marks, but it would be proof that Yixing was his, and only him would give him this much pleasure from now on.

“Junmyeon!” Yixing said louder this time, his voice a needy plea mixed with desperation.

“Beg for it,” he whispered just as once again he refused to thrust his cock inside.

Yixing peeked over his shoulder. His beautiful brown eyes were sparkling. His cheeks had this faint red color. His face was nothing but frustration. “Kim Junmyeon, please fuck me. Put your thick cock inside me and fuck me. Fuck me hard, damn it.”

That was all Junmyeon had needed to hear before shoving inside his cock at the same time he pushed Yixing’s hips backward. His balls touched the curve of Yixing’s ass. Those walls tightened around his throbbing cock, clenching him in the most wonderful way. He grunted with satisfaction. It was perfect. That was made for him, he fit perfectly inside Yixing. He decided to thrust back, before burying himself deep in again. His pelvis found synchronicity with his hands holding Yixing’s waist, pushing Yixing backward to meet each one of his thrusts. His eyes absorbed the lewd vision of their union: how Yixing’s ass eagerly swallowed his cock. And Junmyeon decided to give Yixing what he wanted: he went faster, harder, quicker. He could hear Yixing screaming in pleasure whenever he hit that sweet spot. This was him fucking the brains out of Yixing. That burning sensation continued pooling on his lower back.

When it was clear he wouldn’t last anymore, Junmyeon let go of Yixing’s hips and covered Yixing with his body, pinning him down from behind. He could sense Yixing was close to his release too. So, Junmyeon took Yixing’s cock with one hand. Quickly he jerked Yixing off just as the movement from his pelvis continued. A couple more strokes were all Yixing needed before shooting his load in Junmyeon’s hand, the come flowing out like a waterfall. Junmyeon joined him a couple thrusts later, screaming while his cock jolted in the insides of Yixing as he finally rode out his orgasm.

In the aftermath, Junmyeon pulled out from Yixing. Yixing arms and knees finally gave up and he fell on the mattress, Junmyeon carefully laid on top of him. Their sweaty bodies seemed to mold perfectly together. Their loud gasps for air resonated in the room. The wind blew the curtains on the balcony. And despite feeling sticky in some places, Junmyeon focused on admiring the beauty of Yixing’s nape. He lowered his head to kiss it gently. In the past, he would have left as soon as the deed was done, not even bothering saying anything to his partner. This was new for him, but he had no intention of leaving Yixing’s side now.

“That-that was mind-blowing,” Yixing said, “So much better than my dream.”

Those words perked Junmyeon’s interest. “What dream?”

“The one in which we grinded against each other until we came as a couple of teenagers.”

Junmyeon smiled against Yixing’s nape, the touch had made Yixing flinch. “You did remember,” Junmyeon whispered.

“What?”

“I’ll explain later,” he said, leaning in to leave a last kiss against Yixing’s neck. “But first, let’s get cleaned before falling asleep like this.”

“I couldn’t agree more, love,” Yixing said, looking behind his shoulder while smiling.

As said before, this whole after sex experience was new to Junmyeon. But he liked to believe he was doing good while pampering and taking care of Yixing. He prepared a bath for them. While they sat down on the bathtub, he was the one who carefully scrubbed Yixing’s body clean while Yixing rested against his chest. He also took care of getting fresh sheets for the bed. And in the end, he laid down, holding Yixing against him while they fell asleep.

In the morning, Junmyeon’s eyes were met with the blinding sunlight streaming from the windows and the balcony. He cursed for having forgotten to close the curtains. When he was fully awake, his gaze fell on the sleeping body next to him. Yixing looked as beautiful as always. Junmyeon chuckled silently when he saw Yixing had an open mouth. That appeared to be another cute habit of his boyfriend. Junmyeon had never woken up in bed with someone else… but waking up like this, he wouldn’t mind if it became an everyday thing. He’ll have to ask Yixing about that. If he had thought of this earlier, he might have hesitated. Now though, Junmyeon had more confidence that Yixing wouldn’t mind moving to his room (it was the biggest anyway). His stomach tingled while he envisioned that, it brought a smile to his lips.

He stared at Yixing’s naked chest. The marks of his hand were faintly showing on Yixing’s hips. Last night, during their bath, he had worried whether he had been too rough. Yet Yixing reassured him that wasn’t the case. Thankfully, it had been enjoyable for both. But damn, all the memories from last night were starting to come back and something was starting to rise in his lower region. It didn’t help that he looked at Yixing’s perfect, toned and milky chest, like an empty canvas he was eager to taint. He raised his hands to trace his fingers against Yixing’s nipples, watching how they instantly became erect at his touch. Junmyeon hoped Yixing wouldn’t get mad at him, he was unsure whether he could do this, but he turned horizontally and lowered his head on Yixing’s chest. His mouth sucked around one nipple, his tongue licked around it. When he saw that thin glistening coat covering the nipple, he kissed his way towards the other, ready to give it the same care. Yixing’s body was too much of a temptation for him. It felt as if he would never get tired of it, there was always something new to touch, kiss, fondle, caress, lick. He couldn’t wait until he discovered every piece of it, while Yixing moaned and screamed for him.

Suddenly, Yixing jolted underneath him. Junmyeon turned his head and saw his boyfriend slowly waking up. Yixing yawned. Amid the drowsiness, Yixing smiled at him.

“Morning,” Junmyeon said.

“Myeon…” he looked at his chest covered in red spots here and there. “Looks like somebody was having fun… I guess I deserved it after what I did to you at the resort.”

Junmyeon chuckled along with Yixing. He moved carefully so he could be on top of Yixing. Yixing raised his hands to caress Junmyeon’s back. Their lips met in a slow kiss as their crotches greeted one another in a slow painfully good grind.

“Will you be okay?” Junmyeon asked between their kiss.

“My ass stings a little, but I can take going at it again.”

“I was actually thinking that… You’ll be the one doing the fucking.”

Yixing broke the kiss. Junmyeon felt Yixing’s half-erection pressing against his own. Yixing stared at him with his tongue out, licking his thick lower lip. Yixing’s hands went further down and squeezed Junmyeon’s ass. He smirked. “By all means, babe,” he said.

Junmyeon leaned in to kiss Yixing’s lips again. His lips moved around Yixing’s cheek, and when those dimples appeared again, he couldn’t help burying his tongue inside, simulating a slow thrusting motion. Oddly that had made Yixing grab his ass harder and smile more, which allowed Junmyeon to do it on his other indentations. His mouth found Yixing’s jaw. He kissed his way to Yixing’s neck, where he spent some time sucking, biting and leaving behind his mark. Yixing quivered, but he pushed his head backward to give Junmyeon more flesh to taint. Junmyeon should have thought that it wasn’t a strategical place to love bite someone, but he was beyond reasoning at the moment. The last place his lips kissed where Yixing’s collarbones.

Quickly, they took off each other’s underwear. Yixing had been right, not only was sleeping in boxer shorts more comfortable, but it was also avoided removing all unnecessary clothes.

Junmyeon took the lube and condoms from the nightstand. He decided to lay on top of Yixing again with his back facing his boyfriend. He crouched down to pamper with kisses around Yixing’s groin. Yixing’s cock stood fully hard now. In this position, his ass was right next to Yixing’s face, which gave Yixing the perfect opportunity to bite him back. Junmyeon looked behind, one eyebrow raised asking the question.

“I’m just marking my territory, just like you did last night.”

He let out a laugh before going back to what he was doing. Unlike Yixing last night, Junmyeon would be nicer. He grabbed the base of Yixing’s cock and moved his hand, stroking that length gently. His fingers played around with the head, smearing around the pre-come. A few touches later he leaned forward to take Yixing in his mouth. He did his best effort to take that whole thing down. His tongue swirled around the tip, he dipped into the slit, tasting that salty liquid. Yixing’s curses and moans only motivated him to go further. Junmyeon hollowed his cheeks as he took in more of Yixing’s cock. Until he could feel the tip of Yixing’s cock hitting his throat. Truly, that was the biggest cock he had ever swallowed. He tightened his ass thinking about how it’ll feel, fuck. As Junmyeon’s mouth went up, he felt Yixing’s hands cupped his ass.

Turns out, biting Junmyeon wasn’t the only thing Yixing had had in mind. The moment his mouth let go of Yixing’s cock (thankfully) Yixing’s wet muscle touched him there, and he screamed one hideous curse. For a moment Junmyeon lost himself on how Yixing ate his ass. The nose tip that rested on his as crack. Those thick lips covering the lines of the rim. That tongue plunging inside. He shamelessly pushed his ass towards Yixing’s face, desperately seeking for more of that tongue, something Yixing didn’t mind giving him. He jolted when Yixing’s tongue licked lower, rubbing his perineum in gently. Then, Yixing licked his balls before going back the same way. Junmyeon’s pre-come dropped quickly onto Yixing’s chest. And he almost laid his head next to Yixing’s cock, but he quickly remembered what he was doing. So, amid the burst of sensations Yixing’s touches were causing him, Junmyeon continued sucking that hard cock.

Eventually, Yixing stopped the motions with his tongue. Instead, a finger coated with the cold lube traced his ass hole. With the same utter care as Junmyeon had done last night, Yixing’s finger sank in, unhurried, passing through the walls that no one had touched in a long time. Junmyeon was even tighter than Yixing had been, and he wondered how he’d feel being buried deep in Yixing’s cock. As Yixing continued fingering him, he noted that while he had the advantage of having thick fingers, Yixing’s were long and slender and they instantly found his prostate, making Junmyeon moan, a vibration well received by Yixing’s cock.

Three fingers later, Junmyeon was more than ready. He also knew Yixing wouldn’t last long either because of the pre-come that had been oozing quickly inside his throat. Junmyeon held Yixing’s hand and pushed it away. “I’m re-ready,” he said through his quick panting. “Gi-give me-” He hadn’t even needed to finish the sentence before Yixing was handing him the bottle of lube and a condom. In one go he rolled the condom down Yixing’s cock, then his hand coated the shaft with the lube.

Junmyeon turned his body around, deciding to face his boyfriend. Yixing’s face had that lovely red shade that Junmyeon was loving to see on him. Yixing smiled at him, a gesture Junmyeon returned. He grabbed Yixing’s cock while trying to guide it to his entrance. Yixing put his hands on Junmyeon’s hips. And Junmyeon was too impatient, so, he simply pushed down, thrusting Yixing’s cock inside him to the hilt. Fuck, it stung.

“Are you okay, love?” Yixing asked while his one hand moved to cup Junmyeon’s cheek.

Junmyeon smiled to himself. “Yeah, you’re just… So big,” he said, which made Yixing grunt.

His walls contracted against Yixing’s cock, engulfing his boyfriend in a tight, pleasant, heat. Call him crazy, but Junmyeon thought again that this cock was made to be inside him, just like his own was perfect for Yixing. This was everything. He loved this. He loved-

Although the pain was still there, Junmyeon raised himself, Yixing’s grip on his hips helping him on the way up. Just as he reached the head of Yixing’s cock, Junmyeon buried himself deep in again, and again. Slowly the discomfort turned into pleasure. Yixing would raise his pelvis to meet Junmyeon in each thrust. Yixing chanted Junmyeon’s name as the grip around his hips tensed. That huge cock stimulated each nerve in that sweet, sweet spot of his. Junmyeon felt his orgasm slowly building in his lower back. But then Yixing went for it harder, stronger. Desperately, he slammed the insides of Junmyeon, taking completely over the pace and vigor, guiding Junmyeon’s hips up and down. Yixing let out a scream when he finally reached his ending. Yixing’s face while riding out his orgasm was an erotic act itself, a treat to Junmyeon’s eyes, an image he ingrained in his mind.

Junmyeon took out the flaccid cock that was inside him, but he remained seated on top of Yixing’s stomach. Yixing finally opened his eyes after calming down. Those brown irises met Junmyeon’s own before they lowered down.

“Oh fuck. I’m so sorry, Myeon,” he said embarrassedly, his cheeks turning even redder. “I’ll help you with that.” But just before his hand could even touch Junmyeon’s erection, Junmyeon grabbed it.

“Yixing… Can I come in your mouth?”

Yixing went wide-eyed. His hand squeezed Junmyeon’s own hand. But then, he smiled, a dimpled smile. “Anything for you, baby.” He opened his mouth for Junmyeon to fuck.

Junmyeon didn’t need to be told otherwise. He put his hands against the headboard while his inner thighs trapped Yixings head in the middle. Without hesitation, Yixing immediately swallowed Junmyeon’s cock.

“Yi-Yixing,” Junmyeon said while he ruthlessly fucked Yixing’s mouth. The tip of his cock hit the insides of Yixing’s throat, but Yixing still eagerly took it all in. When Yixing shoved a finger inside Junmyeon’s ass, driving him to closer and closer to the edge by touching his prostate, Junmyeon knew this was it. He moaned Yixing’s name while his come burst out in Yixing’s mouth. Yixing swallowed everything, not willing to let any into waste.

Junmyeon pulled out his cock just as Yixing took out his finger. He shifted until he laid on top of Yixing again, resting his forehead against Yixing’s. When Yixing opened his eyes, they smiled at each other. Junmyeon leaned forward to kiss Yixing, but Yixing looked away.

“Let me wash my-”

Junmyeon couldn’t care less about it and caught Yixing’s lips in a kiss. In the end, he remained laying on top of Yixing, cuddling with him and loving the skin to skin contact and Yixing’s hands that caressed his back.

“At this rate, we won’t be able to go hiking today,” Junmyeon said.

“It’s okay. I don’t mind spending the whole day in bed with you. We… Have a lot to catch on.”

Junmyeon laughed, Yixing’s laugh accompanying him. Well, he could certainly not deny that. He smiled before leaning in to kiss Yixing again, and again.


	18. Chapter 18

**Secrets**

The phone in Junmyeon’s pocket rang for the second time. He ignored it. Recently, he had begun listening to Yixing’s concerns and no longer brought work home during the weekends. That included not taking phone calls.

Today was Chanyeol’s and Kyungsoo’s wedding anniversary. Usually, their kids would have stayed with Chanyeol’s parents for the day, but because they were busy taking a cruise, Yixing had offered to take care of the children instead, so his friends could have a day to themselves. Junmyeon hadn’t minded. He liked those kids. And that was why Junmyeon currently sat on the carpet next to the coffee table, holding Dongwon on his lap. He was supposed to accompany Sohee while painting. She was making a family portrait and would gift it to her parents later. Sohee had said she wanted Junmyeon to paint the honeysuckles Yixing had put in the living room. However, now that Dongwon had learned how to walk, he toddled everywhere, which required more supervision. In the end, Junmyeon had just given up on his painting (although it was starting to look good) and decided to keep Dongwon distracted with the book with animal sounds. Meanwhile, Yixing was preparing lunch.

“Your phone is ringing again, Big Suho,” Sohee said, not raising her head from her painting. She was painting the bunny now.

Junmyeon was about to ignore it again but thought that if it was the office again, it might be important. To his surprise, when he checked, the phone showed Tao’s name. He called Tao back. The phone call lasted less than ten seconds. ‘I need to talk to you urgently, you know what,’ that was the only thing Tao had said. Junmyeon didn’t even manage to reply before Tao had hung up the phone. His mind didn’t need much time to come up with what it was. His heart leaped at the thought that Tao had reached an answer. At last.

Junmyeon put the book on the coffee table and stood up with Dongwon in his arms. Sohee’s glance fell on him, and he excused himself by saying he needed to go, not before telling her that her family portrait was turning out good. He walked into the kitchen and saw his boyfriend cutting some onions. Yixing always wore those dorky glasses to avoid the tears. But Junmyeon had to admit, Yixing looked adorable.

“It’s something the matter, Myeon?” Yixing asked when he noticed him standing there.

Junmyeon went to sit Dongwon on the baby chair near the kitchen counter, where they all had eaten breakfast earlier (Yes, Junmyeon had bought one just for today).

He walked forward to give Yixing a good-bye kiss.

“I need to go see Tao. It’s urgent.”

“Is Tao okay?”

“Yes, he’s fine. This is… Work-related.”

Yixing didn’t ask anything else but leaned in again to give him another kiss.

Although Junmyeon wanted to tell Yixing he had news about his sister, Tao had made him promise he wouldn’t say anything without his approval. But Junmyeon could already envision how happy Yixing would be when he heard the news. Somehow, that also was starting to make Junmyeon feel joyful too.

And so, he made his way.

The first thing Tao said to him after opening the door was: “You’re… Wearing sweat-pants?”

Junmyeon rolled his eyes. But he understood Tao’s astonishment. This was probably the first time since they were young that Tao saw him dressed in a simple t-shirt and sweat-pants (although the price of those items said the opposite of simplicity). Junmyeon would never wear something like that outside. But wearing it home was undoubtedly comfortable, just like Yixing had said it was…

“You told me it was urgent. I didn’t have time to change.”

Tao chuckled before stepping aside, letting Junmyeon in. Yifan wasn’t at home, so it was only the two of them. They walked together to Tao’s home office. Junmyeon sat down on one of the armchairs in front of the desk while Tao went to his lockbox and brought out some folders. When Tao had finally sat down, Junmyeon said, “You found her.”

Tao looked at him straight in the eyes.

“You did it. This is great, Tao. Do you know how thrilled Yixing is going to be?”

Tao remained quiet.

“Thank you. After so many years, he’s going to be so happy. But, how is she? Does she still have a dangerous crime coefficient? Do you think… Her watch will turn white again?”

“Junmyeon,” Tao said faintly.

“Because if she is, then that’s even greater! We won’t have to set her free, Tao, we’ll avoid breaking the law and then could simply wait a little more time until she’s free. Yixing has waited for so long, but I know he’d understand that. He’ll-

“Junmyeon,” Tao said louder this time.

Junmyeon hadn’t even realized that he had smiled through his words, enthusiastically talking about his sister-in-law and again thinking of how happy Yixing would be. But Tao’s face made him taken aback.

“What?”

“She’s dead.”

Two words, that was all it took for Junmyeon’s newfound joy to die. It was now the images of a sad, hurt, crying, Yixing that ached… Actually, ached his heart.

“Wha-what?”

Tao sighed. “She died. She’s been dead for years.”

“What? How?”

At that question, Tao leaned forward, his face contorted with seriousness. “Junmyeon, I’m about to tell you things of so much utter confidentiality, that you cannot, ever, tell anyone else.”

“But-”

“This has to stay between us. Just like how you’ve kept the Emotion Watch’s secret all these years, you have to do the same here.”

Junmyeon would have immediately nodded before. Right now, though, he hesitated. “What am I going to tell, Yixing? I can’t lie to him anymore.”

Tao’s expression softened a little. “Just… Listen to me first.”

Tao opened his folders. Some had documents, others were handmade records. Most of the papers also were filled with scribbled notes everywhere. Junmyeon couldn’t make sense of what it said. Tao began explaining.

It shouldn’t have taken Tao around six months to find out where Zhang Qian was. Usually, just by typing her name in the Security Department’s database would have been enough to find her case file and whereabouts in mere seconds. That was the problem: her name wasn’t even there. However, Qian had been taken away during odd times in the country. That year’s Leader, Leader Nam, had too many suspicions regarding possible cyber-attacks and whatnots, so to prevent anyone from discovering any vital confidential information, everything related to the System was printed out and archived by hand, no digital trace could be left behind. It was a massive step-back from modern society and quite a burdensome task for anyone working for the System. Thankfully, when the current Leader Byun entered his term, seven years ago, he implemented better security policies and defense methods, that the worry for future cyber-attacks dissipated. Storing information digitally and efficiently was restored. But every single case file, be it from the Security Department, Marriage Bureau, or Health Department, had to be transferred to their current databases. Therefore, Tao’s initial suspicion was that Zhang Qian’s file had not been transferred correctly, and she had most likely been released before Leader Byun took over and her record wasn’t relevant anymore to be stored properly. So, nobody noticed or cared about the blunder. That had occurred sometimes. Why she hadn’t contacted her family, Tao couldn’t guess. But he still decided to manually search through the archives, the hundreds of boxes labeled “Z” that had the files stored in no order.

After one and a half months of searching, he had found Zhang Qian’s file (he only had time to search after work, when nobody saw or wondered what he was doing). Tao gasped when he read her crime coefficient: 277. What could she possibly had been thinking for it to be so high? Too bad the file was incomplete. There was only one page with her name, photo, crime coefficient, date and place of admission, but nothing regarding her treatment or even the reasons why she had such a high number. The rest of the pages were missing, and no matter how many times Tao had looked through all the other documents in that damn box (box number 63) he had found nothing.

When Junmyeon looked at Qian’s file, he saw possibly her last photograph ever. She wasn’t smiling, not like in the picture Yixing had of his family on the shelf stand in their living room. But she did resemble her mother a lot, and she had the same eye-shapes as Yixing. Qian didn’t look harmful at all. Junmyeon couldn’t believe how someone like her could be so dangerous.

“What did you do, then?” Junmyeon asked.

“I looked up the place,” Tao answered, averting his eyes to see out the windows.

Admission to a rehabilitation facility usually depended on factors like what type of ‘criminal’ intentions and crime coefficient one had, whether one was thinking of harming themselves or others if it was mental health problems or crime coefficient related. These facilities were often located far away from the nearest community. Qian’s number had been too high, and she had been admitted to a rehabilitation facility that according to the map should have been located on an island. It was strange that the facility’s name didn’t appear on the map and that Tao couldn’t find it in the Security Department’s database. It was almost as if the place had never existed. When Tao looked up old satellite pictures of the island, he compared them with the current ones and noted a drastic difference. The remote rehabilitation facility had indeed been there once upon a time. That only perked up Tao’s interest and he decided to go there to find out more. But he had to wait two more weeks until Yifan had gone on a family trip and he excused himself to stay behind for “work.”

Tao made the trip. But just as the current map had shown, in the address laid a high-school instead. And the rest of the island had become a small town. So, of course, none of the locals would ever know what used to lay on the high-school grounds.

Again, Tao came back empty-handed. Two months had passed since his quest began and he only had more questions than he did at the beginning. Yet there was one person who could know what had happened… But Tao wasn’t sure of asking his father for help, not after how he had almost screwed-up things in the past and put himself at risk, along with his family name. His father would question him about everything until he came clean… That would only lead to trouble.

He quickly came up with another plan, though. Tao decided to compile a list of all the active recovery therapists during the year Qian was admitted. One perk of working for the Security Department was that he had access to everyone’s and every type of information. The list ended up being quite long, even after ruling out everyone that had died since then, he ended up with over three thousand names. But Tao was an expert at finding patterns and clues. After reading their resumes over and over, Tao realized that forty people had started a new job on the exact same date or the same month. That was too much of a coincidence for him. It was odd they all decided to change jobs at the exact same time, most of them were even sent far away from where they had previously worked. Tao chose to go with his guts and would start with these forty men and women.

He didn’t trust talking on the phone or emailing his questions, he knew it would leave behind traces and his communication would be monitored. So, he looked up the whereabouts of every single person and personally went to see them. One by one, Tao had met with them over the past four months. He had to sneak around and withhold the truth from Yifan (which he hated to do), but Tao hoped this would lead to answers. Another thing Tao was good at was deciphering someone’s body language. Tao could discern those who genially didn’t know what he meant when he asked if they had ever heard the name of the rehabilitation facility, from those who wholeheartedly negated it, holding tight onto the secret. However, he wouldn’t push anyone to tell him anything. That could only raise suspicious towards him. Yet after having met half of the recovery therapists, one person came through. And it all got worse.

Tao had the luck of talking with no other than Zhang Qian’s recovery therapist: Dr. Jang. She was retired now and had decided to work taking care of animals instead (her ninth option). Yet she had felt that Tao coming to meet her was fate giving her a chance for atonement.

What had Qian been thinking to have a crime coefficient of 277?

Nothing. When she had arrived at the rehabilitation facility and her emotions were checked, she was clear. Her Emotion Watch shone white. But Qian had discovered one of the most well-hidden secrets of the System. She needed to undergo ‘corrective’ therapy until she could swear loyalty to the System and could return to society as an impeccable citizen. And that had been Dr. Jang’s task, make sure to ‘heal’ Qian from her ‘dangerous’ behavior.

“So, she wasn’t a potential criminal? Did they lock her in to keep her quiet? What the hell did she find out?” Junmyeon asked, brows furrowed and filled with confusion.

Tao let out a sigh. “The unreadables. She knew about the unreadables.”

From what Dr. Jang remembered, Qian had come across an unusual group of people in university. All of them had in common their indifference and disbelief in a computer program ruling everyone’s life. When a former student of the Security Department University joined their group, they found gold and learned information that shouldn’t be ever known by outsiders. Besides the Emotion Watches true purpose, what rehabilitation facilities did, and so on, they all knew the System’s major flaw, and that flaw was the ‘unreadables.’

The unreadables, they were an ultra-rare deviation for the System’s algorithmic programs to calculate a crime coefficient. All the data gathered from the biological readings of an unreadable showed no alterations whatsoever. An unreadable could feel angry, nervous, outraged, stressed, afraid, and all sorts of challenging emotions, yet it would never display on their watches. The System couldn’t calculate anything because there weren’t any signs of mood change. Therefore, their crime coefficient was always zero regardless of how they felt, and the Security Department got never alerted to any danger.

Why were these human beings omitted from the System’s biological readings? Even to this day, it was unknown what caused the alteration. Many thought it may be due to a superior gene, a strange mutation that protected them, their physiology, from the System’s biological readings. But it was out of the question to experiment on those people to get questions. Regardless of the reason why it occurred, it was ultra-rare. Maybe one per two million inhabitants were born with that deviation.

An unreadable had too much power in them and could be the biggest danger out there. This was proven by the fact that the most challenging criminal cases in the history of the Security Department had been caused by unreadables. Long ago, some unreadables had noticed their superiority and took advantage of it in a dangerous way. Atrocities were committed, citizens had been hurt, and ultimately the Security Department agreed that seclusion of these individuals was the safest option. A top security facility, almost like a prison, had been built on the island under the name of a new ‘rehabilitation’ facility. There weren’t any proper procedures to catch every unreadable, though, not when some people were innately good at keeping their emotions at bay. The fastest way to catch unreadables was when they themselves wondered why their watches never changed colors. The Health Department notified it to the Security Department, who had machinery and tests that more accurately could rule out whether it was an unreadable or not.

This had been going on for ages by the time Qian and her group of friends found out. Obviously, Qian and the group found it unfair that the citizens didn’t know that the Emotion Watches actually determined whether they’ll be criminals or potential criminals. Neither was it humane to lock in people that may or not become a treat for everyone else. They wanted to make the year’s biggest exposé, so people wouldn’t blindly trust everything the machine dictated and liberate all the innocent unreadables. And given the warnings from the former student at the Security Department University, they kept all traces of their plans and their communication away from any digital artifact.

But someone changed their mind, or someone must have found out about their plan because the Security Department got informed. And sure enough, when the assigned investigators took a closer look at the group, they learned everything about their exposé. Preventive measures were made, and Qian along with the others ended up being classified as the most dangerous potential criminals, apprehended on the grounds of treachery against the System. Of course, their families had no idea about this but were given other reasons for their lockdown (too much mental stress had Qian’s excuse been).

It was impossible to manually control and manipulate the numbers of the Emotion Watches, to prevent anyone from taking advantage of the function. Only the System could calculate and assign the numbers. But if one’s Emotion Watch was worn by somebody else, then their biological readings and gathered data could pass as one own. Meaning, it only took someone with a crime coefficient of 277 to wear Qian’s watch for her to be cataloged as a potential criminal. That was actually how unreadables were apprehended. And that was why Qian had an index of zero when her state was measured at the island, where ironically, she was locked in along with the unreadables. From there on, the only thing Qian had to do was to undergo ‘corrective’ therapy until she accepted everything the Security Department was doing was for everyone’s safety, for everyone’s best interest. She was determined, though. Qian refused to submit into her ‘corrective’ therapy. She didn’t want to let the fight die that easily.

Until a year had passed, and that dreadful night occurred. A fire happened. It was supposed to be a distraction from trying to free an unreadable from their seclusion. A Security Department officer was found responsible for it. But the fire went out of hand and widespread far too fast than expected. And while most recovery therapist and officers had gotten into safety, including the escapees, there wasn’t much time to help unlock all the unreadables and the ‘radical’ group of people trapped inside. Help didn’t arrive on time either. The victims turned out to be all the unreadables at the time and all the people undergoing ‘corrective’ therapy, Qian, and the ones that remained of her group along with other people.

Dr. Jang had been there that day. She had seen it happen before her eyes. Usually, when a patient dies during treatment (with almost never occurred), the rehabilitation facility notified their families. However, in these cases, there was a lot to lose. Evidently, Leader Nam instructed everyone that survived to never, ever reveal what had happened that day. No one could ever know what secrets had laid on the island.

So, that was the story Dr. Jang told Tao. For years she had felt guilty and wanted to tell Qian’s family about her fate. But she never did, afraid of what might happen to her and everyone involved. With Tao, she felt it was fate giving her a chance to finally tell the truth.

Once Junmyeon let all of Tao’s story sink in, he still couldn’t believe his ears. He stared at Tao flabbergasted, appalled, distraught by the secrets this country kept in the dark, by once defending what he ought to believe was for everyone’s best. He couldn’t form any words of the thoughts that wildly ran through his mind.

“Junmyeon,” Tao said, voice stern, “You can’t tell anyone any of this. Nothing. Not a word.”

Junmyeon could only raise one eyebrow as a response.

Tao looked through his folders again until he found a paper. “Look, her aptitude test was stored in the Education Department’s archives. These are Qian’s answers. I have her handwriting. I can ask someone to falsify a goodbye letter to her family. She ‘wrote’ it before managing to escape from her rehabilitation facility. We can say she ran away and is safe somewhere in the world out there. But nobody knows where she is.”

Junmyeon scoffed. He shook his head and let out a laugh in disbelief at Tao’s suggestion.

“Yixing doesn’t need to know every detail, but I can make up false records of her being in an actual rehabilitation facility. I can figure out an excuse for how she ‘managed to escape.’ Nobody told her family anything because it was an embarrassing scandal. It was better if they believed she was still-”

“Tao, are you listening to yourself?” Junmyeon finally found the words to speak.

“I know, it’s not the most credible option, but it’s the only one.”

“The only one? What about the one in which we say this country is so fucked up that we keep ‘unreadables,’ people! People, Tao, locked in against their will? What about the fact that to keep all these secrets hidden innocent people got basically imprisoned and lost their lives? Why can’t we tell that one?!”

Tao closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “The unreadables’ isolation… Those were a dark time for everyone involved. But, when Leader Byun took over, he and my father implemented new policies that allowed the unreadables to be in the same place as those who need recovery therapy. They’re not locked in anymore. They can have the same freedom as those who are recovering. Some of them even help us in the Security Department when dealing with cases involving other dangerous unreadables. There is a whole section that works with them, and albeit they have to be under watch, they have some freedom.”

“Are you seriously justifying those actions? Defending them? Just admit the System is useless in that case.”

“Junmyeon, our society relies on the death penalty. Everyone knows that the moment they commit a crime they’re sentenced to death, they don’t know how we know or how it happens, but nobody ends up locked in anymore because we don’t have prisons. But there will always be crime. Crimes in which people might end up getting hurt. Our main goal is to prevent people from committing those types of crimes. This is why,” Tao said, holding up his wrist and pointing at his watch, “We have these. So, we can help people avoid doing atrocities that can harm another person. Of course, during impulsive situations, you still yield into committing a crime, and the System sentences you to death. But that doesn’t always happen. The System works. It’s flawed, yes, and some unsuitable preventive measures were taken to keep the secret, but overall, it serves its purpose. We are not abolishing crime, but we’re fighting it efficiently. Why do you think our crime rates are one of the lowest compared to other countries?”

“Are you saying that to convince yourself or me?”

Tao didn’t answer. He looked away.

Junmyeon shook his head. He stood up from his seat and paced around the office. “That doesn’t vindicate everyone involved. It still doesn’t take away the fact that Qian and all those other people died!”

“That was a terrible mishap. But it taught us to adopt more preventing measures when dealing with emergencies. Every rehabilitation facility now has modern hospital equipment and a fire station nearby. And we don’t just allow whoever to get admitted to SDU or any other governmental university anymore. Only those who are truly loyal, suitable physically, and mentally for it and have it as their first option get in. So no information can get out. Cases like the impulsive officer that set the fire to liberate their partner, which by the way we eventually caught, it won’t happen again. It hasn’t happened ever since. Their sacrifice wasn’t in vain.”

“Sacrifice? Sacrifice? Don’t say it as if they wanted to die!”

“Calm down, Junmyeon.”

Junmyeon looked at his wrist and saw the watch shining yellow. All the pent-up rage was reflecting. He exhaled and inhaled, trying to push everything away, hold it in as he had done before. It worked, and the watch turned white again.

“I can’t keep this secret from Yixing. I can’t lie to his face and say his sister is alive somewhere when she’s been dead all this time.”

Tao stood up. He put his hands on the desk. “Why can’t you just lie to him? It was your idea from the beginning, just do the same now.”

Junmyeon squeezed his hand into fists. “Because I was a heartless asshole before, a complete prick. And I don’t want to keep being that way around him. Not when he loves…”

“But can’t you see what he’ll do? He’s probably just like her. Yixing won’t stay with his arms crossed and accept that his sister is dead if we don’t tell him why. He’ll want to reach to the bottom of everything. And he won’t accept all the errors that were committed. He’ll try to do something about it, maybe even expose everything.”

“And? I think that would be the best damn choice.”

“He-he can be locked in, Junmyeon. We all could be locked in for treachery if this ever comes out. Don’t you think they’ll make the right connections and figure everything out? You can be locked in. I can be locked in. He will be locked in! These secrets are far bigger than us than our influence.”

Junmyeon stopped walking around and sat down on the armchair again. He pulled his hair in frustration. “Is this what I’m running for, Tao? Become the Leader of this Nation and discover all these horrible things about this country? What else will I find under the rug? Will I become as cruel as all those other leaders?”

Tao sighed. “It’s not… Easy. It requires mental strength to cope with everything. A strong sense of loyalty and obedience. I’m guessing you had it in you and that’s one of the reasons you were chosen. But I know you. I know you’ll make the right choices, unlike the others.”

In the past maybe Junmyeon wouldn’t have cared much about finding out these things. He would have shrugged his shoulders and moved on with his life. But Yixing had unlocked all these sides he had kept buried all these years. And now he couldn’t bear himself to continue to ignore the knowledge that this was all… Wrong.

“I can’t lie to Yixing. How could I ever keep this away from him? It’s his sister. After all these years, he deserves to know the truth.”

Tao suddenly stood next to him. He put a hand on Junmyeon’s shoulder. “Junmyeon, I think you know better than anyone the feeling of losing a sibling. Perhaps we can spare Yixing this suffering. But more than anything else, we can spare ourselves from getting into trouble and end up losing everything.”

Junmyeon looked up. “Nothing can ever spare us the suffering of losing a sibling.”

Tao nodded meekly. “Then, please, Junmyeon, now I’m the one asking you to help me and keep this a secret. My family almost got into trouble once because of me. I can’t let my father and Yifan down again. Please… We’re friends.”

His heart shouted that he must be honest with Yixing, he had promised not to lie to him again. The uncertainty would only pain Yixing. But his mind couldn’t shake off the reminder that he and Tao had been friends for years. Friends, even when Junmyeon had thought nobody would ever want to be around him. He couldn’t possibly throw away that. Tao had risked a lot these last couple of months until he had dug up the whole truth. And maybe Tao did have a point. If Yixing reacted negatively, all of them could lose everything. He hated himself for this, he felt that sickening feeling that reminded him he was despicable. Nevertheless, he nodded. “Okay. I’ll keep quiet.”

Tao let out a sigh of relief. He enveloped his arms around him in a side hug. “Thank you, thank you. This is for all of our sakes. Remember that.”

How would he ever manage to live with this feeling?

Junmyeon didn’t go home after his talk with Tao. No, he parked his car near the river and sat on a bench, watching it flow. His heart raced, his hands sweated too much. And that horrible feeling couldn’t be shaken away. It kept reminding him of what a terrible person he continued being. If only he… Before thinking deeper into the past, Junmyeon decided to face his fears.

By the time Junmyeon got back to the apartment, it was already the late afternoon. He stepped into the living room and saw Sohee and Dongwon sleeping on the couch. Yixing looked up from the book he was reading. Those sweet, deep, dimples greeted him. Yixing stood up and went to kiss him.

“Everything, good?”

Junmyeon nodded.

“I saved you some food. Come, I’ll warm it for you.”

Yixing took his hand and got ready to walk forward, but Junmyeon wouldn’t move. He gave Junmyeon a questioning look.

“Yixing.”

“What, love?”

“I…” As he stared at Yixing’s beautiful brown eyes, ‘I know, I know, I know,’ his lips wanted to voice out, his mind haunted him with Qian’s last picture. But Junmyeon couldn’t, he just couldn’t.

“I’m so glad you’re here,” Junmyeon said.

The deep hatred intensified, the guilt he had wanted to ignore appeared again, swallowing all of him. Jaemin’s last words resonated in his head. And not even when Yixing jumped forward and held him in a warm, comforting hug, did any of it die out.

“I am too.”


	19. Chapter 19

**Burst**

“Yes, I will. Mm-hmm. You too. Sweet dreams, Xing.”

After putting away his phone, Junmyeon stared out the panorama windows. Thousands of lights lightened the city skyline amid the snow falling. Another cold wintery night in which office hours had ended long ago. Probably nobody besides him remained there. His reflection stared back at him. This almost resembled a déjà vu.

For a long time, Junmyeon had managed to live with the haunting sense of guilt and animosity within him. He had managed to enclose them, bury them in a deeply hidden part of him that he rarely let outside. Yet with Yixing, he discovered that sometimes there could be no worry, no guilt, no loathing, no noise, nothing but them. One kiss, one hug, one smile, one touch, one word of sheer love was mitigation, taking him to place where he for the first time in a long time felt blissful, loved, treasured, worthy. He didn’t have to put much effort into burying anything because most of the time he would get lost in that moment where it was only him and Yixing, in moments of extreme intimacy in which they almost became one.

And then as the weeks had passed after his talk with Tao, that began to change. Because now Yixing would smile at him, and Junmyeon couldn’t avoid feeling mild piercing pain in his chest. Yixing would talk about him being the ‘greatest’ boyfriend, and Junmyeon couldn’t avoid feeling mild piercing pain in his chest. Yixing would do anything to show him that heartening affection of his and Junmyeon couldn’t avoid feeling a slight piercing pain in his chest, the dumping of a bucket of guilt and animosity over his head. The oscillation between aching and joy was beginning to take a toll on him. A few times his Emotion Watch had started to shine yellow when he was supposed to be in his pleasant place. It happened especially when he saw that picture in the living room and Yixing at the same time.

Junmyeon feared that one day everything would become too much that not even Yixing would be able to take it away. Lately, that was why he had started to put some distance between them. He disliked this awful sense of drifting apart, but it was only until he could figure out a way to make sure he could live with everything within him, including the lies and the horrible feelings. Because right now, Junmyeon didn’t know how he’d tell Yixing all of Tao’s lies when he couldn’t even look at Yixing for a few seconds before averting his eyes every time he said he had work until late. He had actually put away that matter for some time. Or maybe he was selfish as always.

He couldn’t help wondering if Yixing was suspecting something. How long would the excuses about needing to work late last? How long until Yixing realized Junmyeon was trying to run away from him? And what could Junmyeon do to deal with everything? Tomorrow they will spend a whole day together. In some weeks he and Yixing would make trips together, no way of running then. He had promised Yixing to attend. This needed a solution immediately.

Hours later Junmyeon stepped inside their shared room. Yixing had done a great job redecorating it, bringing colors and life into a place that used to be so generic. As per usual, Yixing had forgotten to draw the curtains, but the faint lights from the outside made it possible for him to distinguishing Yixing’s form snuggling underneath the duvet. Junmyeon should probably take a shower, change into a fresh set of nightclothes, and then sleep. But all he did was to take off his watch and lay on the bed next to Yixing. His arms enveloped Yixing’s body from behind, spooning his boyfriend. Warmness. Comforting, calming, warmness.

Yixing must have sensed his arrival because he turned to face Junmyeon and put his arms around him, bringing them closer until his face was buried in Junmyeon’s chest.

“Welcome back, love,” Yixing said groggily. “I missed you.”

That made Junmyeon’s lips smile, the slight piercing pain in the chest too. He lowered to plant a kiss on top of Yixing’s head, inhaling his heady shampoo scent. “Me too, Xing. But I’m here now. Go back to sleep.”

Yixing nodded, nuzzling against Junmyeon’s chest. Junmyeon caressed Yixing’s bareback, the touch so soft against his palms while whispering a bunch of sweet nothings until Yixing fell asleep again.

“I’m sorry,” Junmyeon whispered before shutting his eyes.

Ever since his talk with Tao, he had begun uttering those words too. It was futile, though, saying them into silence and hear them vanish didn’t take away anything.

* * *

Yixing felt he had taken the right choice. Initially, he might have doubted how well of a boyfriend Junmyeon would have been, considering all factors, but Junmyeon had been fantastic in all senses. Their first month anniversary and every anniversary that followed, his birthday surprise, the impromptu lunch dates, relaxing at home, attending an event together, or unexpected little acts of love, even doing things with less glamour and prestige that Yixing suggested, in all instances, Junmyeon proved to be the perfect boyfriend. Of course, Yixing knew that was part of Junmyeon’s mien: he tried to outdo himself, be the best, be number one, be compliant. It shouldn’t have been much of a surprise that Junmyeon attempted to be the same in their relationship. Yixing had worried about it sometimes, feeling as if he was taking advantage of the situation, of him. But Junmyeon eventually had confessed he liked to pamper and indulge Yixing, to know that he could make Yixing happy made him happy too, no matter how. So, Yixing let it be. Yixing also did his best to reciprocate the same love Junmyeon had for him. They may not have said those three words yet, but Yixing was starting to feel it. Soon either he would say it, or maybe Junmyeon would surprise him as always and say it first. But it didn’t matter who initiated it, only that it was true.

That was how things had worked. And Yixing had been happy, Junmyeon had been happy. There had been some discussions and fights every now and then, but nothing they hadn’t resolved. Overall, Yixing felt their relationship was mostly wonderful, filled with mutual love.

Then, at the beginning of this month, Junmyeon had begun waking up way too early to attend work. He worked until late and during the weekends. They had started skipping their lunch dates. Yixing’s calls got sometimes redirected to voicemail or assistants took his messages. They didn’t spend as much time as before. It almost felt as if Junmyeon was slowly distancing himself, but that couldn’t be it… Or had Yixing gotten so used to Junmyeon’s company and attention that the moment his boyfriend needed to focus on work and the political campaign, Yixing got so needy and craving of affection that he’ll feel neglected? Put aside? Avoided? Forgotten?

It was entirely unreasonable that he felt bothered that Junmyeon needed to finish this or that and again he was eating alone for the nth time. For heaven’s sake, when had Yixing turned this way? Or had he always been like this and that explained part of the reason why his exes had left him for their perfect matches?

He needed to understand this was part of Junmyeon’s life, therefore their relationship. Junmyeon couldn’t be negligent of his duties every time Yixing felt alone. And things would probably get harder if Junmyeon becomes the Leader of the Nation. This was like a mock test of the real hardships. Junmyeon needed comprehension and support, not overwhelming complaints from a needy boyfriend about how he was almost never home anymore and so forth. He still missed Junmyeon, though, which was ridiculous because Junmyeon would always return home.

Yixing sighed. At least Junmyeon was free tomorrow. He had promised to clear his schedule and attend Tao’s parent’s thirtieth wedding anniversary. Yixing would have Junmyeon all to himself for a day, well, almost. Although it had only been two weeks since they had such day, he would make the most of it. With that in mind, Yixing cleared up the table, feeling less grumpy and instead happier.

Later that night, in his sleep he had dreamed of Junmyeon holding him and with that soothing voice, whisper how much he loved him.

Yixing woke up the next day, cuddling a sleeping body next to him. He smiled. It had only been five days, but he had missed waking up in Junmyeon’s arms. Then, he noticed how Junmyeon had slept in his work clothes last night. How tired had he been? As much as Yixing wanted to suggest Junmyeon took this whole month off, he knew it was inconvenient (and quite a selfish motive from Yixing’s part).

“Morning,” Junmyeon’s voice startled him.

Yixing looked up. “Did I wake you up, babe?” He didn’t want to be this inconsiderate and disturb Junmyeon’s well-needed rest.

Junmyeon smiled and shook his head. “I was already awake.”

He wished Junmyeon would have gotten more time to rest, but Yixing’s lips instantly greeted Junmyeon’s. He kissed and kissed him until he found himself unbuttoning Junmyeon’s shirt. This had become quite their habit. Waking up each other this way when they were in the mood for that, when they craved each other.

“Wait, Xing,” Junmyeon said, grabbing Yixing’s hand. “I’m all sweaty and smelly from yesterday. Let me freshen up.”

But Yixing couldn’t wait. He had missed him too much. “Then, how about shower sex?”

His boyfriend chuckled. His closed eyes curved in that adorable way. Junmyeon leaned in to give him another kiss. “I’d love that.”

He smirked while they stood up and Junmyeon dragged him along to the bathroom.

After that vigorous shower, neither were eager to go to the gym. Instead, Yixing and Junmyeon helped each other prepare breakfast. The winter had arrived, making it impossible to eat outside anymore. Their windows gave them a beautiful view of the city, all covered in white. They talked, catching up with what they had missed these last couple of days. The flower shop was busy as always during Christmas and New Year’s season. Junmyeon still had some work left but felt confident he’ll finish it before the Kim family ski trip. Mrs. Kim had asked Yixing to convince Junmyeon to follow the whole clan to spend Christmas and New Year’s skiing. Yixing did it, both as a favor to his future mother-in-law and because he wanted Junmyeon to take a break, maybe for himself too. But that wasn’t the only trip that was near. Next month Yixing would finally travel to see his parents again. With his bank loans finally paid (he had refused to accept Junmyeon’s offer to pay it for him), he managed to save enough money to buy the plane tickets. He knew Junmyeon may have preferred to use his private plane, but his boyfriend didn’t complain about it. Junmyeon had thanked Yixing for it, and Yixing appreciated that. When the Migration Office gave the green light to them, Yixing had booked the tickets. They would leave by the end of next month. He looked forward to seeing his parents after so long. But he was also a bit unsure of his parents meeting Junmyeon. Although Yixing had explained to them everything that had happened, they still were somewhat doubtful of their relationship and of Junmyeon. Yixing just hoped that the time they spent together would make his parents change their mind, just like Yixing had done. This was the man he’ll probably spend the rest of his life with. They had to get along.

Yixing had planned what they’ll do after breakfast. They were going ice-skating with the Do-Park family. The last time he had visited Kyungsoo and Chanyeol, Sohee had asked about ‘Big Suho.’ Later he found out Sohee called him that because she thought Junmyeon looked like a rabbit, her stuffed animal. It had made Yixing laugh. Junmyeon had gotten embarrassed when Yixing teasingly called him ‘bunny’ one time. But Yixing had promised Sohee he’ll bring Big Suho with him next time they saw each other. And although he might have loved to have Junmyeon all to himself, he couldn’t refuse an outing with his friends.

They met with Kyungsoo and the others at the park where there was a temporary ice rink. Lots of people were already gathered there, some skating, some learning. Chanyeol stood outside the ice rink, holding Dongwon in his arms while he cheered for Sohee and Kyungsoo.

“Hey there, lovebirds,” Chanyeol greeted them.

“That hat still fits you?” Yixing asked. It had been so long he had seen that wolf hat, he had though Chanyeol had gotten rid of it.

“Unlike you, Yixing, my head doesn’t keep growing.”

“But your ears sure do.” Yixing laughed, taking Dongwon in his arms while Chanyeol and Junmyeon greeted each other.

“Cool hat,” Junmyeon said.

Chanyeol held the fur balls falling from the wolf hat and just then a breeze passed making the ears almost look as if they were twitching. “Yixing gave it to me long ago. Don’t be surprised if he gifts you an animal-themed hat on your birthday. He gave Kyungsoo a penguin one last year.”

Junmyeon chuckled.

“Well, you won’t have a hard time guessing one of my Christmas presents for the kids,” Yixing said.

“Big Suho! Uncle Xing!” Sohee’s voice suddenly said. Sohee and Kyungsoo stood next to them on the other side of the fence. She wore a matching pink helmet and skates. More hellos later and Sohee asked, “Will you ice skate with us?”

Yixing gave Junmyeon a questioning look. His boyfriend hadn’t mind coming here today, but Yixing didn’t know if Junmyeon was up to doing that. Perhaps he would prefer to stay with Chanyeol and Dongwon.

“Of course, we are,” Junmyeon said. “You better watch out, Sohee. I’m pretty good at this.”

Sohee grinned. “Not as good as me, Big Suho. I’m gonna be a professional ice-skater.”

Yixing believed that. Sohee had always been passionate about it and even attended lessons after school. He gave Dongwon one last squeeze on his cheek before giving him back to Chanyeol. He and Junmyeon walked to rent their ice-skates.

“You know how to ice-skate?” Yixing wondered while they sat down and took off their shoes.

“My mom likes it. She always made us come with her when we were little. And I convinced her to hire us a teacher so we wouldn’t make fools of ourselves. I guess it’s like biking, it may pass some time, but you don’t forget.”

Yixing had realized that every time Junmyeon would talk about his childhood or his late little brother, which was rarely, his gaze would get lost somewhere, only momentarily, because then he would stare back at Yixing and act as if nothing had happened. Yixing had wanted to ask why that was. But he got the feeling Junmyeon wouldn’t open about it. Maybe one day.

Some people came to greet them when they first got in the ice, but then the attention died out. Junmyeon had been right about it being like biking, for him at least. After he got familiar with the feeling, he could move flawlessly and lightly, not on the same level as Sohee but much better than Yixing and Kyungsoo. It calmed Kyungsoo that Junmyeon could be at the same speed at Sohee since she sometimes complained he was going too slow.

Yixing and Kyungsoo moved at their pace and held each other’s arms. They did their best to get off people’s way and keep their balance.

“How are things with Junmyeon?” Kyungsoo asked.

Yixing looked in front of them. At some distance, Sohee was grinning with Junmyeon after showing him a spin.

He decided to spare Kyungsoo his childish complaints. “Wonderful. He’s really fantastic.”

Kyungsoo smiled at him. “I’m happy for you, Xing. It was about time. You deserve it.”

A part of Yixing agreed, but he kept that to himself.

He and Kyungsoo continued ice-skating while talking about the holidays and family matters. Sohee continued showing her skills to Junmyeon. And Chanyeol occasionally took pictures of everyone. Until it was midday and it had started snowing again. Before parting ways, they bought some warm beverages from a kiosk nearby. Sohee gave him and Junmyeon each a kiss on the cheek while saying goodbye, hoping they’d call her for Christmas since they’ll be away. They pinky promised to do that. And so, their outing ended.

Hand in hand, Yixing and Junmyeon walked through the city. They decided to grab a quick lunch at a fast-food restaurant. It was impossible not to attract attention, Yixing was used to it by now. But once the flocking ended, people gave them space, and he could enjoy a lunch date with his boyfriend.

The rest of the day, Junmyeon and Yixing spent it cuddling on the couch and eating snacks while catching up with their favorite detective TV show. Sometimes Yixing was amazed at Junmyeon’s influence because one time he had gotten the chance to attend a party with the cast. For a moment he had felt like the people who came and greeted them like fans. Junmyeon loved to surprise him like that. Yixing loved him for more than that, but he always appreciated his efforts.

When they had finished their sixth episode, Yixing stretched his body on the couch. He turned to the left to meet Junmyeon’s gaze. “We have to start getting ready, love,” Yixing said while yawning. If they wanted to arrive on time for the party, they should be moving now.

Junmyeon groaned. He rested his head on top of Yixing’s chest. “I’d rather stay here with you like this.”

Yixing smiled. He’d prefer that too. But at this point, he had learned it wasn’t common courtesy in this world to cancel at the last minute. And Junmyeon knew that also because eventually, they both stood up.

Tonight’s party would take place at Tao’s parent’s house, or more accurately old mansion. Only close friends and family were invited. Junmyeon’s and Tao’s parents knew each other since way back, and Junmyeon basically grew up along with Tao. That was why they were invited. And it was a black-tie event, so it required somewhat formal wear. Doyoung and Taeil had picked them the latest suit collection from a high fashion brand. When it came to accessories, Yixing was surprised when he noticed both he and Junmyeon had chosen to wear the honeysuckle brooches. Junmyeon had said before that he had gifted it to Yixing, so it was the most suitable brooch Yixing owned and liked. Meanwhile, Junmyeon loved it and felt like wearing it tonight. That coincidence had made them both smile.

“Are you sure about driving, Xing?” Junmyeon asked once they were in the underground parking lot. “I can still call the chauffeur if you want.”

Yixing shook his head. “There’s no need. I’m not drinking tonight.” He opened the door for Junmyeon to step inside. It was the new car that Junmyeon had gifted him for his birthday, one of the many gifts which Yixing didn’t really need, but gratefully accepted. Yixing hadn’t said it, but they were going to attend another one of those fancy dinner nights, and just for one moment he wanted to feel normal. He got the feeling Junmyeon knew his reasons, and that explained why he didn’t bring up the chauffeur anymore.

“Okay,” Junmyeon said. He reached out to grab Yixing’s cheeks and give him a deep kiss that left Yixing breathless. Prelude to what would happen later tonight, Yixing felt it like.

He put on some music before driving off.

It always astounded Yixing to visit one of those places. The mansion had a large parlor in which the reception took place. Crystal chandeliers lightened the area, with how much they sparkled Yixing wished not to be underneath one of those if they were to fall. Tall windows, luxury carpets, couches, lamps, furniture, and painting on the walls, he should be used to seeing this, but it always astonished him.

First, they congratulated the happy couple on the thirtieth anniversary. Their gift had long been handed to the ones in charge at the entrance. Yixing liked Tao’s mother, she was welcoming and hospitable, most likely whom Tao had gotten those qualities from. She looked stunning in her burgundy dress and pearled necklace. Mr. Huang, on the other hand, was slightly serious and bit intimidating, but that aura was common among powerful men like him. Junmyeon’s grandparents still had that effect on Yixing.

Later they greeted the other guests, Junmyeon’s parents, Yifan, and Tao among them. Some people stood up while chatting as waiters walked around offering drinks and appetizers. Others sat down and talked, like how Yixing and his future in-laws were doing. Mrs. Kim was whispering her thankfulness again for managing to convince Junmyeon to follow them on the ski trip, her husband winked at him and said the same. It all made Yixing chuckle. He’ll have to ask Junmyeon later why he used to decline to attend the family gatherings.

As the night had passed, Yixing found himself having quite a good time. He had gotten better at conversing with this crowd and no longer depended on being Junmyeon’s quiet shadow. Talking about the language of flowers always helped break the tension. Apparently, people liked to hear what their most favorite flowers signified. At some point, Junmyeon came to give him a kiss on the cheek and say he’ll be talking with Tao for a while. Yixing didn’t know if he saw right, but he could sense something off with Junmyeon. Still, he continued his with conversations.

Being in this environment had also made Yixing think about something. His parents would celebrate their thirtieth-first anniversary next year. Thankfully, now he would be able to afford to visit them, maybe even throw them a long-overdue celebration too, not like this one but something memorable. He still fondly remembered how he and Qian had surprised them on their twentieth anniversary. Their parents had been so happy and pleased with the rooftop party, maybe also because Qian and he had flooded the places with their favorite flowers.

When it was time, a butler announced that the guests were welcomed to the dining hall. People began moving that way.

Yixing had been talking again with Junmyeon’s parents while showing the pictures Chanyeol sent him today. Mrs. Kim said, “Go ahead dear, I’ll tell one of the waiters to fetch Tao and Myeonie.”

Yixing shook his head. “Oh, there’s no need. I can do it. Where did they go?”

“I think I saw them going to the library,” Mr. Kim said. He instructed Yixing which hallways and directions to take.

Yixing nodded. He excused himself and made his way to the long hallway and followed Mr. Kim’s instructions. Then, he reached the two large wooden doors. Yixing was about to knock but saw that one of the doors wasn’t entirely closed. He opened it and stepped in. It was an annex room with a desk and seats along with many, many bookshelves. Yixing heard voices coming from the inside of the library. He walked that way until he saw Junmyeon facing the fireplace and the back of Tao’s head, sitting on one of the sofas.

“So, when are you going to tell him?” Tao asked with a touch of asperity.

Yixing came to a halt. He shouldn’t be overhearing. It was rude. It was wrong. But he still stood there, not making a sound to reveal his presence.

Junmyeon let out a sigh. “I can’t do it, Tao. I simply can’t yet. I… Can’t find the courage.”

“Junmyeon, everything has been ready for weeks now. I’ve told you everything you need to know thrice. I have it here with me. Come one, you have to tell Yixing.”

“Tell me what?” Yixing decided to interrupt. By the tone of Tao’s voice, whatever it was it was urgent. He walked closer to them.

“Yixing.” Junmyeon gasped, turning around to face him. His face looked pale, almost as Yixing’s presence had scared him to death.

Tao’s gaze fell on Yixing too.

“What is it that you can’t find the courage to tell me, Junmyeon?” Yixing asked. He reached his hand to grasp Junmyeon’s. He was fearing the worst but hoped that Junmyeon would be honest with him. Whatever it was, Yixing wanted to be there for him, support him. Yixing showed his boyfriend a reassuring dimpled smile.

“It’s,” Junmyeon’s voice quivered. He closed his eyes but didn’t say anything else.

“Your sister.” Tao’s voice broke the silence. “It’s about your sister.”

Yixing’s heart beat rapidly. Qian. He finally had news about Qian. “Qian. What about her?”

Junmyeon and Tao exchanged glances, almost as if mentally debating with each other. In the end, Junmyeon shook his head and looked back to the glowing embers.

“Why don’t you come to sit here, Yixing,” Tao said, patting the spot next to him.

Yixing stared at Junmyeon, who oddly refused to see him. Junmyeon squeezed their joined hands together before letting go.

“What about your parent’s dinner? It was about to start,” Yixing said while he made his way to Tao.

“It’s okay, they’ll understand.”

Yixing nodded, sitting on the leather couch next to Tao. Only now did he realize Tao had a briefcase on his lap. Yixing felt worried about Junmyeon’s sudden distance but was also eager to know what was going on. “How do you know about my sister?”

“Because I was the one helping Junmyeon to find her.”

Yixing would have thought Yifan might have been the one helping, given that he worked in a hospital, area for the Health Department. But Tao explained that since he was an officer at the Security Department, he had access to everything, including rehabilitation facilities. And so, Tao began explaining.

Just like they had been told long ago, university and peer pressure had made Qian’s stress levels far too high. Yixing had always doubted that because he remembered his sister’s Emotion Watch hadn’t been shining yellow at all during that time. But Tao said that some people could bottle up everything they felt until it burst out and there was no point of return, which was what had occurred to Qian. And when it hit, she was taken to a rehabilitation facility where she could better her mental health.

Tao opened the briefcase and handed Yixing some stapled papers. The front page showed it was Qian’s admission records. There was a picture of her. Yixing’s fingers delicately traced the photograph. This wasn’t the big sister he remembered. She looked so… angry, scared. How could he have missed it? How could he have not realized Qian hadn’t been feeling well? If only he had been a more attentive, caring brother, would she have not ended like that?

“Look, it’s not your fault. This is quite common,” Tao said as if reading Yixing’s thoughts. Yixing nodded at Tao, but it didn’t take away his feelings.

From there on, Qian went through therapy, and support groups like everyone else admitted did. The process wasn’t quick, however. It required months or even years until one patient was wholly healed and knew how to properly take care of themselves mentally. Qian had been doing good for the first year. The records said she was smiling more, feeling calmer from her worries and anxiety. The chart of colors was slowly drifting from orange to a weaker shade. In some months she would have even been released.

“Why didn’t she?” Yixing had to ask because ten years had passed, and his sister wasn’t here.

“Because she fell in love.”

Yixing’s eyes widened. He remembered how Qian used to say that despite how nice it sounded she would never fall in love because of the world they lived in. She felt their parents finding each other and living happily ever after was utterly rare these days. She didn’t believe in perfect matches either. But Yixing always wished that one day she would find that happiness. And now… he knew she did. His lips formed a smile. “Qian fell in love?”

“Yes,” Tao nodded, “With an intern.”

The intern wasn’t treating Qian’s case, though. He had arrived there to practice with another group of therapists. It was quite common that therapists lived there during the days they worked. Therefore, patients and therapists used to eat together in the common dining hall. That was where the two had met.

For months Qian and that intern ate lunch together at the same table and the same hour. They must have felt a deep connection and chemistry. The couldn’t help smiling at each other or subtly hold hands when none was looking. But they had to disguise it as friendship for a long time. Because that kind of relationship was frowned upon, not only because it was against the rehabilitation facility’s code of ethics, but also because they weren’t a perfect match.

However, the nature of their real relationship was eventually found out. And it didn’t end well. It was decided that the intern would be transferred to another rehabilitation facility shortly and that he and Qian could no longer be seen together, alone or in public. Qian had always felt lonely while being away from her family. With the intern she had found some company and someone else to rely on, to have fun and talk about other things than why she was there. Qian had told that to her therapist when questioned about their relationship. It wasn’t strange that the sudden separation caused a setback on Qian’s mood. And that was why on the following pages of her records the color chart was turning into a darker orange. If she continued that way, she’d probably have to start her treatment all over again. The intern knew this, he knew that she’d have stay inside longer. And neither of them wanted that. With that in mind, for his last remaining days, he came up with a plan.

He relied on Qian’s group therapy companions to exchange messages explaining his ideas. Qian agreed to it. To not raise any suspicious, they decided to act on his second to last day there. The plan to take her out wasn’t anything advanced either. Being an intern, he had access to all doors and locks in the rehabilitation facility. That night, he had merely gone to Qian’s room, unlocked it and brought her out. Quickly, they made their way out of the rehabilitation facility and ran away in his car. From there on began the hard part, which was to not get caught. The rehabilitation facility had noticed Qian’s absence only ten minutes later, and the general alarm was set off. But the intern seemed to have had everything figured out. They got into another car a couple of kilometers away from the rehabilitation facility. Qian changed the generic white clothes everyone wore for civilian ones. And the vehicle left behind was the only physical remaining trace of them.

“What do you mean?” Yixing asked.

“We don’t know where they went. He found ways to avoid main roads and everything else. But the facility was located near the southern coast. If they got help and managed to cross the border to another country, then there wasn’t much else we could do. Later it was found out a fisherman had helped them.”

“So, she’s gone just like that? He and Qian escaped? Why didn’t anyone tell us? We’ve been waiting for news for ten years!”

Tao sighed. “As you’ve heard, it sounds very embarrassing and idiotic that they managed to escape so easily, that nobody thought the star-crossed lovers wouldn’t do anything about their situation. It was a scandal that was better to keep hidden. And officers did ask nearby countries to keep an eye out for them, but not all of them accept our current society, and we can’t impose our authority overseas either.”

“That’s the stupidest excuse! My family deserved to know the truth,” Yixing yelled, “Who cares about the scandal when my sister has been gone for a decade. Do you have any idea of how excruciating it was to know nothing about her? To wait impatiently for one day, someone tells us that she’s fine and she’ll come back home? My parents gave up on her, they think she’s dead!”

“Yes, I agree with you, Yixing. Take a deep breath and calm down.”

Yixing couldn’t care less about that, but he did exhale and inhale.

“But if your family knew, then it might have affected your stress levels too, not knowing where she had gone off too. It was to prevent you from going through that anguish. It was better if you believed she was still getting help. Your sister wanted you to be safe too.”

Tao took out an envelope. Yixing instantly recognized his sister’s handwriting on it. ‘My family’ she had written.

“Your sister left behind this goodbye letter. It’s evidence but I managed to get it back from the Security Department for you.”

Yixing instantly grabbed the envelope Tao held out. He opened it. In the letter, Qian began saying how she had been doing, what reasons she had for running away, her happiness of finding one person she loved, and her apologies to mom, dad, and Yixing for doing this to them. She wished there had been another option, but she couldn’t see much of choice. In the last paragraphs, Qian wished them all the best. She ended by saying she’ll be fine, and that Jeong (that was his name, or nickname, Tao had never mentioned it earlier) would take care of them, that they shouldn’t worry, that they’ll make it safely to the outside world and would start a life on their own.

Yixing smiled after finding the letter. He was conflicted though, still feeling worried about his sister's whereabouts, but relieved that she had gotten free from her isolation. The way she worded everything, she seemed genuinely regretful but also happy. Yixing couldn’t even feel angry with her for her reckless actions. If anything, it sounded just like Qian, not let others dictate her life. But he did wish to see her again, to confirm she was doing fine and not…

“Please help me find her. I don’t want her to get in trouble here, I know she will if those guys find her. Just help me find her on our own. I need to see Qian again,” Yixing subtly pleaded, holding the letter close to him.

Tao smiled faintly. “That’s what I’ve been doing these past months, Yixing. I’ve been looking. It’s not easy because we only have their pictures to rely on as clues. But we’ll do anything we can to trace their whereabouts, right Junmyeon?”

Junmyeon, he was still looking away from Tao and him. Yixing had been so immersed in his talk with Tao’s that he had forgotten about Junmyeon. Yixing somehow understood why Junmyeon didn’t dare to tell him any of this. Junmyeon probably had wanted to bring good news and clear answers to Yixing. Of course, Junmyeon wouldn’t want to admit that he had none of it, only more unbearable uncertainty. Junmyeon had failed. But Yixing didn’t care. He was glad to know Junmyeon had kept his word and was doing his best to find Qian.

“Right, Junmyeon?” Tao asked again.

Yixing stood up from his seat. He walked to Junmyeon and grabbed his hand. “It’s okay, love. It’s okay you didn’t succeed in finding her.” Yixing tightened the grip. “I’m happy you tried, Junmyeon.”

In a matter of seconds, Junmyeon turned around and grabbed the piece of paper Yixing was holding. He tossed it to the fire.

“What the hell?!” Yixing called out, watching the paper catch flames and slowly disappear into ashes.

“It’s not true,” Junmyeon’s voice faintly said, almost as if nothing had been said.

Yixing looked up. Junmyeon’s teary-eyed gaze pierced trough Yixing’s own eyes.

“Stop!” Tao said, voice stern this time.

“Nothing is true! She’s dead. I’m so sorry, Yixing, but your sister is dead.”

Yixing let go of their joined hands. Had he heard correctly? Was Junmyeon saying that Qian had died?

“Keep quiet, Junmyeon! Just go back to the dining room.”

Junmyeon scoffed at Tao. He continued, “She and all these other people died on a fire. She had found out some dark, twisted secrets about this government and her death was linked to it, Yixing. Nobody said anything because it meant they could risk losing everything they’ve worked for. It’s all so damn wrong. But she died. Nine years ago, she died.”

Yixing enclosed his hands into fists. With every word Junmyeon kept spewing, his nails dug deeper into his skin. He felt this painful lump on his throat, this sharp aching in his chest.

“I’m sorry for not saying it earlier. I just, Tao and me, we, we thought you’ll say something. But those secrets are dangerous. We wanted to protect you, but I can’t take it. I can’t take lying to you anymore.”

“Yixing,” Tao said this time, standing next to him, “We’ll explain everything to you, the whole truth, but you have to promise to keep quiet. If any of it comes out, like Junmyeon said, you could get into trouble. It’s for your own good.”

They both looked at him expectantly. But Yixing could only ask, “How long have you known?” His eyes were firm on Junmyeon.

Junmyeon gulped. “Two months.”

Yixing let out a wailing laugh. He couldn’t tell if it were cries of despair or just a wicked laugh. “You’ve known for two months?”

Junmyeon nodded.

“For two months, you’ve known that my sister, Qian, whom I loved so much, and I would do anything to bring her back, was dead.”

Yixing raised his hand and pointed at Junmyeon.

“You’ve kissed me, held my hand, and made love to me while lying to my face for two damn months?”

Junmyeon didn’t say anything but was still on the verge of tears.

“How could you? You knew I was dying to know anything, anything about her! You knew how much I loved her. How much I missed her. How much hope I had to see her. And then, then you go on and tell me all this made-up bullshit.”

“I’m so sorry,” Junmyeon apologized. “I didn’t want to hurt you. We wanted to protect you. I thought-”

“What? That I would enjoy hearing all these lies about her running away? That my despair in not knowing where she was, was so much better than hearing the damn truth?”

“I made a mistake. I should’ve told you everything from the minute I knew. I wanted to, Yixing, but I’m so sorry. I’m really, really, sorry.”

“We were just doing what was best for your sake, Yixing,” Tao said. “We-”

And that was all Yixing would take. Frowning, he glared at them before bolting out of the room. When he reached the annex, a hand grabbed his arm. Yixing turned around and fiercely pushed Junmyeon away from him, not caring whether the fall had hurt him or not.

“No, don’t you dare follow me!” Yixing screamed, “You’re the last person I ever want to see.”

He heard Junmyeon scream his name while he ran through the halls. He needed to get out of there before he unleashed everything he had inside. Yixing reached the main hall and encountered Mrs. Kim.

“Yixing, dear where are-”

Ignoring her calls, Yixing continued his way to the main door. He yelled at the maid to bring him his coat. And when she did, Yixing stepped outside into the cold night. Not even the fresh air could take away his lack of air. He struggled to breathe. The snow was falling and landed on his cheeks, snowflakes turning into water almost immediately. Once Yixing found his car, he took off.

That was one of the most extended car rides he had ever taken. It was a miracle he hadn’t jumped a red light or gotten into an accident. His turmoil was only getting worse. The memories of him and Qian flashed through his eyes. The sound of her voice calling his nickname, Xing-Xing, of her laugh when they joked around, of her concerned eyes when Yixing told her his fears, of her hugs when Yixing needed them the most. Everything was coming back.

When Yixing parked the car outside the building, he quickly got off. His trembling fingers tapped the security numbers he knew so well. Not even stepping in the warm lobby made his quivers stop. Yixing didn’t even wait for the elevator to arrive, he went up the stairs, all the six floors, ignoring whether he was waking up the neighbors. Finally, he reached the door and rang the doorbell until he could hear the door unlock.

A perplexed Kyungsoo stood in front of him. “Yixing?” he asked, “What’s wrong? Why-”

“Qi-Qian,” Yixing stuttered, letting loose the wetness of his eyes. “Qian is dead, Kyungsoo.” It was as if that statement brought him back to his harsh reality. Qian was dead. His knees gave in. Yixing kneeled on the floor crying his heart out, sobbing uncontrollably while Kyungsoo embraced him warmly.


	20. Chapter 20

**Nadir**

Sleeping crouched down against the wall, waiting for the elevator doors to open at any minute, hadn’t been the wisest choice, Junmyeon had done it anyway. Last night he had returned home and even though his common sense knew Yixing wouldn’t be there, he had had a faint glimmer of hope. Once Junmyeon realized the house was empty and Yixing wouldn’t answer his phone calls, he found this spot, sat down and waited, and waited, but nothing had occurred, only that he ended up falling asleep. As he woke up now his body definitely hadn’t appreciated it. Nothing could have stopped him, though. If Yixing were to walk out of those doors, Junmyeon had wanted to be there. Even at this moment, Junmyeon continued looking at the metallic doors, hoping, praying for Yixing’s return and ignoring the hunger growls his stomach was giving for skipping dinner yesterday.

Junmyeon had thought he’d be stronger and hold in his inner demons a little longer. Yet his lips had been unable to utter a sentence, and he had let Tao do the talking. He couldn’t even look at Yixing, staring at the fire had been more bearable. But hearing Yixing take all those lies, all that deceit, and the way Yixing had made that distinguishable noise when he smiled from ear to ear after hearing Qian had ‘fallen in love,’ how Yixing had pleaded Tao to help him, and when Yixing had stood next to him, comforting him over the failure and calling him ‘love’ while being happy that he had ‘tried’ was the last Junmyeon could take. The guilt and animosity had pushed him over the edge, so far away that for the first time in ages, he had felt the need to cry. He had been so disgusted with himself, for having lied for so long to the most comprehensible, caring, and loving person he had ever met. For lying to the one person who had given him so much… Love. Junmyeon could no longer acquiesce with the plan and decided to tell the truth despite the consequences. Because, how could he ever build a future life along with Yixing when he carried such a horrible lie in his heart?

While it had been liberating being honest with Yixing, he still remembered how Yixing had rapidly withdrawn his hand from their clasp. The disappointment and ache in Yixing’s eyes while hearing him come clean. Yixing’s despairing laugh was one of the most horrible sounds he’d ever heard. And how could ever forget Yixing’s disdainful glare after pushing him away, telling him he was the last person he ever wanted to see? Every word had torn a bit of Junmyeon’s heart. Every word felt as if Yixing was being taken away from him, no, Yixing was getting away from him. Junmyeon had been angry with Tao when his friend had held him after Yixing had left the annex, and all he could do was to shout Yixing’s name, hoping for him to come back. But he wouldn’t have been able to take more of Yixing’s rejection.

His heart feared what would happen now. Deep in his mind, he knew the answer but was reluctant to even think about it.

Junmyeon hugged his knees and continued staring at the doors. He would stay here and wait for Yixing’s return. Then, he’ll tell everything to him, the whole truth, and hope that Yixing would be able to understand, that Yixing’s love would be able to look past the horrible mistakes he had made. He needed Yixing to understand.

* * *

At the last second, he stopped and prevented his feet from almost crushing the small flowers on the snow-covered ground. He crouched down until he laid on his tummy and could observe the white flowers closer. It was the first time he saw flowers blooming in the winter. Four petals each, eight in total. Dropping nodding heads hanging from the green stem. No taller than his dad’s hand.

“What you are doing, Xing-Xing?” Qian’s voice interrupted his observance. She laid next to him on the snow, both admiring the small flowers.

“Why do these ones bloom in the winter, Qian? How can they survive the cold?”

“Because they are snowdrops.”

“Snowdrops?”

Qian nodded. “Yes, most of them can blossom during the winters. It’s believed that their blossoming is a sign that spring is near. That’s why they are also known as Emblem of early spring.”

As always, his sister never needed much time to identify a flower. Yixing esteemed how she could remember all of that. In the past, he had felt all flowers looked the same, and their only variation was in color or shape. But Qian had slowly spread her enthusiasm to him, and now he could distinguish a marsh marigold from a lesser celandine. Clearly, he still had a long way to reach Qian’s level of knowledge.

“Then, does it mean it’ll be spring soon?”

They looked up at the sky together. In the final days of the first month of the year, the greyness had finally been replaced with clear blue skies and sun rays that warmed their faces.

“It has been getting a little warmer, hasn’t it? So, I’m guessing it will.”

“I like spring.”

“I know you do.”

“What do they mean?” Yixing asked, lowering his gaze on the two snowdrops again.

“A lot of things. But one of the most common is hope.”

“Hope?”

“Yes, hope and the beginning of something new because they bloom in the late winter and are the first heralds of spring. They give us hope that the cold will end soon, and that warmth is upon us. We’ll be okay. All the dead things buried under the snow will come alive once again when spring arrives. That’s why they signify hope.”

Yixing smiled at the way Qian got engrossed in her explanations. “How do you know all this stuff?”

“I read a lot.”

“I read too.”

Qian reached a hand to gently pat Yixing on the head, on his sheep winter hat. “Yeah, but manga and comics books don’t teach these things, do they?”

“Maybe some do.”

Their conversation got cut off when someone called Qian’s name.

“You have to go?”

She smiled tenderly at him, her only dimple forming on her left cheek. “I’ll see you again later, won’t I?”

Qian stood up and reached out a hand for Yixing to take. And when Yixing did, she was the last thing he saw.

Blurred figures took a clearer shape, colors come into life and Yixing blinked to chase away the sleepiness in his eyes. Once again, he woke up in Chanyeol’s and Kyungsoo’s bedroom. The painting with the butterflies hanging on the wall above the headboard greeted him.

What day was it?

Yixing had lost the perception of time ever since he had barged into his friends’ house like a madman and cried until his swollen eyes couldn’t bring themselves to shed another tear that evening. Amid his sobbing, he had managed to explain what had happened to Chanyeol and Kyungsoo. Then, he recalled waking up later in his friends’ bedroom. Yixing couldn’t talk to anyone after that. Not even leave the room, unless it was for bathroom visits. God, he hadn’t even changed his party outfit. But there he laid, all sweaty and reeking on his friends’ bed. In there he had also eaten the meals he managed to ingest, and his friends had kept him company during those silent meals.

Yixing had fallen into that dark pitch of sadness that was knowing his sister was dead. Even if the years had passed, Yixing had firmly believed one day he’d meet Qian again. She’d see what he had done with his life these past times, and he’d help her get back on track and somehow recover the time she had lost. He had even imagined his parent’s face of inexplicable joy when he and Qian went to visit them. He had thought they’ll get another chance because the more he became an adult, the more the childhood memories were slowly fading. He thought he’d be able to recover it by creating new memories. Yet all of that had been crushed into pieces the moment Junmyeon told him his sister was dead. Yixing would never see her again, talk or hug her, only remember, reminiscence who she had been to him through the memories he had left, pictures or videos. That cold-hearted notion led Yixing to drown in his pain. All he did was to cry, sob, or lay there lifelessly on the bed cursing life for having stolen so much from them.

But there had also been dreams. Most of the time it was only a short snippet he could remember after waking up. Or were those visions long-forgotten memories? Yixing couldn’t distinguish whether any of what he saw playing in his mind like a movie was real or just part of his imagination One day he had dreamed he could say goodbye to Qian before her leave, another it was Qian’s birthday, today he dreamt about her in a snowfield talking about snowdrops.

But unlike the other days in which Yixing woke up from his sleep, for the first time, he didn’t feel a tremendous urge to cry, scream and curse at the world for every injustice committed against them. Instead, he finally got a thought of what he wanted to do. He finally felt he could breathe. The lump in his throat wasn’t there anymore.

Qian was gone. Nothing could change that. And perhaps she was at a much better place than where she had been.

He got off the bed and stretched his body a couple of times. His next move was to raise the blinds, letting sunlight to enter the room after a long time. The sunbeam coming from the window allowed him to distinguish motes floating around. While outside everything remained covered in a white mantel, after all, it was only the middle of December. Winter had only just begun, but he felt that a snowdrop may have bloomed far too early.

Yixing went to the bathroom. Staring at himself in the mirror he almost didn’t recognize the image. His face looked terrible. His eyes were red and swollen. His complexion had lost its glisten. Signs of stubble could be seen above his upper lips. Dark greasy hair. What an appearance. Thank heaven’s none of the kids had seen him like that. As Yixing eyed the room, he found a set of clothes on top of the towels. Kyungsoo must have left it there for him. He needed a bath right away.

A while later, feeling refreshed and clean, smelling like daisies (the body wash’s scent) Yixing walked into the kitchen. Chanyeol was there, cooking something on the stove.

“Hey Yixing,” Chanyeol said.

“Good morning.”

Yixing walked past the kitchen area and went to sit at the dining table. He saw Chanyeol pour the contents of the pan, scrambled eggs, on a plate and then filled a glass with apple juice.

“What day is it?” Yixing asked.

“Friday.”

Friday. He hadn’t left the room since Sunday.

Chanyeol took out buns from the oven. He put everything in front of Yixing and then sat down on the other end of the table with a cup of tea in hand.

“Thank you, Chan,” Yixing said before digging into the food that was probably meant for Chanyeol himself. It was tasty, he could distinguish the flavors at last.

“Where are the kids?”

“Sohee is at school. Dongwon is still sleeping,” Chanyeol said, holding up the video baby monitor for him to see.

“Is he sick?”

Chanyeol shook his head while sipping his cup of tea.

“Did you stay at home all week just for me?” He knew Chanyeol was no longer on paternity leave.

“Somebody had to keep an eye on you. Make sure you were safe and ate.”

“Thank you for taking care of me. And I’m sorry.”

Chanyeol grinned while shaking his head. “For what? What would friends be for then?”

“Well, definitely not to crash at your place, take over your bedroom, lock themselves in there and cry for days to come, on top of that totally ignoring personal hygiene.”

“We all have different ways of dealing with sadness. And our concept of friendship seems to differ, Xing.”

“I overstayed my welcome.”

“Had you tried to leave the Do-Park premises like that, and we would have been forced to tie you to the bed.”

For the first time in days, Yixing smiled. He took the last bite of his scrambled eggs before drinking the apple juice and reaching for a bun.

“How are you feeling now?”

Yixing let out a deep sigh while thinking about that. How was he feeling? He felt he wouldn’t be completely fine for some time, but at least he could say, “I got out of bed. I recovered my personal hygiene. I’m eating a bun and no longer feeling like… Crying, shouting or hitting the pillows.”

Chanyeol nodded. He took another sip. A silence settled between them while Yixing grabbed another bun to eat and Chanyeol finished drinking his cup of tea.

“I’m truly sorry for your loss, Yixing,” Chanyeol said, “Qian… She was amazing. Always so kind and vivid,” he began recalling.

Yixing dropped the bun on the table and felt how his vision blurred, the watery eyes again.

“Oh no, I just made you cry again,” Chanyeol stood up and went to hug him. Yixing sniffed against his friend’s shirt.

“No, these are good tears. You’re right, Qian was amazing. The best sister one could wish for. And now she’s gone. She’s been gone for a long time, and there’s nothing we can do except honor her memory.”

“We’ll keep her alive in our hearts.”

When Yixing felt strong enough to let go of Chanyeol, he dabbed his face clean with a napkin. Chanyeol then went to Dongwon’s room because the video baby monitor had warned of his son waking up. He returned with the baby in his arms. Before Chanyeol sat Dongwon on the baby chair, he asked if Yixing wanted to hold him. Yixing did.

Dongwon eyes stared at him curiously before letting out a chuckle, making Yixing reciprocate the act. Yixing distracted himself while cooing and playing with Dongwon. Babies always brought joy to him. He had dreamed of being a father himself one day but now… When Chanyeol had finished preparing the breakfast, he sat Dongwon on the baby chair to feed him. Yixing observed the baby eat for a while. Although Dongwon dropped some of the food, he was managing to eat on his own most of the time.

“I don’t know if it’s right of me to tell you this, Kyungsoo says it’s not, but Junmyeon called.”

Deep in the pit of misery, Yixing had blocked every thought of Junmyeon from his mind. He didn’t want to remember any of the fond memories they had had together. How he hated that despite his fury, he couldn’t shake off the love he felt for Junmyeon, it still lingered there amid the betrayal, anger, and deceit. Junmyeon’s teary eyes and voice of regret only made him less inclined towards feeling any hate at all. If only one could erase people from their hearts. As much as he’d rather forget everything involving him, Yixing needed to know more besides the fact that Qian was dead. His parents would like to know what had happened when he told them. And he remembered Junmyeon saying something about dark secrets and other nonsense, but whatever it was, he needed to hear it, even if it meant he’ll have to see him again.

“He did?” Yixing asked. He had turned off his phone that same night he arrived here just to avoid Junmyeon’s calls.

“Yeah, he tried with Kyungsoo first. And when Soo didn’t answer, he called me. Said something about needing to explain everything to you. But I told him you’ll be staying here for a while.”

Yixing nodded. “I’ll make sure to clean and tidy your bedroom before I leave.”

“You’re gonna go back to him? After what he did?” Chanyeol asked with annoyance.

“No. But I have to talk to him eventually. And I feel that whatever he has to say for himself, I’m gonna end up homeless.”

“You have a home here.”

Yixing smiled. “You and Kyungsoo have been sleeping on your couch way too long.”

“Hey, our sofa bed is quite comfortable. But we do have an extra bed down in the storage room. We can move Dongwon’s crib to our room and fix you a bed in there for now. Yixing, you can’t be alone at a time like this. It’s the Christmas season! Be surrounded by your closest friends.”

As if agreeing with his father, Dongwon let out a scream, but also the food he was chewing on.

It wasn’t until next month that Yixing would be with his parents again and could get away from all this. He could use being around his second family. “My brothers, I’ll be surrounded by my brothers.”

Chanyeol grinned. “Then, once this chubby-cheeks here finishes eating, we’ll start fixing everything.”

* * *

Junmyeon couldn’t stop pacing around the hall. The doorman had just notified him that Yixing had entered the building and was heading up. After ten days they would finally see each other again. Junmyeon had been in such despair not knowing where Yixing had been, afraid that something had happened to him. But even after finding out his whereabouts, Junmyeon couldn’t keep calm. His first instinct had been to drive to Kyungsoo’s and Chanyeol’s apartment but thought better of it and decided to wait for Yixing to come to him. The waiting days had been distressing, his mind couldn’t be distracted by anything except the thought of Yixing. He didn’t let anyone, not even his mother, who had been worried about them, come to visit him in this pitiful state.

The bells rang, and the elevator doors opened. Junmyeon’s heart fluttered when Yixing’s gaze fell on him. Yet those brown eyes no longer reflected that adoration, that sparkle that used to be there.

“Yixing, you’re back,” Junmyeon spoke. He did his uttermost to stop the smile on his lips from forming, something told him Yixing wouldn’t reciprocate it. He did his uttermost to stop himself from surrounding his arms around Yixing’s body, leaning in and enveloping their lips in a long-awaited kiss.

“What do you have to explain?” Yixing asked, stepping out the elevator while crossing his arms.

Yixing’s harsh tone shouldn’t take Junmyeon by surprise, but it still affected him. He felt so small under Yixing’s derisive gaze.

“Can we talk in the living room?”

Luckily, Yixing followed him when Junmyeon walked over there. Their living room looked the same. Even in his worry, Junmyeon had made sure that all Yixing’s plants were adequately taken care of by his assistants.

“Do you want anything to eat? Drink?”

“No,” was Yixing’s monosyllable answer.

Junmyeon nodded and took a seat on the couch next to him. Yixing scooted over until he was sitting on the further end of the couch. Junmyeon tried to not look hurt by the sudden action and instead took one deep breath.

“Yixing, I’m very sorry for lying to you. I was-”

“I’m not here to listen to any of your apologies, Junmyeon, if that’s all you gotta say,” Yixing cut him off, “Just tell me what happened with my sister or I leave.”

Junmyeon gulped, nodding his head faintly. “Okay, but please listen to me from the beginning.”

Yixing said neither yes or no, just continued staring at him.

He couldn’t help fidgeting with his fingers while talking. “I lied to you from the start. Neither Tao nor I thought it was a good idea to set your sister free. Truth is, my real intentions were to lead you on into believing that. Because I thought that if you saw her once and… I said it was difficult to release her but could easily order it if I were chosen the Leader, then I could trick you into marrying me.”

Yixing mirthlessly smiled while shaking his head. Junmyeon continued explaining, though, telling Yixing about how over time he had come to fall in love with him, how his newfound feelings for Yixing had made him changed his mind, how he had meant every word when they decided to postpone the wedding. He had truly wanted to help Yixing reunite with Qian. Impatiently, he pestered Tao to tell him something, but only got vague answers in return. Until one day he got that call, and he knew.

Junmyeon told Yixing everything. About the Emotion Watches true purpose, about the rehabilitation facilities, about the dark history that involved Qian’s death. Whatever disdainful remarks Yixing had wanted to say while listening to that horrible story, he didn’t. Yixing kept all his words in, but the contempt in his eyes grew and grew with every word he heard. Yixing’s knuckles gleamed with how hard he was squeezing them. It was a good thing he had taken off his Emotion Watch the moment Junmyeon told him what they calculated. It was a good thing Junmyeon wasn’t wearing his because he knew the pain within him would reflect it in that yellow color.

By the time Junmyeon had nothing left to say, he wished Yixing had spoken, interrupted him to say what a disaster this country was, or that he agreed with Junmyeon that everything they had done was atrocious, just said something and not only stared at him in complete silence, despising him or the words he was saying. The sad, livid visage was more upsetting than not knowing what thoughts spun in Yixing’s head.

Until Yixing stood up, holding the watch in his hand, and Junmyeon got the feeling if he let him go, he’ll never see him again. Junmyeon reached forward and held his hand, standing up to look at him in the eyes.

“For months I felt so guilty. I wanted to tell you everything when I knew, Yixing. I really did. I just couldn’t because we worried that you would tell anyone. These secrets are dangerous. You could end up charged for treachery too. But I promise you that if I’m chosen, then I’ll make the right thing. I’ll make sure that-”

Yixing pushed away his hand. “Save it, Junmyeon! I don’t care what you’ll do, it won’t change the fact my sister was held basically captive only to be brainwashed. It won’t change that innocent people suffered a terrible death because people like you want to stay in power and will go to any lengths to do that!”

“I’m sorry,” Junmyeon lamented.

“Stop saying you’re sorry!” Yixing yelled. He was struggling to hold in his tears. “How could I ever forgive you for any of this?”

It was Junmyeon’s turn not to let loose his tears.

“You lied to me for so long. You lied to me from the fucking start!”

“I know. I’m so sorry.” He couldn’t avoid saying it. All Junmyeon wanted was to kneel down on the floor and continue apologizing, which he did. He kneeled, bowed, and stared at the carpeted floor and Yixing’s shoes while saying, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.

Yixing didn’t say anything. Junmyeon could only continue apologizing like he had done once upon a time so long ago. Even while repeating the words, they didn’t lose their meaning. Until he felt Yixing’s arms grabbing his shirt and push him to kneel up.

Yixing drew so near to his face that when he breathed Junmyeon felt a breeze.

“There are some unforgivable things in this world. For you, it’s me kissing another man’s lips. For me, it’s you lying to my face and trying to fool me into thinking my dead sister is alive. You can keep apologizing forever, but I will never forgive this.”

And that was as far as Junmyeon could hold it in. Salty tears rolled down his cheeks and landed on top of Yixing’s hand. His brittle voice could only ask, “Do you hate me?”

Yixing let go of him and stood up again. He looked at the ceiling while he buried his hands on his face. After a long deep groan, Yixing said, “I hate that you lied to me. Not only about Qian but that you also tricked me into believing you could love me. I hate that I fell for all of your pretenses. And because of that, I can’t hate you. I hate that I actually came to give you my love. That’s the part I hate the most. Because you don’t deserve it. You don’t deserve it!”

With all the remorse in his heart, Junmyeon continued saying, “I’m sorry.”

“I was so mistaken. My initial hunch was damn right. You’re just a selfish, arrogant asshole that just like all those selfish, arrogant assholes don’t care who they hurt on their way to get what they want. Because in your filthy world, the end justifies any means, right?!”

“I’m sorry.”

Yixing rubbed his eyes against his elbow. He laughed bitterly. “Oh god, you just bought me all this stuff and did everything to keep me content, didn’t you? So, I could never leave you, and if one day I found out the truth then you would say how you gave me everything and I should be grateful to you for ‘protecting’ me… You’re… You’re despicable.”

“I’m sorry.”

Yixing huffed, “You never truly felt anything for me, did you?”

I did, I did, I did. I loved you so much.

“I’m gonna make things really easy for you, Junmyeon. In the upcoming days, I’ll take all my belongings with me. And then I’ll keep my mouth shut just like you wanted. Nobody will ever know this. But in return, you’ll stay away from me and my friends. Don’t think for one second of coming near me again. I don’t want anything to do with you.”

Yixing took something out of his pocket and threw it on the wooden floor. When it landed, Junmyeon saw it had been his honeysuckle brooch.

“It’s over.”

Yixing stomped out of the room.

His chest stung. His tear-filled eyes couldn’t stop the flow. And he fell deeper and deeper while Yixing got away from him. Yixing couldn’t go. Yixing couldn’t leave. No, he had to stop him! At last, Junmyeon decided to overlook the haunting thoughts in his head and ran to catch Yixing in the hall.

“I love you, Yixing.”

He found the courage to utter the words he had never thought he’ll ever say out loud to anyone. The words just rolled off his tongue. Why hadn’t he told them sooner?

“Everything I feel for you, that’s the most honest part of me.”

Yixing didn’t say anything in return. No, he didn’t even turn around, but walked inside the elevator, pressed the button, and left.


	21. Chapter 21

**Gone**

The apron with the unicorn print no longer hung on the hook in the kitchen. The socks that would end up in random drawers in the closet room, because Yixing didn’t care to follow the sock drawer’s principle, were no longer there. The picture frames, the flower books, the purple hoodie that Yixing always left out hanging on the terrace after a work-out session, and everything else had been taken away little by little. Nothing remained. Yixing had moved out. Junmyeon had been there to witness how Yixing and Chanyeol had packed every single thing and then took the boxes with them. During those two days, Yixing hadn’t even spared a glance at him, not even when Junmyeon said hi and goodbye to them. The only things that Yixing had left behind were his apartment card key and everything Junmyeon had gifted him. As every empty spot in the house had become visible, Junmyeon realized that their home, no, his house lost that homey touch Yixing had brought. Instead, every room looked as if it belonged to a page in a home accessory or furniture catalog. Although that was how Junmyeon’s house had always been in the past, it was only now he thought he didn’t like it.

Junmyeon hadn’t been able to do much after the break-up, only stay at home and feel hopeless, heartbroken, and irreparable sadness. His final conversations with Yixing replayed on his mind like a broken record while he held onto that honeysuckle brooch, intensifying those emotions.

This was the first time Junmyeon had allowed himself to fall in love, this was the first time someone had broken his heart, but it was because of his own damn choices. Knowing himself, Junmyeon ought to have expected he would have one way or another ruined it sooner or late. It turned out to be sooner and in the most horrible way. The odds have never been in his favor, and he knew why that was. But Yixing had brought Junmyeon a chance of solace and blissful ignorance to rejoice himself at, a chance of being able to feel again. Ironically, now that Yixing was gone, the loss made him feel much worse than what it would have done in the past. He found himself unable to stop crying at times. He missed the man he loved with such fervor and zeal that he couldn’t understand how one can love so much. Would it always be like this? Perhaps this was finally his punishment for all his sins. This devoid emptiness might accompany him for the rest of life. But he didn’t want to carry any more of it, of that sadness, guilt, self-hatred, and all those other feelings within him. What he once knew how to conceal no longer worked, and his emotions were only interfering with his life.

Junmyeon hadn’t returned to work because he wouldn’t be able to concentrate fully, and that would be no help for the company. He didn’t leave to go anywhere because he knew his Emotion Watch would only be shining yellow, the color still didn’t fade. Junmyeon also didn’t tell his parents the truth about his and Yixing’s break up, that would go on the pile of other shameless secrets his parents couldn’t know due to his cowardice. Of course, his mom and dad were worried about him, even offered to stay and spend the holidays with him. But Junmyeon didn’t want them around. He deserved to be suffering alone. And he didn’t want them to see what was left of him. Eventually, after much convincing excuses and reasons why coping with a broken heart alone was better for him, his parents decided to go to the annual family ski trip. That gave Junmyeon some time to gather himself up and pick up the pieces of his old self that he could find before he met with his parents again.

The only ones Junmyeon did allow to see him were Yifan and Tao. But only because of Tao and his magic keys that opened everything. Junmyeon had told the staff downstairs to deny entrance to anyone. And the reason for that was precisely due to how his two friends had been astonished when they saw him, all sad and miserable. There wasn’t much they could do to change that, however, except maybe force him to eat some food (Junmyeon had lost most of his appetite) or tidy his room. After that spontaneous visit, Junmyeon asked them to leave him alone. He didn’t want eyes to see the decay of who he had once had been and the anguish he was trapped at. Or hear any more excuses of how it hadn’t been his fault or this and that when he knew damn well, he deserved how everything ended with Yixing.

Eventually, he would have to heal, right? And everything would be put aside, not forgotten because Junmyeon didn’t think he’ll ever forget it. Coping with it was more realistic. Then, he’d go back to work, continue earning profit to the company, and do whatever Minseok considered would be the best choice to continue with his campaign. Although Junmyeon had told Minseok they had broken up, he refused Minseok’s idea to announce it now. He didn’t trust he could manage to say the news without bursting out crying in front of everyone. Maybe that had been a smart strategy to earn compassion, but Junmyeon hated the idea of taking advantage of the situation. Only when he regained his old character and strength, he’ll announce it. And if the people were able to look past his inability to have a life partner, then he might still have a chance to become their Leader, and he’d do his best job. Junmyeon hated that last idea. Based on all the dirt that had been dug up, his view on the System and why it was the core of society had wholly been undermined. Perhaps the program itself was ‘flawless,’ but some of the defenders of it were vile, himself included. Still, Junmyeon had a duty with the nation, with his family who trusted he would honor the family name, just like he had always been doing.

Tonight, he wouldn’t heal, though. It was Christmas eve, and he sat in the darkness of his living room. He rejected the idea of spending it with the Huang’s and Wu’s or any other party he had been invited to. Although he owed it to Tao’s parents for leaving their anniversary party without notice, he would have to repay it another time. Instead, Junmyeon had spent Christmas eve eating some of the food Taeyong had brought him earlier in the evening. That had been strange. Junmyeon hadn’t even called and ordered it from him, and the assistant had always hated when Junmyeon had inconsiderably asked him to do something during any holiday. But perhaps Taeyong had strangely missed that Junmyeon hadn’t contacted him for days. Maybe Taeyong had been worried. It was an act of kindness Junmyeon didn’t deserve. Just like Yixing’s last one.

In front of him was a present Junmyeon had found hidden in the drawers in his closet. He might be sad, but that didn’t mean he liked sleeping in the same worn-out clothes. The present was addressed to: ‘My love.’ Six letters, two words that no longer brought him any of the elation they used to cause to his ears. Had Yixing intentionally left it behind for him? Or had he completely forgotten about it amid his rage? Questions he’ll never get answers to. After finding it, Junmyeon had decided to wait until Christmas to unfold it. But he couldn’t wait longer than after seeing the clock ticking midnight.

More tears fell desperately down his cheeks as he held the last memento of Yixing’s love, the last one ever. The two ears and antlers sticking out the hat made it look tacky, most definitely not something he would have willingly worn in public in the past. It was his most valuable possession now. He kept crying while holding near his chest the only reminder of Yixing’s love for him, of what used to be his love.

* * *

Yixing continued looking through the boxes. He knew he had packed the picture frame in one of the boxes that were in his temporary room, the other boxes were downstairs in Chanyeol’s and Kyungsoo’s storage room. After moving in with his friends, Yixing had decided to only keep his clothes and other personal belongings. The old furniture that used to be in his initial room at Junmyeon’s house had been thrown away. Yixing wouldn’t need them anymore, and this living situation with his friends wouldn’t last forever, Dongwon would get back his room next month.

At last, he found the picture frame. It was the only thing he needed before making his way out with Chanyeol, Kyungsoo, and their children.

Christmas eve was in a few days. Yixing hadn’t gone back to work yet because there was something he needed to do before moving on from all this. He knew that hosting a funeral didn’t feel right without his parents here, and it was nine years later, so that didn’t seem very suitable. But he had gotten another idea on how to say goodbye to Qian, not to let go of her memory, but the idea that she would come back along with the anger and fury he felt over the people and circumstances that caused her death.

Yixing had kept his promise and didn’t told anyone what he knew, although he would have loved to wake up these foolish people from the lie they were living in. Instead, his explanation to Chanyeol and Kyungsoo had been that Qian’s death was due to medical malpractice involving national healthcare. Passing the blame to doctors and clinics funded by the government seemed to have worked, and his friends had believed why it had been kept a secret from Yixing and his family. Lawsuits and whatnot were never good publicity. Although Yixing felt slightly guilty for lying, he knew that telling his friends all the horrible things he knew wouldn’t do much good, only bring them paranoia due to carry such a burden. Yixing’s parents, on the other hand, they would hear the whole truth when they saw each other.

A while later Yixing and his companions arrived at the place. It was the early afternoon. Today wasn’t snowing, but the sky was clouded and only made the scenery more white and softer. Usually, people would have been strolling or having a picnic in this part of the park. Nobody enjoyed the cold and harsh winter, though, which allowed them to have some privacy.

Kyungsoo and Chanyeol had helped him organize and carry everything earlier in the day. Even after returning from having eaten lunch and changed into black clothes at home, the place looked like when they had left it. They stood underneath a willow tree near the frozen riverbank. The branches were covered in snow and coated in frost, making the drooping lines an illusion to the eyes of a frozen waterfall. And on a half-circle was gathered a sea of purple cyclamens, their vibrant color contrasting with the pure white snow. Sadness and resignation. The combination of the willow tree and cyclamen’s symbolism would be something Qian would have appreciated.

Yixing put his sister’s picture frame on the stool amid the cyclamens. He set a lavender-scented candle next to it and lightened it. For a while he and the others quietly watched the flames burn. His most treasured memories with Qian replayed on his head.

Then, a tiny hand tucked in a mitten clasped his own. Yixing looked down to see Sohee staring at him.

“She was pretty. Auntie was really pretty,” Sohee said.

Yixing found himself smiling. Sohee, who unlike Dongwon had been aware of his suffering, had almost never left his side once Yixing came out of Kyungsoo and Chanyeol’s room. She had tried his best to make him smile or laugh at what she thought would make him happy, like watching a movie, eating something, or reading this. Yixing had welcomed the child’s efforts. It had distracted him from the turmoil of thoughts that had spun in his mind these past days.

“She used to say she didn’t believe so, but I agree, Sohee. She was really pretty.”

“What are those flowers called, Uncle Xing?” she asked.

“Cyclamens.”

“Why did you pick them?”

Cyclamens were symbolic of resignation, but they could also mean goodbye. The kind of flower one gave to a friend that was moving away. But because they were poisonous, their meaning could also be linked to death. They represent that all good things will eventually come to an end, suitable to signify departure during funerals. Yixing wanted to say goodbye to Qian. His sister wouldn’t be able to hear him anymore, but this was his way of doing that. Resignation. This could also be goodbye to all those other unpleasant emotions and thirst for revenge that had come after finding out why she died. He didn’t want to think back on Qian and only remember the despair and anger, but he wanted to keep alive her warmth and joy. An infectious rage had threatened to sicken his heart and holding grudges would only taint that image. Qian, wherever she was, would like for him to remember her with fondness. And that was what Yixing would do from now on. While he saw the breathtaking picturesque scenery, his sister contiguous smile, he felt those bad feelings starting to dissipate. The sorrow would accompany him a while longer, but even that eventually would be gone.

“Because they mean goodbye.”

“And we’re here to say goodbye to auntie, right?”

“Yes.”

Sohee bowed his head towards Qian’s frame and said, “Goodbye auntie. Uncle Xing will miss you.”

Kyungsoo, who was holding Dongwon, then asked to say a few words. Yixing nodded. Then came Chanyeol. All the caring words his friends remembered about her warmed Yixing’s heart and caused more tears to fall. When it was time for him to say something all Yixing could find to say was:

“I’ll carry you in my heart always, Qian. Wherever you are, always know your little brother loves you.”

Maybe it wasn’t the long eulogy one might have expected from the brother. But this wasn’t a funeral. And even if he didn’t say all these beautiful things to honor Qian in front of a large audience, Yixing knew that all the feelings he would have wanted to convey with words would always be with him in his heart.

Yixing felt Kyungsoo and Chanyeol each put a hand on his shoulder. He felt Sohee hugging him sideways. Yixing sniffed before saying, “Goodbye, Qian.”

* * *

Yixing had spent Christmas surrounded by his friends and their families just like he had been doing for the past years. Despite his sorrow, he could find some momentary joy during the holiday reunions. A new year would begin the day after tomorrow, which meant his own gathering with his parents would be in a few weeks. In the meantime, Yixing was finally back at the flower shop. He was making sure to thoroughly teach Sooyoung the management and other relevant information she’ll need when she’d be on her own. Yixing’s only wish was for her to keep the shop’s name. But working also helped him put aside unwanted thoughts. He believed it would be much easier to forget everything once he left.

This morning, Yixing was in the middle of making a flower arrangement that would be on display later. He had thought he had let go of his anger but seeing that person standing in front of his working table threatened to revive it, letting him know that the rage still lingered there. Yixing ignored the unwelcome guest and focused on his task at hand.

“Back to work already?” Tao asked after minutes of silence.

Yixing nodded, not even looking up. He continued as if Tao’s presence didn’t bother him. Was Tao here because of Junmyeon? Anything that reminded Yixing of him only spoiled his mood, which is why he had gotten rid of anything that could trigger those memories. But the memories remained there, and so did the feelings. He hated that.

“I need to talk to you, Yixing,” Tao said and looked around the shop. Besides today’s workers, there were also a few early customers. “Preferably alone.”

What Tao had to say after the way he had blatantly taken Yixing for a fool, Yixing didn’t want to hear. He had enough liars in his life. However, he also knew that Tao wouldn’t leave him alone until he heard him. It would be displeasure for Yixing to have Tao around any longer. With that in mind, he put aside his tools and walked to his office, holding the door open for Tao. They entered and made themselves comfortable on the chairs near the desk. He hated how the office still reminded him of those times Junmyeon used to bring him lunch and they ate together.

“Well? Talk, I don’t have all day,” Yixing said, not bothering to mask his annoyance and rudeness. These people didn’t deserve any of his kindness, or respect for that matter.

“First of all, I want to apologize for lying to you the way I did… That was awful. I shouldn’t have tricked you into believing your sister was alive. It was very inconsiderate.”

Yixing scoffed, “Look, if all you want to do is clean your conscience, then you should know your apology means nothing to me. Like I told Junmyeon, you can say sorry a million times, but I will never forgive this.”

Unlike how Junmyeon had reacted, Tao didn’t appear affected by that. Instead, he half-smiled at Yixing’s words. “I wasn’t expecting your forgiveness. But I’ve been thinking, and I just wanted you to know that I deeply regret my actions. If I could go back to that moment and make things right… I would.”

Yixing let out a laugh. “And what exactly would you have made right?”

“Letting Junmyeon take the fall.”

As expected, this meeting was Junmyeon’s doing. “To me, you’re as equally guilty as him. I only despise you a little less for lying. Just tell Junmyeon I will never change my mind and he should-”

“I did it,” Tao interrupted him, “I asked Junmyeon not to tell you anything. After finding out all these secrets about your sister’s death, I was afraid you’ll end up costing me a lot.” Tao’s expression turned apologetic while saying, “I asked Junmyeon to keep the secrets and tell you my lies instead. Because those were my lies. I came up with that false story, not him. He actually hated the idea of lying to you, he really did, Yixing. If it weren’t for me, he would have told you everything from the beginning.”

Gullible Yixing wasn’t there anymore, though. “Did you hold a gun or a knife or something else pointed against his head?”

“What?” Tao asked, confused.

“Was something threatening Junmyeon’s life when you asked him not to tell me anything?”

Tao shook his head.

“Then, it was his choice. You didn’t twist his arm to lie to me. He deliberately chose it,” Yixing said. He would have left right then if Tao hadn’t continued talking.

“But I did pressure him to do it in the name of our friendship. It wasn’t fair to you, I knew that, but I still asked him to do it. I-I just didn’t want to risk causing trouble again. I wanted to save myself even if it meant fooling to you.”

The trouble Tao talked about had to do with his earlier years at the Security Department. His father might have been the chief of the department, but Tao didn’t receive any benefits or favoritism, yet. He started his career as a crime prevention enforcer just like everyone else had done. Rather than being on duty and trying to prevent people from committing crimes, his work was mostly to monitor the machines recording changes in crime coefficients in a particular zone. If a threat appeared, then he’ll set off the alarm and notified all crime prevention enforcers on duty. Tao had been doing his work just fine and would later continue ascending in rank. But then Yifan’s dad’s stressed levels had increased due to his business going through a rough patch and his family was on the brink of bankruptcy. Although suicidal thoughts didn’t involve wanting to physically harm another person, it counted as a crime anyway. Killing oneself was for the System the same as killing a person. Those kinds of thoughts usually set off the orange color on an Emotion Watch or a potential crime in values of crime coefficient. Because of that Yifan’s dad ended up in a rehabilitation facility specialized in the treatment of those issues.

Of course, Yifan took it hard. Tao could see that his father’s absence had affected him, even if Yifan said he was doing fine. Worried over Yifan, Tao did something unthinkable. He tried to manipulate the crime coefficients. The calculating programs had strict security walls to ensure nobody could take advantage and deliberately change the numbers on an Emotion Watch. Tao had tried to break those security barriers and find a way to make sure Yifan’s dad crime coefficient would lower and go back to zero. He had been naïve and stupid because the man did need treatment to recover his mental health, but Tao had only thought of how that action would make Yifan happy. Ultimately his attempts at breaking into the program were found out by his supervisors. His reckless actions could have meant the end of his career, he could even get locked in for misconduct or even treachery. And that was the trouble he had caused his family, causing such shame and dishonor if the matter had become public. But most importantly, Yifan had been disappointed in him, and that was what had hurt Tao the most. Tao realized he had been mistaken. Yifan’s dad eventually did return without his intrusion, and the Wu’s business went back to its golden age. And Tao’s own father had ensured to set him free from any blame which allowed Tao to continue working without problems. The matter hadn’t reached the public eye, but his supervisors didn’t trust him much after that. They still felt as if Tao acted by his feelings rather than rationality and what was good for the nation. Even now when he had greater responsibility as an active crime prevention enforcer, they didn’t trust him. But as the years had passed, Tao had acted accordingly to what having loyalty for the System meant and didn’t let his feelings cloud his rationality while working. He never questioned any decisions, he never tried to break the laws again. Until Junmyeon asked for his help.

“As you can see, I had a lot to lose. I had promised Yifan to stay away from anything that could make me end up in trouble. But when Junmyeon asked for my help, I broke that promise. And if he had told you the truth and you had ratted on us, well, I would have let Yifan and my father down again. I didn’t want that. And Junmyeon knew it. Which explains why in the name of our friendship he granted my wishes.”

Yixing tried to chase away the unwelcome anger. He had listened to the whole story but couldn’t even feel the least sorry for Tao. “I don’t understand why you’re telling me this, Tao. If anything, it just keeps showing me that people like you and him will never take the blame for screwing up.”

“You’re right,” Tao said, “But you should know that Junmyeon knew it meant a lot for me and that’s why he kept quiet. He couldn’t stand lying to you. That’s why I was the one who told you that false story, not him. He didn’t want to lie to you, Yixing. And he’s been suffering a lot because of it.”

Yixing closed his hands into fists. Why couldn’t Junmyeon had put him before Tao in that case? If he was such a great loyal friend, why couldn’t he have been such a great loyal boyfriend too?

“He put you before me. He should have expected the consequences.”

Tao smiled, a smile rather out of place. “Yes, he did. Because he values our friendship just like I’m sure you treasure yours with Do Kyungsoo and Park Chanyeol. But I get the feeling that Junmyeon may regret it now. I visited him a couple of days ago and… It’s the first time in years I’ve seen him like that. The last time I ever saw him cry was so long ago. You know he had a little brother, right?”

Yixing nodded.

“I remember that during the funeral Junmyeon didn’t shed a tear. Not a single one. He was just there, stoic, emotionless. And I thought that was so strange but at the same time so like him. When the funeral ended, my family stayed with them a little longer. And I found Junmyeon in Jaemin’s room, bowing on the floor, saying ‘I’m sorry, I’m sorry, it was my fault. I killed you, I killed you.’ I never understood it. It was an accident, but Junmyeon blamed himself for it. I could never ask him why, though, he always avoided the topic.”

Yixing didn’t know that. A part of him wanted to feel sorry for Junmyeon, for the young boy who must have carried such terrible guilt with him for something that couldn’t possibly have been his fault. Yixing knew Jaemin had died in a car accident. Suddenly, the need for brilliance and perfection was starting to make sense. At the same time, Yixing was getting tired of the mind games, of being manipulated his whole life by this country, by these people.

“That doesn’t change anything. He still lied to me from the start and you know that. He still didn’t tell me the truth until the very last second, damn it. Do you expect me to give Junmyeon pity points and forgive him just like that?”

“Of course not. You have all the right to be angry, I don’t judge that. Just know that you made Junmyeon feel again, feel real emotions he hadn’t experienced for so many years, both good and bad ones. And one of them was that he loved you.”

Yixing furrowed his eyebrows. This conversation was taking a turn he didn’t want to hear. Junmyeon couldn’t love him. Junmyeon hadn’t loved him. What he had heard on the elevator… That wasn’t true. How could Junmyeon mean it when he had hurt Yixing like that? Does one hurt the ones they loved?

“I see you’re having a hard time accepting it,” Tao said, “But it’s true. Despite his shortcomings and mistakes, he did truly love you, Yixing. You have to believe that. And I hope you don’t leave the country with a tainted memory of Junmyeon’s love for you.”

Yixing wasn’t even surprised Tao knew he had applied to the Migration Office to leave the country. Now he suspected that was the reason Tao had come here in the first place, to clean Junmyeon’s name and hope Yixing would choose to stay. Tao’s efforts had been futile.

“I repeat, this doesn’t change anything, Tao. Junmyeon betrayed my trust with his lies and his lack of truth if we’re being technical. I’m not gonna run into his arms and console him. And I’m still moving abroad with my parents.”

Again Tao smiled at him. Not exactly what one does after failure. But his next words also took Yixing by surprise.

“Oh, I want you to leave. I knew my words wouldn’t change much, I just thought you should know them before you left. But you have to go, Yixing. Get out of here and never come back,” Tao said with a sudden change in tone and a stern face. He knew something.

“Why?”

“I’m gonna be honest with you. To prove that I’ve only been telling you the truth,” Tao leaned in closer to the desk until his face was only a short distance away. “You’re an unreadable, Yixing. You’re not safe here.”

Unreadable. The word rang a bell in Yixing’s mind. People whose emotions didn’t show on the Emotion Watch were considered a lethal threat. He may no longer be imprisoned, but he’ll have to spend the rest of his life locked in a rehabilitation facility. That was what Qian had found out, that was what she fought to change.

Tao backed away. “I noticed that every time you get nervous, your watch doesn’t shine yellow. But for some people, it takes way more than nervousness to change the colors. Then, when I saw your eyes burning with fury as you pushed away Junmyeon, your watch still didn’t change. In anyone else that would have been the cause for a yellow light.”

Yixing looked at his wrist. He began thinking when was the last time his watch had ever changed colors? How could he have missed this? “Oh, my god,” Yixing muttered. He had been so stuck in his sorrow and anger, then distracted with work and his plans to move abroad, that he had failed to think carefully about what Junmyeon had told him about unreadables. Of course, he was one. It all made sense.

“I looked it up on the machines’ register, and your watch has only registered a couple of changes. But those were done during the first year you got your watch. Did you let someone else use it for you?”

When Yixing had gotten it and thought the watch was broken someone had. “Kyungsoo. He used it for some days.” What he and Kyungsoo had thought was a blessing, turned out to be a curse.

Tao nodded. “As I thought. Look, before approving your request, the Migration Office asks you to take a mental health check-up. It takes place in a hospital but it’s basically a way for us at the Security Department to also test that those who can keep their emotions hidden, don’t show any signs of wanting to harm others. Any minimal mental change can be registered more accurately with our advanced gears than only the watches.”

They had indeed mentioned some kind of medical check-up when Yixing had visited the Migration Office. But he hadn’t known there was a catch. Otherwise, he would have never gone there.

“If they test you, you won’t register anything. But don’t fret. You won’t have to take it. I’ll make sure to approve it without you having to be there at all.”

“Why aren’t you turning me in? Isn’t that your duty?”

“It is,” Tao said amusedly, “It’s what is expected of me, but it doesn’t mean it’s the right thing to do. After the harm I, we’ve caused you, this is the least I could do. You’ll be safer with your parents, Yixing. Just don’t come back here.”

Tao stood up and began leaving.

“So, I won’t be able to see Kyungsoo, Chanyeol, or any of my other friends again?”

Tao stopped short while holding the door handle. He turned to look at him. “If Junmyeon gets chosen, I’m sure he’ll change that, and you’ll be able to return without fearing anything. But I can’t promise the same if any of the other candidates win. It’s better if your friends go to see you.” Tao let out a deep sigh. “I’m sorry. Goodbye, Yixing.”

And so, Tao left while Yixing remained seated, staring at the watch on his wrist. Thoughts of his friends, unreadables, Qian, and rehabilitation facilities went through his head. Even thoughts of him and Junmyeon never seeing each other again. That was what Yixing wanted, but where did this faint hesitation come from?

* * *

Healing was taking far more time than Junmyeon had. It was the fourth day of a new year, and yet his pain and aching heart wouldn’t let him be. His parents had called and said they were on their way back and would visit him tomorrow. And Junmyeon knew he shouldn’t be taking more time off from the company, they needed him there to do his job, that was what he got paid for. Minseok had also called saying that they would have a meeting to discuss this year’s campaign goals. With the holidays over, everything and everyone was moving forward while he remained there, stuck in his own misery.

Yixing wouldn’t come back. Yixing was gone for good.

He had to accept it and move on. Yet as the days had gone by, he knew that he wouldn’t be able to achieve it by his own means. No matter how many times he told himself to accept the reality, his heart refused to believe it. The way he could hide everything he felt no longer worked either. He couldn’t erase the pain and all those emotions tormenting him. But he could numb them. Yifan had said it was dangerous, but Junmyeon still had in his hand one of those little white pills. An emotion suppressant, medication that would numb everything he felt. No more sadness, anger, and tears, but at the same time no more happiness, love, or laughter, had the doctor he got it from said.

Junmyeon swallowed the pill anyway. No more pain. No more tears.


	22. Chapter 22

**Turn of Events**

“If you keep taking those pill, one day you will truly not feel anything.”

The doctor had mentioned that continuous intake of the emotion suppressants could lead to his brain losing all ability to identify emotions, and him losing the ability to feel them. Junmyeon had been taking them for a week now, but it could take a couple of months before reaching that stage. There wasn’t a bone in Junmyeon that cared. Why should that matter? Feeling happy, feeling sad, feeling angry, he couldn’t find any reason why it was vital for his survival. Currently, he was doing much better without them. Although the memories of Zhang Yixing were still in his brain, the recall of them no longer affected him. He remembered what had occurred between him and Zhang Yixing, but that didn’t change his mood anymore. He didn’t cry or feel his body physically hurt. The thoughts of the man no longer distressed him, they were just there like fuzz floating in the air. With nothing to hinder him from thinking clearly, Junmyeon had returned to the company. He could concentrate on work and how to make the business flourish even more. By the second day, he had already fallen back into the routine. He thought he was finally a useful entity and not a crying burden.

“You’re not even real,” Junmyeon said, swallowing the pill and looking away from the illusion of a man with dimples standing next to him in the mirror. Some of the most common secondary effects of taking emotions suppressants were nausea and sleep deprivation, sometimes worse things could happen, but Junmyeon was experiencing hallucinations instead of that. It couldn’t be due to lack of sleep, he had slept well the whole week. But going to the doctors and ask why visions of Zhang Yixing sometimes appeared before him wasn’t a choice, not when he was taking drugs that had not been prescribed to him. Asking Yifan would only lead to a speech on why he shouldn’t be doing that and more things Junmyeon didn’t care to listen to.

A make-up girl walked inside the dressing room, and Junmyeon closed his eyes to let her embellish his face. When she was done, and he looked around, the illusion of Zhang Yixing had left him. His interview would take place next. He left the dressing room and followed a producer to the set.

Today, almost one month since his relationship ended, Junmyeon would make an official statement. An extensive discussion between him and Minseok’s team had happened last week. They had to decide details like where, when, and how to say it, most importantly a way people wouldn’t disapprove of Junmyeon and damage his image. They reached to answer that would hopefully avoid that. Since Junmyeon was no longer an emotional mess, he accepted to talk about it during live television. It was unlikely that he’d have a break-down or appear too saddened by it. There wouldn’t be a risk of embarrassing himself in front of millions.

Junmyeon walked into the set while the audience received him amid cheers and claps. Unlike the previous times he had done this, he didn’t feel any nervousness at all. Talking live used to have that effect on him, mainly because it would be digitally stored for ages to come. On the outside, he had always portrayed a calm demeanor, but deep, deep inside he had always feared he’d make a mistake. All that self-doubt was gone now. He didn’t feel anything except a little bit of hunger and tiredness from having woken up early to memorize the script Minseok had given him. After greeting and thanking the hostess, Luna, for her invitation, Junmyeon sat down on the chair in front of her.

Evening Talks with Luna was one of the most cherished talk shows, with high ratings even during peak hours. It was all due to Luna having been a child celebrity and earning everyone’s heart while growing up. Well in her adult years, her popularity was still intact. When her talk show had debuted, Junmyeon had been one of her first guests. And it was there that people had gotten to see the more human side of his character, or the persona Minseok wanted him to portray, not who they had assumed Junmyeon was. Nevertheless, after that appearance, the public began taking Junmyeon’s candidature into consideration. So, Minseok had chosen this talk show precisely for that reason. Other upsides were Luna’s kind and calm mannerisms, one that would not try to ruin his reputation. The relaxed and informal setting of it all was also a better option than Junmyeon making an official announcement at a press conference. Ever since last week, when it had been revealed that Junmyeon would attend tonight’s show (alone), it had been what everyone had talked about. People had many speculations of what Junmyeon would say tonight, most of them accurately brought up it would be about he and Yixing, given that they hadn’t been seen together in public for almost a month.

Here sat Junmyeon, chatting with Luna about what he has been up to these days, the holidays, and such trivial matters. One of the downsides of the emotions suppressants was that Junmyeon no longer reacted by instinct. If someone made a joke, he’d have to process the words in his mind and think whether he was supposed to laugh. He had to think when to smile, frown, grimace, make sure his voice didn’t sound too monotonous, or make another gesture at what people were saying. The lack of comprehension of what he should feel when being surrounded by others, disconnected him from the world. It could be quite mentally tiresome to think about how to behave ‘normal’ around others. But Luna was one of those people that would smile or laugh to make her guests feel comfortable, like an open book she gave away what she felt. Reciprocating her gestures was quick and easy to catch. And Minseok had already shown him what questions she’d ask, what topics they’d talk about. So, Junmyeon knew what to expect and what to say. He just hoped that the way he moved the muscles of his face were convincing enough to pass as smiles, laughter, or whatever it was he was supposed to feel.

“We haven’t seen much of you and Yixing recently,” Luna said, shifting the conversation into that topic, “We were expecting holiday updates, right everyone?” she asked, looking at the public seated in front of them. Everyone agreed. “How are things between you two?”

Junmyeon inhaled as if having a hard time thinking of what to say when he knew exactly every word by heart. It was here Minseok had said he was supposed to feign sadness, but how did sadness use to feel? He thought of Yixing screaming he was despicable, of Yixing ignoring his ‘I love you,’ of Yixing ignoring him, but nothing occurred. The memories were just there. Frowning, was that it? Fidgeting with his fingers in nervousness? Smiling ruefully? Or perhaps pouting? What did he use to feel?

“Junmyeon, are you okay?” Luna questioned with a confused face.

“I’m sorry, it’s still hard for me to talk about it,” Junmyeon said at last. His struggle to find the correct reactions had passed by as struggles to find words, he hoped. The intonation in his voice must have worked because Luna smiled understandingly at him. “Yixing and I have ended our relationship.” That one sentence, on the other hand, came with an impassive face, a dead voice.

The audience gasped, let out noises or words of discontentment, others were eagerly typing on their phones or taking pictures of him. Luna handed him a box of tissues and a glass of water. Junmyeon only accepted the drink and took a sip before he began clarifying why they had broken up. Just like he had told people previously, and Minseok agreed they shared that ‘truth,’ irreconcilable differences, that had been the main cause of their break-up. Needless to say, Junmyeon had omitted the actuals reasons, but those ones nobody else besides Tao and Yixing should know. Instead, Junmyeon explained that nobody had been at fault, they had genuinely cared about each other, a lot, but slowly they had realized they were way too different to live in harmony forever. The fights had come until they became too much to deal with.

Junmyeon hadn’t asked Yixing whether it was okay to say those things in public, but he knew that for Yixing he’ll always be a liar, so why should he even ask?

In conclusion, Junmyeon told the audience that an unlikely match like theirs had sadly not worked out as everyone had been rooting for. When Junmyeon had finished, some people in the audience were blowing their noses and wiping their tears. Junmyeon was supposed to shed a few tears like it was meant on the script, but even while looking at those persons he didn’t feel inclined to do anything, other than wanting to grab a bite of those cheese appetizers he had seen backstage. Not blinking for a minute or two didn’t do the trick either.

“I’m truly sorry to hear that,” Luna said, apparently also affected by the news, “You and Yixing made such a beautiful couple.”

People in the audience clapped and agreed with her. But someone shouted, ‘He’s your perfect match! Why aren’t you trying harder?’ At that question, others also began questioning their break-up choice or voicing out their concerns. Had people always been this prying? Junmyeon had always been annoyed by it before, but now, he just wondered why it was like that. What was so interesting in their life? Luna tried to calm down the uproar. In his earpiece, Minseok said they’ll go to a commercial break, and Junmyeon didn’t have to answer anything. But even if Minseok reprimanded him for doing this later, Junmyeon wouldn’t be able to feel sorry about it. Quite frankly he didn’t care much about getting scolded or called a liar or much worse. He thought he should care about ensuring that the campaign, the company, and his family were pleased with everything he did. Which was why he couldn’t let these people turn against him. Junmyeon could think with clarity now. And his current purpose was to save his campaign and don’t lose the lead in the elections. With all those thoughts in mind, he went off-script.

“We did try. A lot. But some things are beyond repair, and it’s out of our hands to mend them. Rather than condemn ourselves into unhappiness, it’s better to go our separate ways. After all, the System’s main purpose is to guarantee our happiness. It seems rather counterproductive to subject oneself to unhappiness.”

The spectators had calmed down their ruckus and listened to what Junmyeon had answered. Another viewer asked to get the word and got handed a microphone. Luna explained to the cameras that it seemed the questions from the audience segment would be much earlier tonight, one segment Junmyeon wasn’t even supposed to take part in (it was meant for another guest). He continued ignoring Minseok yelling on his earpiece to shut up.

“Then, are you saying the System took the wrong decision? You don’t believe in its choice?” asked a young man.

Thankfully, he could think faster now. “I do believe in it. Just like the one-point-five percent of couples that believed in their results but ended up in divorce or break-up. Sometimes the right choices aren’t meant to be for all of us. I consider myself lucky for having met my perfect match, and I wouldn’t have wanted any other outcome. But sometimes it just not enough, and it doesn’t work out in the end, no matter how much you try. Unfortunately, we fell into that percentage.”

And that answer seemed to have the crowd pleased because the questioner nodded and began clapping, along with everyone else, including Luna.

This time an elder woman took the microphone. “What about Yixing? Why isn’t he here to explain his side of the story?”

Junmyeon cleared his throat. “I decided to come out here on my own and be honest with everyone who has been waiting for news about us. But Yixing has always been a reserved and private person. Being in the spotlight has been quite draining for him. I would appreciate it if you could give him space and don’t disturb him on this topic in the future. I’m the election candidate, not him.”

The public agreed to that, but Junmyeon knew someone would do otherwise regardless.

“Do you still talk?” came another question from a woman possibly his age. “Will there be any chance of reconciliation in the future?”

“We ended things on good terms but are holding our distance for now. It’s easier to cope with the heartbreak that way. And we both are of the mind that some things can be… Irreparable.”

There were more questions after that, each one answered as eloquently as he could, and with what was hopefully the right reactions. Most of the inquiries were the same, why, how, and if there really wouldn’t be a chance of reconciliation. Others were, would Junmyeon marry someone else in the future, maybe search for his adequate match? No, he wouldn’t. Why? Having already experienced what he and Yixing had, he wasn’t eager to try again. So, Junmyeon would have no family or husband in the future? Most probably not. Didn’t he mind being alone for the rest of his life? Only time would tell. But I’ve been alone most of my life, that was a thought Junmyeon didn’t share with anyone. After what seemed hours, but probably lasted around twenty minutes, Luna announced she had to go on with her next guest, and Junmyeon answered one last question.

“How are you feeling, Junmyeon?” was the question.

Nothing. Junmyeon wasn’t feeling anything; only what physiological needs his body had. But before that, there had been something. For once in this interview, he decided to be honest with everyone. “I’m hanging in there,” he said, doing his best to add a convincing smile, a muscle movement that nowadays only hurt his cheeks.

* * *

Junmyeon’s appearance on Evening Talks with Luna had been one of the most-watched episodes ever. Almost everyone in the country had tuned in to see what he had to say. With those numbers in mind, just like Junmyeon had guessed, Minseok had been angry with him for having ignored the script, his commands on the earpiece, and talking freely with the audience. Junmyeon hadn’t been affected by his advisor’s worries, not even while he saw Minseok frantically pacing around and freaking out about what people would think now, how one of those statements could easily be taken out of context by his rivals and their followers, how it could cost them everything they’ve worked for all these years. Would there even be a prospect for retrieval? At some point Minseok had also said he’d quit, he wouldn’t be able to handle the inevitable backlash.

As the days passed after the interview, the fears turned out to be unfounded. Contrary to the belief that it was over for Junmyeon’s campaign, people were taking the bad news and somewhat bold statements in a good way. Sure, most of them felt disappointed that their ‘beloved pair’ wasn’t together anymore and couldn’t help voicing out their disappointment. Overall, though, it had started a discussion regarding different matters. One of them was the stigma of not being with one’s perfect match. People who had gone through Junmyeon’s experience praised him for bravely telling the nation about it, the hardships of accepting that not everything was perfect or meant to be. Others acclaimed that it could have been easier for Yixing and Junmyeon to remain in a loveless relationship for the sake of appearances like maybe many others did, but when it came to matchmaking, just like Junmyeon had said, the System’s choices were meant to end in love and happiness. If that wasn’t the case for either Yixing and Junmyeon, then in a way they could understand why it was over and they were better off without each other. That was the other issue that was being debated over keyboards mostly, could the System’s advice sometimes not be the right one for everyone? Junmyeon had been invited to further discuss those topics by different media, but it was too soon to take any political stance, and continuing testing the waters seemed a safer option.

There was also talk about how genially sorry and upset Junmyeon was that things hadn’t worked out between him and Yixing. People pointed out how devoid of emotion Junmyeon had been during some parts of the interview, almost to an abnormal scary point. It must have taken a lot of guts for him to be there and recall the rupture.

But most importantly, everyone was respecting and admiring Junmyeon’s honesty and loyalty. It showed that in times of distress he would remain true to the nation. He was only being human, and not acting as the embodiment of perfection most candidates appeared to be. He was someone worthy of their trust. All in all, the break-up had turned out to be in favor of Junmyeon. He was still on the run for leadership of the nation, not that Junmyeon cared much about having that job, he was merely doing it for his duty.

As Junmyeon had seen the headlines, heard people on television discuss the latest sensational topic, read the opinions on social media, or as he was doing right now, listening to Minseok eagerly report the reactions, he didn’t feel anything. Not a tiny bit of happiness or relief at knowing that he hadn’t lost anything, that he was still a respectable candidate with integrity that the people esteemed. It just meant he would have to continue making sure nobody would be disappointed.

“Junmyeon, are you listening? Your numbers have risen by zero-point-zero, and zero three percent since that night! If we keep this rate growth until the end of the year, you might be ahead of Taehyuk by two units. The difference can be substantial by the election year.”

The only thing Junmyeon thought of was how hard and uncomfortable the seat’s cushion was. He’ll have to tell Minseok to change the conference room’s chairs or order it himself. “I hear you. And that’s great.”

“Your face doesn’t seem to think that. Are you sure you’re okay?”

He had forgotten to add a smile. How bothersome to try to remember reacting every single time. Junmyeon nodded his head while standing up. “Yes, I am. I must go now. I have lunch with my mother. See you later, Minseok.”

Minseok said goodbye, still looking at him dumbfounded.

Junmyeon had promised his mother that they would eat lunch together every day for now. When she had returned from the trip, they had talked, and she said how concerned she had been about him and thought it was enough time to be sad on his own. Junmyeon shouldn’t be pushing away everyone who cared about him, they just wanted to be there for him. Which was why his mother had asked him to please at least eat with her one meal just so she could check on him. Junmyeon had accepted, not because he felt guilty or anything else toward his mother’s worries, but because he didn’t want her to be upset. If eating with her was all it took to avoid that, then he’ll do it.

Today they were eating together at that French restaurant again. His father couldn’t join them due to an urgent meeting at Kim Industries with some partners. While eating, Junmyeon listened to his mother speak about various topics he frankly didn’t care about. Why should he be concerned about his second cousin expecting her third baby? Or the fact people in this and that country were in crisis? But of course, he put effort into appearing interested and engrossed in the conversation. It was also preferable than talking about himself and what he felt like his mother had tried to do the first day they saw each.

“So, how are you doing now?” His mother asked once she was done eating. “I see things are going better for you with the campaign.”

Junmyeon chewed and swallowed his last bite before answering. “Fine. And yes, that has been great for us, mom. Minseok is happy.”

“And you?”

“I am too. It’s good news. I may actually win.”

His mother didn’t seem convinced by that answer. No wonder she asked again, “Are you sure you’re doing okay?”

A smile, Junmyeon did that muscle movement to reassure his mother he was happy. “Mom, I’m doing better. Promise.”

She reached forward to hold his chin tenderly. “You’re smiling, Myeonnie. But I see no happiness in your eyes, only emptiness.”

There was supposed to be some meaning behind his mother’s word, perhaps more worry over him. But Junmyeon didn’t put much effort into thinking further. His mother could have an intuition that he was in fact not feeling anything at all, but overtime Junmyeon would get better at mimicking emotions and maybe it would reach his eyes too. He just needed more practice. As long as Junmyeon didn’t do anything drastic, his mother had nothing to worry about. He reached his hand to hold his mother’s hand. “Thank you for worrying over me, mom. But I’m doing fine, you’ll see.” Although the act didn’t entirely make her believe it, she did let the topic go. Before leaving the restaurant, she said would go to the lady’s room while Junmyeon asked for the check.

He had just given the waiter his credit card when the seat in front of him was occupied. Choi Haewon sat in front of him, smiling in a way that was meant to be flirty?

“Hi Junie,” she greeted him with what should be considered an overly sweet tone.

Irritation, her mere presence used to cause such strong feelings within him. Now, though, Junmyeon wasn’t bothered by her company, only asked himself what she wanted. He remembered the last time they had seen each other, when her face had landed on chocolate cake frosting, and Haewon never approached him again after that. “Choi Haewon,” Junmyeon said.

“I heard what happened,” Haewon said, not hiding her pleased grin, “I always knew you two weren’t meant to be. You were way too good for that peasant.”

He should have said something, but Junmyeon didn’t feel persuaded to say anything in return. He had always known Haewon spoke ill of anyone she didn’t like. And hearing her insult Zhang Yixing and their relationship didn’t wake any need to protect it, or say she was wrong. He only continued listening to her ramble but not bothering forging a reaction with his face. Most of her words reached one ear and left through the other, just like anything that wasn’t important nowadays did. In his mind, he was thinking of what to gift his father for his birthday that was in February, and that would be soon. Junmyeon did pay attention when suddenly Haewon’s hand was on top of his. She had some sweaty palms.

“I’m always gonna be there for you, Junmyeon. Any day, anytime, just call me, and I’ll be there.”

Was there supposed to be a suggestive tone to that? Either way, Junmyeon didn’t care to think about it. “Aren’t you dating your perfect match?” If he remembered correctly, Minho had told him a couple of months ago that she had finally decided to let go of her crush for him and be with who the System had picked for her.

Haewon rolled her eyes. “If you could let go of that man, why couldn’t I? Sometimes, the System’s choices aren’t for us, right? Besides, you and I make a perfect couple.”

“I’m not remotely interested nor sexually attracted to you. And I would never feel anything for you either,” Junmyeon said with that monotonous voice that seemed to be his natural voice nowadays.

That didn’t make her smile fade, in fact, it got wider, “Details. But if you ever change your mind and decide to search for another life partner, choose me, Junie. I wouldn’t mind it being a marriage of convenience,”

Junmyeon was ready to talk again but was interrupted by her.

“I know what you said on Luna’s talk show. But I also know the old Kims are very traditional. They want you to have a child that can serve as the second heir of Kim Industries, secure someone for the next generation. Right? Perhaps your grandparents won’t pressure you now when the break-up is still a fresh wound. But later, who knows.”

That… Did make some sense. His grandparents certainly wanted him to have a family. Although they had never fully approved of his match with Zhang Yixing, they still had subtly but clearly told him what they expected of them: to have a surrogate mother that would carry Junmyeon’s child, not adoption like many same-sex couples’ opted for and resulted in adopting a child the System matched them with (Like Park Chanyeol and Do Kyungsoo had done). His grandparents had wanted them to have a baby with Kim blood running in their veins. Sometimes his grandparents, from both sides, could have very outdated ideas.

The sound of Junmyeon’s mother clearing her throat made Haewon withdraw her hand and stand up to greet her. Before leaving, Haewon looked at him and said, “Just think about it, Junie.”

Junmyeon saw her go back to her table, where she had been eating with her friends.

“What was that about?” asked his mother, raising one eyebrow in suspicion.

“Nothing.”

For now, his grandparents hadn’t said much other than giving him their condolences over the rupture with Zhang Yixing: ‘that’s such a bummer’ and ‘we hope you’re recovering well, Junmyeon.’ But if one day they did ask him to have a successor, maybe even pushed him to marry whoever they deemed suitable for the task, now that the System had failed, then there was one option. Single parenting wasn’t what he wanted. Spending his life with someone nagging why he never felt anything wasn’t it either. At least Haewon would have that clear, and if there were a bone in her capable of feeling it, she would perhaps love that child, something he undoubtedly never would.

* * *

Ever since realizing he was unreadable, Yixing had avoided crowded or public places. He went from work back home, from home to work. A little bit of paranoia had been accompanying him these days. He tried his best to lay low and not raise any suspicious during his final weeks in this country. Kyungsoo and Chanyeol thought it was rather strange, but assumed it had to do with him avoiding Junmyeon or nosy people. At least Tao had kept his words and around two weeks after their meeting, Yixing had been notified that his request to move abroad had been approved by the Migration Office. He hadn’t needed to get his mental health tested. And although that notion had brought him a bit of relief, everything had turned worse when Junmyeon decided to share ‘their truth’ on national television.

Yixing hadn’t seen the show. Why would he want to see the face of Junmyeon lying to everyone? He had already experienced it first-hand. As much as he had tried to ignore it, the rest of the country hadn’t done so, and they were all eagerly discussing it. One way or another those video clips of Junmyeon answering questions about their former relationship had made their way to Yixing’s social media accounts, sometimes even co-workers or acquaintances had messaged him asking if this or that was true. He had to admit, Junmyeon truly had cunning campaign advisors. For someone else that might have been the end, but the whole issue had worked in Junmyeon’s favor. ‘Kim Junmyeon: The Most Trustworthy Candidate?’ had Yixing read a headline on a column in the newspaper the other day. If only they knew. And Junmyeon could indeed play the role of a man devoid of emotions, which only earned more sympathy from the foolish people. However, in some instances, Yixing did believe Junmyeon was faking most of what he felt. He hated how well he had come to know the man because he knew that none of the smiles Junmyeon had shown were genuine. Those eyes had lost the gleam of happiness that used to be there. Still, why should Yixing care about him? Yixing should be more worried about himself.

Having been in a relationship with a public figure like Junmyeon had been hard in the past, ending the said relationship was much worse. The day after the program, Yixing arrived at the flower shop only to see it flocked by reporters or media outlets wanting to have his exclusive statement. Yixing later found out that in the show Junmyeon had asked that they let him alone, but neither of those vultures had listened. For days they camped outside his workplace and temporary home, probably until Yixing would say something more than ‘no comment.’ Even normal people approached him and asked about his break-up with Junmyeon, but Yixing refused to talk about it. It was Junmyeon’s lie, and he should deal with it. But the intrusion was angering him and raising his stress levels. He was starting to worry whether someone would notice that he was indeed stressed and frustrated, but it never showed on his Emotion Watch. Wearing long sleeves didn’t help either because the watches could shine through it. Paranoia, he had to get out of there fast. Luckily for him, the situation didn’t last for long, and some police officers, or ‘crime prevention enforcers,’ had come to disperse the commotion and make sure he wasn’t being bothered and chased anymore. Tao must have sent them, still trying to make it up for him. Too bad nothing he did would ever achieve that. Eventually, everyone left Yixing alone, and he could work in peace without having nosy reporters or officers babysitting him. Although normal people still bothered him to get his side of the false story.

On the bright side, Yixing would be free from all this drama and unwanted attention in one week. Everything was ready for his leave. Surprisingly, nobody had gotten a tip regarding his move abroad. Perhaps there was some privacy left in this country. Yixing had already mailed his parents some boxes he couldn’t take with him on the plane. And most of his stuff was already packed. It was difficult trying to forget your ex when everyone was talking so highly of him or when his face appeared almost everywhere you saw. Despite the hurt and betrayal, Yixing had a hard time not missing him sometimes, even though Junmyeon didn’t deserve any of it. He had fallen for pretense, but it still affected him. He also thought of how he would probably never come back to this country so there won’t be a chance they’d ever see each other again. That was a good thing. But the stupid heart wants what it wants, and he felt a tinge of sadness. Then, he remembered everything Junmyeon had done to him, and all that disappeared to be replaced with irritation. Leaving was the right thing to do.

Tonight, Yixing was working late. He decided to arrange on his own the final centerpieces for a christening tomorrow. The other workers should enjoy their Saturday night. His mind tended to get distracted when he worked, and he often forgot to think about what went on in the outside world, with lying boyfriends being praised, authorities after him, and whatnot. He was listening to some music in the background, humming to the tune. There were only two flower arrangements left.

When the front door suddenly opened, Yixing looked up from his working table. He turned off the music and went to see who had walked in. A young man wearing a winter jacket twice his size had stepped inside. After Sooyoung had left, Yixing had forgotten to lock the door. He shouldn’t be this careless.

“Sorry, but we’re closed,” Yixing said. It was odd that the man had missed it, Sooyoung did turn around the sign that said closed.

“I know,” the man said, “But my phone ran out of battery, and I was wondering if I could charge it here for some minutes?” he asked, holding up said items.

Well, Yixing was going to stay here a while longer. The man seemed genuine too, and the smile on his lips reminded Yixing of a cat smiling. He couldn’t be harmful, could he? And this neighborhood was rarely the cause of any attempts at crimes either. “There’s an extension cord behind the counter.” He took the phone and charger from the stranger’s hand and made his way over there. After plugging it in, he stood up and went back to his working table. From his seat, he could see the man, who was looking around and observing the plant and flowers. Eventually, the man walked to stand in front of him.

“You’re Zhang Yixing, right? Junmyeon’s ex?”

“I have no comments regarding the situation with Junmyeon,” Yixing cut him off, “My private life is, and will remain off-limits.” If the man was some sneaky reporter thinking he could fool Yixing into talking, he was utterly mistaken.

Another smile from his mysterious companion appeared. “I wasn’t going to ask for your opinion about it.”

“Sorry, I’m quite used to people only asking me about it.”

They remained quiet while Yixing finished the centerpiece. He was just starting to set up the second-to-last one when the stranger talked again.

“But if I were to say anything, it’d be that it must have been your fault.”

Yixing dropped his scissors on the table and looked at him confused. “What?”

“You must have cheated on Junmyeon with Kim Jongin or something along those lines… But Junmyeon is a gentleman and said no one was to blame.”

His eyebrows met in a frown. What kind of audacity did that man have to say that? This must be one of Junmyeon’s obsessive supporters, believing or making up theories on why Yixing wasn’t talking about the matter at all. He had enough with reading how a few people badmouthed him online, he wasn’t going to allow it to his face. “Your phone must have some battery now.” Yixing stood up.

“You and Jongin were really close, weren’t you? Did Junmyeon find out about your affair only just now?” the odd, annoying man asked while following him close behind.

Yixing bent down and unplugged the cord.

“Are you happy you broke poor Junmyeon’s heart? He who loved you so much.”’

He ‘broke poor Junmyeon’s heart?’ ‘Who loved him so much?’ Yixing almost laughed, almost. His hands itched to drag and push the man outside, but his common sense said it was better not to. Getting physical with someone one week before leaving could put at risk everything. Instead, he held out the charger and the phone for the man to grab. “You can leave now.”

The man didn’t take the items. “So, how does it feel being a liar, Yixing? A cheating bastard with no morals?”

Liar? Screw common sense. Yixing threw what he was holding on the floor and grabbed the stranger by his jacket, drawing him closer. Perhaps his advantage in height would help him intimidate the other man, the anger in his face must be helping. “Shut your mouth! Who the hell do you think you are? You don’t know anything!”

While smiling ruefully at him, the stranger said, “I’m afraid I do know a lot… Unreadable.”

Yixing’s jaw dropped while his eyes widened. How did he know? Who was this person? Too thunderstruck to even react, he didn’t think of fleeing or doing something to stop the stranger. It wasn’t until now he realized the man had never taken off his right hand from his pocket before. Suddenly, he saw the man taking out and holding one of those modern gun’s ordinary people could only see in pictures. The gun was pointed at him, and the stranger pulled the trigger, but instead of bullets being fired, a dart injection of some kind pierced through the skin of his arm.

“Sorry.”

That was the last thing Yixing heard.

* * *

On this Sunday morning, Junmyeon sat on his dining table eating breakfast. Taeyong had brought him the food along with his mail from this week. The ghost of a man with a dimpled smile accompanied him. By now he had gotten used to ignoring the ghost’s presence telling him to stop taking the emotion suppressants. His fingers were more occupied scrolling through the envelopes, opening and reading them. Bills and other vital documents were not included in this batch of letters. These ones were invitations to this upcoming charity event, this gala, this wedding, this opening night, and so forth. He always liked to read what he would be getting himself into before telling Taeyong to confirm his attendance. But then, he found a golden envelope that stood out from the rest. It was addressed to him in calligraphy, but only the initials of his name had been written ‘K.J.M.’ not ‘Mr. Kim Junmyeon’ like the others. Junmyeon opened it because it was the next one on the pile, not because he was intrigued or anything. Inside was a white card with golden letters with the same calligraphy handwriting.

Quitting the battle returns what your heart longs for.

Grains of sands will fall until the full moon

During which no one shall come for your succor.

Or the dissident bird caged will remain till the end of time.

“What do you think it is?” the illusion of Zhang Yixing asked. The next time he saw the doctor that had given him the emotions suppressant, he’d have to ask how to end the hallucinations. It was getting too much.

A letter from his supporters must have mixed with his invitations, that must be how the card ended in that heap of envelopes. He would often get letters from people telling him why they were on his side, about their concerns and other reasons his supporters thought they needed to reach out to him. There was always a pre-made response letter to their correspondence that Minseok had asked someone more expressive to write for him, but the letters were all signed by Junmyeon. From time to time, he did read some of the mail from his supporters and would personally choose which type of response to give. This letter was probably a poem, not an impressive one, someone had wanted to share with him. Junmyeon couldn’t find himself to care or try to understand its meaning.

“Trash,” he said to himself and tossed away the card on the table. He grabbed the cup of coffee and took another sip, reviewing in his mind the answers for his interview with some journal in the afternoon.


	23. Chapter 23

**Rush**

The doors flew open, Junmyeon heard someone stomping into his office, but didn’t take his gaze away from typing on his computer. It wasn’t until that person cleared their throat that he looked up to see who it was. By that face, a not so amused Tao had walked in, Taeyong stood nervously behind him.

“I’m sorry, sir, but Mister Huang refused to listen to me,” Taeyong said. Junmyeon had given clear instructions not to let anyone enter his office unannounced, even when they were announced, he mostly declined to receive them. These days his mind was too tired to deal with casual chit-chat with anybody, let alone during office hours. And Junmyeon had mainly been avoiding Tao and Yifan until he was more confident he could imitate his emotions like he used to feel them. It was no wonder Tao had come, he had probably gotten enough of Junmyeon being ‘too busy’ to answer the phone or reply any of his text messages.

“It’s okay, Taeyong. You can leave.”

Taeyong excused himself and left them alone. Tao sat down in one of the two chairs near the desk, still staring at Junmyeon sternly.

“Where have you been, Junmyeon?” Tao went directly to the point as he always did when he was feeling impatient.

Junmyeon found it’d be easier to continue typing on his computer while answering to Tao’s question, that way, he wouldn’t have to focus on feigning a reaction. “Work’s been very busy after that unplanned vacation I took. And as you know, I’ve been dealing with the break-up’s impact.”

When Junmyeon looked sideways to see Tao’s face, he saw his friend squinting his eyes while examining him. Sometimes it was burdensome to have a friend that worked in the Security Department, crime prevention enforces just had this ability to analyze someone’s body language. Junmyeon continued working on his report ignoring Tao’s analytic gaze. He didn’t feel nervous by it but thought that Tao scolding him wasn’t something he had time for right now.

“I need to talk to you urgently,” Tao said.

“About what?”

“At home…”

The way Tao’s voice faded, Junmyeon guessed it must be something confidential. To avoid any self-sabotage or espionage, every office in the building had surveillance cameras. Whatever Tao wanted to say, it would be recorded on video, but also on audio if the guards choose to listen to them.

“I’m working until nine,” Junmyeon said. Tonight, he had nothing more on his agenda, and he would be going home directly, but that would be much later.

“I’ll wait.”

And that Tao did. Silently, he waited for Junmyeon the whole three hours. They didn’t talk about anything else during that time, because Junmyeon continued doing his work while Tao concentrated on scrolling through his mini-tablet, an artifact from work because the Security Department’s logo was on the back. When it was time to leave, Taeyong wished Junmyeon good night and gave him his take-out dinner. Tao had said he wasn’t hungry, so Taeyong didn’t buy anything for him. Since Junmyeon had asked his chauffeur to drive him this morning, they used Tao’s car on the way home.

“Where’s Yifan?” Junmyeon wondered while he stared out of the car windows and saw how they passed by lamp post after lamp post. He would have expected Yifan to have come with Tao if they were here to discuss how Junmyeon was doing.

“With his grandparents,” Tao answered.

Junmyeon turned his head to look at Tao. That was odd. Yifan’s grandparents didn’t live in the city, and whenever he visited them, they would always go together. Besides, shouldn’t Yifan be working on his residency in the hospital? “Since when?”

“Two weeks ago.”

“Why?”

“Because I told him everything.”

What Tao meant, Junmyeon couldn’t figure out. “Everything?”

“About what happened with Yixing.”

Oh. Well, that was stupid. Junmyeon had known why Tao wanted to keep the whole Zhang Yixing affair away from Yifan’s knowledge. And even when Junmyeon had explained to Yifan why his and Zhang Yixing’s relationship had ended, he didn’t involve Tao at all (Yifan was told the same reason as everyone else). Tao coming clean himself was nothing but self-destructive.

“And why would you do that?”

Junmyeon caught how Tao’s hands squeezed the steering wheel a little tighter before letting out a deep sigh.

“Because like you, I couldn’t stand lying to Yifan anymore. After seeing you so destroyed that day, I finally understood what I put you and Yixing through. Even if I went to apologize to Yixing, guilt was continuing to gnaw at me. I had to tell him.” At that point, they stopped at a red light, and Tao looked Junmyeon straight in the eyes. “This is long overdue but, I’m sorry, Junmyeon. For all the pain I caused you.”

Maybe the previous Junmyeon would have understood the implication of Tao’s apology. Right now, he didn’t care and quickly found it more amusing to see how faint snow had started to fall and landed on the windows. It was only January, but this winter will probably last until the end of next month.

“I don’t blame you for anything, Tao. That was mostly my fault, I think.” Junmyeon said and added his most convincing smiling face, even though he didn’t know whether Tao was seeing him or not. As Tao’s friend, that must be the correct answer.

Tao didn’t reply but resumed his driving.

“Will Yifan and you be okay?” Junmyeon wasn’t worried at all, not because he believed Tao and Yifan would patch up things, but because he genuinely couldn’t find any part of him that worried his friends’ marriage might be over. If anything, he was more thinking of what reactions to make if that decision were to come one day.

“We just need more time to cool off and stuff. I did something bad, it’s understandable Yifan doesn’t want to see me for now. But he’ll come around… He always does. I hope.”

“Yeah, he will,” Junmyeon replied, making his most reassuring voice. But he couldn’t imagine the magnitude of the fight that had kept Yifan away for two weeks. Maybe his friends would fix things, maybe they wouldn’t, either way, Junmyeon frankly didn’t care. He was carefree of minor issues these days. Issues that didn’t affect him directly were tossed away, put aside, and ignored. It was as if he had been programmed to make sure the following matters were of his importance: the campaign, the company, and his family’s approval. Although he couldn’t feel it, those were the only things he was ought to ‘care’ for. The rest was irrelevant, white noise.

A while later, they were at Junmyeon’s home. Junmyeon and Tao sat in the dining room. Junmyeon held his chopsticks while grabbing a bite here and there from his take-out food. He was back at eating his favorite chef’s cooking, but most of it tasted bland these days. It must be another side effect of the medicine.

“What did you need to tell me?” Junmyeon asked after Tao hadn’t mentioned anything and only stared at him, eating in silence.

“Have you talked to Yixing recently?”

Junmyeon shook his head. Why would they? Ever since Zhang Yixing left, Junmyeon knew he was as good as dead for the other man. There was no way they would ever talk again.

Tao shut his eyes as if he hadn’t been expecting that answer. When his gaze found Junmyeon again, he spoke. “Junmyeon, Yixing has been missing for two days,” Tao said, his voice filled with concern.

Thankfully, Junmyeon was chewing on his food, and no immediate reaction was necessary. But what did Junmyeon had to do with that? So, Zhang Yixing had decided to lay low. Big deal. It could be due to the unwanted attention he must be getting since the break-up had been made public. Still, Tao would suspect if Junmyeon didn’t show any signs of worry or fear or interest. For now, a frown could work. “Are you sure he isn’t just hiding somewhere from all the commotion?”

“No. Kyungsoo came to the Security Department this morning. We talked, and he said Yixing has been staying with them this whole time, but he hasn’t seen him since Saturday night.”

That was two days ago, and it could mean different things. For one, Zhang Yixing might be crashing over at someone else’s place. And just as that thought had been made, the ghost of the man with the dimpled smile made its presence and shook its head. Junmyeon quickly looked away from the illusion. “What if he’s just staying with someone else?” he asked anyway.

Tao disregarded that option by explaining that Zhang Yixing wasn’t answering his phone. It kept going to voicemail, no matter how many times Park Chanyeol and Do Kyungsoo had dialed that Saturday night. They decide to wait for him to communicate on Sunday but when that didn’t happen, and neither of their mutual friends knew where Zhang Yixing was, they decided to act. This morning, Do Kyungsoo went directly to report his friend’s disappearance, afraid that any moment they were losing could be crucial. Luckily, Tao had been there to take the report. However, once Tao and other crime prevention enforcers involved had looked at the machines calculating crime coefficients, Zhang Yixing’s Emotion Watch was still functioning and showed no signs of mood change. If Zhang Yixing had been in any danger, the watch would undoubtedly have changed colors to either a yellow or orange light. A disappearance case hadn’t occurred in years in the country. But there were times in which people wanted to disappear for a while and be on their own without anyone bothering them for whatever reasons. Zhang Yixing was dealing with a lot of unwanted attention these past days. It wouldn’t be until nobody heard anything from Zhang Yixing for a week that the Security Department took the matter into consideration. Of course, Do Kyungsoo didn’t know that and was only told they would be looking into the issue as soon as possible.

“What if he just left the country without anyone knowing?” Junmyeon asked. He knew Zhang Yixing’s family lived abroad, that could be an option.

“Who leaves without saying goodbye? But no, he didn’t. Yixing had a flight scheduled for this upcoming Sunday. And if he had left earlier, we would have known, his friends would have known.”

So, Zhang Yixing was gone? Junmyeon didn’t know why Tao thought it was vital for him to be informed. Well, a part of his brain knew it must be due to the history he and Yixing had shared. To Tao, Yixing should still matter to Junmyeon. But like Tao had said, cases of someone vanishing into thin air hadn’t been reported in eons. Zhang Yixing was probably just hiding somewhere, taking time off. Nevertheless, Junmyeon had to feign he cared, at least a little if he didn’t want to raise suspicion. “That’s horrible,” he said, but his concerned voice couldn’t be compared to Tao’s tone. “But there’s not much we can do, can’t we?” he said and looked down as if he had lost hope. “Let’s just wait until you guys can investigate further.” Another bite of food made its way to Junmyeon’s mouth.

“Junmyeon,” Tao’s voice spoke with annoyance, “We can’t wait. If someone else besides me gets assigned to the case and they find him, it could be the end for him.”

Junmyeon raised his eyebrows in shock but figured too late that wasn’t be the proper reaction. “Why? Isn’t it your job to bring him back safe and sound?”

Now Tao looked at him with confusion. “You haven’t figured it out yet? How?” Tao let out a sigh, “Doesn’t matter, but listen. Junmyeon, Yixing is an unreadable. You know what that means.”

Oh, so it was that. When thinking back to the times Zhang Yixing had been nervous, angry, or stressed, Junmyeon couldn’t remember seeing his watch change colors any single time. Not even when Zhang Yixing had been furious with him had the watch shone a light. It made sense he was an unreadable. But the Junmyeon from those times had been too busy being a crying wimp that he hadn’t connected the dots yet. Now when he thought carefully and heard Tao confirming it, Junmyeon knew it was true. Therefore, if another crime prevention enforcer did find Zhang Yixing, and the man had in fact been in danger, they would probably realize he was an unreadable too. A life confined in a rehabilitation facility waited for him… But wasn’t that to ensure everyone else in the outside world would be safe? That was also what Tao had said. Unreadables weren’t reliable. If Zhang Yixing went berserk, then that could be dangerous for public safety. Wasn’t it the right thing to do to keep him isolated?

“Wouldn’t that mean people were simply doing their job?” Junmyeon said but quickly realized yet again that wasn’t what Tao had wanted him to say.

“Are you serious?” Tao said, horrified, “Do you really want Yixing to end up like that? Locked down forever?”

“Do you really want that?” the ghost of Zhang Yixing asked him, but only Junmyeon heard it, and tried to ignore looking the illusion’s way.

Junmyeon didn’t want anything. He just wanted that people kept doing what they were ought to do, just like he was doing. “He’s an unreadable, Tao. He, along with all the others, is dangerous. You should know this. Besides, what makes him so special that you want to save him and not the others? Isn’t that hypocritical?”

Tao frowned. “What the hell is wrong with you?”

“What is wrong with you not doing your job properly? If you knew he was one, why didn’t you say so sooner?”

Tao stood up, he put his hands on the table and leaned closer to Junmyeon’s face. “How can you say that about Yixing? You love him!”

Love. What did that even mean? Did he love him? Junmyeon couldn’t feel it or remember it. But the word did bring a particular phrase to his memory. “Aren’t we supposed to do what’s best for the people we love?”

At that, Tao widened his eyes while his mouth hung open. For every second Junmyeon stared at him, he knew Tao was figuring something out.

“What have you done?” Tao asked while backing away, crossing his arm and glaring at him.

Junmyeon put his chopsticks down. He was done eating. “Nothing.”

“Nothing? Just a few weeks ago, you were crying inconsolably because of what happened. And now, you’ve been acting nothing but detached. Don’t think I haven’t realized that you’ve been faking it this whole time. I expected hearing this emergency would at least cause you a genuine response, a little care. But you’re coldheartedly saying Yixing should be taken away? After everything we did to him?”

“You’re overreacting. What if the man is just taking some time off? He’ll come back, and there will be nothing to worry about.”

“And you’re not reacting at all! Tell me the truth, did you take the medicine Yifan talked about?”

“Tell him,” Zhang Yixing’s ghost said.

Was there even use denying it? Answering a question Tao already knew the answer to led to nothing. “It helps me be myself again.”

Junmyeon stood up to put away the dishes on the table. He walked to the kitchen while Tao followed him.

“You fucking idiot!” Tao screamed at him. “That’s why you don’t care about any of this. And how exactly are you ‘yourself’ again when you’re only a numb jerk?”

“Wasn’t that who I was before? And quite frankly, it’s fine. I’m not crying anymore, I don’t feel sad. I can work and be useful again. What’s wrong with that?” Junmyeon said with that monotonous voice of him. At this point, why bothering pretending to have his human reactions? He had just closed the dishwasher after putting in the dirty dishes when Tao suddenly pulled him up.

“Junmyeon, can’t you understand that’s only messing your head? Yixing is missing for god’s sake!” Tao said while shaking him back and forth, the motion almost giving Junmyeon dizziness.

“But why should I care about that? He’s the one who left.”

Tao must have at last listened because, amid the flabbergasted expression, he let go of Junmyeon and bolted out of the room. But Tao didn’t go in the direction of the elevator doors, no, he had run upstairs. Junmyeon followed his friend, and as he had thought, he found Tao in his study room. Tao was looking through all the drawers in his desk.

“Where is it? Junmyeon?”

Not in there, Junmyeon thought. He didn’t know if he could trust the maids in charge of cleaning. Therefore Junmyeon kept the package of 100 pills in his strongbox. He needed to take one per day, and the pills he’ll need for one week were in a pillbox he always carried in his pocket.

After a while of searching and dismantling everything inside every single drawer, Tao searched in the cupboards of the large cabinet. “I won’t let you continue this, Junmyeon. You’re gonna help me find Yixing before the Security Department gets involved, whether you want it or not.”

Zhang Yixing had indeed become a complicated matter for him. A threat by Huang Zitao wasn’t something to take lightly, but Junmyeon didn’t have any time to deal with it, or feelings to put up a fight. He knew Tao wouldn’t stop bugging him until he stopped taking the emotion suppressants. But Junmyeon could take a break, make Tao pleased with seeing him feeling useless things again. When Tao was sure Junmyeon was feeling, and Zhang Yixing would have most likely returned, Junmyeon would retake them. He took out of his pocket the pillbox and put it on the desk. Tao immediately stopped his frantic search and went to pick it up.

“Ten, zero and seven,” Junmyeon said and pointed at the safe box in the wall, “That’s the combination.” Strange. He had forgotten to change it because that date didn’t matter anymore, so he didn’t have to keep it.

Tao took the hint and proceeded to unlock the safe box.

Junmyeon only had to make Tao believe he won’t ever take the emotion suppressants. He just had to feel again for a couple of days, that was all. He could do it.

* * *

Tao stayed by Junmyeon’s side after that night. Not even while being at work had Tao let him be alone. Junmyeon had to cancel some of his appointments for the upcoming days because he couldn’t walk in there with his babysitter. Junmyeon sometimes wondered how Tao could afford to miss those days of his work, then again, his father was the main boss. Tao had also gone with him to eat with his parents, saying he and Junmyeon were only ‘holding each other company’ for now. Junmyeon’s mother was relieved to know that but still said Junmyeon had to eat with her and his father, but Tao was, of course, welcome too. And the few times Tao had thought he had clues to find Zhang Yixing, Tao had dragged Junmyeon with him. Most times, they came back empty-handed.

However, getting back his feelings hadn’t been what any of them had expected. The day after cutting down the medication, Junmyeon had woken up feeling nothing. His emotions didn’t return just like that. But Tao did everything he could to make sure Junmyeon would recover them. Apparently, an emotionless Junmyeon who ‘kept missing the whole picture’ was a disadvantage in this a race against time, Tao complained. Junmyeon just couldn’t understand why he had to help. He had nothing to do with it. No matter how much they debated this, Tao wouldn’t give up.

Tao suspected that remnants of the emotion suppressants were left in Junmyeon’s blood system, and therefore, the effects lingered. It was only a little, but powerful enough to keep inhibiting that part of his brain that could process emotions. Tao had given him some disgusting foods and drinks to help detox his body, and when that hadn’t worked, his friend had even given him another pill that would clean his body from any trace of medicine. Nothing had worked. Junmyeon still didn’t feel anything.

There was a fear that Junmyeon’s brain had been damaged by his continuous intake. It had only lasted for three weeks, but Tao feared that since this emotion suppressant had a stronger active substance, then that could be the cause. Of course, they couldn’t just walk into a hospital and ask if they could check whether Junmyeon had dumbly damaged his brain or not. And Yifan wasn’t here to help them either. They could only wait and see if Junmyeon would feel something.

Tao made some efforts to cause any reaction. Junmyeon watched last year’s most acclaimed comedy movie. Could he laugh? No. Tao showed him what his opponents’ followers said about him on the internet. Could he feel angry? No. Tao showed him pictures of his ‘happy times’ with Zhang Yixing. Could he feel sad? No. Tao kept reminding Junmyeon the story of how he had said I love you for the first time ever to someone. And no, Junmyeon didn’t cry, felt terrible, sad, or even cared anymore. Every attempt was futile. Inwardly, Junmyeon thought it was good news. If he couldn’t feel anything without taking emotion suppressants, then that was for the best. He figured Tao would eventually give up and accept that Junmyeon was emotionless, even without taking medicine. And that explained why he didn’t bother telling Tao to mind his own damn business and find Zhang Yixing on his own if he cared that much, Junmyeon had nothing to do with the matter.

The Friday night of that same week Tao had begun staying with him, they arrived from having dinner with Junmyeon’s parents. The doorman greeted them and asked Junmyeon to wait for a second because a package had come for him. When Junmyeon asked who, the doorman didn’t know because one of the other residents had found it in the parking lot downstairs. That wasn’t the only strange part because most of Junmyeon correspondence was delivered through Taeyong, and he rarely got packages sent to his home address. Still, he took the small parcel from his doorman’s hands before saying goodnight.

Inside the elevator, Junmyeon saw that the package had written ‘K.J.M.’ in the same calligraphy handwriting as that poem he had gotten last week. He decided to open the parcel right there. Inside was a wooden box, which explained why it was rather heavy. When the elevator doors opened, he walked out along with his companion, heading towards the living room. Junmyeon held the wooden box and let go of the package which landed on the floor. He lifted the lid open and saw another card with the same poem and a vintage sand clock.

“What do you have there?” Tao said and took the card.

How strange. Whenever someone had sent Junmyeon a gift, it had never been delivered this way. And why had they sent the same card with the poem? Junmyeon was sure he had given the envelope with the first poem back to Taeyong, who would have taken care of sending his ‘answer.’ But Taeyong hadn’t known where that letter came from or how it had ended in that stack of envelopes. Neither was there an address to send a reply. Then, what did that person want?

Tao let out a gasp. “This is it!” he said as if he had found gold. “Someone wants you to quit your campaign in exchange for Yixing, and whoever it is, they know he’s an unreadable,” he answered Junmyeon unasked inquiry. He looked up to see the sand clock Junmyeon was holding. “That’s!” Tao pointed, “A reminder that your time is running out. Oh my god. When does the next full moon take place?”

While Tao eagerly searched in his phone, Junmyeon put the wooden box and the sand clock on the couch. He grabbed the card from the floor and reread it. Battle, grains of sand, silence, a dissident bird caged forever. Would you look at that? It was a riddle, not a poem. He had been wrong, and the riddle was about Zhang Yixing. Well, Junmyeon hadn’t cared much to pay attention.

“What will you do?” the ghost of the man that refused to leave his side asked. Junmyeon had thought that by not taking the emotion suppressants anymore, he’d stop hallucinating, but maybe that wouldn’t be the case.

“It’s next week. You have until February fourth to quit the campaign, or whoever this is, will turn Yixing in.”

Now that caught Junmyeon’s full attention. He said the only wise thing. “I’m not dropping out.” Not only would that shock his supporters and his family, that had always been so proud of him, but he would get some marks in his personal case file. Getting chosen to run for the leadership of the nation was a direct order from the System, dropping out was going against it. After managing to save himself from the break-up scandal, Junmyeon wasn’t about to lose everything because of an unreadable, no matter what had happened between them.

“If only you hadn’t messed up your head,” Tao said with a little hint of disdain in his voice.

“He’s right,” the ghost spoke.

Perhaps. But there wasn’t any room for would he wouldn’t he, only what Junmyeon was going to do, and that was not to toss away all his hard work.

“But this is an important clue,” Tao said. “Do you think you can order your security to give us the surveillance tape?”

Junmyeon’s family owned this building, his grandfather had gifted him the penthouse as a graduation present when Junmyeon had finished university. So, yes, he could quickly ask for the videotape from the security team, but so could Tao. Wasn’t he a crime prevention enforcer after all? He had more authority than Junmyeon. “Why can’t you do it?”

“Because my father knows about my research, what I revealed for you and Yixing. He gave me some warnings.”

“He’s not letting you work?”

“No, I can work… But he’s watching my every move. And not getting involved in anything else that could ruin my reputation was one of the conditions. That’s why I couldn’t send a request to get the footage from the streets outside the flower shop, and Yixing hadn’t installed cameras inside.”

“So, you’re going against your father’s will. Why?” 

Tao smiled while shaking his head. “If you had your feelings back, you would understand.”

But Junmyeon could suspect why. “You think he’s going to love me again if I save him?” In that case, it was the most stupid reason.

“No, Yixing will leave this country as soon as we find him. But we have a debt to him. And this is our chance to repay him,” Tao said without hesitation.

Junmyeon still didn’t understand or care about Tao’s sense of justice and repayment. He nodded nonetheless and proceeded to request the surveillance footage from the security team.

A few minutes later, the file had been e-mailed to Junmyeon just like the guards had said. He and Tao were in the study room, playing today’s surveillance footage in the parking lot from all possible angles in Junmyeon’s computer. Until they found the moment, someone got off a van and left a small box on the floor near the door (that was later picked up by one of the tenants Junmyeon recognized). The mysterious person had on a large winter jacket and its hood covering their face. Distinguishing the stranger’s face wasn’t an easy task, not when they could mostly see their lips and chin. And the only frame in which the face could be viewed somewhat clearly wasn’t enough to be identified by using their eyes. Junmyeon decided to go to sleep after watching the videos over and over but getting nothing. He left Tao behind to struggle with the task alone. Junmyeon had better things to deal with.

The next day, like the whole week, Junmyeon found Tao downstairs with breakfast ready at the table.

“Did you find anything?” Junmyeon asked when he remembered what they had been doing last night.

Tao shook his head. “I sent the footage to one of the recent graduates I’m in charge of. I sad it was for practice, so there is no risk my father will know. We have better equipment over there that can help us match the face with the video we have.”

Junmyeon nodded. He noted Tao was stressed, after all, Monday was only two days away, and Zhang Yixing still hadn’t come back. But Junmyeon couldn’t relate to his friend’s worry.

“You better dress up warmly after this. We’re going somewhere,” Tao said before digging into his breakfast.

Again, Junmyeon nodded. Whatever Tao had in mind, he just had to deal with for a while longer. In the end, Tao will probably be the one who found where Zhang Yixing was and save him. Then, Junmyeon could return to his usual life.

After breakfast, they made their way to Tao’s destination. It was a long drive, but as the road became recognizable for Junmyeon, he figured out where Tao was heading and probably why. This place used to cause him a terrible feeling of guilt in the past. He had always avoided coming here except when it was necessary, like with the rest of his family. Right now, Junmyeon didn’t feel any of it, which again proved he might be better off this way.

Tao parked the car, and they stepped out in the cold. After passing the gates, Junmyeon and Tao followed the main trail. Over here, the snow had reached high levels, but a snowplow kept the main path passable. All the trees were bare, and along with the bushes, they were covered in white. The usual flowers that Junmyeon saw during the spring weren’t there, of course. Until he and Tao left the main trail, walked a short distance, and reached the gravestone, the one that had Jaemin’s name engraved on it. There were withered flowers next to it. Their mother must have visited recently. Junmyeon read the words he knew so well. In loving memory, treasured son, and brother, born, died. Had it already been 16 years since then? Memories of him and Jaemin resurfaced every time he visited his grave. That moment replayed in his head, and Junmyeon had always done his uttermost not to burst out crying in front of his family. None of it was left anymore.

“He would have been twenty-six,” Tao said, “Can you imagine what his life would have been now?”

Jaemin would probably have been on his way to become some astrophysics. Unlike Junmyeon, who at age ten was more preoccupied wondering what would happen on the sequel of a video game, Jaemin had been interested in astronomy, space, and mathematics by that age, the last age he got to live. That wisdom and intelligence was the reason Jaemin had skipped two grades and had been in the same class as Junmyeon. While others would have been thrilled to have a younger sibling in the same class as them, to kid Junmyeon that had been his biggest embarrassment. How people always admired his younger brother, praised him and only him, had slowly made an ugly feeling grow within his heart. Junmyeon especially disliked when someone told him, ‘You, other Kim, should be more like your brother!’ only because he wasn’t as talented, gifted, or kind as Jaemin had been. The rivalry was the main reason Junmyeon tended to push away his little brother. Junmyeon had also become more selfish because he didn’t want that any of his few friends or areas in which he could excel would be taken or overshadowed by Jaemin. But it was all stupid because Jaemin had never been competing against him, he had only wanted to get along with his older brother. Back then, Junmyeon had been too blinded by his jealousy and resentment to see that.

“Astrophysics. He always said the System would pick that as his first choice in the aptitude test. I think his life would have been centered around that,” Junmyeon said.

“Do you miss him?” Tao asked.

“I don’t know,” Junmyeon answered truthfully. In his current state, he didn’t feel it, then again, he didn’t feel anything at all. But if Junmyeon were to take into consideration how he had felt all these years, then the answer to that question would have been clear. “I think I did.”

“Do you still feel guilty?”

Guilty? Did Tao know what had happened? That was impossible. Junmyeon had never told anyone. “About what?”

“His death.”

“Why should I?”

“Because you killed him.”

For the first time in a while, Junmyeon’s eyes widened without him doing the movement consciously. If Junmyeon had had his emotions, would he have felt scared or angry? You killed him, you killed him, used to say a voice in his head until Junmyeon was able to shut it down, along with everything that used to torment him. But, in this moment of utter clarity in his mind, it couldn’t have been his fault, right? He hadn’t killed Jaemin. He hadn’t, he hadn’t.

“You didn’t,” the illusion of Zhang Yixing said, looking at him worried.

“I did not.”

“Yes, you did. You admitted it the day of his funeral,” Tao said.

I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. The recall of the memory was accelerating Junmyeon’s heartbeat, a pain he wasn’t used to by now. It was an accident, what killed Jaemin was an accident. A driver that had gotten a stroke and skipped a red light in a crossroad, and Jaemin, who had been on his bike, was run over by him.

“It was an accident,” Junmyeon whispered.

“No, it was your fault!”

Junmyeon shook his head while the pain in his chest intensified. He hadn’t asked Jaemin to come after him. Jaemin shouldn’t even have gone because he hadn’t even been the one at fault. It was Junmyeon who had been irrationally angry with Jaemin for stealing his idea for their mother’s birthday present. It had been a coincidence that Jaemin had thought of getting her the same thing as Junmyeon, he knew that now, but Junmyeon had seen it as a chance for Jaemin to continue taking his parent’s love away from him. Junmyeon had confronted Jaemin, voiced out all the anger he felt for being the ‘forgotten, unloved’ one (when that had never been the case), and said a bunch of other insensible things an older brother should never say. The worst one, the last thing he ever said to Jaemin being: ‘I hate you for always taking everything from me…. I wish you had never been born!’ Jaemin’s hurt face and response had haunted him ever since: ‘It’s because you are like this… That’s why nobody loves you!’ And the last action he ever saw Jaemin doing was to run away from him.

The ghost of Zhang Yixing was staring at Junmyeon with sadness as if feeling disappointed by what Junmyeon had done.

“I-I didn’t mean to.”

“Yes, you did. You killed Jaemin!” Tao accused him.

Junmyeon had been too angry that he no longer wanted to live under the same roof as his little brother. He knew that Jaemin had run off and told their parents what he had said. To avoid being scolded, reprimanded, and yet again hearing the question, ‘when will you be more like your brother?’ Junmyeon had packed some things in a bag and left. He left the house without being seen. And for a couple of hours, he had wandered aimlessly in his favorite spot in the city. Sometimes he had wondered if somebody would even realize he was gone, worry even, but Junmyeon still refused to go back. Jaemin did realize. His little brother hadn’t told their mother that they had fought or that Junmyeon was missing, but had grabbed his bike and gone to look for him. Jaemin probably felt terrible about what he had said to Junmyeon and wanted to apologize to him. Nobody could confirm that theory, but the only thing they had found in Jaemin’s backpack was a package of Junmyeon’s favorite cookies (the ones Jaemin didn’t like at all). His little brother had gone after him to apologize.

“I didn’t mean too,” Junmyeon said again. His knees were starting to feel like jelly.

“Did you really?” Zhang Yixing’s ghost asked this time.

“I didn’t!” Junmyeon screamed, his voice a wailing, despairing sound. “I-I-I didn’t mean to.”

“Are you sure? Are you sure you really didn’t want him to die, Junmyeon?” Tao asked this time, staring at him with fury.

“No, no,” Junmyeon said over and over while shaking his head. “I never wished for him to actually die.” If Junmyeon hadn’t acted so recklessly, if Junmyeon hadn’t wished such terrible thing, then Jaemin, Jaemin…

“Would have been alive,” the ghost finished the thought.

“But you did! And now he’s dead. Look, he’s dead!” Tao said while pointing at Jaemin’s grave.

Junmyeon’s knees gave in, and he fell on the snow. He pulled his hair while swallowing and trying to control the throbbing pain in his throat.

“You killed him,” Tao continued.

Tears welled in the corner of his eyes. His breathing was heavy, the air was lacking. His mouth hung open while he looked at the gravestone in front of him. Treasured son and little brother.

“It was your fault he died.”

And that was it. An uncontrollable rush of guilt plagued him, a repulsive physical feeling extending all throughout him, emotions that reminded him of how unworthy he was of standing here, of how he didn’t deserve anything, of how guilty he was for having killed Jaemin. His Emotion Watch lightened up a yellow light for the first time in weeks. His eyes were a waterfall of tears.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” Junmyeon pleaded amid his sobs. “Ye-yes, it was my fault. I made that horrible wish, I killed you. But I’m sorry, I’m sorry, Jaemin. You-you were so much better than me. I didn’t deserve to sta-stay. It-it should have been me.”

Junmyeon continued breaking down in front of the gravestone, apologizing to his little brother countlessly, but knowing full well that his words would never reach him. He felt Tao rest a hand on his shoulder, but the contact didn’t cause any comfort.

“Is that why you tried to drown yourself after his death?” Tao asked, his voice no longer accusing, only soft and understanding. Tao crouched down and carefully removed Junmyeon’s Emotion Watch from his wrist.

“I-I had to go there and apologize. I ha-had to tell Jaemin I didn’t mean any of it. I never hated him, only myself for being a terrible brother. I never meant it! I-I never wished for him to actually di-diiie!”

Junmyeon couldn’t talk more after that. All he could do was sob, cry desperately to the point it hurt his eyes. His knees were ice-cold from burying themselves in the snow. All the while Tao held him in his arms, an embrace he wasn’t worthy of, a friendliness he had never deserved, not after how despicable he was. 

Junmyeon didn’t remember what happened later. He knew that seeing Jaemin and talking to him must have been a dream, it couldn’t have been the reality. And it wasn’t because when Junmyeon opened his eyes, he woke up back in his bedroom at the penthouse. He looked out the panorama windows and saw the sky had turned dark. He was breathing heavily, trying to catch his breath after his very long nap. He felt hungry from having skipped lunch and had a terrible headache. Even if he would have thought everything must have a been a dream, the stickiness on his cheeks from all the tears, his knees that hurt and the damp pants he was wearing, proved otherwise. It was now, while he touched his cheeks that he realized he had cried. All that anguish and guilt were back, all those… Feelings. His brain wasn’t malfunctioning, he could still feel stuff. Horrible stuff, but it meant the emotions were back. Was that a good thing? Living again with the pain of what he had done to Jaemin, to his parents, to… Yixing. Yixing, who had disappeared and was missing because of him. He had caused Yixing so much hurt already and only kept making his life worse. Was that the only thing he was good at? Hurting people?

When his bedroom door opened, Junmyeon jumped on the bed. Fear was also back apparently, and so did his reflexes. Tao was carrying with him a glass of water and handed it to Junmyeon along with a small pill.

“It’s an aspirin.”

“Thank you,” Junmyeon said with a slightly hoarse voice. He drank the water and ate the pill.

“How are you feeling?” Tao asked. He sat down on the border of the bed.

“Like hell. I feel awful.”

Tao half-smiled. “I guess it’s a good call I canceled dinner with your parents.”

Yes, he was supposed to see his parents again tonight. But with all the shame and guilt he was feeling right now, that would have been too difficult to deal with. He nodded.

“I’m sorry I put you through that. But you left me no choice. I dared to call Yifan, and he said I had to awake the emotions in you with something that would affect you strongly, very strongly. I thought that seeing Yixing might have helped, but he’s missing… Therefore, I went with the second option.”

So, it had been a way to recover Junmyeon’s emotions. He should have guessed. But he still feared what his friend thought of him now. “But… Do you also think I’m guilty?”

“Oh, god no, Junmyeon,” Tao said and immediately shook his head. “Look at me,” and when Junmyeon did, he continued, “I really mean it when I say you had nothing to do with Jaemin’s death. I only said that so you would react, but I never thought you did. It was a terrible accident. And you had nothing to do with it.”

“It was partly my fault. If I hadn’t been so… Horrible to him, he would still be here.”

“We could keep thinking what if this or what if that, but that won’t change what happened. And you’re not the only one who says things without meaning them in the spur of the moment, Junmyeon. It was unfortunate that Jaemin didn’t get to hear your apology and real feelings. But he knew you never meant it, just like he never meant his words. One day I hope you can understand that.”

If only that could bring Junmyeon any solace. He would always feel that he was at fault for Jaemin’s death. For a long time, the feeling had been so intense that Junmyeon couldn’t deal with it. But his attempt at seeing Jaemin again hadn’t worked, and he had been left behind to see how his mom and dad dealt with the repercussions of his reckless actions. Their suffering was the main reason Junmyeon didn’t attempt to do it again. Children didn’t go to any rehabilitation facilities, but they lived a normal life while attending recovery therapy on the side. That was what Junmyeon had done after the scare he had given his parents. Until he had been ‘healed’ and no longer needed it, which of course meant his crime coefficient had lowered, Junmyeon later found out. But that was why Junmyeon knew how to control what he felt. As he grew, he had also learned on his own how to hide it. He had promised himself to always stay in control of his emotions, to never feel anything, to never get too close, so he could never commit the same mistake he had done with Jaemin. And the rest was history.

“I can’t believe you’ve carried that all these years. I always knew you blamed yourself for something, but I didn’t expect this… Lots of things are starting to make sense.”

“How did you know?” Junmyeon asked while staring at his fingers, fidgeting with them. He still had a hard time keeping the eye-contact, ashamed that somebody else finally knew what he had done.

“I saw you the day of the funeral. On Jaemin’s room. I tried asking you about it later, but you were always so evasive about Jaemin, I never had the chance.”

“I didn’t deserve talking about him. And I always thought people would hate me if they found out.”

“I don’t hate you.”

“But my family will.”

“I think it’ll be good for you if you talk to them. You’ll be surprised with how parents think. You got nothing to worry about.”

Junmyeon nodded. He felt bit relieved that he wasn’t being loathed. Although, he knew it was something he deserved. And he might never be brave enough to tell his parents any of that.

“But before that… I’m glad you’re back. I needed you to have both the rational and emotional sides present, so you’ll take a reasonable decision, one in which you’re not acting like a robot.”

Right, Junmyeon had one urgent matter to deal with. When he looked around the room, he realized the ghost of Yixing no longer was accompanied him. “Did you find out more? Who left me that note?”

Tao took out his mini tablet from his pocket. “My helper found a face match, a man named Kim Jongdae. But she thought the program must be showing the wrong results.”

“Why?”

“Because Kim Jongdae has been dead for three years.”

“So, it was useless?”

“No.” Tao shook his head while grinning. He held up the tablet for Junmyeon to see. It was Kim Jongdae’s digital personal case file, along with a picture of him smiling widely in the corner. Oddly, it reminded Junmyeon of a cat. And Jongdae must have been getting recovery therapy right before his death because his crime coefficient was 239.

“Look who his perfect match is,” Tao said.

Junmyeon’s gaze found the spot, and his eyes widened. Byun Baekhyun. _Byun_.

“I’ve checked the Security Department’s database. Kim Jongdae was also an unreadable. That’s why he was locked in.”

Lots of inquiries were left unanswered, new ones had appeared, but to Junmyeon, it was getting clear who must be behind Yixing’s disappearance. He smiled along with Tao while feeling hopeful, the first positive emotion he had experienced today. This was his most genuine smile in weeks. Junmyeon tossed aside the duvet and rose to his feet.

“Let’s get Yixing back,” he said with determination.


	24. Chapter 24

**Choice**

Tao had suggested that they took a subtler approach to the situation. He had wanted them to contact Taehyuk, make him come over, and question him with persuasion and discretion until Taehyuk caved in and they could get Yixing’s location. That would have been the optimal choice. Too bad Junmyeon hadn’t heard Tao’s wise idea and instead acted on pure instinct, on the newfound emotions, which took him to the Byun manor, where they were currently watching how Mr. Byun gloated over his advantage and the fact that Tao and Junmyeon were helpless.

“Then, what will your choice be, Kim Junmyeon?” Mr. Byun asked.

Yes, this had been a terrible choice. But after Junmyeon had gotten back to his senses and could feel again, he couldn’t control his emotions as usual. He had gone from despairing sadness to eagerness for knowing where Yixing was and finding the culprits, and just as quickly to an impatience and necessity to rescue Yixing straightaway. All the memories from the early afternoon reminded him of what an appalling person he was. Saving Yixing from the danger, he had brought to him, felt like the obvious thing to do. At least there could be one thing he didn’t screw up. The motive was indeed selfish, he knew that, but he couldn’t control the emotions, and their urging need to visit the Byun’s and demand they gave Yixing back. So, he did that.

Junmyeon hadn’t even changed his clothes but continued to wear the ones from their visit to the cemetery. His eyes were red and puffy due to all the tears that had fallen. But Junmyeon was beyond reason at this point and didn’t care about those details when he arrived at the Byun manor. He was always welcomed there, had Taehyuk said once, but not when he wanted to interrupt the Byun’s dinner party in celebration of Taehyuk’s mother. Ignoring the butler’s pleads and Tao’s voice of reason, Junmyeon barged his way into the dining room. With a stern face, he demanded to talk to Taehyuk while the rest of the Byun family members looked at him astonished. Taehyuk, taken aback by that attitude, stood up and excused himself from the table. Nervously, Taehyuk brought Junmyeon and Tao with him to a small parlor, which seemed to be used for his son if that explained all the baby stuff laying around. As soon as the doors closed, Junmyeon grabbed Taehyuk by the collar. The sudden anger caught Junmyeon by surprise but still spread like wildfire within him. Having his emotions back must have put him in some sort of emotional imbalance. Usually, they were never this turbulent.

Distress could be seen in Taehyuk’s face while he tried to catch his breath.

“Hey, Junmyeon, let him go!” Tao said.

But all Junmyeon was feeling was rage, uncontainable fury, and he thanked heavens that his Emotion Watch was only shining yellow so far.

“Not until he tells me where the hell Yixing is!” Junmyeon yelled.

“Wha-what?” Taehyuk asked, feigning innocence because Junmyeon couldn’t believe that he wasn’t involved in this, even though he and Tao had only been speculating about the Byun’s involvement.

“Cut the crap, Taehyuk. You know exactly what I’m talking about. Why else has your so-called ‘dead’ brother-in-law, Kim Jongdae, been threatening me? Huh?” Junmyeon asked and shook the man back and forth. “Where have you taken him?”

Taehyuk’s eyes widened while his mouth hung open. He fought to find his words and stammered all the while Junmyeon held him in a firm grip. In the end, Taehyuk didn’t need to say anything because the doors of the parlor opened, and his father, Mr. Byun, walked in.

“That was quite the entrance you made back there, young Kim,” Mr. Byun said while he walked past his son and Junmyeon and sat down on a sofa. Despite Junmyeon’s rude interruption, the man was tranquil, nonchalant, and told Junmyeon to let go of Taehyuk so they could talk like civilized people and not a bunch of savages. Junmyeon just wanted to punch Mr. Byun’s face, like he had always wanted to do ever since realizing he did his uttermost to drive him up to the wall. Eventually, Junmyeon released Taehyuk but refused to sit down with Mr. Byun. Tao also stood beside Junmyeon while the father and son sat comfortably in front of them, Taehyuk was trying to recover from the sudden attack.

“Give us Yixing back,” Junmyeon commanded while crossing his arms and frowning, assuming a position that said he wouldn’t leave this place empty-handed.

“You barge into my house uninvited, cause a commotion in the dining hall during my wife’s birthday, and then you think you can order me around?” Mr. Byun laughed and shook his head. “I’m afraid it’s not gonna be that easy, young Kim.”

That was all Junmyeon needed to hear. “So, you admit it. You’ve kidnapped an innocent person. That’s a crime!” he said while pointing at them. “You better tell us where he is, safe and sound, or-”

“Or what?” The devilish grin on Mr. Byun’s face told him he wouldn’t surrender easily either. “I’m not the one who has kept him hidden this whole time. I’m not the monster who wants to release an unreadable into the world. If anything, I’m being precautious and not letting you two obstruct justice.”

Junmyeon scoffed, “Oh, but you’ve done it too, haven’t you? Kim Jongdae is also an unreadable, and you’ve been using him to send me those threats, and possibly kidnap Yixing too. Even though he allegedly died three years ago? Oh, people would be interested to know what kind of strings you’ve pulled to make that one.”

“Do you really think anyone would believe the nonsense you’re saying?” Mr. Byun asked, “Don’t make me laugh, kids. You’re the ones who have so much to lose here. Especially you, Mister Huang. I’m sure your father and your superiors would be thrilled to hear that you set free an unreadable. After that great slip you made, I’m not so sure you should be standing here.”

Tao swallowed while he glared back at the older man. “Compared to what you’ve done, sir, they may not even find me that bad. Kim Jongdae has left behind enough traces for us to confirm he’s alive. A fingerprint, a simple strand of hair could prove that you’ve committed a severe crime. If all of this is made public, maybe it’s you who got everything to lose.”

“So, you better give us Yixing back unless you want to pay the consequences,” Junmyeon added.

As odd as it was to hear it, Mr. Byun laughed, a joyful laugh. “You two sure talk a lot. But, you see, that’s where you kids are wrong. I’m not the one thinking of exposing the unreadables issue to the public in exchange for keeping one free. I’m not the one who is Huang or a Kim, don’t forget that, I’m a _Byun_.” And with that said, the old man smiled sardonically at them.

The truth in Mr. Byun’s statement continued fuming Junmyeon’s anger. Even though he and Tao had the footage, even if they made the Security Department aware of what had happened with Kim Jongdae, and they decided to investigate and gather proof of Junmyeon’s and Tao’s accusations, the main suspects were the Byun’s. The Byun’s had the current leader of the nation on their side. Who could guarantee that any proof wouldn’t mysteriously be destroyed or showed the wrong results or anything else happened that would leave them free of blame? Even if Tao’s father was the head of the Security Department, there was a higher law above him. At the end of the day, the Byun’s had everything in their favor, while Junmyeon and Tao didn’t. These people were crazy enough to feign the death of someone, kidnap another person, and who knew what else if it meant they would stay in power. Realizing this didn’t help Junmyeon to dissipate his anger. On the contrary, he felt more rage at knowing he was powerless and at their mercy. Good camaraderie my ass, Junmyeon thought. All Taehyuk’s speeches about having a good fellowship and may the best man win were a bunch of lies made by his persona during the political campaign. Clearly, his family would do anything to make him the next one in charge.

“Why are you doing this?” Junmyeon asked. “Why Yixing? He’s got nothing to do with this!”

“An ace up your sleeve, it’s an ace up your sleeve, no matter how it leads you to your victory. I’m sure you understand that better than anyone, young Kim.”

Junmyeon squeezed his fists. Maybe in the past he would have agreed, heck, he had done so when he had tricked Yixing in the most horrible way. Not anymore, though, not if it involved harming innocent people, people that had nothing to do with this rat race. It sickened him to know that this had always been a nasty battle in which only the vilest one would survive.

“I suggest you keep complete silence and delete any recordings of this conversation,” Mr. Byun said while staring at Tao, “I’m sure you don’t want your friend to suffer the repercussions of your choices.”

Junmyeon hadn’t even thought of it, but he was sure Tao was gathering more proof of the Byun’s involvement. And despite the irrational thought of wanting to force the older man to talk, Junmyeon tried to calm down, which was borderline impossible at this point. Even if he had to bite his tongue, Junmyeon wouldn’t say anything. He only looked at Tao and nodded. Tao was furrowing his eyebrows but took out his phone anyway and held it up so they could see he stopped the recording and deleted the file.

“Then, what will your choice be, Kim Junmyeon?”

And that was how Junmyeon had ended in a pickle. He wasn’t sure that having his emotions back was for the better because he couldn’t come up with an answer. And when Mr. Byun said Junmyeon was wasting his time, he ordered them to leave while he returned to his wife’s birthday dinner. Junmyeon knew what to do and before when to do it. He was only welcomed here again when he had taken the ‘correct’ choice, had Mr. Byun said. Taehyuk left alongside his father while looking at him like some lost puppy. As if Junmyeon could believe in his opponent’s acts any more.

From that roller-coaster of a day, Junmyeon had thought of what to do. For one thing, he had realized why the Byun’s had struck and shown their true colors only now. Obviously, Junmyeon was at a tremendous advantage at the moment. The break-up hadn’t put an end to the future of his campaign only improved it. At the same time, Yixing had become his main weakness, and whatever way the Byun’s had used to find out about Yixing’s unreadable status, they used it to their advantage, to have Junmyeon cornered.

His irrational heart shouted that he should announce his leave from his candidature immediately, but the rational mind spoke that wouldn’t be the wisest choice. If he managed to become the next leader of the nation, then he’ll have a higher chance to better the quality of life of all unreadables, not only Yixing’s. But that meant Yixing would have to spend two years or more, locked in a rehabilitation facility. And depending on whether Yixing wanted to become a puppet for the Security Department, became aggressive and sedated with the emotion suppressants (Tao had explained those were the primary usages of the medicine) or didn’t resist and stayed confined for years, Yixing’s fate could be vastly different. There was a risk Yixing could change in the upcoming years. Maybe as an effect of the medicine, he could end up emotionally numb for life, like Junmyeon had been planning on becoming. Junmyeon knew Yixing was a fighter and would most certainly not stay with his arms crossed in that place. There was no way he would accept to help at the Security Department either. So, leaving Yixing locked in for a few years wouldn’t lead to anything good.

However, dropping out of the elections would come with consequences too. For Junmyeon, his personal case file would be smudge with having disobeyed the System. All these years he and Minseok had worked together would go down the drain. His supporters would be disappointed in him. After how much they had believed in him, he would be letting them down. In their eyes, he’d become a traitor, a liar. Hate would not fail to make its presence. And not only would he be in the eye of the storm, but also his family and the company he was Vice President of. The scandal could taint the image of Kim Industries and Silver Group, maybe even cause severe repercussions and loss in business. All his life he had worked towards making his family proud, towards filling the absence of his little brother in the best possible way, as someone worthy of respect and admiration, not a complete waste of breathing space. If he did this, all of that would be gone.

What should he do?

He was under extreme pressure and was going crazy just thinking about what to choose. That time was limited wasn’t helpful. Mr. Byun had given him four days to make a choice. And then the Security Department had also gotten involved. The active search for Yixing had begun. Despite Tao requesting to be in charge, the case hadn’t been handed to him due to his friendship with Yixing. Luckily, the Emotion Watches inbuilt GPS only activated when a crime coefficient was either close to an orange zone, or when it was already in an orange or red zone. Of course, Yixing’s watch wouldn’t light up, so there was still time. And even if Junmyeon had thought that letting the crime prevention enforcers find out that the Byun’s had taken Yixing, and used Kim Jongdae, it would only mean that Yixing, Tao, and he would end up losing. The Byun’s could easily wash their hands with immunity from the Leader of the Nation while Yixing was discovered to be an unreadable, and Junmyeon and Tao were accused of treachery for not reporting him and wanting to help him leave the country. There was no way to win for Junmyeon in this situation.

Everything worsened because of the withdrawal symptoms that had come since he got his emotions back. For one, he felt emotions way too much. Even the slightest thing like Tao chewing his food too loudly could get him annoyed. But also hearing Tao say he couldn’t help him make a choice because it was him who had to do it, made Junmyeon angry. If Tao hadn’t made him stop taking the emotions suppressants… Then he wouldn’t be feeling like going crazy any minute now. Junmyeon also felt sick and anxious, more withdrawal symptoms. A habit of biting his nails and pulling his hair had appeared in just a few days. Neither could Junmyeon sleep anymore because he was haunted by what to do, including memories and nightmares. It was impossible to close his eyes and go to sleep when the slightest recall of Yixing’s derisive gaze and rejection could have him crying in minutes, or Jaemin and the cause of his death, or any other terrible memory that seemed to torment him in the late night. At some point, he felt would be suffering cardiac arrest because of how fast his heartbeat at times. The painkillers had at least taken away that feeling.

Junmyeon was aware that time was running out, but he still couldn’t bear himself to make a choice. Family, obligations, duties, contra Yixing, the man he had once loved so much (although he couldn’t remember how that felt anymore). Tao was stupid to believe that Junmyeon would be able to make a rational choice when all his emotions were unleashed, and his mind didn’t seem to catch up with them.

But then February third had come. And Junmyeon had a couple of hours left before the day ended and the Byun’s turned in Yixing. At that point, Junmyeon decided to listen to one of the many voices in his mind that spoke.

* * *

Yixing continued looking outside the arched windows. This room had a great view of the garden, a garden covered in white but that must look spectacular during the spring, as expected of the fancy mansion he was confined at. His hand touched the glass panels. No matter how much he had tried to break them, the glass was resistant, bulletproof, and most likely unbreakable. But even if he had managed to break them, Yixing didn’t know how he would have survived the landing when he was stuck on the third floor. The snow couldn’t possibly work as a landing mattress. He let out a sigh while he lightly hit his head against the window.

More or less ten days had passed since he woke up in this vast and fancy bedroom. Yixing didn’t remember how he had gotten here. The last thing his mind could recall was him and Sooyoung discussing the flower shop’s management. What happened later, how he ended up here and whatnot, was gone, as if somebody had wiped out those memories. And waking up in an unknown destination had him frightened. He had shouted for help, tried to find a way out, but the room had no door handles, neither did the windows. Yixing found there was also a bathroom in the room but no way of escaping either. He kept wondering why somebody was holding him imprisoned and his first thought was that Junmyeon had gone nuts and wanted to stop him from leaving. A voice in his head laughed at him and said Junmyeon couldn’t possibly do that… Yixing wasn’t sure, but his suspicions faded a bit when the doors opened, and he saw an unknown man walking in and holding a tray of food.

Yixing did the only wise thing one could do in that situation, run. He pushed the stranger aside, making him drop the tray, and then ran into the hallway. Too bad he couldn’t make it far because just as he turned a corner, another man with dark shades and a suit threatened him with a gun. It was one of those moderns guns only the people at the Security Department could use, according to the pictures he had seen, which made him wonder if he had been caught and was held at a rehabilitation facility. He wasn’t wearing his Emotion Watch, so maybe that could explain it.

“Go back inside,” the man with the gun ordered. Yixing didn’t want to test his luck. He had read that the Security Department didn’t use the old guns that fired regular bullets, and he wasn’t quite sure he wanted to test what kind of weapon that was. He gulped and walked backward until he could get inside the bedroom and the man continued threatening him from the doorframe. The first man he had seen was picking up the mess the tray of food had made.

“Who the hell are you? Where the hell am I?” Yixing asked, scared, and confused about the whole thing. “Is this a rehabilitation facility?”

The man finally stood up. He was a bit shorter than Yixing. He gave him a soft smile with the uncanny resemblance of a cat. “I’m Dae, and no, this isn’t a rehabilitation facility,” he said.

But Yixing wasn’t having any of that friendliness. “Then, why am I here? Why are you keeping me locked in?” Yixing would have wanted to appear more forceful, dreadful, but chose to contain himself due to the creepy guy still standing underneath the doorframe.

“We’ll make sure to bring your meals in the mornings, noon, and evenings. If there is anything you don’t like or if you want a snack, just tell me, and I’ll bring it to you. You can use anything in the room to keep you entertained, the TV, the books on the shelf or the things on the desk over there. There are also brand-new clothes and sheets in the closet for you to use.”

Yixing squeezed his hands into fists. Did they think he would be glad at hearing that? “Why the heck am I here? This is illegal. You can’t keep me locked in here, damn it!”

Dae didn’t even flinch at hearing him scream but smiled ruefully this time. “Sorry, but we can’t let you go yet. You’ll have to stay with us until he makes the right choice. I’ll bring you another tray for breakfast.”

“He? Who’s he? What are you talking about? Answer me!” Yixing asked, following the man, but the door was slammed in his face.

“Why do I get the feeling Junmyeon is behind all this?” he asked himself. It could be the only explanation. Nobody knew that Yixing was an unreadable. Nobody had tried to harm him in the past before he had met Kim Junmyeon. So, this could all be due to fanaticism going overboard. What if one of Junmyeon crazy supporters was behind all this? They were surely treating him way too kind if that was the case, almost as if he were staying at a five-stars hotel. Or worse, what if Junmyeon was, in fact, responsible for this? The man had a fortune of money, he could certainly find ways to pull this off. But then what right choice did Junmyeon have to make? Yixing sighed in exasperation.

And that was how Yixing had woken up in this unknown house with these unknown people. Each day he had tried to find a way to escape, a way to break the windows or hit his guards unconscious with a thick book, only to find out there were more people monitoring the house and there was no way out for him. Eventually, Dae had told him to not attempt to run away anymore unless he wanted to fall unconscious and lose his memory. Apparently, those guns used projectiles that were dart injections. The shots were a powerful sedative with the ability to induce retrograde amnesia. He could lose up to twelve hours’ worth of memories. So, after hearing that, Yixing did give up trying to escape. He feared what they might do to him. He also suspected that was why he couldn’t remember how he got here, somebody must have shot him with one of those guns. He did remember seeing a little punctuation on his arms during his first day in confinement. Either way, that didn’t mean he behaved any nicer towards Dae and the other guards.

In his head Yixing counted the days that passed. Whatever choice whoever had to take was sure taking their damn time. If it were Junmyeon, this was another thing he wouldn’t forgive. No, because the days had gone by and he had missed his flight back home. He wondered how Kyungsoo and the others were doing. They were probably dead worried, as his parents must be when they realized Yixing hadn’t contacted them nor landed at the airport. Kyungsoo and Chanyeol were perhaps keeping them posted. His friends might even be looking for him. They would surely have reported his disappearance to the authorities. But Yixing wasn’t wearing his Emotion Watch, and even if he did, he knew the incompetents at the Security Department couldn’t tell he was in danger. Although so far nobody had harmed him, threatened him with those dart guns, yes, but physically or mentally hurting him, no. Even that day Yixing felt like suffocating because he hadn’t seen the sun or left the room in what felt like ages, Dae had listened to him and brought him out. Of course, he was under maximum surveillance, but at least he got to see how big this mansion was and how remote from civilization it appeared to be located. At least he was alive. Still, all this confusing hostage-kidnapper situation was exasperating and Yixing’s impatience to be free grew with each passing day. He hated it. He hated this country. He hated these people. He hated that he still had feelings for a man who had brought him so much distress.

And so, around ten days had passed, and Yixing was still here, locked in and hitting himself against the window. During the initial days, he had refused to touch anything, even sleeping on the bed, as a sign of protest and discontent. But soon the boredom and the cold floors were affecting him. He didn’t want to go insane while waiting either. Yixing decided to sleep comfortably. He read the books on the shelf, although oddly most of them were historical books about how and why the System was created. It was evident that all the authors were biased and praised the development to the skies. Fools. What Yixing did refuse to do was to watch TV because people were still talking as if Junmyeon was the greatest man to set foot in the earth. Sometimes when he ate his meals, Dae accompanied him, but Yixing wouldn’t talk to him and only asked questions of when the hell they were going to release him. The conversation always ended with ‘when he makes the right choice.’ Yixing had asked if Dae was referring to Kim Junmyeon, but the shorter man refused to say anything. Yixing was starting to hate him too, and the other gorilla that always stood underneath the doorframe with a gun in his hand.

Eventually, Yixing walked away from the arched window. He laid on the bed and went back to reading one of the books he had found that weren’t historical. It was written centuries ago but kept him entertained and not desperate to the point he wanted to pull his hairs out. As soon as he left this place, he would leave this country forever.

That same day, it was later in the evening when Dae walked into the room. Yixing would have expected for him to bring him his dinner, but Dae came empty-handed. Although the guard that used to stand underneath the door wasn’t there.

“He made a choice,” Dae said and smiled. He took out the Emotion Watch he was wearing and gave it to Yixing. Dae must have taken his watch from him and used it. “You can go now.”

And that was all it took for Yixing to jump out of the armchair, where he had been reading now, and ignored his need of asking a bunch of questions. He still wanted to hit these bastards for keeping him locked in all this time but thought better of it and decided to leave calmly. He wouldn’t even file an accusation at the Security Department, Yixing just wanted to go as soon as possible. How he’ll return to the city when he had no idea where he was would be resolved later. But he was sure as hell going home now.

“Freaking finally.”

* * *

Ever since Jaemin’s death, somewhere along the recovery road, Junmyeon had somewhat lost his free will. Most of the decisions he had made were to ensure he was worthy of staying here, alive, and breathing. He became a better student, a better Kim, a better worker, a better candidate, a better citizen. It was all to ensure people would be pleased with him. His teachers had been content, his grandparents and parents had been proud, his supporters were glad. Of course, most of it he had done because of the guilt and shame he felt, not because he really wanted any of that. So, when the letter notifying him that he was chosen to run for the leadership of the nation came, Junmyeon accepted that out of duty. His parents had been happy but concerned whether he genuinely wanted to do it given the tremendous responsibility it entailed. His grandparents, on the other hand, had been more than proud that Junmyeon was granted one of the highest honors. They supported the decision immediately and didn’t hide how proud they were from the rest of the world.

That was how Junmyeon had lived most of his life, accepting orders and making decisions that would make others proud and envious of him, of his family, of who they were, never actually wondering whether he wanted it or not. That was why he choose his first option in the aptitude test, that was why he ‘believed firmly’ in what the System had dictated for him without questioning it, that was why he hired Minseok to help him win the elections, that was why he accepted who the System had matched him with and did anything he could (fair or not) to keep Yixing by his side because it would lead him to a victory.

However, maybe it was because his emotions were all over the place, which affected his sense of reason, or because Yixing had made him realize that he could make a choice on his own, like choosing to say I love you because he truly had felt it at that moment, not because that was what Yixing had wanted to hear, Junmyeon could ask himself the question.

What did he want?

Junmyeon wanted to do the right thing, and in this case, the right thing meant to save him. He couldn’t rescue his little brother from dying. Instead, he had driven Jaemin to death. This time, he wouldn’t commit that same mistake because living with the guilt that he had ruined Yixing would be another punishment to add to his shoulders. And he didn’t want that. His choice obviously meant that he would lose the most. Choosing Yixing would cause the most terrible outcomes. His family would lose, his supporters would lose, his company would lose. But he would also lose Yixing because there was no way he and Tao would let him stay in this country for one more second, and Junmyeon wouldn’t be able to have privileges like traveling abroad anymore. He still felt he was making the right choice. Tao had said they owed Yixing saving him, but Junmyeon felt he owed this to Qian more. It was with her in mind that Junmyeon went through with this choice, not because he thought his grand gesture would make Yixing run back to him. But of course, he had selfish motives too, because after the way she had died, after the way Jaemin had died, Junmyeon wanted to save at least one person, have a clean conscience.

Therefore, Junmyeon was clad in one of his best suits. They had to put on him enormous amounts of make-up to conceal his dark eyes and decayed countenance. The cameras and the lights were pointing at him. The director said they would go in the air in two minutes. He was sweating and was a nerve wreck, but he didn’t take any emotion suppressants. Tao was keeping an eye on him, and Junmyeon was sure his decision would be different if he had no emotions. At least the painkillers were keeping the physical pain lower while he stood behind the podium. Nobody, except Tao, knew what Junmyeon was about to do. Minseok thought he would be giving a speech in commemoration of their nation adopting the System all those decades ago, something that came quite well now that people were still debating whether the System took the wrong choices sometimes or not. Junmyeon would sweep in and make his official standpoint, say that despite bad outcomes at times, it was still the core of their modern society. His grandfather, his dad’s father, who had been his number one supporter during his political campaign was also there to witness the speech. The old man had always been there to see the big moments.

Then, the director gave him the signal. Everyone on the set looked expectantly at him.

“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen of this wonderful nation,” he said with his most formal voice, “I’m Kim Junmyeon.”

Until he could calm down his nerves, Junmyeon continued rambling the introduction Minseok had given him to say. Controlling his emotions was still a challenge for him. But in his mind, an inner voice kept telling ‘say it now, say it now.’ When it was time to say the second point, Junmyeon took his glass of water and gulped it in one go. This was it. He wouldn’t prolong it anymore.

“Actually, this not what I wanted to say,” Junmyeon said. Minseok shouted in his earpiece to keep quiet and told the cameraman something. “No, don’t cut me off from the air,” Junmyeon ordered. Unsure, the cameraman listened to him and Junmyeon set his gaze on the camera again.

“All my life I’ve believed the System is efficient and facilitates life for all us. But at the end of the day, it’s just a machine, a machine with flaws that sometimes make the wrong choices.”

The people on the set were looking at him in amazement. Minseok kept shaking his head and motioning with his arms to stop. He avoided looking at his grandfather.

“I accepted this role because I thought that was what I was ought to do because the System dictated it. And I did everything I could to make sure I would be good at it, that I won because I thought that was my duty as a candidate. But everything you’ve seen so far is just a fabrication. A character made by my political assessors. All thoroughly enacted so you would like me, and I earned your votes. I mean, I didn’t even like Yixing. I lied to him and pretended to do it until he found out the truth and left.”

Junmyeon laughed. It was a laugh that came out well because just thinking about a bad joke could genuinely make him giggle. “I took you all by fools! The truth is I never wanted any of this. I never really cared about any of this or you. And I truly hate the idea of becoming the next leader of this silly, awful nation.”

Loud gasps could be heard in the set, people were running here and there, talking on the phone, taking pictures, mumbling to each other. Minseok no longer said anything or motioned him to stop.

“With that said, I, Kim Junmyeon, officially retire myself as a candidate for the next elections,” Junmyeon concluded his impromptu departure speech. He didn’t even say goodbye or thank you but took off his microphone and ear-piece before leaving the podium.

The moment he set foot backstage his grandfather came to stand in front of him. Junmyeon lifted his gaze and saw the disappointment, anger, and frustration in the older man’s face. “Grandpa, I-” he said but didn’t manage to say I’m sorry because his grandfather’s hand had harshly landed on his cheek, the smack making everyone turn silent immediately. His cheek stung, and it was probably red. But the slap had also made Junmyeon cry. Having no control over what he felt was truly bothersome.

“You’re not my grandson,” his grandfather said before leaving the set angrily, probably to go out and deal with the upcoming scandal and say that Kim Industries didn’t stand behind Kim Junmyeon and his dumb decisions.

The next person who came to talk to him was Minseok. He didn’t slap him on the face, however, although Junmyeon suspected he wanted to.

“How could you?” Minseok said and struggled to breathe. “You just threw away everything we’ve worked so hard for. Do you have any idea how many sleepless nights we went through to put you here! On top! And now you... You- Ugh!”

“I’m sorry, Minseok,” Junmyeon said. It felt that was a word he’ll have to say his whole life.

“You’re a fucking selfish asshole, Kim Junmyeon. Thank you for wasting my time all these years!” And that was the last Minseok said before stomping out of the set.

Nobody approached him after that. People continued gazing at him while whispering and murmuring who knew what. Junmyeon brushed away the tears from the corner of his eyes while he too walked away. Down in the parking lot of the television broadcasting company that sponsored Junmyeon campaign, or used to, Tao was waiting for him.

“That was very brave of you,” Tao said.

“Just drive already.” Junmyeon was in no mood to talk about it right now.

They made their way to see the Byun’s again. Those people were probably gloating in victory right now. Taehyuk had practically won the elections unless Sehun stepped up his game, but Junmyeon doubted he would. It was clear Sehun didn’t want the task either, and that was why he mostly kept his campaign low. The race had always been between Junmyeon and Taehyuk, until now.

At least Junmyeon knew one person would benefit from this. He still felt this was the right choice and didn’t regret what he had said. The next step would be to take Yixing out of this country. For that, he had told Tao that he had prepared his private jet for Yixing to use. Junmyeon said that after meeting with the Byun’s and finding out where Yixing was, Tao would drive Yixing to the airport and make sure he left, while Junmyeon went back home. With what had happened, Junmyeon doubted Yixing would be glad to see him there. Besides, Yixing had explicitly said he didn’t want to see him anymore, and Junmyeon would respect that.

Just like Junmyeon had expected, Mr. Byun was thrilled when they walked into the study room. The old man sat behind a wooden desk while Taehyuk stood next to him. Once the butler left, they began talking.

“Young Kim, welcome back. Do you want anything?”

“I did my part. Now’s your turn,” Junmyeon said. He wasn’t here to chit-chat.

“Yes, that was quite the performance you gave us,” Mr. Byun said and laughed. “We were just observing Taehyuk’s numbers in real-time, and they’ve almost doubled.”

Junmyeon squeezed his hands into fists. The anger was starting to come back. “Just tell us where Yixing is.”

Mr. Byun grabbed his cup of coffee and took a sip. The man was truly the expert at driving Junmyeon insane.

“You might have fulfilled your part, young Kim, and I admire your naiveté and blind trust. But you really couldn’t have expected I’ll go against the System, could you?”

“What?” he asked.

“As a responsible citizen of this country and brother of a former crime prevention enforcer, I cannot let this happen. An unreadable is a hazard not only for us here but for anyone in the outside world too.” 

Tao gasped while he took out his mini-tablet and desperately tapped the screen.

“What the hell have you done?” Junmyeon asked although he already suspected the answer.

“What any responsible person would have done, what you two should have done long ago.”

“Oh, my God,” Tao said. Junmyeon turned sideways to see what Tao was gasping at. Tao showed him the screen. It was a record of Yixing at the Security Department. Zhang Yixing. Crime coefficient: 299. High-level treat captured.

“You son of a bitch!” Junmyeon cursed and was ready to jump across the desk and maybe surround his fingers against the grinning man’s neck. But Tao had held him at the last minute and hindered him from moving any closer.

“I’ll kill you! You tricked us! I’m gonna make you pay for it!” Junmyeon continued shouting threats all over the place, screaming in anger and feeling how the blood pumped through his veins. With this amount of wrath in his body, one of those threats might even come true.

“Junmyeon! Your Emotion Watch!” Tao said while he proceeded to drag them out of the room, “Calm down! Can’t you see this is what he wants?”

Sure enough, when he cast a glance at his wrist, the watch was shining yellow. Thankfully, they were soon out in the hallway, and Junmyeon stopped seeing that man’s gloating face in triumph.

“He turned him in. He fucking turned him in!” Junmyeon said while pulling his hair.

How stupid had he been? Junmyeon shouldn’t have trusted this man. Of course, they wouldn’t stay true to their words. What the hell had he done? Why had he been so stupid?

Again, this was all his fault.


	25. Chapter 25

**Renegades**

As the days passed since Junmyeon had publicly renounced to his political campaign, the topic continued being on everyone’s lips. People were heatedly posting their opinions on the matter online or talking about it with one another. Some were understanding and could sympathize with Junmyeon’s decision, but most of the views were negative and harsh criticism for lying all this time. The issue was also brought up in written articles, ‘panel discussions,’ radio debates, and other forms of media with Junmyeon in the center. Old interviews were dug up, family backgrounds, first-hand anonymous ‘witnesses’ that could confirm Junmyeon’s ‘true personality’ came forward. Questions such as who exactly Kim Junmyeon was and why he had done what he did lead to speculations because Junmyeon had refused to make a public appearance anywhere. He rejected interviews, phone calls, and even avoided leaving the penthouse because people would flock to him and ask questions he didn’t want to answer. This society with no issues (or people believed they have none) surely didn’t mind wasting their time on these types of ‘sensational’ news. It was no wonder the scandal had reached his family and their business. But the Kim’s wouldn’t go down that easily and will make sure to overcome the bad press, even if it meant they said things such as Junmyeon had lost it and was going through a rebellious stage he was too old for and they didn’t agree with. When it came to Junmyeon’s working place, Silver Group had called for an immediate board meeting that same night Junmyeon had dropped out. The meeting didn’t last for long because Junmyeon had only gone to say he was quitting. His choice did seem to salvage the company from some possible losses due to their previous connection.

Unlike his grandparents and the rest of the world, Junmyeon’s mom and dad hadn’t care or felt disappointed with him for having quit his political campaign, nor that he was unemployed right now. They were happy to hear that Junmyeon stayed true to himself and followed his personal wishes, not the expectations the outer world had of him. His parents had had a hunch Junmyeon tended to push himself for the wrong reasons, so him doing something for his own sake, of course, they would support his choice. But his mother did scold him for blatantly using and lying to Yixing only to end up hurting him on the process. Junmyeon still didn’t find the courage to admit what he had actually done to Yixing and what had happened with him, so he listened to his mother’s speech about honesty and good morals without arguing. Before his parents had left his house, both had enveloped Junmyeon in a hug, an action that made him let out some tears in front of his parents ever since he got the news Jaemin had passed away. Where the tears came from, he knew, but that continued being something he wasn’t courageous enough to talk about yet.

Secluding himself from the outer world whenever conflicts appeared was becoming a bad habit of his, but this time it was useful. Mainly because Junmyeon could avoid wearing the Emotion Watch while he managed to regain control of his emotions. After the Byun’s betrayal, his anger hadn’t vanished, it was deep-rooted and boiling within him. But different from what he had thought, Junmyeon hadn’t gone back into taking any emotion suppressants. No, his thirst for vengeance would disappear if he were to self-medicate again, and that he didn’t want. At least as the days had passed, he was starting to regain control over what he felt, which was a good thing because with what he would do, it was crucial to have it.

In their last conversation, Tao had said they couldn’t do much to help Yixing. Infiltrating to a rehabilitation facility and attempting to release an unreadable would be a complicated matter and a huge risk for everyone involved, especially outsiders like Junmyeon. Dodging the surveillance cameras and leaving the place without any digital traces were the main impediments. And yes, although Tao was an active crime prevention enforcer and could enter a rehabilitation facility as he pleased, his father continued keeping an eye on him at work like a hawk. Given his friendship with Yixing, he and Junmyeon might be the primary suspect. If they were found out, then that was it for them too. They might as well join Yixing voluntarily. Instead, Tao had said that maybe in a couple of months, when he regained his father’s trust, and nobody suspected a thing, they could try to come up with a plan. However, Yixing didn’t have much time before they drugged him with emotion suppressants or brainwashed him with ‘corrective’ therapy. With that in mind, Junmyeon had been angry with Tao, not quite believing why his friend was giving up this easily after how much he had done. His anger didn’t last for long, though, because Tao wasn’t his enemy and was only being cautious. Tao had at least said he’ll try helping later. The real enemy was currently celebrating in the shadows of Junmyeon’s downfall. At the same time, Junmyeon was planning theirs because no, he wasn’t going to listen to Tao’s other advice and do absolutely nothing regarding the Byun’s affairs because it’ll lead to more trouble than benefit.

He had the surveillance footage of Kim Jongdae. Tao wouldn’t voluntarily give him a copy of the ‘dead’ man’s record, but at least the file was still on the Security Department’s database. Junmyeon had done some research on his own too. During public events held by Byun Corp. Kim Jongdae and Byun Baekhyun could be seen in the family’s old photos. Although the Byun twins were an exact replica of each other, Junmyeon remembered Baekhyun to be the opposite of his twin brother, more carefree, bold, and adventurous. One time in their junior year of high school, Junmyeon recalled that Baekhyun had missed one month of classes because he had participated in an illegal motorcycle race and hurt himself. Junmyeon hadn’t been surprised when the news that Baekhyun had left the country without approval from the authorities was made public, which coincidentally happened a few weeks after Taehyuk had been announced as the first candidate in the elections. Whatever reasons Baekhyun might have had, nobody knew because not even his own family knew why (or they pretended not to know). As Junmyeon saw pictures of the year the two happenings took place, he realized that Jongdae was the first one to not appear in them anymore, followed by Baekhyun a few months later. There was also no information available of where Jongdae had gone, but he hadn’t been a public figure, so it made sense. The real reason Junmyeon knew was that Jongdae must have been found out of being an unreadable and was caught. It must have been hard on Baekhyun, which explained why the man no longer looked the same during Byun Corp’s public events after that incident. But if the Byun’s had helped Jongdae to fake his own death to keep him free, it didn’t make sense that Baekhyun had left. Why would Baekhyun leave if he had the chance to, albeit in secret, be with Jongdae? There was more to this story Junmyeon suspected, but he’ll have to ignore his curiosity and put his plan into motion.

Byun Corp. would host their annual charity event to help children in need in one of the last developing countries. Rich people would gather in an auction to show off their money. And of course, those father and son vultures wouldn’t miss an opportunity for good publicity amid Junmyeon’s scandal. Luckily, Junmyeon had confirmed his attendance at the event last month and was on the guest list. Tao had warned him that exposing the unreadables issue would put him in danger and be a cause for ‘corrective’ therapy. But Junmyeon’s anger and thirst for revenge were clouding his judgment. Junmyeon was planning to not only expose that the Byun’s had faked someone’s death and threatened him to quit the campaign, but also tell the story of what had happened to Qian, what the Emotion Watches true purpose was, and how unreadables were locked in to prevent them from committing crimes, the prime examples being Jongdae and Yixing, even if they hadn’t shown signs of any criminal tendencies whatsoever. Everything was all done to protect the flawed System. Junmyeon believed this exposé might lead to one, if not the biggest scandal ever, and people reflecting on the kind of society they lived in. Then, the issue would get so out of hand, it’d be impossible for the Security Department to lock in thousands of people discussing the matter. People might turn against the System and what their authorities had done. If they were smart enough, they’d be reflecting over how some people’s lives were less valuable than a useless machine at calculating how prone one is to commit a crime, and they’d realize things needed to change. Junmyeon might even go unpunished for revealing classified governmental information. And it could lead to Yixing being released from his unjustified seclusion, which was what Junmyeon mainly wanted to achieve.

Junmyeon smirked while he looked at his computer. Byun Corp always hosted the auction at a venue that had large LCD screens on the front stage. Usually, a slideshow with pictures of how the funds had helped the children would play before the auction took place. So, Junmyeon had prepared his own speech and a slide presentation to go along with his revelations. Obviously, it was written in code with metaphors and poetic language to divert suspicions from the Security Department observing his use of the internet. Just because he was about to debunk the System and reveal this country’s dirty secrets, didn’t mean he’ll do it unorganized and yelling like a madman. Although after leaving the Byun’s house that night it was exactly what he had wanted to do. People would have called him crazy if he had done that. Luckily, Tao had stopped him from making that mistake. Now, he’ll have the satisfaction to see for himself the fall of his opponents.

* * *

As expected, everyone went silent when they saw Junmyeon stepping inside the venue. Their mingling was interrupted, and their eyes were fixed on Junmyeon, who walked around with confidence, greeting people with a courteous smile, and even grabbed a glass of champagne from one of the waiters. When he stood in front of the Byun’s, the old man was staring at him with amusement while Taehyuk was perplexed, almost as if he couldn’t believe Junmyeon was real, each man was accompanied by their wives.

“Mister Kim Junmyeon, I didn’t expect you to be here tonight given your… Situation,” Mr. Byun said, still not erasing that grinning look on his face.

The corner of Junmyeon’s lips curved into a smirk. With the same grace as his grand entrance, Junmyeon greeted them. “Good evening, gentlemen, ladies.” He held out his hand to shake it with everyone. He even pinched playfully baby Jisung’s, Taehyuk’s son’s, hair, who was in Joohyun’s arms. “And how could I miss the chance to be humanitarian? Of course, I’ll be here,” Junmyeon said after letting go of Mr. Byun’s hand. Thank heavens he could control his anger at this point and didn’t allow himself to follow his wildest instincts to harm his enemies with his own bare hands.

Mr. Byun laughed. His son, on the other hand, continued sweating and looking nervous.

“Well, good luck tonight, you know how auctions can be. Don’t let someone outsmart you… Again.”

Junmyeon’s smile grew wider. “Oh, I won’t, Sir.”

The Byun’s left to continue welcoming their other guests while Junmyeon walked around. He recognized most of the people from previous social gatherings and business, even the leader of the nation had found time to attend tonight. In this setting, everyone was behaving and not surrounding Junmyeon to interrogate him with stupid questions, although he got a hunch they wanted to do that. Nobody from Junmyeon’s family was here, though, they were probably still avoiding social commitments until the attention died out. That was a smart strategy because as Junmyeon wandered around, he noticed people were whispering and staring at him from a distance. But when he was close enough to some of them, and they initiated small talk, those people pretended as if they hadn’t been ogling him this whole time. Cowards. Why couldn’t they say it to his face? At least his exposé would give them something more entertaining to gossip about.

The auction wouldn’t begin until after dinner and whatever entertainment the Byun’s had planned for the night. Junmyeon grew impatient with each passing minute, looking at his phone frequently and waiting for that moment. He couldn’t even find taste in the food or care much that people stared at him for sitting at an empty table (his family members were supposed to be there with him). But after the drawn-out music performance and dance recital, the host announced that the auction would begin after dessert, and the public should ready their auction paddles. That was Junmyeon cue to stand up and discreetly leave the venue. Earlier, as soon as he had arrived at the building he had asked the staff where the IT room was located, so, he knew which way to go.

In front of the supposed door number, Junmyeon knocked once before someone opened the door. From what he could see, this was the correct place. The IT guy must have recognized him based on the expression on his face and how he went mute with his mouth hanging open.

Junmyeon cleared his throat. “Hi. I want to inform you that one of the screens in the venue went black.”

The guy shook his head and regained his composure. “Sorry,” he said, “What did you say, Mister Kim?”

“One of the screens in the venue turned black.”

The guy furrowed his eyebrows. “That’s strange. I haven’t noticed anything here. And the event planner hasn’t called me.”

“I heard there was a mishap in the kitchen, so they might be busy with that. But I think you should check it out.”

The guy hesitated at first but nodded in the end.

“Also, I’m here because I have an important work matter to solve and I need a computer. Could I use one of them?”

“Sure! You can use my laptop,” the guy answered.

They walked in together to the desk with stationary computers. The IT guy took out his laptop from one drawer, started it, and then told Junmyeon it was ready to use. Before bolting out of the room, the guy told him to take his time and don’t let anyone unauthorized inside.

Alone in the room, Junmyeon put aside the laptop and went to sit on the desk chair by the computer screens. He had around five minutes before the guy noticed nothing was wrong and returned. It was a good thing Junmyeon had some advanced computer skills and knew how to connect his slideshow to the screens and the microphone to the venue’s speaker. He had just activated the microphone when the door opened. Looking over his shoulder, Junmyeon saw Taehyuk standing there with a dismantled appearance and gasping for air.

“Do-don’t do anything, please!”

Junmyeon raised one eyebrow, defiant and unwilling to listen. He shifted his gaze back to the computer screen to finish his task. But Taehyuk threw himself on the floor and disconnected the main electrical cord from the wall, making all the computer equipment go black.

Junmyeon glared at Taehyuk. He stood up and walked to plug back in the cord, but Taehyuk wouldn’t let it go. “What are you doing?” Junmyeon asked with asperity in his voice. “Give it back!”

“No, you have to stop whatever you’re planning to do… I’ll tell you the truth,” Taehyuk said while they struggled with the wire. “I’ll tell you the whole truth about Jongdae!”

“How do I know that’s true? You’re just a lying bastard like your father.”

“Because I’m the proof that could bring my whole family down.”

“Oh sure, and I’m a magical unicorn,” Junmyeon mocked him. If Taehyuk didn’t stop spewing nonsense, Junmyeon would have to punch his face. Thankfully, Taehyuk did let go, and he didn’t have to resort to any violence. What came next was odd because just as Junmyeon plugged the cord back in, Taehyuk lifted up his jacket and dress shirt, revealing his abdomen for him to see. What Junmyeon saw caught his attention and made him gasp, ignoring his earlier task. Because there it was, that reminder of an illegal motorcycle race gone wrong, an ugly scar he remembered only one person would want to flaunt about in the swimming team during their junior year of high school.

“Byun Baekhyun?”

The IT guy interrupted the moment of truth when he returned to the room. Taehyuk, or Baekhyun, rolled down his clothes and covered himself again. Both of them stood up from the floor at the same time. Baekhyun grabbed Junmyeon by the arm and pulled him away, passing by the blushing IT guy and saying, ‘You didn’t see anything, Youngho’ to which the guy nodded. Junmyeon let Baekhyun guide him through the halls, all the while his head connected the dots and he realized what must have happened with the Byun twins. But there were still details he couldn’t figure out amid all this chaos. When they entered a private conference room, Baekhyun locked the door from the inside.

“Why the hell are impersonating your brother? Didn’t you leave years ago?” Junmyeon asked.

Baekhyun shut his eyes and rubbed his temples. “Look, I’ll tell you everything, but you have to promise you won’t expose Jongdae. My assistant kept a close watch on you tonight and saw you coming in here. That was what you were planning to do, right? Expose us. And that’s why you came here tonight acting as if last week you hadn’t wanted to kill one of us.”

“How can I promise that after what you and your family did to Yixing? You’re crazy if you think I’ll let this go, not when you are my trump card, Byun Baekhyun,” Junmyeon retorted and crossed his arms. All this time he had been furious with the Byun’s and was planning how to pay them back in their own coin. With what he knew now, he’ll be able to make things even worse for them.

“Junmyeon,” Baekhyun said sternly, “Believe me when I say nothing good would come out of you exposing anything. You will only end up locked in and interfering with my plans because I will take care of it. And most importantly, I’ll help you free Yixing.”

Junmyeon scoffed, “I don’t trust any of you Byuns. You’re all the same filth.”

“After what I’m about to tell you, you’ll have to,” Baekhyun said. He let out a deep sigh. Baekhyun sat down in one of the chairs while Junmyeon remained standing up. “Yes, it’s true, I’m actually Baekhyun, not Taehyuk. I’ve been pretending to be my brother. Kim Jongdae is alive, and he was the one who kidnapped Yixing.”

The story started almost three years ago when the electoral candidates had been assigned by the System. Baekhyun and Jongdae had been one of those perfect matches that met each other in their first year of college, eventually fell in love, and were planning to spend the rest of their lives together. At the beginning of that crucial year, adventurous as they were, they had decided to leave the conformity of their families and their country to try living abroad for some time. Matters were taken care of, and Baekhyun had passed the Migration Office’s necessary medical check-up without problems, it was Jongdae who hadn’t. One moment they said goodbye to each other with a kiss before walking into their respective examination rooms, the next one, a doctor was talking to him, telling him how Jongdae had been showing signs of profound inner stress and had to be hospitalized at once. That had left Baekhyun devastated, almost as if his perfect world had collapsed. One, he couldn’t even say goodbye to his husband and who knew when they’ll see each other again. Two, he had never noticed that Jongdae was in distress, his Emotion Watch had never changed colors as far as Baekhyun remembered. How couldn’t he have seen his husband’s inner suffering? Of course, the doctor reassured him that sometimes that was the case and nobody was at fault, but it didn’t soothe the worry and anxiety he felt, neither the sense of loss within him. Jongdae was his other half, how would he live without him? How long would he have to be without him?

A few months later, the Byun’s received the notice that Taehyuk had been chosen as the first candidate for the upcoming elections. Everyone was over the moon about the news, but somehow not surprised by the results. There was no other person more apt for the job than Taehyuk. And of course, there was a chance for the Byun’s to remain in power for the next term. Baekhyun knew that his brother wasn’t mad keen on running for the leadership but did out of obligation anyway. Also, by that time Taehyuk had been in a secret relationship with a girl who wasn’t his perfect match, or his equal in any aspect. But as soon as Taehyuk had been publicly announced as a candidate, their dad took him to the Marriage Bureau to find his perfect match because Taehyuk had been losing too much time already. When the result was miss Bae Joohyun, not who he was expecting, Taehyuk decided to confess who he truly loved, and it didn’t matter what the System had dictated. There had been a terrible fight back at their house, Baekhyun remembered. His brother had, at last, shouted that he wasn’t going to listen to his family anymore. He was tired of doing so for the past twenty-five years of his life. For once he’ll do what he wanted, and that was not to marry some other woman their family deemed ‘worthier’ to be his wife. Taehyuk had even said he wouldn’t run for the elections, not when all he wanted the most was living a quiet life on a farm with his fiancé. Nobody took the threat seriously. Dumbly, their father had believed that bribing Taehyuk’s lover would work and Taehyuk would reconsider his stupid thoughts. It hadn’t worked and that had made Taehyuk angrier. Eventually, Taehyuk had stayed true to his words because one night he was acting all weird. He said goodbye to Baekhyun, admitting that he had always admired and been envious of his bravery. Lastly, Taehyuk gave him his sincere wish that Jongdae came back soon because Baekhyun wasn’t the same without him, he had lost his gleefulness. The next day, the Byun’s found out that Taehyuk had run away, leaving the country unauthorized with the girl he loved. Over the years, however, only Baekhyun had kept in touch with his twin brother and at least knew he was doing fine and was happy.

To save the disaster left by Taehyuk, their dad and uncle came up with a plan to make it look as if it had been Baekhyun who had gone away. Although Baekhyun had been granted authorization previously, the permit only lasted for one month. It had already been three months since it had expired, the headline that he had run off without permission still worked. Baekhyun had continued to mourn over Jongdae’s absence, but despite his sadness and vulnerability, he wasn’t going to accept his family’s crazy, ridiculous idea. He hated the idea of working behind a desk at Byun Crop. like Taehyuk had done. He hated the idea of politics, campaigns, marrying some girl he didn’t like, and start a family. But the main reason, he wasn’t going to lie for the rest of his life.

Then, his uncle said the one thing that made all of Baekhyun’s reasons to vanish. They would give Jongdae back to him as long as he followed their orders to the letter. Baekhyun’s heart had yearned to see his husband for so long, to know Jongdae was doing fine, hold him in his arms again, that he didn’t think twice. He didn’t realize how that would affect them both but accepted the conditions.

And so, that same day the scandal that Byun ‘Baekhyun’ had left the country without approval from the Migration Office was made public, Baekhyun got to see Jongdae. He got to embrace his husband, kiss him, and tell him how much he had missed him and loved him. But Jongdae couldn’t say anything in return, Jongdae couldn’t even feel anything, only stare at him with empty eyes. His family hadn’t bothered explaining to him what had happened to Jongdae, just said it must be the effects of the ‘calming’ medication. Later Baekhyun did found out about unreadables and all that problem, thanks to one of his closest friends, Kim Jongin, whom Baekhyun had confessed the truth to and had helped him bring Jongdae back to normal. So, Baekhyun understood that they had to fake Jongdae’s death, so he could easily dodge the fact that he was an unreadable. To ensure that Baekhyun wouldn’t betray them or think of outsmarting them, his dad and uncle had made Jongdae stay in one of their country houses, with some guards accompanying him so he wouldn’t escape. At least he and Jongdae could see each other whenever time permitted. Meanwhile, Baekhyun continued living under his brother’s name, building a completely false life, married to a woman whom he had also told the truth to and didn’t mind the lies, and raising a child together although he wished it would be happening with his actual husband instead. But Jongdae had understood it, and as long as Jongdae was by his side, Baekhyun felt strong enough to continue.

After hearing Baekhyun’s narration, Junmyeon could find one fitting thing to say. “Your dad and uncle are appalling.”

Baekhyun smiled a rueful and tired smile. “I can’t argue with that. Growing up I thought they used to be good men, flawed, but never this… Evil. I guess having too much power corrupts your mind to the point you can no longer see what barriers you shouldn’t cross.”

Junmyeon almost felt bad for him. He was still pissed off about what they had done to him and Yixing. “They sure crossed a bunch of them. Lies, impersonation, kidnapping, blackmail, betrayal, what other wrongdoings has your family done?”

“You can add to the list manipulation… I have to admit, my family also manipulated your results, Junmyeon.”

Way before his uncle had become the current leader of the nation, Byun Corp. had been one of the companies in charge of the System’s technological development and maintenance. Later, when all the other companies had merged into Byun Corp., it had become the sole one. Because Baekhyun worked at Byun Corp., he knew that the software at the Marriage Bureau had gone through a significant upgrade that would hopefully be even more accurate at matchmaking than before. Indeed, it had been, because it led to more people being matched by a hundred percent score. As Baekhyun had become more and more compliant and convincing that he supported his dad’s and uncle’s plans, they entrusted to tell him more of their tactics and secrets. Given that Junmyeon had surprisingly become a strong rival during the electoral race, they decided to target him. One of the ways had been to mess Junmyeon’s perfect match. His dad and uncle knew how to control the software at the Marriage Bureau by hand and didn’t hesitate to use that secret skill. Junmyeon’s original perfect match had been swapped for someone whom Junmyeon wouldn’t dream of having by his side, someone whom he wouldn’t even think of marrying at all, his complete opposite, and that happened to be Zhang Yixing. Of course, that plan failed because Yixing and Junmyeon did end up ‘falling in love’ or at least pretending to be it when they announced their engagement. Then, came in the second strategy. The Byun’s had asked Kim Jongin to make Yixing change his mind and leave Junmyeon for him. For a moment, Jongin and Yixing had become very close friends, and the Byuns believed they had found their ace. But again, their plans were ruined when Jongin gave up on his mission saying that Yixing actually loved Junmyeon. But Jongin did gave them their biggest advantage, he told them that based on his analysis of Yixing’s character these past months, and how chaotic their last meeting had been, he was sure Zhang Yixing was an unreadable.

Junmyeon didn’t even care that he and Yixing weren’t a perfect match, he would have come to love Yixing regardless of what the machine had dictated. Although it was sure the perfect outcome that the Byun’s had randomly picked Yixing. With all that had occurred, maybe it hadn’t been all that perfect, still, Junmyeon felt glad it had been him and not someone else. But what Junmyeon did scoff at was at hearing how Kim Jongin had been involved in all this.

“That fucking brat,” he yelled, “He was a weasel this whole time. I knew it, that man is the lowest of the low.”

“Jongin is not bad. He was only doing it as a favor because of how much my family has helped him and his mother.”

That wouldn’t change Junmyeon’s mind about him. “Then, you’ve known Yixing is an unreadable since last year. Why did you wait until now to threaten me?”

“Dad thought that if Yixing managed to make you fall for him too, then he’ll become your weakness. The more time passed, the more you’ll do anything to protect him, and the perfect chance will present itself. When the break-up happened, they thought that was it for you, but it wasn’t, you got more popular. Suddenly, the perfect chance was here.”

So, Junmyeon had been right about why their enemies attacked him only now. He felt angrier. If he had avoided that Yixing and Jongin got close, then maybe the Byun’s wouldn’t have known he was an unreadable. Then again, they would have kidnapped Yixing anyway and blackmailed Junmyeon. But a part of him thought that maybe it would have been better if he and Yixing hadn’t met at all, Yixing would have been safer and not emotionally hurt by Junmyeon. Another part screamed that he was being stupid.

Junmyeon didn’t understand why Baekhyun was telling him all this. It undoubtedly couldn’t be because they had gone to the same high school and had a strong bond. Baekhyun hung out with Jongin and other people Junmyeon had never been interested in being with. As they grew up, their conversations had always been hello, how are you and goodbye. Could Byun Baekhyun be doing this out of sheer kindness? Junmyeon almost laughed.

“Junmyeon, I apologize for what happened. I didn’t want Jongdae or Yixing to get involved. But I couldn’t avoid it. Jongdae actually tried to provoke Yixing and hoped that Jongin had been wrong, but it was true. He was an unreadable. Then, I asked my father to not turn Yixing in because he had nothing to do with this. It was one of the few things I’ve ever asked him. Dad had said yes. And when Jongdae called me saying Yixing was on his way to our house, I believed my dad had listened to me. But he hadn’t. He lied to me.”

Well, now Junmyeon could understand why Baekhyun had seemed so shocked when Junmyeon almost jumped on the desk to strangle the man. Mr. Byun and his brother continued showing the kind of trash they were. These people were truly hungry for power, and someone had to put a stop to them.

“What do you expect me to do, Baekhyun? Sit back and ignore what you’ve just told me?” Junmyeon huffed. “I won’t. I’m putting an end to all this.”

“You can’t,” Baekhyun said, “Junmyeon, please don’t do anything. My dad and uncle think I’m their puppet. But I’ve learned, over the years I’ve learned a lot of things. And one of them is that I won’t let them continue their reign of terror. Both need serious help, and that’ll be my first order when I win. Slowly but surely, I will make everything right, with the unreadables, ‘imperfect’ matches, and make sure nobody loses their lives in vain again. I promised myself, and Jongdae, that I will be the change this country needs.”

That sounded far too idealistic to Junmyeon, the guy was still a Byun. “How do I know you’re not fooling me? How do I know you’re not stalling me from making the right call?”

“Because you have my word I’ll help you take out, Yixing.” Baekhyun stood up and went to stand in front of Junmyeon. “I’ve worked at Byun Corp. long enough to know the drill over there. We have access anywhere digitally. From my desk, I can control a power plant and shut down all electricity at the rehabilitation facility he’s staying at, even the nearest cell tower. Without electricity…”

“There are no security cameras, locks, internet, or communication working,” Junmyeon said.

“Exactly. It can only give you fifteen to twenty minutes before they realize nothing is wrong with the generators and people at the power plant find out someone altered the machines, but enough time to take him out. You’ll just have to figure out the rest, but tell me when and I’ll make sure you can leave without any digital trace.”

Tao had said his biggest concern was how to dodge the security cameras because it can lead to proof of them being there. If Baekhyun could resolve that part, then he and Tao could come up with an escape plan. This was their golden chance. Junmyeon decided to listen to a Byun one last time.

“Fine, I’ll keep this to myself. But if we fail, Byun Baekhyun, you and your family are going down with us,” Junmyeon said before shaking Baekhyun’s hands and sealing their deal.

“Fair enough. But I won’t fail you, and this will succeed,” Baekhyun said with determination. “Oh, and one more thing, you should take Jongin with you.”

Now, Junmyeon laughed. “Do you really think I want that lying brat near Yixing?”

“I told him what happened to Yixing. He deeply regretted telling my family about it and realized it was a terrible mistake. Truth is, he confessed he had only done it because he had been angry Yixing chose you over him. He was really in love with him and that had hurt. But the point is that Jongin works with unreadables in the Security Department. He knows things that can help you and Huang. I’m sure if I ask him, he won't hesitate to help you two.”

“We’ll see,” Junmyeon said before leaving the conference room along with Baekhyun. The auction was probably over by now because they had been in there for a long time. They separated right before Junmyeon left for the main door and Baekhyun returned to the venue.

“Remember, don’t be like your father. You better keep your part of the deal,” Junmyeon whispered.

“Otherwise, you’ll expose me, I know,” Baekhyun muttered. “And you better remember yours too.”

* * *

The next day, the first thing Junmyeon did was to go see Tao. To his surprise, Yifan had answered the door and Junmyeon was genially glad to see Yifan back at their house. Of course, that meant Yifan scolded him severely for being an idiot, lying to him, hurting Yixing, and again, being an idiot for drugging himself with medicine that did more harm than good. It was a well-deserved you’re an idiot speech. But also, Yifan was understanding regarding what had occurred with his little brother, just like Tao had been, and believed Junmyeon shouldn’t be too harsh on himself either. That part of their conversation made Junmyeon realize that although he would always feel guilty and ashamed, at least he could bear to talk about Jaemin now.

After an hour or so of discussing what Junmyeon and Tao had done, what their country did to keep their secrets hidden, Junmyeon could finally tell them why he had come. He was confident that Tao might agree to it, but he wasn’t sure about Yifan. Based on what he had heard, Yifan didn’t see to mind that they had thought of sneaking Yixing abroad to save him, on the contrary, he agreed that it had been the right choice. Yixing didn’t deserve to be a victim of Junmyeon’s and Tao’s selfishness, had Yifan said. Junmyeon told them what had happened with Byun Baekhyun last night anyway. It was a story that left both of his friends shocked and Tao outraged. In the end, Junmyeon had to ask whether they were on board with the idea or if he was going solo. What he was asking them to do could be dangerous, it could cost Tao and Yifan their peaceful life. So, if they declined, Junmyeon would understand it. And he could, of course, attempt to do it on his own, although that would be more complicated.

Tao raised his index finger before talking again as if he had reached a light bulb moment. “If we coordinate every single detail and we leave no loose ends, then, we might actually have a shot. It’s still risky, but not too risky as without Baekhyun’s help.”

“What about your father?” Yifan asked. “Tao, he could realize you’re onto something. And how do we know this Byun isn’t deceiving you again?”

Junmyeon shook his head. “If he tricks us again, then I will personally make sure everyone knows he’s not the real Taehyuk.”

“ And I can figure out a way around my father’s supervision. I can do it,” Tao said, “Look, what I feared the most was not figuring a way to disconnect the surveillance cameras, that place is filled with them. But with that detail taken care of, then we can scheme the perfect plan. We have all the resources to succeed.”

“And one extra,” Junmyeon added. After consideration with his pillow, he decided to listen to Baekhyun. This was to help Yixing, and he was already cooperating with one of his nemesis, he might as well bring in another one. “Baekhyun said Kim Jongin can help us.”

“Kim Jongin.” Tao gasped. “Of course, he works for the unreadables division at the Security Department! Jongin can enter the rehabilitation facility undercover, and even visit Yixing without raising any suspicions. It’s his job to meet with unreadables with chances of joining us at work. Oh my god, we can actually make this happen!”

Tao and Junmyeon grinned at each other. He had been right about Tao not backing up if he heard the good news. But when he looked at Yifan, Junmyeon couldn’t read the expression on his face.

“Yifan, if you don’t want to get involved in this, I get it,” Junmyeon said, “It’s against the law and if you-”

“Even if I said to both of you that it’s a terrible idea, you wouldn’t listen to me,” Yifan said, looking at them while shaking his head. “It hurt me that you both had lied to me and kept me in the dark for so long.”

Junmyeon hadn’t even thought of that. He had been too concerned with himself that he couldn’t even think how his actions had affected the people around him. Suddenly, he could understand why Yifan had been away for some time. But if Yifan had forgiven Tao, maybe he’ll forgive him too. “Oh, I’m so sorry, Yifan. I should have known I was hurting you.” Junmyeon gulped when Yifan didn’t say anything and only continue shaking his head. Would he become another person that hated him? He surely would deserve that.

Until Yifan’s lips formed a smile. “It’s not okay. What you two did. But I no longer want to carry grudges in me. And at least this time you’re not going behind my back and actually asking me to be part of this. So… I’ll help you. I’ll help you because I don’t think Yixing deserves to pay for both of your stupid mistakes. You have already failed him more than once, we can’t let it happen again.”

Junmyeon smiled. At least it was something. “Well, then,” he said, his voice and face turning serious, “Let’s get into planning Yixing’s escape.”


	26. Chapter 26

**The Escape**

The sound of the electric doors sliding open, made Yixing look up from where he was curled up in the corner of the bed. His assigned therapist, Doctor Kang, greeted him with a smile.

The first day on the rehabilitation facility, Yixing had woken up remembering nothing again. The last thing he recalled was him and Dae eating lunch together. The mansion’s pompous room had been replaced for a smaller one with grey walls, a large window made of unbreakable glass, and a private bathroom. An unknown man had walked in later, introducing himself as Dr. Kang, his therapist. That meant Dae and those bastards that had held him hostage had lied. They must have shot him another amnesia-inducing dart and contacted authorities to say he was an unreadable. If this mess was all because of Junmyeon, then Yixing had even more valid reasons to despise him. If only his heart could catch up with what his brain said. Even in these moments of utter desolation, not only did he miss his family and friends, but also the man that had made his life go downhill.

Regardless of who had sent him here, Yixing hadn’t planned on staying. Dr. Kang was much shorter than him, with a body complexion Yixing could easily knockdown. That same first day, after Dr. Kang had explained to him of his unreadable status and why he wasn’t apt to be in the outside world, Yixing did just that. He took the pen from the man’s pocket, pinned Dr. Kang down on the floor, and threatened him in the eye with it, demanding the doors to open and being released. Nothing had happened, of course, because Yixing realized the ankle bracelet he was wearing sent an electric shock to his leg. It hadn’t been painful, but it caused him to lose mobility and fall on the floor. The doctor warned him that he would activate the paralyzer ankle bracelet each time Yixing attempted to hurt someone or run away. Yixing hadn’t listened and tried to find more ways to escape from his captivity, only to end up unable to move for a few seconds. Until one day they must have put something on his water or food because his need to escape had suddenly vanished. That day he had woken up as if he had been under a spell in which everything that used to make him angry didn’t affect him, in fact, he had felt nothing for hours. Yixing was sure they must have drugged him. When he could feel emotions again, his rage had returned, but so had his fear. Afraid of being subjected to more unknown medication that might harm him, Yixing surrendered to the seclusion.

And so, the time had passed in the rehabilitation facility until Yixing counted it had already been 18 days since his arrival. Yixing wondered if this was how Qian had been isolated too. Each day he woke up in this room. Looking out of the window, it was strange, but on the distance, he saw they were surrounded by nature, snow-covered trees, and hills. On the ground floor outside the building were recreational places things like a basketball court and a gym. Yixing had even seen people walking outside, talking to each other, or their therapists, none of them freaking out because they were locked in against their will. Or maybe they had no idea why this was bad. Yixing had also never been allowed to be surrounded by others and was mostly on his own in his room. On the wall, there was a touch screen that his therapist had said he could use to send requests. The requests could be to leisure activities like painting, reading a book, listening to music or watch a program, even clothes, but only if the System approved, he would get it. Often, Dr. Kang also took him outside to get fresh air and sun, of course when nobody else was out, but a crime prevention enforcer accompanied them at all times. Yixing knew they worked for the Security Department because of the logo in their jackets, Tao had had the same. Even when Dr. Kang went home during the weekends, one of the interns looked after him and brought him outside. One time, as crazy as it sounded, Dr. Kang had taken him fishing on a lake nearby. However, just because these people weren’t treating him less than dirt, it didn’t mean Yixing was having the time of his life. He hated this place. He hated to be locked in. And based on what Tao had told him told, Yixing suspected that the humanity these people were showing him was something Qian had never gotten and that only fueled his hatred. He wouldn’t be thankful to them, he was still furious with these people and didn’t hesitate to show his indifference and disdain.

But contrary to the horrifying books about dark therapy he had read whenever he had visited his parents abroad (because the System censored everything that could make one stressed or ‘unhappy’), this was almost nothing like those descriptions. Sure, they made him wear this ankle bracelet with the ability to paralyze his body momentarily, and they had given him some sort of medicine that numbed his feelings, but so far, they hadn’t physically or emotionally hurt him, not with some twisted ‘therapeutic’ methods such as inducing pain on him or giving him painful electric shocks. This wasn’t the nightmare he had been dreading. In reality, they called him by his name and not a number. He was well fed (although often ate alone in his room). He was allowed to wear the clothes he wanted. And he had a session with his therapist every day except on the weekends. In those sessions, Dr. Kang would ask him questions like: How are you feeling? What is bothering you? Could you tell me about yourself? Talk about your family. Or something along those lines. Yixing refused to open up. He got the feeling that they only wanted to brainwash him with more subtler methods. Instead, he diverted the talk with Dr. Kang to other topics such as how he could work for an organization that had harmed innocent people and didn’t care to sweep the issues under the rug. Often, that would only lead to Dr. Kang replying with more questions like ‘why do you think that was’ or ‘how does that make you feel.’ Having a conversation with that man was impossible.

So, now that Dr. Kang was in front of him, Yixing was readying himself for another one of his daily therapeutic sessions in which they got nowhere.

“Yixing, please put on your shoes and follow me,” Dr. Kang said, motioning him to step out of the room. And that made Yixing raise an eyebrow because they would usually talk in here and not on Dr. Kang’s office, besides, they had already gone out for a walk this morning. Maybe they were finally considering him apt to reintegrate with the other ‘inmates.’ This place wasn’t technically a prison, but Yixing felt that term was fitting.

Yixing and Dr. Kang left the room and headed towards the elevators. The rehabilitation facility had four floors and was divided into different wings. In this wing, the second and third floor was reserved for the unreadables. Yixing knew about this because it was one of the few questions Dr. Kang had answered him. Dr. Kang took them to the ground floor, which was used by the crime prevention enforcers staying here. Of course, those idiots would be right under them just in case someone like Yixing tried to escape. There weren’t many of those crime prevention enforcers, though, maybe around fifteen people, Yixing had counted. He and Dr. Kang separated when the therapist told him to step into an unknown room. Yixing thought he had come to be questioned and this would be an interrogation place or something of the sort. He was surprised when he saw it was a lounge with comfortable looking chairs, good lighting, books, fresh flowers, and anything else that made the lounge welcoming and not creepy. It seemed more like the place people would hang out during their breaks. Then, his eyes noticed a man was standing near the panel windows with his back facing him.

Yixing cleared his throat to mark his presence. When the mysterious man swung around, and they saw each other, he let out a gasp. He couldn’t believe his eyes while he stared at the person in front of him with puzzlement. “Jongin!” he called.

Jongin smiled at him, the first smile in ages Yixing didn’t mind returning. “Hi Yixing.”

Considering how badly things had ended between them, Yixing was out of place for doing this, but he was thrilled to see a familiar face that he mindlessly walked forward and hugged an old friend. He had always felt sorry that Jongin’s feelings for him had come in the way of their friendship. Yixing had truly valued him as a friend. If only he hadn’t fallen for the wrong person… Then maybe he wouldn’t even be in this situation.

When he and Jongin ended their hug, Yixing said, “Oh, god, you don’t know how happy I am to see you. But what in the world are you doing here?” Yixing remembered him working at the Security Department, but he had never expected him to come.

“I’m here to see you, Yixing. We have a lot to talk about.”

But Jongin didn’t ask him to take a seat. Instead, he opened the glass doors that led to the patio outside. These ‘officers’ surely had luxuries while ‘preventing’ crimes. Yixing hadn’t brought his jacket, but Jongin lent him his. Jongin led the way while they headed to the yard and conversed. First, they talked about everything Yixing remembered and what had happened to him. Then, it was Jongin’s turn to explain himself.

Apparently, Jongin worked with unreadables at the Security Department. He was in charge of training and mentoring them to go out on duty with crime prevention enforces. When a crime prevention enforcer would go on a hunt to eradicate a criminal or hunt an unknown unreadable, they would take an unreadable with them. To prevent that a crime prevention enforcer’s own crime coefficient rose, they would seldom shoot fire to kill a criminal, and would mostly handle those guns that shot darts with amnesia-inducive sedatives. The rule had been established once the unreadables were found out to be useful, given that killing a human being could add up stress to someone, even an enforcer. So, unreadables were the ones who did the dirty job, and that was the main reason the division Jongin worked at was training them. Of all the current and known 42 unreadables, 23 were on duty. But because preventing crime tended to be useful thanks to the Emotion Watches, most of the time people at the Security Department were hunting after potential criminals, the ones that ended up in rehabilitation facilities, not people that had already committed the crimes. Still, chasing criminals happened every so often. For example, last year, during a mission involving a stabbing murderer on the run, Jongin had gotten injured while protecting the unreadable he was currently training. The unreadable had missed the shot, and the criminal had taken the chance to harm them, but Jongin got in the way. Fortunately, Jongin and the unreadable had both made it alive when back-up arrived, and the injury could be treated. The heroic action had made Jongin gain points with his higher-ups. At the beginning of the year, the head of the unreadables’ division had retired, and Jongin was assigned to become the new boss, the youngest one ever. Now that Jongin had full autonomy over his decisions and his choices at the division, usually without having to report to someone, he could come to see Yixing today without needing a valid reason.

Hearing about Jongin’s job, Yixing had mixed feelings. Sure, the unreadables had limited freedom, better than this hellhole, but the Security Department was using them as human shields. At least Jongin seemed to care about them and took care of his proteges. And Yixing knew he was just doing his job and what he had been assigned for. Yixing couldn’t hate Jongin for that, the ones deserving of that feeling were the people that had created this whole mess.

“So, you knew I was an unreadable this whole time,” Yixing said. If Jongin was so good at what he did, he must have known.

Jongin nodded. “Yes.”

“But you didn’t turn me in?”

“I… Couldn’t.”

Yixing smiled. “Thank you, Jongin. You’re one of the few kindest people I’ve met.”

Jongin looked away, staring at the rehabilitation facility on the distance. Their walk had taken them near a garden that had a frozen water fountain, which reminded Yixing of the night they had met. Yixing hadn’t walked this far from the building before, they wouldn’t let him go more than a few meters away. From this view, he could see that the fence surrounding the place was actually made of tall hedges that were currently covered in snow. Weren’t they afraid people could easily escape through it? Then again, nobody had attempted to do so when he had observed from the window in his room. The idea of him doing just that crossed his mind, but he wouldn’t want to put Jongin in an awkward position.

“Do you have any idea who did it? Kidnapped me and turned me in?”

“No,” Jongin said. His gaze fell back on Yixing. “You had been reported missing for days, people were looking for you. But then, a crime prevention enforcer found you trying to rob a man in a small town on the streets. He shot you a sedative and reported your unreadable status to the Security Department because your watch hadn’t changed colors during the attempted assault.”

“That’s a lie,” Yixing scoffed, “I didn’t do anything, I was locked in with that Dae and those guards!” He might not remember how he ended here, but Yixing was confident he hadn’t tried to harm someone. “I’m sure they’re the ones behind it.”

“Yes, I feel that too. But that was the official report. You saying someone held you captive isn’t believable, it would be your words against an enforcer who ‘saw’ you attempting a crime. Unfortunately, detective work isn’t part of my division so I cannot order a further investigation.”

Of course, Jongin couldn’t. Of course, his kidnappers would have made false reports to lock him in. “Then what? Am I going to stay here forever? Grow old and die?”

“As of now, they’re still evaluating you. The process usually lasts a couple of months because they want to see whether you’ll be a good asset to the Security Department if you have the right mind and attitude to deal with the job. If your therapist clears you, then you’ll be asked if you want to help us out in exchange for limited freedom.”

“And if I refuse?”

In case of denial, Yixing would stay locked in forever, Jongin explained. This rehabilitation facility specialized in helping potential criminals recover, but there were also unreadables who hadn’t been willing to help at the Security Department and the ones that have gone ballistic to the point they had to continually be medicated with emotion suppressants.

“Emotion suppressants?” Yixing asked.

“Pills that numb your emotions. They make you feel nothing. In a way, you’re less susceptible to act upon hurting yourself or others. And if you show resistance, then it makes you docile. Although, of course, it can backfire, that’s why you have a paralyzer on your ankle.”

Well, that explained why Yixing hadn’t felt anything at that time. This place would surely do everything to keep him here. He let out a frustrated groan while he stared at the black ankle bracelet.

“I recommend you not to get violent or defiant. I saw they already administrated you one dose. Yixing, don’t let them drug you continuously or you’ll lose the ability to feel. People say it’s forever, but I once managed to help someone get their emotions back after years, it’s doable. But it’s better if you don’t lose them in the first place.”

Wouldn’t it be better if he felt absolutely nothing? He would spend the rest of his life locked in here because there was no way in hell Yixing would help those rats at the Security Department. He would rather rot himself in here than participating in their dirty business.

Jongin looked around the garden as if making sure nobody was spying on them, but it was lunchtime so nobody would be out right now. “I came here to tell you I’m gonna help you, Yixing. I, no, we will take you out. But for that, you’ll need to have all your emotions in place,” he whispered.

Yixing’s eyes widened while he heard Jongin explain the real reason for his visit. After learning of what had happened to Yixing, Jongin knew he couldn’t let him stay locked in. Even if it meant going against his work, his bosses, the government, Jongin believed Yixing deserved to be free and be with his family. Jongin wasn’t alone on this, though, because when Huang Zitao, yes that same lying Tao, had learned of his plans, he wanted to help Jongin, not only him, Yifan too. Their rescuing team also had another person involved, but for their safety, they wanted to remain anonymous. Yixing didn’t know why he felt somewhat disappointed when he asked if that unknown person was Junmyeon and Jongin said no. Why had he been expecting Junmyeon would even care for him? Of course, Junmyeon wouldn’t. Besides, Yixing hadn’t forgiven him yet. At least Tao’s guilt was contributing to something good.

For days, Jongin and the others had planned the perfect escape route. Jongin thoroughly explained every detail of the operation to him. For the plan to go smoothly, Yixing’s most important task would be to get ‘sick’ and end up in the hospital wing, which was located on the east side of the building, the opposite end where unreadables and crime prevention enforcers stayed at.

When everything was said, Jongin took out something from his pocket. “This,” he said, holding up a pink pill, “Is a detoxifying pill. Unlike the ones that are usually available for public consumption, Wu Yifan said these ones have a strong active substance. They are specialized to help in the treatment of overdoses, but relevant for us is that they can cause side effects like headaches, fevers, or nausea. It’s nothing life-threatening, but it will make you fall ‘sick.’”

“Jongin, are you sure this will work?” Yixing asked, his voice wavering at the end. He was glad that he would get the chance to get out of here, but what if something went wrong? Not only would he continue in isolation, but all of them would end up in trouble. As much as he was angry with Tao, he didn’t want him or Yifan to be punished, neither Jongin. Yixing didn’t want anyone else to be hurt either. “What about the people in the hospital? Won’t cutting the electricity affect them?”

“We’ve checked, and no important procedure will take place, unless someone falls in very sick, which I doubt. And it’ll only be around twenty minutes, but none of the patients need a machine to survive, most of them are suffering influenzas and colds. We’ve spent days coming up with the perfect plan, Yixing, to the point it’s almost failproof. Believe me, we will succeed.” Jongin looked at him straight in the eye. “So, are you in?”

Yixing was still unsure, but this was a chance for freedom, and if he rejected it, then he’ll spend the rest of his life wondering what could have been. Therefore, Yixing nodded and took the pill Jongin was handing him before hiding it inside his shoe.

While reviewing some details of the escape Yixing wanted to understand better, they made their way back to the facility. Before stepping inside the crime prevention enforcers’ resting lounge, Jongin whispered, “Remember, Saturday.”

Yixing nodded. In five days, he might get the hell out of here.

* * *

It felt as if his heart would jump out any minute now and walk away on its own, leaving him there alone and anxious. On the outside, Yixing was resting on a hospital bed, reading a book, one of the few books the System had allowed him to read. The nurse had said he should be resting, but after hearing Yixing’s endless nagging, she gave in, thankfully. The book had a purpose in the plan, but he had thought he could also use it as a distraction from his inner worries. At this point, it was mostly decor to his scene for the cameras. The nervousness wouldn’t leave him, and he tried his best to avoid looking at the clock every time.

After dinner had ended, Yixing had gone to the bathroom. That was the only place in the room that had no cameras so he could take the pill secretly without leaving any proof. At that moment he was also hesitating and doubting how smart this escape plan would be. In the end, Yixing put aside the pessimistic thoughts and chose to swallow the pill because staying there forever would only drive him to insanity. For around an hour he had laid on his bed reading the same book when the side effects finally struck. Yixing had begun feeling sick, feverish, and nauseating, all at the same time. He had waited a while before pressing the button on the monitor asking for help. When the nurse came for his rescue, she found him crouched near the toilet seat vomiting, sweating and shaking, which contributed to the veracity of his ‘illness.’ She took him to the hospital wing immediately. One of the doctors examined him, and after a thorough check-up, the doctor believed Yixing had food poisoning. To be entirely sure of the diagnosis, the doctor ordered a blood test. But the lab technician had to leave due to a personal emergency, and the replacement from the city hadn’t arrived yet. In the meantime, Yixing was going to stay the night in the hospital and be put on an IV for fluids replacement.

The hours passed, and Yixing had gotten relatively better, just like Jongin had said he would, but perhaps the fluids were also helping his fast recovery. He’ll have enough strength to go down the stairs to the ground floor.

Minutes before midnight, the door opened, and Huang Zitao stepped inside the room.

Tao had arrived on Thursday, two days after Jongin’s visit. Yixing had seen Tao that same day because he was the crime prevention enforcer that followed him and Dr. Kang during their early morning walks. Because Yixing was an unreadable, he must have at least a couple of crime prevention enforcers guarding the hospital floor he was staying at. Today, Tao had taken the late-night shift and was one of them, that was why he was here. He needed to be here because the stunt they were about to pull would help to divert attention from Tao supposedly helping Yixing escape.

Since Tao and Yixing had been friends before, Tao coming to check on him wasn’t anything out of the ordinary. They had actually talked privately before, whenever they had gotten the chance. Of course, their communication was all part of the plan, not because they had suddenly become best friends again. There was this lingering awkwardness between them, mostly because Yixing was still somewhat mad at him. But now that Tao was here and would actually help him get out, perhaps the anger would dissipate completely. Tao was basically risking his whole life to take him out.

“Hey, Xing,” Tao said. He grabbed one of the chairs next to the wall and pulled it beside Yixing’s bed.

“Tao.”

“How are you feeling?” Tao asked, his voice filled with concern.

They needed to hold this chit-chat for a while had Jongin instructed. Believing nobody was watching them, they talked like the old friends they had once been, about how Yixing was feeling and what was going on in the outside world. Their conversations were being recorded, so they had to talk like that. As it was supposed to go, Yixing acted as if he was glad to have a friend here, keeping him company and supporting him.

Until Tao’s signal came and Yixing glanced at the clock which made his heart race a mile again. He grabbed his book again. Tao leaned into Yixing’s bed as if trying to comfort him. From this angle, the gun that was resting inside Tao’s uniform jacket became visible. In a swift movement, Yixing hit Tao on the head with the book while his other hand pulled out the gun and threatened Tao with it.

“Sorry,” Yixing said. No less than a few seconds later, everything went dark. That was the next signal. Yixing had around twenty minutes to get out of here.

“Okay, the electricity has been cut off. We gotta act now,” Tao said. Yixing heard him standing up from the chair. Tao lightened the room using the flashlight on his phone. “I’ll be right back,” Tao said before bolting out. Thankfully, none of the doors in the hospital rooms were electric, and they could open them without problems.

The second part of the plan involved Tao putting into a sleep all the crime prevention enforcers guarding the hospital corridors. Every patient from the second floor had been transferred to the third one, given that Yixing was still an unreadable without clearance, he could be dangerous to others. While on the first floor it was mostly used for the medical staff, but since it was the night and not all of them were on call, Tao wouldn’t have to take down a lot of people. Sadly, everyone that could become a potential witness had to be sedated and lose their memories, the team couldn’t risk anyone seeing them here. With the security cameras being out of function, at least there wouldn’t be any records of Tao’s actions.

Jongin had reassured Yixing that Tao was one of the best and quickest enforcers, with extraordinary precision, the task wouldn’t be hard for him. But with each passing second Yixing heard the clock tick, he couldn’t help feeling anxious. What if Tao didn’t make it back on time and they were found out? What if the lights returned sooner than expected? What if people would wake up earlier and came to see what was going on? Everything could be ruined easily.

Trying to distract himself from negative thoughts, Yixing revised the subsequent part of the plan. He was staying in room 205. He had to swing to the right and run until the end of the hallway where there would be a door leading to the stairs. Then, Yixing would go down to the ground floor walk to the left, then swing to the right and go straight ahead until he reached an exit, where Yifan would be waiting for him.

Yixing’s whole body jumped when the door flew open. His heart was in his mouth momentarily but thank heavens that the flashlight revealed it was Tao who had walked inside. Tao hurried to search in the cabinets after something, then he went to sit next to Yixing’s bed again and asked him to hold up the phone’s flashlight.

“Yifan said this will hurt like hell,” Tao said. He was preparing to disconnect the IV needle from Yixing’s hand. “Ready?”

“Yes,” Yixing said. He grunted in pain the moment Tao in a swift motion removed the needle from his vein. But he couldn’t wince in ache for too long. As soon as Tao had taped a gauze to his hand, he put a pocket clock around Yixing’s neck. Tao handed him his gun along with a small artifact that had an antenna sticking out. The pocket clock, Jongin had said, contained a spy camera that would help them see Tao in action and Yixing’s position. While the artifact with the antenna must be one of the two-way radios the team was using to communicate because even cell phone services would be deactivated.

“All the halls have been cleared. Yixing, run as fast as you can to the exit, you have around ten minutes. And now, shoot me in the arm.”

Yixing gulped. He would have wanted to say more to Tao, however, given the circumstances and time constraints all he could voice out was, “Thank you, Tao.”

Tao smiled at him before nodding. Obviously, Tao won’t remember any of this tomorrow, but Yixing would make sure to tell Yifan how thankful he was that they had done this for him. Without further ado, Yixing’s trembling hand shot fire, thankfully in the right place. Seconds after the dart had landed on Tao’s left arm, he fell to the floor in a deep sleep. Yixing got up from the hospital bed, he didn’t have any shoes, so he left the room barefoot. It was a good thing he had convinced the nurse to let him use his sweatpants and could put the gun in his pocket. In his right hand, he lighted the way with Tao’s phone, while his left hand held the two-way radio. Obviously, he had to take the phone with him if he wanted to make it seem as if he had betrayed Tao, but the phone also helped him keep track of time. He ran through the halls trying to ignore the fact some people were lying unconsciously on the floor. Nobody was dead, but the eeriness of the situation was unavoidable, especially with how his feet pounded against the floor and his rapid breathing were the only audible sounds. The shaking light source guiding his way also contributed to the feeling.

“Yixing, are you there?” Yifan’s voice spoke through the radio device.

He pressed down the green button and spoke, “Yes, I just left the stairs.”

Down on the first floor, Jongin said he had to go left before turning right. If he were in the correct place, he’d see some signs pointing to the exit. Yixing held the phone to look above him, and yes, he saw a red sign with an arrow, and next to it was written ‘exit.’ Yixing had come to the correct hallway, he kept running as if his life depended on it. This was it. There were only a few meters left separating him from freedom. The exit sign above two doors could be seen. Until a needle pierced its way through the flesh of his upper shoulder. Damn it, he cursed inward. Someone had shot him an amnesia-inducing dart again. His eyes shut down just as he fell to the floor.

* * *

Junmyeon felt happy which was odd considering he was stuck in a car trunk, but he felt that way because he was holding a small tablet where he could see Yixing talking to Tao. If only he could hear his voice. Still, it had been such a long time since he had seen Yixing. His lips had automatically formed a smile while his heart fluttered. But Junmyeon also felt guilty and worried because Yixing was in this situation because of him. Even so, Junmyeon wasn’t going to dwell too much on those feelings, he needed to have a clear mind for the moment he’ll go into action.

It had taken them a few days to meet in secret to plan the perfect escape, or they hoped it’d be perfect. Tao had found a way to divert his father’s attention from him. He had decided to become a substitute crime prevention enforcer at rehabilitation facilities. Usually, being on duty in those places meant he was there to guard and do nothing more, which was why many enforcers didn’t like the idea. So, his volunteering to help in that division was highly welcomed by the people in charge. Tao’s father hadn’t been pleased with the idea at first, but after finding out that it was Tao who had faked the results of Yixing’s obligatory medical check-up by the Migration Office, the man had first destroyed the incriminating evidence and then accepted it was better for Tao to leave the headquarters and lay low for a while. And so, it was possible for Tao to fill in for crime prevention enforcers during the weekends or wherever a rehabilitation facility needed him. Coincidentally on his second shift, Tao had been relocated to the same place as Yixing. Jongin had thought that it would be much better if Tao were the one in charge of this part, not only because of how fast and skilled he was at shooting, but because it would give Tao a solid alibi. If Yixing shot him to sleep, people wouldn’t suspect he was involved with the escape.

Meanwhile, Yifan had obtained the medication that would make Yixing fall sick. Junmyeon had been worried about this part, but at least from what he saw on the screen, Yixing didn’t look that ill. Yifan’s part of the escape was to drive inside the rehabilitation facility while smuggling Junmyeon. The real lab technician had been called to the city because of a fake medical emergency, also done by Yifan. Then, when it was close to midnight, Yifan would arrive and pretend to be the replacement lab technician. Baekhyun’s hacker skills contributed a lot to the team, and with his help, they could change the information on Yifan’s medical ID and pass him as a lab technician under a different name. So, the moment Yifan would put the medical ID against the identity sensor, the gates would open without problems. Yifan wouldn’t need to go inside the hospital, though, because they had timed everything perfectly so when Yifan arrived at the parking lot the lights would go off. Junmyeon would know that the operation was a success if Yifan opened the car trunk.

Fortunately, the moment the car stopped, and everything went black on the tablet’s screen, it didn’t take a few seconds until Yifan let him out.

Junmyeon’s part of the plan was just as also crucial. Hidden in the trunk of Yifan’s car, he could go inside without being seen, just in case they encountered someone outside that could risk their plans. The day before, Jongin had given him equipment from the Security Department: a safety suit, Jongin’s own gun, a helmet that had a flashlight, and would prevent from him shedding any single strand of hairs, along with goggles that had night and thermal vision. Junmyeon had practice archery during his childhood. His skills were nowhere near as good as Tao’s, but he was a far better shooter than Yifan, which was one of the reasons he was in charge of this part. Junmyeon and Tao had also practiced shooting, days before the escape. So, he at least was confident about how to use the gun.

“Good luck,” Yifan said after releasing him from the trunk.

Junmyeon nodded before making his way inside the hospital. While Tao took care of chasing the crime prevention enforcers, Junmyeon would help him with the medical staff downstairs. Unlike Tao who for obvious reasons couldn’t have this modern equipment, Junmyeon had an advantage. The night and thermal vision allowed him to see in which rooms the staff was. There were around ten people spread on the areas Yixing would be passing by. Surreptitiously, one by one Junmyeon managed to put them to sleep. Every time he had to quickly get a closer look at the individuals and see if he had taken down the paramedics. In the coffee room, he hit the jackpot and made sure to grab their keys.

“I’ve cleared the area,” Junmyeon said. The thermal goggles revealed nobody was standing nearby, everyone was lying on the floor.

“Good job, I’m after the last one,” Tao said back through the two-way radio.

Junmyeon ran back to the exit where he immediately searched after the correct ambulance. Once he found it, he took the duffel bag Yifan’s was handing him and jumped into the driver’s seat to start the motor. The third part of the plan involved driving far away from here as fast as they could. Because the gates would be locked and couldn’t open without electricity, he would have to drive the ambulance through the fence. It was a good thing that to prevent the rehabilitation facilities from having a ‘menacing’ look, Jongin and Tao had said the fences were made of tall hedges. That meant he could easily destroy them and make an opening for Yifan and Yixing to drive trough. Then, he’ll drive the ambulance until it was time to destroy it while Yifan would drive Yixing to the meeting spot with Jongin.

Everything seemed to be going perfectly when Junmyeon heard Yixing’s voice confirming to Yifan that he was on his way. Nervously, he held the steering wheels while looking at his ambulance mirror and hopefully catching the moment Yixing ran to meet with Yifan. But that wasn’t coming, and Junmyeon was starting to freaking out.

“Yixing? Yixing?” Yifan called through the two-way radio.

“What’s going on?” Jongin asked immediately.

“I think Yixing was caught,” Yifan answered, “The camera suddenly went dark, but I’m pretty sure he fell on the floor.”

Junmyeon let out a curse to himself. One of the other crime prevention enforcers must have woken up and made it from the west wing far earlier than any of them had expected. While he could hear the others arguing and trying to come up with a solution, Junmyeon bolted out of the ambulance and ran back to the hospital’s doors, ignoring Yifan shouting his name. He had around five minutes left.

Standing in front of the doors, the thermal vision showed that somebody was dragging a body across the floor. They were some meters away from him, luckily, he could adjust the shooting range and velocity of the gun, so it would reach the person without problems. He would only get one chance to fix this, or the enforcer would take him down instead. Junmyeon gulped. Then, he held up his gun, kicked the doors open, aimed at the person who turned their heads to see him and shot. No less than a few seconds later, the person fell to the floor.

Junmyeon took off the googles and activated the flashlight on his helmet, all the while he ran to meet the two bodies lying in front of him. Luckily, he had aimed right and shot the crime prevention enforcer on the leg. As expected, Yixing was also passed out. On the two-way radio, the others were wondering what the hell he was doing. He couldn’t lose any seconds, though, and ignored their calls while he quickly pushed aside the crime prevention enforcer from Yixing. Junmyeon took back Tao’s phone, the two-way radio, and the gun that the crime prevention enforcer had taken from Yixing, he put everything on his own pockets. He sure hoped that the weapon the crime prevention enforcer was holding didn’t belong to Tao. At last, he held Yixing in his arms, bridal style, before running back outside. They had only three minutes left now, Baekhyun said.

“Thank god, you made it,” Yifan asked when he saw him coming out.

He nodded while he and Yifan ran to the car. Yifan opened the door for him, and Junmyeon put Yixing on the passenger seat. He took a special knife from one of his many pockets and made sure to carefully cut open the ankle bracelet. He succeeded and didn’t cut Yixing on the ankle.

“I’ll take the ambulance, you drive him back,” Yifan said when Junmyeon was done.

Junmyeon didn’t have time to protest. The clock was ticking, and they had to act quickly. So, he nodded and gave Yifan the bracelet, Tao’s phone and gun. They both hurried to get inside the vehicles. As soon as Yifan took off, he followed him. Junmyeon was shaking, terribly shaking, while he drove off, and it wasn’t because of how fast they were going. Even after he saw Yifan driving through the fence, making a big hole that allowed him to pass and they were driving further and further away from the rehabilitation facility, none of his nervousness went away.

“Lights are back at the facility,” Baekhyun reported not even minutes later.

“Updates on your positions,” Jongin asked.

“There was a last-minute change,” Yifan said. “I’m driving the ambulance now. Nobody has been on sight so far. In four kilometers we’re approaching the separation point.”

“Junmyeon?”

Doing his best to drive with one hand, Junmyeon took out the two-way radio from his pocket. “Yes, I’m here. I have Yixing with me.”

“Good. Be sure to tell us any updates.”

With that said, another problematic task had begun. It was vital that they went fast and didn’t let themselves get caught or seen by anyone. Yixing’s well-being and happiness were in his heart, and that motivated Junmyeon to do his best.

When the separation point came, Yifan continued driving south while Junmyeon headed east. Since Jongin was an enthusiast of flying, his family had indulged on the hobby growing up. Thus, Jongin’s family had their own private heliport near the eastern coast to their disposal. Using one of their helicopters would be less suspicious than Junmyeon suggesting he could provide a brand new one. That action would have linked Junmyeon to the escape, while Jongin flying a helicopter was something he frequently did whenever time permitted his absence from work. So, that was where Junmyeon and Yixing were going.

Yifan and Junmyeon continued driving while reporting on the situation. Half an hour after leaving the facility’s grounds, Jongin said that the alarm about Yixing missing went off. That would give them at least two hours before back-up from the headquarters at the Security Department arrived. And even if crime prevention enforcers from the nearest cities would be called to monitor the possible escape routes, they wouldn’t arrive on time either. So far neither Yifan nor Junmyeon had been followed by anyone. Baekhyun had messaged that he had successfully replaced the footage of Yifan’s car arriving at the rehabilitation facility, along with deleting on the register that the gates had been opened by him. He had also erased the false information on Yifan’s medical ID and turned it back to normal. They couldn’t leave behind any trace of Yifan being there tonight.

When they had been driving for around one hour, according to the GPS Junmyeon was about forty minutes away from arriving at the meeting spot with Jongin. Just then Yifan communicated that he would begin the disposal of the ambulance now. This part of the plan involved abandoning the ambulance in the middle of the road, leave the motor on, make it catch fire, and put some weight on the pedal to hit the gas until the vehicle would randomly crash on the trees. The spot hadn’t been randomly chosen. Only a few meters away in the woods was a hiking trail, a popular route even in the winters due to the beautiful scenery. It was a route that started at the nearest town and went back to it. So, the path was kept clean even in the winter. However, from the location of the ambulance crash, it was seven kilometers away from town, which meant that Junmyeon would have supposed to walk that far, but it was Yifan's task now, and he’ll have to do it fast. The hiking trail was the perfect way to divert any suspicion because there would be other footprints on the snow. That was what they had researched, though, there weren’t any guarantees that today someone had been there. But when Yifan communicated the operation was successful and that it seemed people had been there earlier today, they all felt relieved. Junmyeon had a hunch of why Yifan chose to trade places, and he’ll make sure to thank him for it later.

He couldn’t tell if it were because they had thought of every single detail, because of their resources or because of some deity that had been on their sides, but he was damn happy when he arrived later at the heliport without being chased or caught. Junmyeon also thought his Emotion Watch would give him away, but despite the worry, it had remained mostly white. He was back at controlling his emotions. His heart no longer felt as heavy as before, but of course, he was still nervous about the final part. But Baekhyun had said he’ll do his best to keep the location of the helicopter hidden from any radars.

Junmyeon stopped the car near the helipad, where Jongin was standing and reporting to the others probably that Junmyeon had made it on time.

After unbuckling his seat, he glanced at the sleeping man on the passenger seat. A rueful smile settled on his lips. Time was a luxury at this point so Junmyeon couldn’t say goodbye for too long. He hadn’t even expected he’ll be able to say anything to Yixing at all tonight. But now that the opportunity was here, he caressed Yixing’s hair, pushing it away. “I’m sorry. Please be happy now,” he said before quickly planting a kiss on Yixing’s forehead.

He took Yixing out of the car and carried him towards the helipad. When Yixing was seated on the helicopter, Jongin made sure of covering him with a blanket before buckling him.

“Are you still sure about it?” Jongin said after closing the door to Yixing’s seat.

The ‘it’ Jongin meant was Junmyeon’s only condition for Jongin to join the team: Jongin couldn’t tell Yixing that Junmyeon had been involved in the plan. If Jongin managed to keep the secret, then he was in. When asked why Junmyeon didn’t answer but asked Jongin again if he accepted the condition, which Jongin did. The reason was of course that Junmyeon didn’t want Yixing to feel he owed him something, he didn’t want to burden Yixing and somehow make it seem as if Yixing was forced to forgive him because of everything Junmyeon had done. Yixing was better off not knowing his involvement. Junmyeon only wanted Yixing to be happy from now on.

“Positive.”

“As you wish,” Jongin said.

With nothing left to do or say, Jongin jumped into the other seat while Junmyeon went down from the helipad. The loud sound of the blades was irritating his eardrums, but he still stayed close and watched as the helicopter took off and was soon high up in the sky, the noise vanishing into nothing. It would take them around ninety minutes to arrive at the western coast of a country with no System, no unreadables, no secrets, and no Yixing locked in. After that Yixing would live under a new identity and he could rebuild his life accompanied by his parents. Junmyeon smiled one last time and brushed away the droplets that had rolled down his cheeks.

After taking out the items needed to make the ambulance catch flames, Yifan had put back the duffel bag on the back seat, thankfully. Yifan had probably done it when Junmyeon had gone back for Yixing. Junmyeon had also needed to pack some civilians clothes because he’d need to blend in when he arrived at that town. The plan might have changed, but he couldn’t arrive back home in what he was wearing. He drove the car towards one of the hangars where Jongin had said he had to leave every piece of equipment they had used tonight. After changing into his own clothes and putting everything inside the car, he walked towards the parking lot. Jongin had left there another vehicle that would be used for the drive back home. 

It felt as if a part of his heart has left tonight too. Junmyeon let out a sigh while he stared at the starry sky. There was a long road ahead of him.


	27. Chapter 27

**Free**

His eyelids fluttered while trying to fight against the drowsiness, he wouldn’t fall into another deep state of unconsciousness. And so, for the third time in his life, Yixing woke up in an unknown place. His gaze jumped from one spot to another. The ceiling, the long curtains, the television hanging on the wall, the lamp, the bed, everything was unfamiliar to him. An eerie feeling was pooling within him. Yixing hurried to grasp memories from the previous day. The last thing he knew, he had been anxiously waiting for the night to come. He stared at his hands, there wasn’t an Emotion Watch attached to his wrist, then he freed his legs from the covers and saw his ankles, no bracelet was surrounding them either. He smiled, a broad smile that made him erupt in laughter while he looked around the, now he realized, hotel room.

The plan had worked; he was free. But how? Yixing didn’t remember it, he didn’t recall putting on the clothes he was wearing now or how he got the gauze on his hand neither why it hurt underneath. Someone must have shot him a dart injection again, and it sure felt like that due to the stinging sensation on his shoulder.

But rather than dwelling on more questions, Yixing stood up and hurried to open the curtains. He couldn’t help smiling, a feeling of relief and joy now replacing everything else. This view wasn’t like the one back at his old home, at some mansion or a rehabilitation facility. Although snow covered the ground too, there was coastline, a clouded sky that blended with the ocean on the horizon. Gathered near the water underneath him was a flock of swans. Yixing opened the windows, and a cold breeze greeted his face. Shutting his eyes closed, he inhaled the fresh morning air and took in the sound of the water waves and the swans squawking.

Freedom. This was his freedom.

Three knocks on the door took Yixing back from his trance, making his heart jump. Even though his mind reasoned it had to be Jongin, Yixing searched after something he could use as a weapon in the room. All he could find was the lamp on the nightstand, and he grabbed it before approaching the door.

“Who is it?” he asked.

“It’s Jongin.”

And Yixing let out a sigh of relief because he had recognized that voice. He opened the door and stepped aside to let Jongin in. Jongin walked in holding a folder. Yixing put the lamp back on its place so he could envelop his friend in a hug.

“Thank you. Thank you so much, Jongin,” he said.

Jongin lightly gave him a pat on the back. “It’s thanks to everyone.”

Right. Tao, Yifan, and some mysterious person had also contributed to him being free from that place. He owed them this new chance. “Then, please extend my gratitude to everyone else.”

“Of course.”

After letting go of each other, Yixing went to sit on the bed while Jongin moved one of the armchairs near the coffee table to sit in front of him.

“I got shot again, didn’t I?” he asked, “That’s why I can’t remember last night.”

“Yes, you did. But we managed to save you anyway.”

Jongin began explaining the whole operation from the moment Yixing had ended in the hospital wing until Jongin had flown them over here. Except for Yixing being knocked down by some unexpected crime prevention enforcer, everything had gone accordingly to the plan. For a moment Yixing had felt guilty for doubting them because the team had indeed done their research and succeeded. Otherwise, he would have rotted in that rehabilitation facility until the end of his days. Perhaps entering Junmyeon’s world had turned into a bed of nails, but at least he got to meet some kindhearted people too, yes, including the ones like Tao. The lies and deceit still hurt, but perhaps Tao had tried to make it up to him. He couldn’t ask if Tao thought he hoped to be forgiven but based on their last conversation before Yixing had been kidnapped, maybe Tao hadn’t hoped for anything in return. Either way, at least Tao had cared unlike… Certain people.

“Thank you. I won’t ever forget how much you all risked to help me.”

Jongin gave him a comforting smile. “We only did the right thing, Yixing. But I’m afraid not everyone sees it that way. And you’ll have to make some adjustments from now on.”

Being a fugitive of the law, Yixing had expected significant changes in his life. Apparently, back at their crazy country, the investigation of his escape was in full swing. Places were thoroughly searched after evidence, main suspects were called, theories were made, in the hours that had passed everything had been done without any luck. Jongin didn’t know how the whole case would end, but due to the destruction of the ambulance and that nothing was left recognizable, they hoped Yixing would be declared ‘dead.’ That was the safest option because the Security Department won’t issue a warning to neighboring countries. Nobody would be after Yixing, and he could settle somewhere without hiding. However, if the Security Department did start an international search, Yixing was currently in China, the land of his ancestors, and where his parents had run off to. The country had a population of over one billion inhabitants. It would take them ages to find him, especially if Yixing managed to hide in the most remote areas. On the other hand, that would mean Yixing would be wanted by the police, because yes, those types of law enforcers still existed here. Jongin and the others promised to relocate Yixing and his family somewhere else if he ended on a wanted list.

Jongin handed Yixing the folder he had been holding. It contained some documents that said Yixing was born here, where he went to school, and whatnot that could serve to provide his backstory. There was also a passport, an ID, and a debit card. Yixing looked at the passport and the ID that said he was a citizen of China, his new name being Zhang Jiashuai with the same date of birth. Although Yixing had always liked his own name, he could live with the new one, maybe after a couple of years, he could change it back. He also thanked his mother for encouraging him and Qian to learn the language while growing up. Back then he had thought of it as unnecessary and tedious, but now it would practically help him blend in easily.

“But are you sure it’s safe to keep my real surname and age?”

“You’re not the only Zhang living here,” Jongin said, “We think that gives you an advantage. They would never suspect you would keep your real surname or age.”

Hopefully, that was true. “So, what happens now?”

Under the pretext that Jongin would go on ‘vacation’ after having worked nonstop since his mother had recovered last year, it hadn’t been strange or suspicious that Jongin had flown over here last night. That was his alibi. Supposedly, Jongin would be staying here for two weeks. But this morning his superior had called to interrupt his ‘vacation’ because they needed him back at the Security Department. The helicopter couldn’t fly the distance back to the city, it was quicker to jump in the next flight home, one that would part in around two hours. Everything was going just as Jongin had expected.

Yixing, on the other hand, would have to stay here until the investigation closed. He would pretend to be another guest at the hotel, enjoying a winter holiday. Contacting someone back at home was forbidden, even talking to his family here. The Security Department would be monitoring the communication of everyone that once knew Yixing, in the hope to get some clues of where he was. Yixing’s parents had been exiled because they didn’t follow the standard protocol of moving abroad, but since that wasn’t qualified as a crime and neither of their Emotion Watches had turned orange, they could establish a regular life here. That also meant the Security Department could request the authorities here to look up Yixing’s parents and ask questions. Therefore, for his own safety, Yixing shouldn’t contact anyone until the investigation ended. His earlier disappearance and now authorities questioning his friends and family would only worry them furthermore. But he wouldn’t throw away everything Jongin and the others had risked to take him out, reluctantly he would have to agree.

“We will use this to keep in touch,” Jongin said and handed him a card with a cell phone number. “It’s a special line that can’t be traced by the Security Department. It’s ‘hidden.’ If anything happens, call me immediately.”

Yixing nodded.

“This room is booked for one month. We think that’s how long the investigation will take, it’s the maximum standard time when there are almost no leads. But if it takes any longer, just use the debit card, the code is somewhere in the folder. Buy everything you need, there’s enough money.”

“Yes. I will pay you guys back as soon as I’m back on my feet, I promise.”

“No,” Jongin said, “It’s your share of selling the flower shop.”

That was strange. Yixing frowned. “But Sooyoung said she was going to pay me in partial payments.”

“Well, someone else stepped in.”

“Who? Should I be worried?”

Jongin looked away momentarily, “Just someone. And no, it’s going to be fine.” Clearly, Jongin was evading answering more questions, either because he didn’t want to tell him who it really was or because it had been him. Yixing didn’t have much time to ask either because Jongin suddenly stood up and said he had to go. Yixing also rose to his feet and went to give his friend a goodbye hug.

“Yixing, take care. And remember to call me if anything happens.”

“Yes,” Yixing nodded on Jongin’s shoulder. “Take care you too.”

* * *

“Here,” Junmyeon said as he put a tray with a water pitcher and two glasses on top of the coffee table. He took a seat and stared at his companion.

“Thank you,” Baekhyun answered while reaching out for one glass and drinking its content. “So, as you know, they have put an end to the investigation. Zhang Yixing is officially ‘dead.’”

Junmyeon would have never thought he’d be having this conversation with one of his nemesis, although Baekhyun had stayed true to his words, so maybe he wasn’t anything like the rest of the Byun’s. Baekhyun was also the only member of the escape team available to talk. Tao was still working as a fill-in and wasn’t staying in the city, Yifan was too busy working tonight that he couldn’t make it to the meeting. While Junmyeon and Jongin had never been ‘friends,’ let alone the type of acquaintances that frequented each other houses. Junmyeon and ‘Taehyuk,’ on the other hand, had been somewhat friends or at least pretended to be during the campaign. There was nothing out of the ordinary with them seeing each other from time to time. Thanks to that Junmyeon could get updates about Yixing’s situation because talking about it on the phone or through the internet was out of the question. Tonight’s meeting would be brief, though, a conclusion to everything that had happened these past weeks.

With Yixing being declared ‘dead’ then there wasn’t much danger anymore. Hopefully, Junmyeon and the others would no longer deal with being watched at all hours of the day. The detectives in charge of the investigation hadn’t believed that Yixing escaped the facility without help. They believed Junmyeon must have helped him somehow, which was why they had interrogated him for hours. He had been the main suspect of being Yixing’s accomplice. Junmyeon thanked his skills to keep a straight face while lying or that his emotions were no longer all over the place because he had answered every question calmly, even when they had put a lie detector on him and whatnot.

Although he and Yifan had exchanged places, his alibi could still apply. With the scandal of his departure from the electoral race still being a hot topic, Junmyeon disliked drawing attention to him and needed to take a break from all that hassle before starting his new job. The System didn’t allow anyone to be unemployed, and as time had passed in which Junmyeon still hadn’t found a new job on his own, they assigned him one at a smaller and relatively new company. At the start of the escape week, Junmyeon had gone to stay at his family’s winter cottage by himself (that he had actually done before driving to meet with the others). To avoid people following him and trying to disrupt his relaxing time, he hadn’t told anyone of his plans. Noisy people wouldn’t expect him to drive either, so he hadn’t used the private jet-plane to get there. And thanks to Baekhyun’s computer skills, there was footage of Junmyeon ‘leaving’ the family cottage on Saturday night (in reality that had been recorded the day before). Junmyeon and Yifan had also managed to meet secretly on the road to switch cars, so when Junmyeon arrived back at the city, it was the same model and license plate. That was why Junmyeon had been on the road when the detectives at the Security Department had called him. Despite his alibi, Junmyeon was still considered a prime suspect, mainly because nobody could explain how the power outages had happened. Junmyeon, of course, hadn’t done any suspicious online activities or showed any relation to controlling the machines. Again, it was all thanks to Baekhyun, who had done an incredible job to erase all digital traces of his intrusion.

Baekhyun did mention that his father and uncle raised their eyebrows at hearing the story of how Yixing had managed to escape. Their suspicion of Baekhyun being involved had been subtly brought up, but Baekhyun had managed to divert it and convinced them he had nothing to do with it. Those two couldn’t prove Baekhyun’s involvement either. Fortunately, those were the only ones who suspected Baekhyun, and ‘Taekhyuk’s’ name hadn’t even crossed the detectives’ mind.

But other people that knew Yixing had been considered suspects like Tao, Kyungsoo, and Chanyeol. But Kyungsoo and Chanyeol also had strong alibis, they had never left their apartment that night, neither was there any link to Yixing’s escape. Meanwhile, the final footage before the lights went off showed Yixing taking Tao’s gun and threatening him with it. Tao was also amnesic, so eventually he was removed from the list. And after switching cars with Junmyeon, Yifan drove towards the rehabilitation facility because he was going to surprise Tao in the morning, which had been his alibi. Due to lack of proof, Yifan was also crossed as Yixing’s accomplice. And so were the rest of the suspects.

Even so, as the weeks went by, everyone was still being monitored, especially Junmyeon, who he knew had someone following him at all times. If he showed anything related to Yixing, everything would be over which was why Junmyeon went on with his life, attended work, met with family and friends, but also acted like a worried ex-lover. Sometimes he had asked Tao over the phone if he knew Yixing had appeared or not, only so the people at the Security Department would hear that he was worried. Junmyeon and Tao never discussed the ongoing investigation during their phone calls, though. And because Tao didn’t visit the city much either, Baekhyun kept him updated on the matter. Jongin met with Baekhyun and told him updates of the investigation, so later Baekhyun could tell Junmyeon.

The latest information was that because there were still no new leads, the detectives decided to drop the case. There was a lack of DNA proof to confirm Yixing’s death, which was to be expected after the way the ambulance had exploded, but Yixing hadn’t been seen anywhere trying to flee the country, and neither had someone suspicious been found. It was a dead-end, and to not waste any more resources they closed the case. That explained why a few days earlier, a detective had come to Junmyeon’s new office and told him that the investigation had been a success: Zhang Yixing had been found and put back into a rehabilitation facility because he was in dire need of recovery therapy. The Security Department had no idea Junmyeon was aware of the real case, and of course, they would never admit their flaws or that someone had successfully escaped only to ‘die’ in the end. By telling Junmyeon that lie, they would make sure the shameful truth didn’t go out and possibly spare him the stress that such tragic news would bring. Evidently, some things needed to change, and hopefully, one day they would.

“Well, I guess this marks the end of our alliance,” Baekhyun said. “I did my part, I hope you do yours too.”

As much as Junmyeon wanted to see Mr. Byun and his brother defeated, perhaps what Baekhyun had said earlier would also come true. “You promised to do the right thing if you were elected, I hope you still do. But even if you lie, I won’t say a word.”

Baekhyun looked confident when he said, “You’ll see I will. Also, I have one last thing I want to mend.”

“What?”

“I can try to reset your file at the Marriage Bureau. If I rerun the program, I’ll find your real perfect match. What do you say?”

“That’s not necessary. I’m not… Interested in knowing that.” He was happy with the fake results, he didn’t want to change it.

Baekhyun nodded.

Before their meeting came to an end, and Junmyeon knew they would never speak about this topic ever again, he had to ask. “How’s Yixing doing by the way? Has Jongin mentioned anything?”

“He’s doing fine. Restless because of being MIA. But in a few hours, Jongin will fly over there to retake his ‘vacation.’ Jongin said he’ll go bring Yixing’s parents, so Yixing is looking forward to that.”

Junmyeon felt this elation at hearing that Yixing was fine, Yixing would see his parents at last, and he’ll get to live a new happy life. This was all Junmyeon wanted for him.

“Oh, I almost forgot,” Baekhyun said while taking out something from his pocket. “This is for you.” He handed Junmyeon a cell phone.

“Why? I already have one.”

“You know how each call is registered and recorded in case the Security Department were to need it one day? Well, this phone has been reprogrammed by yours truly. I changed it so even if someone calls you, it won’t be registered or recorded on their program. It’s basically a ‘hidden’ line. This was the phone Jongin was using to talk to Yixing.”

“But I still don’t understand why you’re giving it to me.”

“Jongin just said I should give it to you. That’s as much as I know.”

Junmyeon huffed. He got a hunch of why Jongin had done that. Of course, that brat shouldn’t have been trustworthy, Jongin wouldn’t abide by their one condition. And if Jongin were to do what Junmyeon thought… Then it might make Junmyeon rather miserable because it would give him a slight glimmer of hope. Even though he should agree with his common sense that the phone might never ring.

Baekhyun was suddenly on his feet. “I guess I’ll see you around at our next common social event, Junmyeon.”

Junmyeon stood up and stretched his hand to shake it with Baekhyun. “Yes. And thank you for your help, Baekhyun. This wouldn’t have been possible without you. Rest assured your secret is safe with me.”

“Thank you,” Baekhyun said before heading out of the living room.

* * *

Perhaps it was a bit too much or childish that after waking up, Yixing went straight to his parent’s room to greet them with a big hug and say he loved them. Yixing did it anyway. After having lost his sister and being held captive thinking he’ll never get to see his family ever again, he wanted to make sure to tell his loved ones how much he appreciated them.

His parents probably felt the same way as him. When the police had come searching after them, asking about Yixing, and later telling them he had been found again, the Zhang’s had been in utter desolation after having lost yet another one of their children. Thankfully, Jongin had put an end to their sadness when he showed up at their door, had Yixing translating on the phone (they rarely spoke what once had been their mother tongue, so only bits and piece of the language remained, not the same fluency) and briefly explained everything that had happened. Jongin believed Yixing’s parents were not being watched at all, not all countries were eager to cooperate and receive orders from a state like his that had a System and what they considered strange ways. But just to be on the safer side, Jongin went personally to see Zhangs and took them to Yixing instead. As he had expected, nobody had been following them or impeded their journey.

When the Zhangs and Jongin had arrived at the hotel, Yixing had lost no time with his parents and was almost afraid of letting them out of his sight. Living one month on this place all alone had made Yixing anxious and alert about what would happen. The joy of being free couldn’t overpower the worry of maybe being found again. Whenever he walked on the streets exploring downtown, he feared some strange car would pull over, and mysterious men would come out to put in the car trunk. Yixing hadn’t been calm and ‘enjoyed’ his holiday. At some point, he had called Jongin daily just to know how things were going. Perhaps the paranoia would die out as time passed and he could assimilate that the whole previous experience was over.

With his parents accompanying him now, it was starting to feel more like a vacation because rather than secluding themselves, Jongin said they should continue acting as if they were here on holiday to divert attention from themselves. So, as the two weeks passed, that was what they had done, and Yixing had been in charge of showing them around. But when it was the night, Yixing and his parents shared long talks. Yixing had told them everything about being kidnapped and isolated at a rehabilitation facility, including the real reason for his and Junmyeon’s sudden breakup. He finally got to tell them what he had wanted to say long ago. His parents had cried at hearing what they already knew, Qian no longer lived, but they felt relieved that the faint, faint hope they had had that their assumption was wrong could finally vanish, and they found peace at living without the doubt. That night, Yixing and his parents shared their fondest memories of Qian, and Yixing got to reminiscence things he had long forgotten.

Their ‘holiday’ didn’t last forever, though. Last night, Jongin had accompanied Yixing and his parents back to their home, to make sure they didn’t face any problems on the way back either. Today, Jongin would be returning to his own home.

Yixing and his parents were currently in the kitchen getting breakfast ready when Jongin walked in, greeted them, and asked if he could speak to Yixing. His mom gave him a smug smile as he stood up and left the room. One night, she had confided to him that she thought Jongin and Yixing would have been a great couple had they not been living in different parts of the world and had Yixing not fallen for the wrong person. Yixing hadn’t replied anything, for some reason he didn’t like the thought of hearing that.

They grabbed their coats and put on their shoes because Jongin wanted to talk outside. His parents had a porch swing facing the backyard in which they both sat down.

“What’s the matter, Jongin?” he asked. It was the first time he noticed Jongin being this tense and nervous, which was very unlike him.

“Yixing, I’m leaving soon, and we probably won’t see each other ever again.”

Yixing furrowed his eyebrows. This couldn’t sound right. “Ever again? Why are you saying that?” Of course, Yixing couldn’t go to see him, but he had hoped that maybe Jongin could come to visit him instead.

“I think that after what you’re about to hear, you might never want to see me again.”

“There’s nothing you could say that would make me think that.”

“There is,” Jongin said. He stared at Yixing straight in the eye with a serious expression. “To be able to join the team that freed you, I promised something. And maybe a deep dark part of me thought that keeping the promise would be for the best. Because that way I could win your heart… I think suffering unrequited love tends to bring the worse in me, but it’s time for me to let you go. I can’t be this selfish, and I won’t be, even if I have to break that promise and certain people will get mad at me.”

“What are you talking about, Jongin?”

“Junmyeon was the one who orchestrated the whole escape team. We all contributed with ideas, but it was he who made us come together to save you.”

Yixing’s heart had skipped a beat at hearing that name rolling out of Jongin’s lips. “Junmyeon? The Kim Junmyeon? He was the mysterious helper?”

Jongin shook his head making Yixing more confused than ever.

“No, that was Baekhyun.”

Baekhyun. The name rang a bell on Yixing’s mind. He widened his eyes when he realized where it came from. “Baekhyun, as in Byun Taehyuk’s exiled brother?

“Yes, he was the one who helped us deactivate the cameras and much else.”

“But why? And why did you lie to me and said Junmyeon wasn’t involved?” Yixing couldn’t avoid the harshness in his voice. Uncovering lies would always put him in a bad mood.

Jongin let out a deep sigh. “It’s a long, long story. But it’s the truth I promised myself to tell you before I left.”

From there on, Yixing heard one of the craziest stories he had ever come across but also learned the truth about his kidnappers, Junmyeon’s involvement in the situation with his rivals, but also how Junmyeon had participated in the escape. Apparently, Leader Byun and his brother were power-hungry madmen that didn’t mind going at any lengths to achieve their goals, like deceiving the whole country or kidnapping him and using him as bate to blackmail Junmyeon. At least Byun Baekhyun didn’t agree with them and, if Jongin spoke the truth, would try to change the future. Yixing had also learned that Jongin, whom he had thought was his friend this entire time, actually turned out to be a fraud. Jongin had been fooling him from the start too and was the reason the Byun’s knew about him being an unreadable. Yixing’s assumption about these people proved to be right… But maybe it didn’t apply to all of them.

He still couldn’t believe Junmyeon had dropped out of the campaign to save him. Junmyeon, who had once said that becoming the next leader of the nation was one of his dreams, if not the biggest. After all the work Junmyeon and his team had done, after all the things he had been willing to do to achieve that, good and bad, Junmyeon had given up everything just like that. And then, Junmyeon had also risked, literally risked his life during the escape when he had stepped back into the hospital to retrieve him from the crime prevention enforcer. Why? Why had Junmyeon done so much for him? Was he expecting clemency in return? In that case, why tell Jongin to don’t mention anything and let him, one of his least favorite persons, take all credit for it? Questions spun around in Yixing’s head after hearing everything Jongin had told him. For now, he would have to be content with the ones Jongin could provide answers to.

“So, you were the one who sold me out to those crazy Byun’s?” he scoffed. Despite his confusion at finding out so many things, he also felt anger and disappointment. There had never been one person he could have genuinely trusted back there, almost everyone had betrayed him.

Staring at Jongin, Yixing didn’t know if he could believe the remorse in Jongin’s face was genuine.

“Like I said, unrequited love brings the worse in me. At that time, my pride had been hurt, and my heart was infected with jealousy. When I told them, I was angry and vengeful, thinking I was doing what I was supposed to. It wasn’t until my mind was cleared that I realized the tremendous mistake I had done. I’m really sorry, Yixing.”

“You may have helped to save me, but I can’t say it’s okay because it’s not. I became collateral damage thanks to you! I trusted you, Jongin, I thought we were friends. And now you’re telling everything was a lie?” Yixing let out a laugh. “Why is it that people find joy in lying to my face?”

“I must admit that at first, everything was a ploy. But as I got to know you, I did come to consider you my friend, and I actually fell in love with you, that was real. Still, there are no excuses for anything I did. And you should be angry with me. What I did was terrible. But I don’t want to keep doing terrible things. That’s why I’m telling you the truth, despite Baekhyun and Junmyeon asking me not to. And another truth I have to admit is that… I always knew about your sister.”

“What? You knew about Qian?”

“Yes,” Jongin said, looking away from Yixing’s gaze. “I made an extensive background check on you before we met. I knew you had a sister. I found out what had happened to her. And I suspected it was because of her that you accepted to marry Junmyeon that first time. With Zitao and Junmyeon being friends, it all made sense to me. That’s why I told you I knew there must have been some agreement between you two before you actually fell in love with him.”

Yixing crossed his arms. “If you knew about my sister’s true fate, then why didn’t you mention it at first? If you had told me way before I began loving Junmyeon, then that would have been the end of our deal. I would probably have left him, and I wouldn’t have gone through hell later.”

The tired smile on Jongin’s lips felt misplaced when he stared at Yixing again. “Because I’m a coward. I may have acted skeptic towards the System, but I would never have been brave enough to betray them, even if I had feelings for someone. I feared what would happen to me, just like Zitao told me he had feared what would happen to him if they had told you the truth. Simply put, I was just trying to save my ass because, Yixing, I could see through your character and I knew you would have been my downfall. You would have made a big deal out of it, as it should have been.”

Yixing huffed while shaking his head. “And yet you helped to save me? I know Tao might have done it because he regretted lying, but what about you?”

“Honestly, I mostly helped because of Baekhyun. He’s my friend, and Junmyeon had found out about Jongdae. So, freeing you was his payment to keep it hidden. I don’t think I would have tried to free you if Junmyeon and Baekhyun hadn’t made their agreement. I hate to admit this, but I think Junmyeon has always been the bravest of us. I mean, he told you the truth about your sister even if it was too late, he also didn’t mind running back to that hospital to get you back.”

With how chaotic things had turned near the end, Yixing had made this vile image of who Junmyeon truly was. But now that Jongin was telling him all that, the picture was slowly shattering. Yes, Junmyeon still had lied just like all of them, but he had also tried to do the right thing for him. A part of Yixing was relieved to hear that Junmyeon had, in fact, cared about him, that part also said he shouldn’t be angry with him anymore. Another side of Yixing was reluctant to believe Junmyeon had changed entirely and didn’t deserve the benefit of the doubt or his forgiveness. Did Junmyeon’s heroism pay the debt of all his previous mistakes? Could Junmyeon’s sacrifices be enough for Yixing to look past the hurt and betrayal? Could he be able to forgive Junmyeon one day? Should he forgive him?

Looking back at their situation, if one day Yixing decided to forgive, there was a possibility that he had hurt Junmyeon too. If Junmyeon’s said feelings for him turned out to be real... Everything Junmyeon had done for him must mean the sentiment was genuine, but Yixing had rejected them. How could he try to talk to him after having done that?

His mind couldn’t decide what he should believe and what to do. Everything was confusing and complicated. He and Junmyeon would probably never see each other again.

“I must go now.”

Jongin’s voice brought Yixing back from his inner debate. Their talk had taken quite some time, and they had missed breakfast. They both stood up and walked back inside the living room, heading towards the kitchen. As much as he wanted to feel sad about Jongin leaving, after learning the truth of their friendship Yixing had mixed feelings. Perhaps it was for the best that they didn’t stay in touch.

In the kitchen, Yixing translated Jongin’s farewell to his parents, who couldn’t thank him enough for everything he and the others had done for Yixing. It was a pity Yixing would have to break the news that Jongin hadn’t been what they had thought. After that heartwarming goodbye, Yixing accompanied Jongin outside, where a cab was already waiting for him.

“Remember you cannot communicate with your friends yet, not until talk to them.”

Yixing nodded. He knew he couldn’t discuss with Kyungsoo and Chanyeol anything of what had happened over the phone. Someone might still be lurking their communication and Yixing would be exposing himself. They would have to pretend he was Zhang Jiashuai and act as if nothing had happened. But at least his friends would be able to come to see him one day. And If Byun Baekhyun kept his promise of being the change that the country needed, then perhaps Yixing himself could one day go back there without fearing for his life.

After the cab driver put Jongin’s suitcase in the trunk and held the door open for him, Jongin said, “And one last thing, I told Baekhyun to give Junmyeon the cell phone I’ve been using to communicate with you… I hope that can clear the rest of your doubts.”

Yixing’s eyes widened. That meant he could actually have a way to talk to Junmyeon. But would he be able to do that? Call him and talk to him again after everything that had occurred between them? Should he even do that?

Jongin looked at him one last time before entering the car, “I’m sorry, Yixing.”

As soon as the cab driver closed the door, Yixing found one appropriate thing to say. He knocked on the window until Jongin rolled it down. “Goodbye Jongin. I hope you keep taking care of the unreadables.”

“I will,” Jongin replied, smiling at him.

Yixing stepped back and let the car drive away.

* * *

By the beginning of April, the winter was long gone. Spring had arrived, making the grass greener, the weather warmer, the flowers bloom. And for Junmyeon, life had gone to a tranquil, mundane state. Unlike the first days where his new co-workers had been intimidated by him or even asked a bunch of unnecessary questions, they had adjusted to him now, and he to the new change. Work was running smoothly by now.

Although the attention caused by the scandal of him quitting his campaign had ebbed away, it had recently rekindled when an article in a magazine had been released. To put it all behind him, Junmyeon had decided to break his silence on the matter. Last month he had had an interview with a journalist. The magazine article would serve as a form of closure to his campaign. He talked about it from the beginning to the end, the ups and downs. Of course, the public wouldn’t know the real reasons he had dropped out, but Junmyeon had also talked about his stand-point on the System more logically and calmly than during his resignation speech. As he expected, once the article was released, people had been happy to finally get a deeper insight into why he had quit and what he had been feeling the whole time of the campaign. Some were still resentful he had been lying the entire time and voiced out harsh criticism. For others, it made them continue discussing and thinking about the points regarding the System Junmyeon had talked about. His parents had been proud of him for the article, and glad that he was voicing out his truth. His other relatives were still angry with him due to his ‘selfishness,’ though. His mother reassured him that they would come around, and if they didn’t, then that would be their loss.

With Yixing being free and safely rebuilding his life, according to the last thing Baekhyun had said to him, Junmyeon felt calm, well most of the time. He knew that Jongin doing him one last unasked favor hadn’t been the best idea. Junmyeon was always carrying the cellphone Jongin had given him, in the hope that it would ring one day and he didn’t want to miss it. Of course, the phone had never rung and it probably never would. He knew he shouldn’t be expecting more than what he deserved, and he felt pathetic for holding on to that futile glimmer of hope. Although Yixing’s number was still saved on the device, Junmyeon would never act selfishly and press call. But he still carried it with him, in a way, it served as his current connection to someone he had loved.

There was, however, one last thing Junmyeon needed to fix. A few weeks ago, he had told his parents the whole truth about his break-up with Yixing and why he had disappeared. They had been disappointed to hear about his lies, breaking the law and keeping it all a secret from them, but at least they didn’t end up hating him and were glad that he had rescued Yixing. And he finally felt he was brave enough to face one of his worst fears, to admit what he had once been and done. That was why he was visiting his parent’s house.

He and his mom were sitting in the middle of the garden, surrounded by her well-kept flowers, plants, and trees. It was a chilly day, but nothing they couldn’t bear with a light jacket on. They were about to have some afternoon tea. Even as the years had passed, she still enjoyed drinking one cup of tea every day at the same hour. Junmyeon used to accompany her when he was a child because Jaemin didn’t like the taste of tea, so his little brother would often skip on the invitation. Junmyeon had seen it as his only chance to have their mother to himself, but now, he regretted not having tried harder to convince Jaemin to join them. After Jaemin’s death, Junmyeon never drank tea with her again, not until he was an adult and they shared one cup after eating in some restaurant or on another occasion.

“Do you still take it with one spoon of sugar, Myeonnie?” she asked.

Junmyeon nodded. His mother poured the sugar into his cup, swirling the spoon around and avoiding to make that clinking noise because she knew it tended to irritate Junmyeon’s eardrums. She also served him one piece of angel food cake she had prepared. When Junmyeon tasted one bite, he realized how much better she had gotten at cooking, or well, baking. She caressed his chin and thanked him for the compliment.

They enjoyed their cup of tea and angel food cake while having a conversation about what they had been up to. Junmyeon told her about work, she told her about hers, they talked about the family, more reactions from the article, and so forth. Yixing’s wellbeing was also brought up, but Junmyeon couldn’t tell her more than what he had said last time she had asked. At least they knew Yixing must still be doing fine because nobody had contacted the cell phone in case an emergency had occurred. When the rest of the conversation came to an end, Junmyeon thought it was time to talk.

His heart was beating frantically, his hands were sweaty when he held the porcelain cup, but he still let out a sigh and brought it up. “Mom, do you remember the day Jaemin died?”

Mrs. Kim was taken aback by Junmyeon’s question, puzzlement was all over her face, which was reasonable given that Junmyeon had rarely spoken about his little brother. But she quickly went back to her calm manner and nodded at him.

“There’s something I never told you about it.”

Despite how stone-cold and serious Junmyeon had pretended to be around his parents for a long time, now the façade had vanished. Crying was unavoidable while he retold a story he knew so well. That would probably always be the case whenever he admitted that he had wished his little brother had never been born, only to later found out of his tragic passing away. Acknowledging that he had been a jealous, selfish asshole big brother also made him feel ten thousand times guiltier and more ashamed now that it was his mother hearing him. But while voicing out his confessions, Junmyeon felt as if an even heavier weight had been lifted off his shoulder, a burden he hadn’t been aware he carried. That didn’t exactly mean he got rid of the other challenging emotions.

“It was my fault. I understand if you hate me now… I’m so-sorry, mom.” he concluded. Afraid of seeing the despise in his mother’s eyes, Junmyeon fixed his gaze on the remnants of the brown liquid in his cup. Some tears rolled down his cheeks and landed on the white tablecloth, dampening the fabric. Junmyeon was readying himself to hear his mother’s venting, but instead, her soft hand held his left cheek. Unsure, he lifted his gaze until he could meet her eyes. She was also shedding tears but not looking angry or sickened by him.

“Oh, Junmyeon, how could you ever think we would blame you for that? Or that we would hate you? Of course, we don’t. We would never do that.”

Junmyeon gulped. With a shaky voice, he managed to say, “But-but it was because of me. I selfishly wished he had… Died. It was my fault he left us.”

His mother shook her head. “Minmin’s death… It was a tragic accident that cost two innocent lives. A misfortune that cannot be changed, no matter how much we try to tell ourselves that it could have been avoided or point the finger at someone. Don’t blame yourself for something that has never been in our control, Myeonnie. This wasn’t your fault.”

“I still hurt you, mom. I hurt you and dad.”

She withdrew her hand from Junmyeon’s cheek to cup his hands instead. “You didn’t cause our pain, Junmyeon. Pain is unavoidable when death is involved, you didn’t cause any of it. And if anybody hurt someone here, it was us.”

“What?”

“Parents can make mistakes too,” she said. And then she told him a brief story of how back then she and his dad hadn’t realized the damage they had caused on Jaemin’s and Junmyeon’s relationship. In an attempt to encourage Junmyeon to do better they had been pulling him apart from Jaemin. They should never have said things like ‘you should be more like Jaemin’ whenever Junmyeon made a mistake. Junmyeon was his own person, just like Jaemin was himself. Their careless words had been fueling Junmyeon’s sense of rivalry and making it seemed as if they had a favorite son when in reality they loved them both so much.

“And then, we were so occupied with our own recovery that we failed to notice your pain, Junmyeon. We realized it too late, not until your father had to take you out of that pool and tried to save your life.” She stopped to breathe in as more tears were welling from her eyes. “That was our fault, just like it was our fault that you later became so detached and pushed yourself so hard to be our perfect son when we would have always loved you no matter what. We are the ones who owe you an apology. I’m so sorry for all our past mistakes.”

As he saw his mother cry some more, Junmyeon withdrew his hands to cup hers instead. “You two were the best, loving parents. I couldn’t be more grateful to be your child. It wasn’t your fault that I held that resentment in my heart and that I became the way I did. That was all on me. And it wasn’t your fault I jumped on the pool. I-I couldn’t live with the thought of knowing the last thing I said to Jaemin was something so horrible. I thought that if I went there and apologized, it would make me feel better. That was selfish, I didn’t think of how much that would affect you two.”

“No matter what, I should have been there for you. I shouldn’t have carelessly locked myself in my own aching and ignored to see how Minmin’s death had affected you. I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have anything to apologize,” Junmyeon said. “It wasn’t your fault.”

She suddenly stood up from her chair and went to surround her arms around Junmyeon, holding him a warm motherly embrace, one that made Junmyeon feel safe and loved. Her hand tenderly patted his back. They held each other and cried together in what felt like a fleeting moment, but probably lasted more than they realized.

“Please don’t blame yourself ever again,” she whispered.

Junmyeon still had a long way to accept that, perhaps he might never feel otherwise. Those were feelings he carried with him this whole time, and he had managed to live with them in secret, but now they were finally out. And having admitted that, along with being in his mother’s arms, for once he felt at peace with himself, all of him. “Only if you don’t do it either.”

She didn’t reply anything but gave him a kiss on the head. “I love you, Myeonnie.”

“I love you too, mom.”

After saying that, he thought of how his father would take it when they talked. A part of him knew he would be just as understanding as his mother had been, after all, they were the greatest parents one could ever wish for.

* * *

In some aspects life had come to feel as before: waking every day for work, coming home to an empty house, talking to the same people he treasured. Still, there were some significant changes. For one, Junmyeon didn’t have to pretend to be perfect anymore, he no longer hid the fact he could feel sadness or vulnerability. Expressing his inner emotions and what he really wanted had now become a part of him. Without having to prepare a political campaign and not having the same responsibilities at work like he had used to, Junmyeon also had more free time, a time he would enjoy spending with his parents, friends, or doing things he liked. For instance, he had continued to learn how to cook. The teacher wasn’t as good as the one he had once had, but he had come to like it, the feeling of being able to do something with his own hands.

Tonight, he would actually host his first dinner party, not much of a party, but a chance to meet with his friends and family. Tao would be staying in the city for around one week, and after how their different works had kept them apart, Junmyeon thought it would be fun to hang out with Tao and Yifan. He had also invited his parents. Maybe they could have one of those game nights he used to have in the past. Yesterday his mom had called to ask if some unexpected guests could be added to the list, his grandparents from both sides. He hadn’t spoken to his grandfather ever since that night he had dropped out of the electoral race. Maybe this would mean the old man was finally coming around just like his mother had said. Well, Junmyeon would gladly fix things with him.

With hours left until the dinner would start, Junmyeon was already in the kitchen preparing dinner. He was in the middle of peeling potatoes, listening to the Gymnopédies when the phone rang, and no, it wasn’t his personal one, it was the one Jongin had given him. Junmyeon’s heart began fluttering. He tossed the potato peeler on the sink and cleaned his hands on his apron before taking out the ringing phone. At seeing who was calling, he gaped and widened his eyes, but it was stupid, who else would be calling at this line? With trembling fingers, he tapped the screen to accept the call before it was hung up.

“Hello…?” he asked, still unsure whether it was him or not, perhaps it was his parents, and something had happened.

The person on the other end took in one deep breath. Until finally, he could hear that voice he had just realized how much he had missed. “Hi, Junmyeon.”

It was funny how Junmyeon tended to imagine that one day this moment would come, and yet right now, he couldn’t find the right words to say. He was stuttering while trying to answer. Should he ask how he was doing? Why was he calling? Had something happened? Did he need help?

“How have you been?” Yixing asked him at last. He must have gotten tired of waiting for him to talk.

Junmyeon shook his head in an attempt to regain his composure and hopefully talk normally. “I’ve been fine. It’s… Good. And you, Yixing?”

The conversation continued with them talking as if they were a pair of old friends catching up. Junmyeon gave him a brief summary of what he had been doing, what his life was now. Then, Yixing told him that he was doing fine in China, still adjusting to it, but living fine as of now. Although his parents had said there was no pressure, and they didn’t mind him living with them (something Yixing didn’t care about either), he was job-hunting anyway, obviously, as a florist. Doing nothing at home was making him somewhat anxious. Yixing had been afraid that people would have recognized him from all the publicity he had gotten in the past. He had actually dyed his hair blond just to divert possible suspicion. But so far nobody seemed to have connected him to the past, and Jiashuai had been believable.

When none of them had anything else to add to their recap, Yixing spoke. “I read your article.”

“You did? How?”

“I had to pay an online subscription, but I was rather curious,” Yixing explained. He lightly chuckled. “I saw you also changed your hair. It’s black.”

“Yeah, Minseok used to say chestnut made me look more approachable or something. But that’s not necessary anymore.”

“I like it. And I also liked the article. You said some good stuff. One year ago, I would have never thought you would say something like that.”

Junmyeon smiled. He wouldn’t have believed it either. How things had changed. “I know, I wouldn’t either.”

When another silence had taken over, Junmyeon thought this was it. Yixing had just called to inform he was safe and sound, give an update to everyone on the escape team that might have been worried. And Junmyeon had been glad to hear that, it was what he wished for Yixing.

Until Yixing said, “You know, I spent a lot of days thinking whether I should call or not, but in the end, I did. And now that I see you’re not gonna bring it up, I gotta ask. Did you buy my flower shop?”

Somehow, Junmyeon hadn’t expected that question, but it was an easy one to answer. “Well, I thought it would be better for Sooyoung. She won’t be in debt, she will still be in charge, and you would have gotten your money quicker.”

“Okay, I sensed that. But then, why didn’t you tell me you quit your campaign because of me?”

There it was. Junmyeon knew it, Jongin had told Yixing the whole story. There was no use trying to feign he didn’t know what Yixing was talking about. But Junmyeon wouldn’t admit his own selfish motives, so he went with his other reason. “It wasn’t because of you.”

Yixing scoffed, “What was it then?”

“I owed it to your sister.”

“You owed it to Qian?” Yixing asked. Junmyeon could hear Yixing’s confusion in his voice.

“She didn’t deserve what happened to her, just like you didn’t deserve to be locked in. This was my way of… Trying to make the right thing for her, she wouldn’t have wanted you in there. But it was futile, I failed either way.”

“I wouldn’t say you failed, you were betrayed.”

Strangely, that made him smile, but not enough to agree with what Yixing had said. “It was still my fault you ended with them in the first place.”

“Well, we both know who gave them that intel.”

Junmyeon widened his eyes but said no biting comment in response. So, Jongin hadn’t tried to save his own image? Honestly, he had expected Jongin would omit his involvement. But he had also assumed that this phone call may never come.

“And now, will you explain to me why you didn’t want me to find out you helped me escape?”

“That would have been selfish.”

Yixing laughed, not in a malicious way, just an I-can’t-believe-what-you-are-saying type of laugh. “Selfish? You were willing to risk everything for me. I really can’t understand why you would call that selfishness. If anything, it’s the opposite, that’s… Being selfless.”

Yixing’s take on the situation felt heartwarming as if he had acted like some hero. In truth, that wasn’t exactly the case. “It would have been selfish because I would have made it all about me. I didn’t help you expecting that you’ll forgive me. And if you had known, you might have felt obliged to forgive me despite how much hurt I caused you. I didn’t want to slant the decision towards forgiving me just because I helped you. That wouldn’t have been fair.”

Yixing took some time to think of what to say next. Junmyeon was happy Yixing hadn’t cut the call yet and didn’t mind the somewhat awkward silence. He heard Yixing sigh before talking again.

“After learning the truth I’ve been so confused about what to do. I felt it wasn’t fair that I held a grudge against you after how you saved me, I owed you that. But I couldn’t help feeling how much it had hurt that you lied to me and that you did it again when you asked Jongin to not tell me anything. Apparently, it has become quite the habit that everything I once knew has always been a lie… I kept hesitating whether I should call you or just let it go.”

A sudden urge to cry struck him. Was it due to the realization that he was talking to Yixing had finally hit him? Because of what Yixing had said? Because it reminded him of how sad Yixing had been because of him, and here was Yixing admitting it? Or because he felt as if these were the last words they would ever speak to each other? He couldn’t pinpoint it, but only let his feelings flow free. He sniffed.

“I’m still not expecting anything from you, Yixing. And I’m sorry I lied to you again. I guess that’s both the worse and best quality within me, but I’m slowly trying to change my ways. I just didn’t want you to feel pressured into anything, but again, I failed, and here you are feeling cloven about what to do. But you have every right to choose what you feel like. Some things are unforgivable.”

“They are, but that doesn’t mean they should always be. Although, I can’t say I have forgiven you, Junmyeon. I feel it’ll take me a long time before I can fully say I do. But perhaps over time, I can learn to trust you again, only if you do as you say, and don’t try to take me for a fool again. Being lied to is the worst feeling. Okay, maybe not as worst as finding out your sister is dead or being locked in, but it still hurts.”

“I know, and I won’t do that again… But did you say overtime? Are you planning on calling me again?” he asked, his voice faltering at the end. He bit his lower lip while waiting for Yixing to say something. Hopefully, he hadn’t misread the situation because there was suddenly he felt more hope.

“You do know you can also call me. You lost your travel privileges, and there is no way I can go there, so this is the only way for us to talk. Don’t let me do all the work to rebuild this friendship.”

Junmyeon grinned, shaking his head although Yixing couldn’t see that. “I won’t. I’ll keep in touch with you as much as I can. But I’ll probably bore you with my mundane life events.”

“Hey, after that whole shebang, I’m more than happy with ordinary. And my life is just as thrilling. Today, I spent the whole morning organizing my parent’s kitchen utensils.”

They erupted in laughter together. That was another sound Junmyeon had missed hearing.

“I don’t deserve your kindness and understanding, but you were always the better one of us both. Thank you, Yixing,” Junmyeon said.

“I’m just human, and although that is no excuse for your previous actions, you’re also one. And I’ve also made mistakes, hurt people… But we learn from our mistakes, don’t we?”

Perhaps there was some truth in what Yixing said. Junmyeon smiled fondly. He was happy that Yixing could try to give them another chance to be friends, maybe not what he had wanted, but better than nothing at all.

“And now, what were you cooking? I’m about to start making dinner too. I can help you out. Also, change that gloomy music, you know we listen to dance-pop in the kitchen.”

Junmyeon chuckled, no more tears were falling at this point. “Then, please put on something worthy of your choice, you almighty music consultant,” he teased just as he put Yixing on speakerphone to continue with his previous task. He listened to Yixing ramble on about his favorite songs and realized that there was no other melody like Yixing’s voice to him.


	28. Epilogue

**Anew**

In the late afternoon, the sweltering heat had turned into balmy weather, one that didn’t feel like scorching the soles of his feet while walking barefoot on the ground, the grass or the sand. This was the usual time in which Junmyeon would put on his sun hat, grab the watering can, and made his way into the garden. When Junmyeon had visited the beach house for the second time, he had hired Jaehyun, a local gardener, who had done an excellent job taking care of the place all year round and had planted new flowers and plants as well as looked after the already existing vegetation. Every time Junmyeon returned to the beach house, he enjoyed helping in the maintenance of the picturesque garden. One of his beloved spots was sitting underneath the small pergola, where a cluster of honeysuckle vines bloomed, and he could bathe in their fragrance while enjoying the view of the shore.

It was the beginning days of July, characteristically warm. The proper weather for swimming in the ocean or the pool, an activity Junmyeon tended to do at night where he laid on his back stargazing and looking at the moon. Around one week had passed since his vacation had begun.

The break had been needed. With Junmyeon working at Kim Industries and his grandfather retiring at the end of the year, he was in the final stages of learning about the position he would inherit soon because his dad had believed Junmyeon would be more capable than himself. Of course, his dad hadn’t demanded him to accept the position, but Junmyeon had been happy to be offered the opportunity to help at the family business two years ago. However, it was a greater responsibility than before, and he was putting a lot of effort into learning so he would be a suitable successor to his family’s legacy. To balance out the challenging workdays, Junmyeon made sure of taking vacations regularly. Most of the time he would be free during the summers and would spend the days at the beach house, away from the city, the company, business meetings, and all that everyday stress. Here he could find peace and tranquility before resuming his responsibilities.

Sometimes his friends and family would accompany him here, after all, there was more than enough space to accommodate them. This year, his parents had already returned to the city because they were leaving for a journey across southern Europe in a couple of days. Tao and Yifan were visiting Yifan’s grandparents, but they would arrive the day after tomorrow and stay for one week. Tingting, their two-year-old daughter, loved the beach and was looking forward to it, had Yifan mentioned. Junmyeon had been so touched when Tao and Yifan had asked him to be her godfather, he had accepted the role with delight. He also had the pleasure to look after Tingting on his own, whenever he wanted to spend time with her or his friends’ asked him if he could babysit. The first time Junmyeon had been nervous and unsure of himself, but luckily, Yixing had been one phone call away whenever he had needed advice.

Last year, even Kyungsoo, Chanyeol, Sohee, and Dongwon had come to stay with him at the beach house. Junmyeon believed Yixing must have influenced a great deal for Kyungsoo and Chanyeol to decide to be friends with him again. The first time Junmyeon had seen them since the breakup with Yixing had been during his 28th birthday. Unexpectedly, Kyungsoo stood in the elevator hall, asking for permission to enter because he had brought him a surprise gift from Yixing, a _kladdkaka_ (for his subsequent birthdays, Yixing had continued sending him one of those cakes). He and Kyungsoo had a long talk about what had happened. The conversation had been difficult, and Junmyeon got to hear once again how vile he had acted, something he agreed with and expressed his remorse over. But at the end of their talk, Junmyeon was surprised to know that their friendship wasn’t over. Because Kyungsoo had said that if Yixing had given him a second chance to be friends, despite everything, perhaps it would be okay to do the same. Before the unfortunate incidents, they had never believed Junmyeon had been all that bad. After that long talk, they had continued keeping in touch and became friends again. Time evidently slipped like a fistful of sand because suddenly Sohee was already twelve-years-old and participating in junior figure skating competitions, while Dongwon would be turning five-years-old and was learning how to ride a bike.

When Junmyeon was watering the heliotropes, Jaehyun’s newest addition to the garden, Byul startled him with her snout nuzzling on his feet.

“Hey there, Byul. Did you enjoy your nap?” Junmyeon playfully asked. He leaned down to give her a pat on the head between the two perky ears. Earlier, Byul had been sleeping in the living room where the temperature was fresh and pleasant, thanks to the air conditioner. She liked to sleep near his feet while he read a book, watched TV, or talked to Yixing on the phone. “You’re gonna take a bath later, okay?” he said. Byul barked in response.

To think that it was already two years since Byul arrived at his life. Byul was an exuberant snorkie, a mixture of a Yorkie and a miniature schnauzer, that his mom had gifted him for his 29th birthday. Although his mom had said the reason was that ‘the puppy was cute and needed a home,’ Junmyeon suspected that she had thought he was feeling lonely, so gifting him a companion dog would be the solution. His mother had been right, it was unavoidable not to feel lonely at home sometimes, but Junmyeon was already used to it. Though, he hadn’t minded the addition of a small puppy to his household. The puppy had been named ‘Byul’ because on their first night together, the stars could be seen from the penthouse, and it had been the name that her tail had waggled at the most while he and Yixing were discussing on the phone what to name her. Although Junmyeon hadn’t known much about dogs, he had learned to take care of her over time. Sometimes, he felt worried when he had to be away at work for many hours, but his mother made sure to take care of her then. And whenever Junmyeon had more time, he would make sure to spend it with Byul, going out for walks and playing with her. Byul had become one of his best friends.

Junmyeon kept watering the rest of the flowers while Byul followed him around. He was mindlessly humming the lyrics to a newly released song when Byul let out a bark. She tended to do that whenever there was a butterfly, a bee, or another flying insect nearby, and she chased after them. So, Junmyeon didn’t pay much attention. But then Byul’s barks got louder and quicker, Junmyeon had to turn around to see what was upsetting her. His hand let go of the watering can, spilling water on the grass. His lips hung open while he gasped and widened his eyes, flabbergasted. His heart fluttered in his chest in that familiar rhythm only one person could cause. Was this a dream? A vision? Because Junmyeon couldn’t fathom that the person with black hair, deep dimples, adorably pointy ears, thick lips, and every other beautiful detail, was Yixing. Zhang Yixing. Byul proved him wrong because she ran towards Yixing and barked again.

“This garden is incredible, Junmyeon,” Yixing said. He was standing there unfazed, looking around, grasping every shape and form of the plants with wonderment. “The pictures really don’t do it any justice.”

Junmyeon blinked once, twice, thrice, and a couple more times. This was real, he had heard the voice loud and clear, seen the grin on those lips, and how Yixing squatted down next to Byul, who let go of her protective behavior after sniffing Yixing’s hands and let him pet her.

Once the jumbled-up thoughts and initial shock faded, Junmyeon found his voice and could say one dumb question. “Yixing?! You-you’re really here?”

Yixing’s gaze met with his, warm and welcoming eyes looked at him. Yixing tilted his head to the side and smiled in that way all of his dimples would appear. “Surprise!” he exclaimed. “I have to wear one of these again,” Yixing complained at the Emotion Watch attached to his wrist. “But at least I could finally return. When my boss said they could move forward my vacation, I just knew I had to come.”

Indeed, Yixing had the opportunity to return. Two months ago, Baekhyun or ‘Taehyuk’ had won the elections with seventy-five percent of the eligible voters on his side. Unfortunately, Baekhyun would have to keep pretending to be his brother. Otherwise, the position would go to Oh Sehun, a valid candidate. Despite that, Baekhyun continued staying true to his words. Perhaps doing things like abolishing the System wouldn’t ever become a reality given that their society had relied on it for so long it was their way of living. But at least there were some significant changes. For example, whenever someone ignored direct orders or recommendations from the System, they would no longer be ‘punished’ with marks on their personal files, which meant that Junmyeon had gotten back his traveling privileges after losing them (when he had dropped out as a candidate). Another important change was that people could visit their relatives at rehabilitation facilities. Most shockingly had been the revelation of unreadables to the public. But Baekhyun hadn’t revealed that Emotion Watches calculated crime coefficients due to the risk it would destroy the efficiency of preventing crimes, had Tao said. Thus, the unreadables were known as individuals whose mental health couldn’t be read. Still, there was a scandal because Baekhyun had admitted that unreadables were locked in even if it wasn’t sure whether their mental health had deteriorated or not. Even now, it continued to be a topic the public talked about, and questions like ‘what to do about the unreadables’ were discussed. That information was confidential, but Junmyeon often got to know more thanks to Tao. In the Security Department, the unreadables were no longer considered a lethal threat to society and wouldn’t be locked in as a prevention measure anymore. Instead, they would try to develop a new type of technology that might be able to read the unreadables’ emotions so they could keep them and the others safe. With this new law in motion, it was safe for Yixing to visit. Jongin, who became the new head of the Security Department, had made sure to delete the records of all the unreadables that hadn’t committed any crimes, and he had also invalidated Yixing’s death certificate. All of this had been done almost three weeks ago.

Despite that Junmyeon and Yixing could now see each other, work and other summer plans had come in their way. They had agreed that Junmyeon would visit Yixing in China during the third week of July, right after Tao and Yifan left the beach house. Yixing hadn’t mentioned anything about coming here, which was why Junmyeon had been so shocked to see him.

“I’m so glad you’re here. Welcome back,” Junmyeon said, smiling.

Yixing stopped playing with Byul and went to stand next to him.

Junmyeon was unsure of what to do next. Shake hands? Nod? He decided to be bold and went with his instinct of opening his arms, a signal to Yixing that he wanted to give him a hug, but if Yixing rejected him, then he would accept it. To his delight, Yixing didn’t mind reciprocating the action and jumped forward to embrace him, surrounding his arms around his upper back. Junmyeon closed his eyes and drew himself a bit closer. How comforting, how wonderful, that after the many times he had yearned for it, he was finally holding Yixing in his arms again.

“Thank you,” Yixing said, “I have to admit it was a bit scary to come back here, but just I couldn’t wait to see you all. I missed you a lot.”

Junmyeon knew Yixing wasn’t talking about him in particular but about all of the friends and relatives he had to leave behind. Junmyeon still couldn’t help grinning wider at hearing those words. “We missed you too.” I missed you too.

The hug didn’t last as long as Junmyeon would have wanted because soon they were standing on their own again. Junmyeon picked up the watering can so he could finish watering the last flowers while Yixing and Byul accompanied him.

“When did you arrive? Where have you been staying?” Junmyeon asked.

Yixing had crouched down do sniffle on some alstroemerias, and while he did that, he explained. “Don’t get mad, but I arrived here three days ago. I wanted to surprise everyone, so I didn’t mention anything. I’ve been staying with Kyungsoo and Chanyeol. Earlier today, I went to see your parents. Then, right before I left, your mom gave me her keys to your house. I figured, why wait until you returned to the city in two weeks when I could easily come to surprise you here? You were the last person who didn’t know. So, after saying goodbye to your folks, I jumped on the next train, and well… Here I am.” He looked up to see him, smiling in a way that said, ‘please understand.’

His mom must have been thrilled to see Yixing again. She had never stopped worrying about him either. Junmyeon didn’t even care that she had given her keys to Yixing without asking him. Neither did he mind Yixing hiding his arrival, on the contrary, he was glad to hear that Yixing couldn’t wait two more weeks and had decided to come here instead. “It’s fine. I almost couldn’t believe seeing you here, but it was a nice surprise.”

“It looked as if you saw a ghost,” Yixing said and chuckled.

When Junmyeon was done watering the flowers, he moved onto his next task, to bathe Byul. Thankfully, it wasn’t a struggle because Byul actually enjoyed the feeling of the water and loved to be washed. So, Byul calmly stood on the metal tub while Junmyeon scrubbed her fur with her shampoo and Yixing held the hosepipe. Junmyeon thought Yixing wouldn’t want to help, but he had been wrong, and they both had done the task while continuing their conversation, a conversation that soon turned to be about Byul, her recent antics, her quirks and comparisons to Yixing’s parent’s cat.

Byul was clean and fresh as she laid on a towel on the patio. Junmyeon wouldn’t let her inside the house until her fur was dry. But she didn’t have long hairs because he preferred to keep them short and with this warm weather, it wouldn’t take too long. Byul napped again while waiting.

Meanwhile, his and Yixing’s clothes had gotten wet and somewhat dirty. Yixing didn’t have anything with him since he had come here on a whim and thought of returning to the city on the last train. Junmyeon let Yixing borrow some clothes from his closet until Yixing’s were washed and dry. He also made sure to put on a clean pair of chino shorts and a new t-shirt. As he stepped down the stairs and walked into the living room, he found Yixing standing near the fireplace, observing the picture frames that were on top of the wooden shelf.

“She was so little,” Yixing said.

The picture frame Yixing was holding had the photograph of the day Junmyeon had become Tingting’s godfather. Tingting had been a few months old and was a small lump in his arms. She had grown so much since then and was even walking by now, which kept her parents busy because she was a rather curious toddler. As Yixing grabbed a new frame to take a closer look, Junmyeon explained the moment behind the pictures taken. There was one photograph of him and Jaemin. It was a rare photo in which both were grinning because it had been taken after the brothers’ competition at summer camp, and they were celebrating that their team had won. Junmyeon had the same picture back at the penthouse, only it was in a much bigger size. The rest of the picture frames showed Byul as a puppy, the day Junmyeon had turned thirty and his friends and family had thrown him a surprise birthday party, pictures with his grandparents, even one of him and Yixing was there. Yixing held that last picture frame, staring at the photograph that had been taken while they were dancing on the day their fake engagement had been announced. Junmyeon couldn’t figure out if Yixing was smiling due to fondness, nostalgia, or because of how strange those times had been. At least Yixing hadn’t said it was odd that Junmyeon kept a picture like that.

After Yixing put back the picture frame on the shelf, he said, “I always thought you didn’t like showcasing pictures like this, you never had any back then.”

“I came to like how you use to have yours around the house. I liked the idea and thought they would make this place look… Homey.”

“I see. It’s also fun to look back at them, isn’t it?”

Junmyeon agreed.

Yixing continued wandering around the living room, looking at the rest of the decoration. He laughed tenderly at the framed drawing that was hanging on the wall, a drawing of Byul being in space. There was some expensive and beautiful work of arts hanging around the house, but Junmyeon enjoyed looking at this one the most. Dongwon had drawn it for him last year as a birthday present. Yixing mentioned that when Kyungsoo and his family had gone to see him last February, Dongwon had also left him a similar drawing, except that it was his parent’s cat surrounded by flowers. Dongwon was fascinated by the animals, apparently. Other items and their origins were discussed too. For example, there was a purple rattle on top of one shelf, the only thing apart of Dongwon’s drawing that could be associated with a child. The story behind the rattled was that one time when Junmyeon and his mother had walked down memory lane and looked at their old storage room, they had come across Junmyeon’s and Jaemin’s stuff from their childhood. There had been a lot of things, the rattle included. It had belonged to Junmyeon but was later used by Jaemin because Junmyeon had said that he wanted to give it to his little brother. Of course, Junmyeon had only been two or three-years-old and couldn’t remember it. He had asked his mom if he could take the rattle with him. Neither his mother nor Yixing questioned why he had done that but nodded in understanding. Why the rattle ended on the beach house was because last year Tingting had taken it from its place on the penthouse and wanted to use it for some time. Her parents tried to give it back to Junmyeon, but he didn’t mind that she kept it for a while. When Tingting had gotten tired of the toy, they had been visiting the beach house, so the rattle found a new place here. He didn’t tell Yixing this, but seeing Tingting playing with the rattle and laughing because of it, created a silly yearn in his heart. Maybe one day his own children would also play with it.

“I have a similar thing. Or well, almost,” Yixing said while putting back the rattle on its place, “Apparently, I was very fond of Qian’s princess tiara and would cry until she would lend it to me, so I could be a prince too. Mom said that one day Qian said she ‘abdicated’ the throne and gave it to me, so I became the only prince,” he explained and laughed. “Children, huh?”

Junmyeon nodded while smiling. “Have you eaten by the way?”

“I ate lunch on the train, but that was a while ago.”

“Do you want to grab a quick snack?” Junmyeon had eaten out today, so he didn’t have any prepared food to offer.

After Yixing said yes, they headed towards the kitchen. They decided to go for some fruit salad. Under the tunes of joyful folk music, their newest discovery, they peeled and cut each fruit Junmyeon had picked at the market this morning. Although he and Yixing had talked on the phone while being in the kitchen, it was nothing compared to being there in person, where Junmyeon could actually see the way Yixing laughed and smiled, every reaction of his that had him a bit spellbound and Yixing had to ask ‘Junmyeon, did you hear me?’ For a moment, this had reminded him of those days they had shared so long ago yet felt so close in his heart. They enjoyed their fruit salad sitting on the sun chairs near the pool.

Soon the hours passed, and they had continued talking about many things. One of the topics had been the flower shop. Recently, Junmyeon had invested in a complete remodeling of the shop. The process had culminated in new and fresh interiors, with more space and comfortable working stations. The flower shop looked different, yet Junmyeon had made sure it didn’t lose that touch it used to have. Yixing had swung by some days ago and thought he had done a great job, just like Sooyoung, and everybody else believed. Another conversation topic was Yixing’s life in China. Although he missed being his own boss, he liked his job and was getting along fine with everyone there. Yixing was also thinking of buying his own house. He currently rented an apartment but wanted to live closer to his parents in the suburbs.

Even as they had walked in the sand along with Byul, they had kept the conversation going, telling stories they hadn’t heard about each other yet, or about what this and that person they knew had been up to. Taeyong had become a father, Junmyeon was sent an invitation to his son’s first birthday party. Another big surprise had been Minseok and Jongin’s upcoming wedding. Junmyeon hadn’t known those two were dating until one day the invitation to their engagement party just appeared in his mail. He and Yixing felt happy for them.

In the end, they walked back to the house and sat on the wooden bench underneath the pergola, Byul laid on the grass in front. Dusk had arrived and was painting the sky with orange hues mixed with blue ones, the sea shimmered in the setting sunlight. One time so long ago, he and Yixing had missed this, but Junmyeon was glad they were seeing it now.

“I love their fragrance,” Yixing said. He was holding some of the honeysuckle vines that were clinging to a pole and sniffed them. Once he was done, he looked at sunset taking place in front of them. “And I love this view.”

“Yes, so do I. This is one of my favorite spots.”

“I can see why,” Yixing said. "You know, I had a lot of fun today. This place is… Nice.” He was smiling through his words until it was replaced with a frown, “Although, I regret not properly packing a suitcase because man, I am not looking forward to another train ride. Taking a dip in the ocean sounds more fun.”

“You can stay here tonight, there are a lot of guest rooms. If-if you want of course.”

“I’ll think about it,” Yixing said.

“Don’t think too long, so you don’t miss the train.”

They had only spent a few hours together, and he would see Yixing again, but the thought of him leaving saddened Junmyeon. He had been thrilled to have the man he loved by his side again, and he couldn’t take the departure. At least before Yixing left, Junmyeon wanted to know.

Over the curse of years, they had developed a good friendship despite being former lovers and all that mess. Ever since they had broken up, Junmyeon hadn’t been with anyone else neither did he try forgetting those feelings because his heart would always belong to Yixing, he would always love him, as if it had meant to be with him and only him. Sometimes Junmyeon felt his love grew even more and more if that were possible. Those feelings hadn’t been voiced out, though. He didn’t want to put more pressure or awkwardness into his and Yixing’s friendship. Perhaps it was odd that they were one of those rare ex-couples that kept in touch, but that didn’t have to mean Yixing had feelings for him. Yet Junmyeon hadn’t heard anything about Yixing seeing someone else either, and that had given him hope that maybe Yixing felt the same way too. Then again, maybe Yixing didn’t mention anything regarding his love life due to how strange it’d be to talk about it with his ex-lover. Either way, Junmyeon felt that confessing his feelings would be difficult for them, they lived in different countries and without any chance of seeing each other. But those setbacks were solved now. And Junmyeon’s impatient heart was eager to find out what would happen now. A reasonable voice said that it was too soon to ask such a question but knowing Yixing’s thoughts would be much better than overthinking and hesitating.

The sun was hiding underneath the water and the night was upon them, so Junmyeon breathed in and said it.

“Yixing, do you think we’ve reached a point in which… It’s good between us?”

He didn’t even have to specify what, Yixing knew what he meant.

“Well, I wouldn’t have stayed around all these years or even come here, if I thought otherwise.”

Junmyeon smiled in relief.

Yixing stopped staring at the horizon and looked at him instead. “Why do you ask?”

“Because,” Junmyeon said, extending the syllable at the end. “I was wondering if you had someone you like back there.”

Yixing’s widened eyes meant he hadn’t been expecting that question. He shook his head. “No, I don’t… Do you have someone you like here?”

“Yes,” Junmyeon said, and had to bite his tongue to not add ‘he’s sitting right next to me.’ “I hurt him a lot in the past. But he’s one of the kindest persons ever, so eventually, he forgave me. I want to tell him how I feel, actually, how I never stopped feeling. The problem is, I don’t know if he still feels the same way or can even reconsider to give me another chance. Am I even worthy of one?”

Junmyeon didn’t get an answer right away, Yixing waited for the words to sink in. He observed Yixing’s face being lighted up by the final rays of sunlight.

Eventually, Yixing said, “Maybe, he thinks you are. Maybe, he has learned to trust you and isn’t afraid of trying again because he feels this time everything would be all right between you two. And maybe his feelings remained the same too, and that’s another reason why he couldn’t stay away.”

“So, if I were to ask him out on a date, do you think he’ll say yes?”

“Yeah. But you can’t go all out and do something flashy He’ll prefer a simple… Dinner or go out to drink milk tea, something like that.”

Junmyeon chuckled, Yixing had seen right through him and what he would have done. “Then, how about I’ll ask him to eat seafood with me at the prier? He likes that, doesn’t he?”

“Oh, he loves that food. So, yeah, that would be a terrific choice,” Yixing said, laughing along with Junmyeon.

By now, the sun had fully set, the sky was blue with faint tints of orange, darkness was slowly engulfing the sky until the stars and the moon would appear. As they watched the seashore under silence, the only noise being Byul’s faint snores and the water waves hitting the sand, Junmyeon was holding Yixing’s soft hand. He had hesitated at first, had reached slowly until Yixing grabbed him and they ended up clasping their hands together.

“I guess I wouldn’t mind staying here tonight, Junmyeon. I can miss the last train.”

Junmyeon held Yixing’s hand a little tighter. “Then… Would you also not mind going out with me, Yixing? We can visit the seafood restaurant. They have a lobster special tonight.”

“You already know my answer. Just lead the way.”

It wasn’t possible to distinguish Yixing’s face in the darkness, but he knew Yixing was smiling, just like him.

Junmyeon couldn’t wait to see what waited ahead of them, today had only been one of the many, many days they’ll spend together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end <3


End file.
